Angel Grove Net

"Your precious golden boy is dead. It's time you pulled your head out of his arse."

...

...

Aren't children bloody wonderful?

I think I've worn a groove into my floor.

Got to get back out there. No matter what my doctors are saying.

Suppose there's worse places I could be than back here.

At least I'm less likely to get sacrificed.

Wonder what Sam'd think. We've both had a taste of godhood now. If you could even call Himiko that...

When you’ve done enough things beyond the moral event horizon, your perception of these things shifts exponentially. Apologies to Dr. Jones, but some things don’t belong in museums. Anyone willing to help remove something from the British one?

Assassins and hangers on:

There’s a new mummy on display. His effects include our sigil. We can at least try to get him buried properly again.

When someone wants a first edition of a book but they "don't want an old book". What?

You know... I may have over-worked myself before but now that I am here, it's.. I need books.

There is nothing to do. At least I never looked at the walls back then or spun around on my chair.. I need new hobbies I think..

This is one hell of a mirage.

So being sixteen or so again's not SO bad, I guess. Kind of nice my back's not doing its usual thing (seriously kids? Don't get old, and don't go to prison in developing countries no matter who's hired you to track down what artifact if you don't wanna wind up with a whole fuckload of trouble from the injuries you shrugged off while you were on the inside) , at least. But uh, couple problems with this scenario. Got an auction to mess up in Paris Monday they're not gonna let me into lookin like I do, and uh, out of smokes and nobody'll actually believe I'm way past old enough to buy 'em here.

...Anybody wanna hook a guy up? Kids, if you're old enough looking right now, I'll return the favor for the smokes in smokes of your own, or booze when you can't get it. Anybody who wants to help stop people being disgusting and selling stuff that isn't even theirs and could get stolen back where it belongs who wants an adventure and some karmic justice points, you let me know.

I don't know what the rest of you think, but this is utterly fascinating to me. Even if it comes to nothing, it's things we never expected...

I totally got a job. And it all happened because they knew who I was. This fictional thing isn't all bad.

Hi! My name is R and I'm an alcoholi...wait, wrong meeting there.


So one minute you're staggering out of the Musain toilets, and the next you're walking into somewhere completely new. I've woken up in a few places that I didn't remember going, sure, blacked out a lot of shit in my day, but after a couple bloody marys and my brain getting back to its usual fuzzy haze instead of the David After Dentist moment, I've got to conclude this place IS real life, and that I'm probably fucked as well as everything else goes.

A whole new world to inject with my personal brand of fail. Yeah, that oughta be a lot of fun. You all can experience the hell that is my mundanity (it's a word now, it's happening), same way all of my social justice warrior friends at home have done. Aren't you a lucky city, Angel Grove? I feel like I should throw myself an ironic parade instead of announcing the glory of my presence has arrived. I don't know, does this world have those foam fingers I could wear as I'm driven through main street, smell of horse shit fresh in the air from the group a couple floats ahead of me? Maybe all of you should actually get on that. Welcome me and love me as the ascended being from another world of shitty dives and decent upscale cafes I am.

All bullshit aside, I've had worse in the way of living situations than this, I guess. Probably a lot worse if you count the condemned House of Bros I got myself stuck in in my last year of college, and you can call me R. That's aire to all of you non French speakers out there, because yes, I'm coming at you straight from the glittering metropolitan, bourgeois ridden, shitty king (but decent guy besides the throne, I've gotta say. I'd hang out with him at a barbecue or something)ruled hell of modern Paris.

Properly, I'm Grantaire, but I've never done well with propriety honestly, since it seems to mean sitting down and shutting up and pretending that I'm not as think as people drunk I am. All of which is pretty hard to do on any kind of normal basis, so I go with R. Grantaire. Full of Grand Air, I don't have such Grand Hair, my existence in this world is ultimately some kind of Grand Error I'm way too lazy to bother changing now.

I like pina coladas, brandy, absinthe, wine that doesn't come in boxes or with screwtop lids, food, and generally being a nihilistic pain in someone's ass. Maybe I could be yours. I do come in models preferable for both men and women, though I've been laying off the ladies these days, really.

Actually, there is something that all of you here can do for me. What's your favorite place to eat, your favorite bar, and favorite clubs? Let's just say I've got reasons, and I'll leave you with that thought.

Okay... so I got recognized today.... did I really miss the memo that I'm fictional?

The renovations are finally done at Croft Manor. It's amazing to be able to live here again... grounds are just as insane as I remember, and that assault course is going to get so much use.

Sam, live with me? There's a pool!

Well, now that Sam's finally let me go... twelve days is the longest you've kept me tied up, Sam, honestly.

I'm now Doctor Lara Croft. Somewhere, I know that my father is so proud of me... and Roth is too.

For someone who is titled the Sun Queen, you think I'd learn about sun screen.

I look like a boiled lobster.

I think now's as good a time as any to practise my archery.

Anyone want to join me? I could do with the company. Means I don't end up thinking about what happened on Yamatai

I need to find something to pass my time, maybe a hobby. I could pick up reading, a good book is always nice.

So.... what just happened? I was at the precinct... Sister Peg What is this thing? Is... Where's Elliot? Is there anyone out there?

I think it's time I finished off my doctorate. Dr Croft sounds far more impressive than just Miss Croft, don't you think?

I wonder if they'd accept a paper on the insanity that was Yamatai...

WHAT? In the name of ISIS, what?

Aida?! Aida, where ARE you??