Network comm for The Land of Make Believe

....it seems that I've managed to do quiet a number on myself. It's one thing to wake up in a strange place (seems to be a pattern), but there's the bother of being in a strange place with pirates. Pirates who apparently have weapons and chase you with them if you refuse to do what they say.

I got lucky that they gave up, but the bump on my head is proof that I didn't get out unharmed. No idea how long I've been out, but I'm bloody starving and I can't get anyone on the phone. I'm bloody starving though. If anyone could tell me where to find some food, and maybe a bath, I'd be grateful.

Going out.

Today is the worst day all year. If you need me, I'll probably be drinking.

I die?!

And no one told me until now?

Bloody hell.

I am not that bad at apparition anymore.

Where in the name of Merlin is this?

I just don't understand why you would have stables but no horses. That's completely mental, not to mention extremely disappointing.

Also, it seems like I am now planning a birthday party. Any suggestions for a venue? I'm new to this place and don't know my way around yet.

do i haf too be a mugle? Wy isn ther a spell to amke me a wzird?

[At first, there is only the sound of buttons being pushed and of a British accent swearing rather loudly, and then even more buttons being pushed, followed by a tapping sound (that would be the phone being tapped against the table - if you were curious) and finally several spells being cast, and then - after more buttons - a voice yelling into the phone]

George, I swear to Merlin that I will bloody murder you when this charm wears off. You think this is funny, putting me in some ruddy room that looks like Hogwarts was turned upside down with one of these damn phones all the muggles have? I told you that they were completely mental, walking around and talking to themselves!

And...you know what, Ron? I'm coming after you too, because I know you were in on this. I mean, I have a game tomorrow! Against Puddlemere! I don't have time for this. It's the biggest game of the year and I'm stuck in a dodgy room with nothing but one of these phones, money -- which is AMERICAN and MUGGLE, what good does that do? -- and my gear.

Both of you. Dead. Immediately.

{The words are followed by a growl of frustration, and more pressing of buttons until the phone, blessedly, goes dead.}