Freedomtown IC

OFFICIAL ROYAL DECREE

Alright, listen up, motherfuckers.

This is Princess Beatrice, here on official goddamn business.

Our resident future-seeing vampire has let me know that tomorrow, a big-ass fucking monster is going to show up in Monstropolis.

I'm talking like some Godzilla-level bullshit here, folks.

So here's what needs to happen.

ALL CITIZENS OF MONSTROPOLIS - We're beginning an immediate emergency evacuation. If you got friends/family in other places, go stay with them till this passes. If you don't? Fuck, go live under a bridge like a goddamn homeless person or something. I don't fuckin' care. Just DON'T BE HERE.

This is not optional. Everyone here who is a citizen (i.e. not law enforcement, royal staff, and the like) is being ordered to leave the city now. Don't worry about packing shit, don't worry about whether or not you have that pretty dress you like, or your fuckin' PS4, or anything. Just get out now. This thing could arrive anytime from midnight tonight on. So I need you all gone before then.

CITIZENS OF OTHER LOCATIONS - I need you to have any kind of armies, protection, whatever-the-fuck that you have at the ready. If we can't contain this bitch, and it gets loose, we're looking at possible cataclysmic damage and death-tolls. I'm talking more horror and brutality than an Adam Sandler Movie Marathon. So seriously - get your shit together ASAP.

So, one minute, I've been shot, and the next, I'm laying in a park, suddenly not shot.

I must say, my day has dramatically improved.

Where am I?

[Tony is standing in a nice suit, seemingly confused, bit of white powder residue on his fingers and nose, and holding a machine gun. He speaks English, in Cuban accent. And swearing. Ohhh, the swearing.]

Freedomtown? This don't look like no fuckin' Freedomtown I know of. Last one was a fucking shithole dump, let me tell you. Never going back there again, meng. Just like I'm never going back to no cage. Never again, man, fuck that. I rather go straight to Hell first.

Never thought we'd get to be going around space either. So either this is the adventure of a fucking lifetime, or that last stash of yeyo is taking me on a ride. Well, okay. Guess I just got to find my place. And get some more money. Get back on top. Anyone stops me this time? Fuck 'em!

So, I was watching the news earlier, and WOW are we living in a fucked-up time, people.

Apparently, earlier today, a man carrying a high-powered sniper rifle and four semi-automatic handguns walked right in the front doors of a major tobacco corporation that had been being not-so-secretly funded by money brought in via sex trafficking and illegal narcotics, and walked through the building shooting every single person that had slipped through the cracks of the legal system.

Final body count: 26 dead, 12 injured badly. What a world, huh?

ON AN ENTIRELY AND COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE, my good buddy Frank Castle is gonna be laying low up here with us for a while. So make the big lug feel welcome!

Have you all truly grown so complacent that you merely accept being stuck in this realm?

Aside from some prepubescent whining,I see nobody actually doing anything about the predicament we are in.

Perhaps... you all need some motivation.

Is there any sites that might be of interest? Any points of interest?

Attention one called Angela. Rocket has mentioned that you are willing to go to a near hostile planet and having some fun. I am more than willing to be your partner in this endeavor.

You know, I like your cars you got here. Very new. Fast! Classics still good though. And these phones.. goddamn, they're really fucking small, like these computers. Hope it doesn't have any of those secret little microchips with chazzers watching what we do and say. Ha, I bet the Commies are listening to me right now, but I don't give a fuck.

But I gotta ask, meng. They got any clubs here? You know, night clubs. Places where you can dance, sing, drink, with good music. I liked the Amy Holland one's. She's On fire! Or that Rush Rush one or even better, the bit of music that talk about pushing things to the limit. So.. yeah come on, they got any clubs like that?

So, strange new world. With no exit. Sounds familiar. And unacceptable. I need to get back home and find out why my mother was

Or, accept my fate and get incredibly drunk. It's a toss up which way I'm leaning right now.

[Bonbon]

Apparently Elena's here, somewhere.

[Elena]

Are you here? I got told that you were. But, until I see you, I can't believe it.

I'm sure some of you will tell me how great it is living here but frankly I could care less. I have a town to run and a son to raise so telling me how I can return to that is in everyone's best interests.