Involuntary RPG Journal Entries

I just want to point out (again) that it's not anyone's responsibility to change just so they won't be made fun of, mocked or anything like that. It's not our fault that some people thinks it's incredibly funny to mess with our powers, declare them useless or actually, declare us useless as well, just because of the way we look or the way we talk or whatever else there is, I don't even know.

A bully is nothing without the people who laugh with them or who support the things he does. Saying "he's awful sometimes, but..." does nothing but encourage him. I know that saying these things just makes certain bullies laugh at me more and want to make my life even worse, but you know what? I don't care because there might be someone who needs to hear these things and I'm going to keep saying them.

And Karim, I know how your power works now. Next time you'll get even worse. Just making that clear.

so. whoever it is that keeps saying my name and thinking they're really fucking funny should just cut it out because i'm sick of being all nice and stuff and i'll get you back. i might not know how yet but i'll figure it out. laugh at me all you want, i don't care.

and no this isn't me seeking attention or whatever, i'm just saying. and the scroll button is really awesome if you think this is annoying. so feel free.

this is really weird and i don't like it it's just all wrong i can't just go to class and pretend everything is fine because it's not it never will be.

neve
welcome back to the room i guess.

jace
i did get it out. i haven't told anyone.

toucans
i wonder where anastasiy went.

toucans, friends, etc.
are you keeping your chips?

is there someone who isn't going to use all their tickets on saturday? i'll give you one or two of mine next week in exchange. and no oden, i'm not going to end up in a bush this time

parakeets, lottie, erik's friends idk
why is there a statue of erik in the i don't really understand this thing with floats and stuff. are any of you making one for erik because i can't think don't want to look at pictures of him right now might not even be there don't know how to and if everyone has one he should too.

when i was little and my grandfather died my grandma told me this story about a whispering tree. you could climb it and it would protect you and if you listened carefully you could hear it had the voice of the person you missed. she planted a cherry tree for me and told me that when it got big enough for me to be able to climb it, my grandpa's spirit would be in it and he would talk to me.

it was just a story and never happened because she just made it up to make me feel better, but i'd like it if we planted trees for the people who died. as a symbol or something. and if you think it's a stupid idea maybe i'll just do one for erik because if they're not going to let me go to his funeral at least they can let me have a fucking tree i just want to, that's all.

teresa
can you make trees? or just flowers and things?

harlow
if you don't feel like it that's okay but i really feel like hitting something right now. i'm really sorry about mal except the reason i want to hit people is because i never want to hear the word 'sorry' again in my life so i guess i should find a different way to tell you that.

how can you care about the existance of a supposed cure when she looks like that?

Note: When receiving the news Moa shut off completely, just staring at anyone who tried to talk to her. She then went to her room, locked the door and sat down to stare some more. Hours later she posted this.






i can't

[after some sleep, lots of tea and popping a few pills]

hi i just want to say sorry if my post yesterday made people upset or if i'm making things worse. i'll try not to do that where everyone can see it and also lydie i'll try to stay far away so you can feel better.

OOC: This post was deleted after Val and Noah's comments.

If one more fucking person tells me to stop worrying and remain calm and that everything will be fine I will start punching people.

Because here's the thing.

And it's a big spoiler, so avert your eyes or something if you want to watch this fucked up movie to the end: IT'S NOT ALL GOING TO BE FINE. It was never fucking fine to begin with.

So shut the hell up and leave me alone. And if anyone wants to teach me how to throw a proper punch so I can do it right when I've had enough, sign up below.

How is everyone's holidays? I thought mine would be pretty awful not that exciting with the bracelet and the anxiety attacks and all this new stuff and not being able to go anywhere but I've had people surprise-visiting me (Jace is still here!) and that has been great.

I have taken a lot of pictures and I kind of went a little overboard but I want to share them anyway, sorry.

( Stockholm )
I took these when Neve and I were in Stockholm! There's a couple of the part that was Stockholm before it became a big city and some of the houses date back to the 15th century. We went to the Christmas market there but so did everyone else, so that was a bit crowded. And if that sounds boring I could tell you the story of when a Danish king tricked all these fancy guys into coming to a feast and then beheaded them on the square where there's all these cafés and stuff now. But maybe that's boring too, I don't know.

