Involuntary RPG Journal Entries

I'm getting pretty sick of this place. I know some of you have been since day 1, but to me it has never been that bad. Until now. There are many reasons, but the main one is probably is that I need to talk to my family. I need to know how they are and it really pisses me off annoys me that the administration seems to have forgotten that some of us have lives out there. Families. Parents. Children. All that stuff. I was fifteen when my nephew was born and I helped raise him. I've never been away from him and his mother for this long before. The last time I talked to him he asked if I'd be home for his birthday. I told him I wasn't sure, but honestly? I know that I won't be. It's August 8th. A month and a half away. I probably won't even be able to call him, if things don't improve soon.

I've played along with this stuff for a long time, but that alone is enough to make me question why I have.

I went to class, I went to training. I still attend the latter, and would go to the former if I could. I don't need the threat of solitary to make me go, and even if you aren't likely to attend or do your best, this is not the way to change that. Trust me, I've raised a kid. Threats gets you nowhere. A well placed timeout might, but there's really no way to equate solitary with that, especially not when you send people there for completely ridiculous reasons, like failing to improve quickly enough. I went almost five years without improved control. Being locked up would've done nothing to help me Training would, and actually did. I am grateful for the opportunity to train with other vols, because I know I wouldn't have been able to do this on my own, but IVI is seriously testing my patience right now.

There are a couple of dozen children people in solitary now, half of which ended up there for showing solidarity with a friend. There are people hunger striking to get something as simple as the daily news on our TVs and the right to make a phone call. There's a building that is burnt to the ground and I'm not entirely sure it would be, had we not been treated more as prisoners than students.

I'm not okay with this. I know that's stating the obvious and that the likely reaction from most of you will be "I told you so", but I don't much care right now. I just want to talk to my nephew for five minutes. That's all.

Filter: Hailey
I'm not sure why I felt the need to tell everyone all this. I haven't even hit publish yet - well okay, I have or you wouldn't read it but you know what I mean - and I'm already regretting it.

Filter: Claudia
Since you're on the squad now, can you send an email for me when you go out next time? It's in my draft folder, you just have to hit send. And if you could not read it that'd be great Also, be careful. I have entirely too many friends on the squad by now and it's a bit exhausting to worry about all of you.

Good luck to those of you who are off to the Philippines. I'll be baking for the rest of us, which is to say that yes, the kitchen will be occupied today. Anyone want to clean up my mess? I'll pay you in cheesecake or muffins. Or possibly both.

Filter: Allegra, Ashton, Caleb, Jordana
Be careful. Hailey will end you if you don't come back in one piece.

[During the first class of the day; Nate is back to class for the first time since The Incident after hiding like a five year old in trouble since Friday.]

Claudia, Allegra
So. Guess it's pointless to attempt to hide when we're sitting two feet away from each other.

Hailey
This is so awkward.

Caleb (unsent)
So
So [...] how's it going?
I'm back to classes but
I'm still really sorry.
Are you [...] okay with me [...] hanging out with the girls* after all this?
If you want me to stay away I get it and I will.
Is it weird if I eat lunch with you guys?
Do you want to pretend everything is normal or should I just
Fuck I hate this.

* The girls = Claudia and Allegra, because OBVIOUSLY you have to ask Caleb for permission before spending time with either of them.

Stress baking. Any requests?

Filter: Claudia
Can you keep an eye on Allegra? I feel like we're making her do too much but she says she's fine because she's Allegra. I really don't know how to look after her when she says she's okay, so, um, help?

Filter: Hailey
So, no stabby at training yesterday. Allegra is amazing.

Everyone okay after the weekend? I'm sorry if I scared some of you yesterday, but my power has to be taken seriously to keep everyone safe(ish). I've only had an episode twice in the last year, so hopefully this will be as exciting as it gets.

Filtered to Odd Bjarne
How are you feeling? I know you don't remember much, but it looks like you didn't hurt anyone but yourself at least. If you need any details about the effects of the suckiest power on earth, hit me up.

Filtered to Caleb
Thanks for hanging out with me yesterday. I was freaking out.

