Network comm for The Land of Make Believe

So, does anyone happen to know when the last full moon was? Like how many days?

If anyone's near the library and has a spare pen, it'd be very much appreciated. I can repay with... lukewarm coffee and some idiots attempt at a theorem.

.... Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

One confused and disoriented Margaret.

Seriously, this some lame joke. Gotta give the drama department props for their awesome lifelike set and all, but point me in the direction of the exit posthaste so I can make like a bread truck and haul buns.

Anyone want to go bowling? Definitely in the mood to throw a heavy ball at stuff, and I'm kiiinda thinking that bowling pins would probably be the best option.

Penny:

I believe I am in need of a tour guide. I think it is about time that I got out for my biweekly appointment with a park for fresh air.

[The beeping sound of several keys being hit leads into the following monologue, clearly not meant for the public]

Acting-Captain's Log: Stardate, Unknown

I have no idea where or when it is I woke up just now, but I can definitely say I don't like it. My communicator is on the fritz, and I can't reach Scotty to inform him of the fact that he's messed up big time. He was supposed to beam us back onto the Enterprise, but complaining about that won't do anything for now.

I found this weird device upon my arrival here, in this strange old castle, and it looks to be some sort of primitive mobile phone. I remember seeing a diagram of one a while back in one of my history textbooks. I can only assume that I've either ended up on a planet with a remarkably similar technological growth to Earth, or that I've gone back in time. I didn't think the latter was possible, but after the day I've had, I'm not sure anything is impossible anymore. Especially time travel.

I think I've figured out how to use this thing, anyway, and here's hoping I've worked out its privacy features.

Kirk out.