Neve's present was great. We had lots of fun even if shopping and drinking isn't what I'm best at. I wish I'd had time to meet up with Erik and Oden more while I was there, but I'm going down to do that after Christmas so that's okay.

And I don't think I need to tell you what the nickname of the light up fountain thing in the fifth picture is, do I?

( Östersund )
These are from my hometown. My brother says I should take pictures of things that aren't snow too but I really missed it! And I have a hundred of my nieces and nephew but I won't post them here.

I really only meant to say that I'm happy I went home even though it will be awful to leave home in January. The bracelet is still not great but at least we're home or I guess some of you are travelling a lot instead. But happy Christmas everyone, tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I have to fight with my brothers about who has to be Santa. I hope it won't be me because I'd just look like an elf or something and that's not right. There should be a rule that Santa has to be over six feet tall because then I wouldn't have to worry.

Erik, remember the snow castle that Oden would get stuck in if he climbed into it? It's this one and we visited it with the kids this afternoon!

It's so weird to be home.

I can't believe we're going home. I think I won't really until we're on the plane because that's when it's real for real, I guess. And also because I'm half convinced they'll change their minds but I'm hoping that won't happen because I don't know how I would explain that to my family. Or myself, really.

What is the first thing you're going to do when you get home? I can't decide really, there's so much I want to do and I don't even know where to start.

[Moa's friends; Neve, Rose, Hedvig, Erik, Shannon, Harlow, Hailey, Cheska, Mette, Jace, Leigh, Kris, Oden - wow, she has A LOT of friends, and if I forgot someone - add yourself in too]
Also, I'm really bad at giving presents, sorry, but I will do my best. You'll get them when we get back because I want to give you something from home, but I don't want you to think I forgot!

[filtered: moa]

Do you still wish to be left alone?

[filtered: toucan]

Do you believe the shield will hold?

[Network journal post, written around 6 am, shortly after returning to her room. She finally fell asleep shortly therafter and all responses will happen Saturday afternoon. Directly following this post. And no, there's no paper!]

i have psychology as an independent study and for a paper i want to do something about how our powers ties into us as people, especially from a psychological standpoint. i'm sure it has been done to death and all already but i haven't looked closely at it before so maybe you can humour me if you want or just skip this one.

filter it if you want, or don't if you don't mind other people reading, it's up to you.

a few questions:

how would you feel if you lost your power? would it change how you see yourself? would you want it back? and if your first instinct is to say NO, with no hesitation, think about it. would you really? is there nothing about it that makes you, you? nothing that has made you who you are today?

would you give all that back? every single thing?

and once it was gone, what do you think you would feel? relief? sadness? confusion? happiness? would you miss it?

is anyoen still awak bcos i needto stay upp and its hard

so remy isn't up here but somebody maybe should double check because i'm not sure and maybe he's here but i can't find him

ERIK WHERE ARE YOU?

[Filtered to Leigh]

You got plans for Friday?

[Filtered to Moa]

Got some music for you.

[Blackbirds]

Anything odd-like happen to y'all?

[private]
i just... can't
i don't want to do this anymore
i'm not meant to be like this, i can't be like this
oden, i'm sorry but i'm not sorry except i am a little because this is not really me
i just want to be [...] normal

I guess we should wish those who are going happy beach time! And the rest of us could always go to the beach here instead, which is not the same thing but maybe we can pretend that it is.

I need some new music. Something happy. Does anyone have any suggestions?

One more thing! Anyone who is mean to Kristijan today is just jealous and also a little boring because he looks great. 'Normal' is just a social construction anyway and we made it what it is so we can unmake it if we want to.

In Sweden we're trying to introduce a gender neutral pronoun for people who don't like to specify or feel like neither I guess. You can also use it if you want to refer to someone but don't know which one they are which is pretty neat. There's also a gender neutral daycare in Stockholm! You can read about it here if you want!