Network comm for The Land of Make Believe

( Cut because John is gross )

Frau Blücher!

Okay kids, operation Get John A Job is now in full swing! I know you're all excited.

Oh my, it would seem that John hasn't been sleeping very well. Again.

Anybody want to tell me what's going on? I woke up a few days ago, minus Gwin, picked up a stick from the floor which turned into a rather impressive hammer. Next thing I knew I was flying through the (thankfully open) window and ended up... I don't know where.

All I do know is that the hammer had turned back into a stick - actually a walking cane, which proved somewhat useful since I've used it ever since in helping me walk back here. I was not made for flying and, while I feel that I could do it easily, I have no wish to attempt it. I was given feet for walking.

Also, I can't do my fire displays anymore. This is something of an inconvenience since it is my livelihood.

And I look different. I recognise my face, but it is not mine. I believe it belongs to Dr. Drake and, on occasion, his alter ego.

Before I panic completely, can anyone reassure me that this is not another dream? My feet would seem to confirm that it is, in fact, real - and it has taken me a couple of days to get back here, which would add to that confirmation. Once I have that information, I can drink a considerable amount of anything liquid, then find Gwin and sleep for as long as I need to.

Can anyone recommend a non-fiction book I could look into acquiring? Offer up many, I read fast.

I hate this. I look hideous and this body is so big and clumsy.

Whoever has my body better not do anything to mess it up!

oh frell me

NO DON'T oh man

Dear really really hot lady, please don't hurt me because I did not steal your body. Look, it's all over the network.

Harv needs to shut up.

uh hi, I'm Crichton, and last time this happened to me we had badges with who we really are printed on them so I think we should do that because even with six people, it got confusing and this is a whole frelling castle's worth of people in the wrong bodies.

I helped DK cheat on his SATs. I lost my dad's puzzle ring when D'Argo and I were floating in space. I wasn't there when my mom died. I have wormhole equations locked in my head and I have so many people after them and I've been tortured for them and I don't even want them. I've robbed a shadow depository. I've been a kid's close encounter with Alien Kind. People think I am this huge badass warrior dude. hah. I'm a scientist, just trying to keep up with my dad. My favorite pulse pistol is Winona.

I miss Aeryn like you would not believe, but she has my twin so she won't even think about me. frell. I haven't seen her for monens... months, sorry, but she left with other me, and I got left behind. I bet they're frelling aalllllllll over Talyn. I would, if it were me with her. I hope they drive Crais insane. Insaner.

I miss Pip and Blue and Jool and D'Argo and Pilot and Moya, oh god you have no idea how much I miss her, and I miss my module. Frell, I even miss Buckwheat. And Stark, a bit. I do not miss food cubes or all the "What's a hooman, are you deficient?" dren. Or Scorpy or Crais. Everyone hates me back on Moya because I'm driving them insane with the stupid frelling wormholes. I wrote all over my walls once, trying to work out a variable.

I understand all languages. That one's actually useful. Not useful? My sliding scale of sanity. Also Harvey is a factor and he is not helping and he likes River. I think he wants to try and take over sometimes. Ugh.

blah crappy word vomit

Gwin's been missing for a few days. I think he's been suffering from a form of marten claustrophobia, if the truth be known. For one reason or another I haven't really been out of my room much in the past few weeks.

... yeah. One reason or another.

Has anyone seen him? I'm sure he's okay since he can take care of himself, actually probably considerably better than I can. But still, I like to know where he is.

Johnny Storm! Dusty Springfield! Sparks Dustbunny oh frell no not that ever Mr. Finger Dustfinger.. I'm calling you Dusty.

Also, sorry about the paper everywhere. Please don't burn it, I need my equations and I know there's a lot and I know i drank all the coffee but I couldn't sleep because I needed to get the equations out and it's really not as simple as taking a Schwarzschild wormhole and stabilizing it because taking

ds² = -c²(1- 2GM/rc²)dt² + dr²/(1- 2GM/rc²) + r²(dθ²+ sin²θdϕ²)

and turning it to

ds² = -c²dt² + dl² + (k²+l²)(dθ²+ sin²θdϕ²)

is nothing compared to all the dren in my head and Einstein and Hilbert and Euler and Lagrange and and everyone, they were... you know... with the gauss-bonnet theory and damnit I am about ready to bundle up all the cosmic strings and exotic matter there is and get rid of them, but mainly I would like to know if you have more paper? Or possibly a pen. I've written on the walls before and the floor and i ran out of skin once

I am so tired.

YO, JOHNNY STORM!

I woke up this morning and Gwin was sitting on my bed, eating my Reese's Pieces. In case you're wondering where he is.

You know? I think I need a job.

I like Sudoku. Enjoyable, if easy. The newspaper ratings lie.

oh oh this is insane. I swear I saw some dude turn into a stag the other morning. If I wasn't already fahrbot, I'd reaaaaallly start to worry about myself.

I want grits. Grits and gravy and oh god, biscuits, yeah...

Hellooooooo? Guys, the whole point of kidnapping me and frelling with my brain is not to let me know this isn't real within the first three microts of my opening my eyes. It kind of ruins the whole "drive him mad" thing, y'know? This is sloppy kidnapping, whoever you are. Seriously, I know these things.

So can I get back now that you're rumbled? I kind of have an important meeting I need to be there for, so that would be great. Really important.