bright light city

Miss Aud wanted to meet Horatio, because she thought he was a woolly demon and she wanted to know how I tamed him, but he's not and I didn't because he's a teddy bear. So I let her see Horatio and she agreed he wasn't a demon and she said his vampire fighting pack was very practical so I guess that's good. But she doesn't understand why parents let children have vicious animals as toys. But Horatio's not vicious. He's missing an ear though.

And then we went and got bunnies because Buffy said it was okay and we walked to the shop and the cars made Miss Aud scream and speak funny words and she said it was Swedish and I don't know Swedish, but Miss Aud said she would teach me. And then I explained that cars aren't monsters and they don't eat people and they take people places and they aren't dangerous but you got to look both ways before crossing the street and not go in front of them because if they hit you it will hurt. And I held her hand the whole way so she wouldn't get scared and because Buffy said so.

And we were going to get two rabbits, but all the rabbits were so nice and Miss Aud didn't want to leave them so we got eight, which is kind of like two only not. And we named them after Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. But they weren't seven boys and a girl, because Miss Aud says that wouldn't be practical for breeding. And when I asked her what breeding was, she said it's when the man and the woman fornicate and then the woman bears the offspring of the man. And then she explained what fornication was. And she made lots of funny gestures. And it sounds really gross.

And then we got ice cream and came home and it was really fun. Miss Aud is really nice.

I'd like to go home now. Preferably to yesterday.

Sirius? Kreacher?

I... don't know where I am...

Help?

Okay so this isn't funny, not one bit. Come on, hexing my room and whatever other stuff you've probably done? That's a little bit more than what I did last week! And that was at least funny. So... show yourselves and put my room back!

Attention.

The following names are added to my list of humans for a temporary time until Claire Saunders is married in a human ceremony to Jocelyn Eldridge. They will not be harmed, and all threats apply. After this 'wedding' they will all be allowed to die without prejudice, unless it upsets the humans on my permanent list.

Selena Ramirez. Echo. Priya Tsetsang. Anthony Ceccoli. Adelle DeWitt. Laurence Dominic. Judith Miller. Jenny Humphrey. Topher Brink. Bennett Halverson.

Maybe I shouldn't have pushed him away so much during the whole vampire fiasco.

I miss my delightful baby sister. Is she de-finnified yet? We've got things that need to happen. People to mug, shite to blow up. I have never missed Scorpius and Jamie so much in my entire fucking life. What is wrong with me?

( Regulus Black )

Bonkers!

Have I really been kidnapped? Ratio was napping on the sofa when I wandered out of the bedroom. Who kidnaps a girl and her cat? And what's all this about me being needed? You lot realize I barely managed my O.W.L.S., right?