Some Reality Web

Felt like dancing, so I signed up for ballroom dance classes.

Suffice to say, I'm not going to be winning any awards soon.

[FRANCIS]
Was that a friend of yours?

To the people who found King Candy: thank you.

I wasn't prepared to spend another week in that hellhole. Just looking at it made my teeth hurt.

[FRANCIS]
You're welcome to shoot me if you're getting tired of private messages.

But you need some cooler kicks and clothes, I have money, let's do it.

This is a ☠@✴#ing [...] %&*&#@ #$%*.

Aw $h*t!

'You need a job to pay your rent' gets harder with age, and my time of slinging burgers at the local Culvers as a teen is long past.

And aw, I definitely need more coffee before I start dusting off my art history degree.

I'm in need of a babysitter for the next couple of hours.

He's four, well mannered and very curious. Any takers?

[TEXT TO NATE]

• What's up? Jesus, what am I, five? Are you safe?

I swear to God, I'm too fucking old for this.

I should've stayed in bed. What the fuck?

[filtered away from non-puncturable Harry Potter characters]

Apparently the prophecy is true. Even superheroes can't defeat He Who Shall Not Be Named. Let's hope Harry Potter gets here.

Ah fucking shit.

Don't don't you know that displacing a man without his blood pressure pills is almost murder?

I said almost, don't freak out now.

Bartons, represent.