Filtered to Hailey
I'll ask them about that damn room. Can't avoid it any longer, can I? PS. No 'I told you so's.

THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT SO PAY ATTENTION.

If you can't feel a power of any kind, go see Chris. Unless she tells you that you have mine, you won't know it until you hurt yourself somehow and by then it's too late. If you see someone who goes feral, DO NOT use the epi pens you've been given to use on me. That's the largest sedative to contain me, if the person is smaller than I am (and most of you are) you might kill them. Try to knock them out somehow, DO NOT try to restrain them, reason with them, or stop them by hitting them or throwing shit at them. Unless you knock them out cold you'll just make them angrier, and that is VERY DANGEROUS.

While feral I can snap the bones of a person, throw them a hundred feet, bash their faces in, rip trees apart, throw cars, you name it. Whoever it is could probably do the same. It doesn't matter if they know you, while feral they won't recognise you or hesitate to hurt you.

Also be aware that any injuries the feral person may or may not receive will still be there when they turn back. If you have to knock them out, try not to give them brain damage.

I know this might not happen and writing this feels oddly personal and you'll all hate me now I'm sure but I don't want anyone to get hurt.

BE CAREFUL IF YOU SEE SOMEONE WHO YOU THINK IS FERAL. PLEASE.

edited to add after Mette's comments: We've found the person with my power. Thanks for being careful though.

I'm going to forget someone but: Claudia, Caleb, Allegra, Jordana, Ashton, Hailey, Marty, DOES HE REALLY HAVE NO MORE FRIENDS?
I'm more worried about my family than any of us vols. I know we're supposedly safe in here (heard that one before?), but what about them?

People back home really don't like vols, or to be specific, me. In that I'm the only one they've ever met. They're scared of me for a reason, but I'm not there. I'm here and I can't protect my family and it's driving me just a little bit insane.

This is so fucking frustrating.

1. I made a few cookies too many. Again. They're in the lounge. Last time it took twenty minutes before they were gone. Beat that, if you can.

2. If someone needs to be walked back to their room after pub night, please don't sleep in the top bunk. I speak from experience.

3. Is it really that weird to know nothing about tennis?

Flamingos (Pretend he does this every Saturday)

Who wants my tickets this week?

Yesterday was a little too exciting for me, but I do want to thank whoever it was that arranged the wake. It was nicely done. Thank you.

Hailey
Do you believe me now?

Leona
How are you today, miss Don't-Tell-Nate-I'm-Awake?

Here's a reminder for those of us who have forgotten our manners:

Making fun of the new kids is not cool.
Making fun of the new kids and calling their powers 'lame' is not cool.
Making fun of the new kids because of the nature of their powers is not cool.

Actually, we shouldn't make fun of anyone because of their powers. Full stop. No one knows why we have powers, why we have the powers that we do have, or, in many cases, how to control them perfectly. It may look funny to others, but being the person who turns into something you're not, or otherwise lose control of your power is. Not. Funny.

Some of us love our powers, some do not, and that's just the way it is. Please be nice. We've gone through a lot lately, and our energy could probably be put to better use elsewhere. So let's get on that.

[Flamingos, Australians + Hailey]
How is everyone holding up? Stupid question, I know, but it's all I've got.

( not cut, etc )

Hailey found the underwater caves. I don't think she'll ever come back up.

I have done much, much worse than what was shown in that documentary. If anyone feels uncomfortable around me knowing that I understand, but I do want you to know what I'm capable of. Just in case.

I think I've given most of the people I interact with regularly a tranquiliser shot to jab me with if needed, but I missed someone, let me know. They're like epi-pens, super easy to use. I hope you won't have to but it's good to know what you might be up for, if you're friends with me. It might become dangerous one day.

Everyone else that was featured on this stupid movie, I'm sorry you were outed and stuff and I'm not talking for anyone but myself here, but in my case - as much as I hate it - the only way to be safe around someone like me is knowing what you might be up for.

Or stay away. You can do that too. I won't hold it against you.

Guys.

Can we please not greet the new addition to the school with loads of suggestive comments? We're better than that.

...aren't we?