Involuntary RPG Journal Entries

[Locked to Mike, Mikael, Brad, Hugo - aka The Sane Bros]

My friends, it is this way: we fear that Padraig may be a danger to himself. He is angry for things and we know his temper, and it falls to us as his most trusted friends to act as his good sense, in its own absence. I know you think to say 'but Raphael, he has the fire mouth and can burn us up like the wings of Icarus', but I say to you are we not Vols also? We are legion and he is but one headstong Irishman, and we shall brook no further devilry from him.

I have sincere doubts that Jesse and Jonas will be with us on this cause, but I also suspect they are less reckless in their own future ambitions. Still, it behooves us to keep an eye on them as well.

You think because you do not eat and you wither away to skin and bones, then they will say oh my we were wrong, please here is the open door go as you please? Vaffanculo! They will do no such thing, with no news media to tut tut and bring consequences down on them! You do harm to none but yourselves with this foolishness, and you waste perfectly good food! And today there is the lasagna that is not entirely horrible! But no, you sit and you starve and you make others suffer with worry! Che sciocchezza!

It is always so quiet, when our beloved Squad are off doing their heroic deeds.

[Locked to Bros]

And again the opportunity is wasted upon the only one of us who not only has a girlfriend, but also no accent with which to dazzle the American girls. Hugo, the responsibility is yours to make up for Michael's many failings and deliver anecdotes aplenty.

Do not forget to appreciate your Mamas today, my friends. For they are deserving, and when forgotten, vengeful.

[Private to Pad]

Is it the time yet when we discuss this girl who has been a regular presence in your bed of late?

I had been under the impression that this squad nonsense was only to involve the unnecessary risking of one's life. If I had been told the group would be privy to nights on the town, I would presently presently be leading it.

[BROS]

Michael, you are our representative in the field. I expect you to do us proud, and come back with generous details through which we may live vicariously.

But not with Clara, for Mikael has finally confessed his undying love.

I hope our virtuous crusaders will return by Saturday, lest it promise to be a quiet pub night.

[Private to Bros]

First Pad, now Brad? Should we all fear a black eye from this Rashida girl?

[Private to Italians, in Italian]

Honestly, I always expected Neve to be the first of us involved in fisticuffs.

If I could ask please for your attentions, I have something that I wish to say.

It is no secret that many of you think quite poorly of me, and though the reasons may vary, the most common is for my treatment of women. I want to say with all honesty that it has never been my intention to harm or upset anyone with my actions, but I see now that I have still done so regardless, and for this I wish to apologize.

In my time since arriving I have shown a capricious disrespect for many of you, my peers and friends, and it was certainly not deserved. I have thought little of the consequences of my own choices, and allowed them to be dictated only by my base desires. I will henceforth be making an effort to mend my ways.

I understand if some of you consider me beyond forgiveness, and from you I will ask for none. But know that I will from today forward be a new man, and to make mi Mama proud.

Would anyone like extra phone minutes? You may have mine. Please, I can take no more phone calls.

[Filtered to Bros]

I think tonight I will not go to Pub Night, to be surrounded by these scheming harridans. Who will play poker?

[Locked to Bros]

Che cazzo, what is wrong with the women of this place!?

First this plot to slander my good name to my own Mama, and now I find that Valeska has been using me as her personal sex toy, only to make me immediately forget our intimacies!? Merda, it is unbelievable!

It is disappointing to think some need only one day to celebrate women, when they should be doing so every day, with every thought and every breath. To their brilliance, their devotion, their grace and their creativity. And above all to their patience, for tolerating we the earthly yin to their divine yang.

Happy International Women's Day, to the magnificent women of IVI.

It would appear that my female counterpart was as generous with her closet-raiding as she was frugal with her affections. I scarcely have room in my closet for these new acquisitions, and invite the rightful owner to claim them:

[Attached: a photo of several articles of designer clothes, including some prominently displayed lingerie, all of which is Neve's]

To Saint Valentine, another great Roman lover and my patron saint. I hope today people will not be shy in expressing their feelings for those closest to their hearts.

Amore é gioia, amore é gelosia, amore é soffrire, amore é tenerezza, amore é calore.

Perhaps I will be the next Pope, no?

[LOCKED TO CATI]

I must ask you, what colour dress do you plan to wear for the dance? I wish to ensure my colours are complimentary.

Che cazzo, any person who would think Pad Flanagan is a dangerous man is a fool and a charlatan and a cornudo disgraziado! He is a danger to none, save perhaps an innocent pint of lager.

Scusimi prego, while I reacquaint myself with some old friends. Vino rosso, vi ho mancato!

[Filtered separately to Cati, Val, Hedvig, Laurel, Chris, Whitney, Evi, Isla, Kyungmi, Astrid, Immy, Carmela & Lana]

Mi amora, cuora del mio cuora, you will forgive me to say but for all I love my fair Roma, any place is less vibrant without you.

To my friends and fellow Vols, I would like to formally put forth the offer of a personal tour of my fair Roma, to any who may find themselves in Europe over this break. I shall be making the most of my woefully brief return to the greatest city on Earth, and I would be happy to introduce new eyes to the art, architecture, and most importantly, nightlife.

[BROS]

This of course goes double for you, mi amicos. We could do very, very well - I could even get Pad laid in Rome.

The view from this beach, it is well worth a little pinch on the neck. Women of IVI, bless you for your grace and style in the selection and presentation of your swimwear. I think I have fallen in love a dozen times over on these sunny shores, my poor heart can take no more! I beg of you mercy, sirens of the surf.

[Locked to Bros]

Twins, gentlemen. Providing they are as beautiful as the other Australian women here, I believe I am inclined to call the 'dibs'.

My accent, is it quite so noticeable? I thought I spoke with perfect American cadence, no?

[BROS]

It seems I am not destined for pleats or ruffles then. Brad you must be breathing a sigh of relief with poor Mikael's score, no? Now we must wait to see if Jonas, Jesse or Hugo can beat 15...

[Vanessa]

Meet me in the garden this night, at 8 pm.

Whoever prepares this as-you-call 'Italian food' in the commissary should hope they never meet my Mama.

Their body, it would never be found.