Involuntary RPG Journal Entries

UGH you guys. I'm so mad!! I was like, SO EXCITED to come here last year because I thought it would be COOL and FUN and I could hang out with other Vols and go to the Outback and meet a hot Australian surfer but instead I have to deal with SLOW SHITTY INTERNET and KIDNAPPINGS and TERRORISM and now I'll NEVER get to go back to Canada so it doesn't even fucking MATTER and HELLO how is this shit even FAIR? I had like, PLANS FOR THE FUTURE!! Ugghhh everything here is so STUPID.

UGH. Well I don't know about the rest of you but I'm REALLY ANNOYED that those Vols staged their escapes as "kidnappings."

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE THAT'S NOT SICK???

and can i camp out in your room because i don't want to die

OMG WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY? I am DONE with romance and I am DONE with sex and I am DONE with boys.

OH THANK FUCKING GOD HOCKEY IS COMING BACK because I was like if I have to deal with all of these FEELINGS on TOP OF my fantasy hockey league GOING TO SHIT then I was like, I don't even KNOW what I was going to do but it was NOT going to be pretty.

DID YOU GUYS KNOW UNDERSTANDING'S REAL NAME IS CHESTER??? I totally thought his parents named him that! UNDERSTANDING! I TOTALLY THOUGHT YOUR PARENTS NAMED YOU THAT!! LOL honestly this makes soooo much more sense now. I would SO change my name if I was Chester, too!

FILTER: Mikey

OMG are you okay?

W O W THE EDITING ON THAT DOCUMENTARY WAS SO BAD OMG!!! I COULD DO THAT SHIT IN MY SLEEP!!! Like you would think ONE PERSON OUT THERE would have the idea of making a video about all of the GOOD things Vols have done but nooooooo.

FILTER: THE BROS, MINUS JESSE

OMG so I feel like, REALLY REALLY REALLY bad about Jesse's fingers and I want to give him an apology gift! What kind of stuff does he like?? Should I just write him a really nice note or will it remind him that he like, CAN'T WRITE?? What are his favourite SNACKS? I really want to do something NICE!

UGH THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY I HAVE EVER HAD

THERE IS SOME KIND OF ANIMAL IN MY CLOSET CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET RID OF IT OMG IT KEEPS DISAPPEARING I AM GOING TO SCREAM

LOL OMG!!!! So I went to log into Pinterest on Fitzy's computer and GUESS WHAT I FOUND!!!!!

But OMG those quinoa burgers look so good and I don't even like quinoa! IDK why you didn't want to share your Pinterest with the world, MICHAEL :/

OMG WOW IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST ONE DAY WITHOUT BAD NEWS???? If I don't read an article tomorrow about like, 80 disabled Vol children rescuing 300 war vets from like, a BURNING BUILDING then I am just going to STOP GETTING ON THE INTERNET even if it means NEVER SEEING FACEBOOK OR TWITTER AGAIN.

FILTERED TO: Flamingo

UMMM so what are you guys thinking about this chip thing? I'M SO MAD because as you ALL know, the beach trip is on my BIRTHDAY but like do I want some kind of creepy chip thing IN MY BODY? I don't know what to do :( THIS SUCKS. What are YOU guys going to do???

FILTERED TO: Flamingo Ladies

HEY guys!! So a week or two ago I had this TOTALLY AWESOME idea! We should all have a Girl's Night!! It'll be so fun, right? We can like, watch movies or do spa treatments (I have SOOOOO many recipes for face masks and stuff!!) or just like, hang out and talk! And eat my emergency chocolate stash, LOL. NO boys (even though all the Flamingo boys are AWESOME)! If none of you think this will be fun I will be SO MAD AT

OMG, this weekend was totally weird.

AHHH!!!! So yesterday I was like, OMG this week sucks and it's not even Wednesday. But I found the perfect thing to make it all better! I was putting Important Dates in my Google calendar and then I realised the BEST. THING. EVER.

MY BIRTHDAY IS THE SAME DAY AS THE BEACH TRIP!!!!!!!! I like, canNOT even believe I missed it, but actually I totally can because of all the serial killers and lockups and BOYS BEING STUPID JERKS. So now you all have like, EXTRA reason to get excited for November! WOOHOO! They BETTER NOT cancel this trip or else I am going to DESTROY SOME

So it's THANKSGIVING (in Canada)! Even though I'm super sad that I didn't get to celebrate with my family, I AM happy that I get to celebrate with all of my new Canadian friends! YAY! Also, this is totally perfect timing to learn about those trips even though we ALREADY kne! So, instead of focusing on the BAD THINGS we should be HAPPY about the good things! But OMG, so little time to work on my tan before the 9th!!!

Oh yeah, and congratulations to everyone who won!

OMG guys, October is so stressful! Because there's Halloween (I have NO COSTUME IDEAS heeeeelp) and my birthday is in ONE MONTH AND ONE WEEK!!! That's five weeks for you all to get your gift ideas together! I'm not picky, but you know what they say - diamonds are a girl's best friend ;)

LOL just kidding, you don't have to get me diamonds. What I really want is a NEW RUNNING BUDDY! I wake up every morning at 6am and now that we have that new lake and all that other stuff I want to explore it! Only respond "yes" if you're SERIOUS. NO SLACKERS ALLOWED. We can even start with Sun Salutations if you HATE running! Thanks guys!!!

FILTERED TO: TEAM FLAMINGO

OMG YOU GUYS I'M SO SORRY

I WAS SO CLOSE!!! SHE JUST FUCKING BROKE IT! I'M SORRY :( :( :( IF YOU SEE KAI WHATEVER HER LAST NAME IS, DESTROY HER

FILTERED TO: DAISY, WHITNEY, LOTTIE, ISLA

Ugh, WTF is up with the guys here??? You know that cute Swedish guy Erik? Okay, well I was totally talking to him at pub night for like a gazillion years, and then I texted him later and then he was pretending that he DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO I WAS!!

I GIVE UP on these stupid boys. PLEASE tell me you're all having better luck so I can live vicariously through you. :(

I think it's kind of BETTER that we're all stuck here instead of out there in the world where people are going to KILL us just for being ourselves. So MAYBE we should all take a break and stop fighting amongst ourselves, RIGHT??? We have WAY more important things to worry about, clearly.

FILTERED TO: RAPHAEL

Don't think I'm going to let you off the hook for TEXTING EVERY OTHER GIRL IN SCHOOL because we're all in a time of personal crisis! If I even THINK you're trying to capitalize on any poor young girl's emotional distress this week, I will CRUSH you. :*