Angel Grove Net

[Sent around June 5th]

Well now, sexy. I hope you didn't think I had forgotten what day it was. Or what it means. In fact? I'd say you're most definitely due for some hot birthday sex. All day long. Trust me, we're going to be doing everrrrything.

Shopping for wedding tuxes.... it's exhausting. I want to be Maxxie's husband, but I don't see why I have to look like a Muggle to do it.

Tuxes are just so uncomfortable.

It feels nice to be able to turn down dates because I am engaged. This Muggle world isn't so bad after all.

So I am reading Cursed Child and despite the fact I have read better fanfiction my son is definitely gay. He and Albus, just, wow.

Even though I would never have been with Astoria, I am still proud to be Scorpius' father.

Well I have an announcement. I am going to be married to Maxxie Oliver. I can't....

I can't believe that this amazing person agreed to be my husband.

Okay... I have the flu! I have a Muggle cold. I don't know how I feel about this. I guess maybe it's a illness, not a cold. I still feel atrocious.

Anyone willing to go out and bring me some soup? I'll owe you one.

I've never heard of Angel Grove before. From Lima, Ohio to wherever this place is. Weird.

Hey, babe.... please tell me you're okay. I heard there was something going on.

Um.... Loony told me I have a son..... I can't even fathom that... it's not that I don't want kids...

I just, I have a boyfriend. And no plans to ever be with a girl. It's... I'm freaking out.

Oh.

I wonder if this means I will never find the match to all of my earrings.

I really need to wear a sign that says I'm taken because I got hit on like six times today. Which normally wouldn't make me angry but I DO have Maxxie.

Maxxie

Maybe I should get your name tattooed on me. What do you think?

It's kind of funny when someone asks you who you are and you say Draco Malfoy and they tell you you can't be because you look nothing like him.

Why would I lie about that for one, and two, how do they know that I don't look anything like Draco Malfoy? I AM DRACO MALFOY.

Bloody hell, you'd think people had never had bad dreams before, Merlin's beard.

I am looking up fanfiction because I'm off work and I have nothing to do. I happen to think Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are in love. I don't know, they're super close for people who haven't slept together. Plus, they used to be roommates.

But blast, people's kink that they write, it's disturbing. SO VERY DISTURBING.

I am most grateful my parents are not here, I do not have to worry about what they would say about my life.

So, I am a lucky bastard. Getting laid on the regular is SO much less stressful than being celibate.

Hey, it's been a while since we met last. Want to hook up at my place again? You, me, a bed, and clothing absent? Could even come over right now if you want. :)

Hey. So, I was thinking, we should totally hook up.

Hey, Draco? Good news. I found a nightclub over here [address]. Want to go check it out tonight, have some fun? And maybe have even more fun at my apartment

Also. My birthday is on Saturday. This should be celebrated in some fashion or other. Something fun. Oh, and lots of dessert. Can't promise some it won't also get on me, but that might be part of the fun. ;)

Bloody hell, what is this? What is going on?