Network comm for The Land of Make Believe

Well I think I have a few things I mightn't like to lift from off my chest, but I just can't seem to not.

Zoe, Mal never told you but the reason things almost went south on the job on Ariel was on account of me. I tried to sell River and Simon to the Feds. The money was too good for me not to be stupid, but I am sorry about that.

I never thought I’d miss my momma, seeing as I could always write to her or send her a message, and she could do the same for me, but I’m missing hearing from her. And I sure do miss her cookin. I know you know this momma, ‘cause I got punished for it anyway but I never said, but I did break your framed picture of Great-gramma Zola when I was eight and I know how much that made you sad, and I am really sorry. I hope back home is doing well, I think about you.

Luna, I know you’re sad and maybe, if you want, you could wear my orange cap, it was made for me by my momma and it always makes me feel better.

Kara, I gotta say you’re a damn fine mark and you know how to handle a gun better than most everyone I know, maybe even Zoe. You two could shoot off and we could all tell but I might be crossing a line asking for a show like that, so, just know I don’t mean nothing by saying. But you also talk more sense than most anyone else here and you’re damn fine looking nekkid and I’m hoping to see more of that around soon.

Sirius Black, where are you?

I need a wizard, and I need to get laid. Not necessarily in conjunction.

Eames wasn't at breakfast. Has anyoen seen him? Arthur says not to worry, but i can't not ... Uh not worry.

I'm worryed.

VERY FUNNY. Do you expect me to believe that I've been whisked away to a far off land the day before my tryouts!?

JAMES SIRIUS POTTER if you are behind this I will CURSE YOUR PANTS OFF! Wait till Mum hears about this!

never did think i'd get used to being here, majority of you people are okay, but can't understand most of the shit that comes out your mouths or on these damn phones. i hate not being in control and i don't like being no patsy. i wish i would've got the chance to shoot rick grimes before i started not giving two damns but lori would've got real mad at me and then i'd have to deal with her being some nagging widow bitch ALONG with surviving.

wasn't happy when we left atlanta, merle's still out there and he's handless and lost lots of blood and i don't like to admit it but he's probably zombie food and why am i talking to YOU about that? i should be thinking positive when i ain't. i resented him treating me the way he did when we left rock mills and our shit parents but i know he was just doing what needed be done and what i needed weren't some sugarcoated childhood or love.

there's a lot going on up there in my head, lots of important shit but no one cares. i'll show everyone one that i ain't all that dumb. i got feelings too and right now my main feeling's wanting to beat the crap out of something and then get drunk. i'm hungry, feel like having a slice of Bobbi Joe's award winning strawberry rhubarb pie except Bobbi Jo ain't here, thank God, she ain't the kindest cat on the fence but she sure makes good pie.

i smell something burning. who's burning something?

Lothor was incredibly sensual, and his magic made me want things that I shouldn't want. Absorbing the nature of a succubus didn't help, nor does the taint in my blood and on my soul.

Sam, I don't want you to think that you have led me on in any way. You haven't. But I've felt a kinship with you, because of our similar experiences, and because you were the first to befriend me in a strange place. And perhaps also because Aching Silver feels the pull of your aura and would take you in proxy, should anything ever happen to me. I have nothing to blame but my own weakness.

Still, this place is vastly preferable to hell.

I never asked to be a demigod. I never asked to be attacked by monsters on a daily basis only to get blamed for every single thing they destroyed because humans can't see through the damn mist. I never asked for an absentee father or a scumbag of a step-father. All I ever wanted was to be normal. I never wanted to be a hero. And some hero I turned out to be, I can't even remember how many people....no kids....died because of me. It's my fault Charles Beckendorf and Bianca and Michael Yew and countless others died and I know it. I don't know why anyone would have wanted me in charge, because all I did was almost get Camp Half-Blood and New York destroyed.

And I don't even need to be reminded of how stupid I can be. I know that I don't think things through and people almost always get hurt. I've put my friends in danger countless times all because they believed it me, but I don't even know if I believe in myself.

And then there's Annabeth who is so smart and could have anyone she wanted. I'm afraid that one day she'll decide she's put up with my stupidity long enough and find someone else who she can have conversations with about architecture and who knows big words and can spell without having to rely on spell check for everything.

I miss my mom. She always knows just what to say or do to make me feel better, but she's at home with her new husband instead of here to bring home blue jellybeans or make me blue pancakes.

I don't think I want to have sex.

It was described to me in great detail and sounds complicated and uncomfortable. Pain was mentioned. More than once.

Sam, I don't want to hurt you. I love you. I know sex is what you expect, that it's a part of this kind of relationship, and Adam said to do it even if I didn't feel like it but I think I am afraid. I think I am very afraid of it even though I love you and he described it as best he could and I've seen if before though I could never watch till the end because it made me uncomfortable to do so and I think about it a lot but no matter how many times I re-read what Adam told me I can't stop being afraid.

I love you. Sam, I love you. I like touching you and holding your hand and kissing you but I don't know if I can do that. It was never required of me. The thought makes my ears hot. Does that happen to you? I told Michael I don't want to take up my post while you are alive, that I chose you, but I can even give you the most basic of things. I'm sorry. I want you to have that.


Dean, I love you. Not in the way I love Sam but I think I'm in love with your soul, the... essence of you that guided me through Hell. The only good thing in Hell. You'll always be my Dean even if you are annoying sometimes and pushy other times and you can sing better than you think. I am impressed how easy you are with things, evens sex. I want to be that easy with others but I don't think I ever will be. I don't know where to start.

I have wanted to be a Winchester for a long time. My brothers never accepted me, never loved me, as you do each other. No one ever made he feel as at home. Not even Gabriel who is mostly a jerk but he knows this.

And I broke the lamp in the bedroom while trying to change the light bulb.

I really wish I could put this thing down, I apologize.

( Cut for Triggery discussions: self-harm, drug use, murder, hinting at past abuses )

Eames you stupid son of a bitch.

Daniel and Ariadne, Eames' job last night went south and he's bad. Really really bad. I found him in an alley. Ariadne I need you to come over and help me with him and make sure I don't leave tonight. I'm considering finding a blunt object and killing the dead men walking this evening.

If there's anyone that can heal, I need you.