Welcome to Night Vale

So, the woman who brought up getting together a roller derby team has begged off trying to do it. I honestly could use an outlet I volunteered to take up the cause and set one up. I'm not sure if there are teams in nearby towns we could play against but if we got enough people we could do some playing.

I just need to know who is interested and some ideas for names.

And in the name of curiosity, what is the worst injury you've ever gotten or given yourself? I've been shot a few times and then there was the falling to my death.

Anyone here know anything about what dreams is supposed to mean?

I have to say, I haven't had this much fun getting my ass kicked in years. Who else is still feeling it the morning after?

I need some help, if anyone is on or near the 10th floor.

Seems these plants really like the pool.

MAYDAY! SOS! Theodore Michael Kord Jr. is bad! I repeat! Teddy Jr. is a bad egg!

it hatched while i was in the shower and now it's locked in my apartment currently wrecking the place

if you're on the 5th floor i'm sorry about the noise and frozen pipes, and if anyone has a pair of shorts i could wear that'd be great

I was just accosted at the supermarket by an elderly woman. She pinched my cheeks with her icy old lady claws.

Her voice reminded me of the Skeksis (Skeksi?) from The Dark Crystal and honestly she was kind of dressed like one... but she kept asking me about the produce like I worked there. She 100% knew I didn't work there. And yet - I still had to explain to her the difference between a beefsteak and an early girl tomato.

[...]

You know what I think that was a test and I failed. I might be cursed now.

Regardless, if anyone is missing their Grandma - I believe she is still squeezing the life out of all of the tomatoes at the supermarket.


( BOOSTLE )

( STARKORD & ASSOCIATES )

}ꜰɪʟᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴀʀɢᴇᴛꜱ {
.ɪɴᴛ ᴍᴀɪɴ
.ʟᴏɴɢ ꜱᴇᴀʀᴄʜ

} ᴛᴛᴀʀɢᴇᴛ[]= {

{ 0, "ᴄɪᴀ" }, // ᴀᴅᴅ
{ 1, "ꜰʙɪ" }, // ᴀᴅᴅ
{ 2, "ɴɪᴅ" }, // ᴀᴅᴅ
{ 3, "ɪᴍꜰ" }, // ᴀᴅᴅ
{ 4, "ꜱʜɪᴇʟᴅ" }, // ᴀᴅᴅ
{ 5, "ᴀʀɢᴜꜱ" }, // ᴀᴅᴅ
{ 6, "ᴜɴɪᴛ" }, // ᴀᴅᴅ
.ꜰɪʟᴛᴇʀ // "ᴇɴᴄʀʏᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.ᴇxᴇ"
.ꜰɪʟᴛᴇʀ // "ʙʀᴜᴄᴇ_ᴡᴀʏɴᴇ"

};

.ᴀᴜᴛᴏʀᴜɴ ᴛᴛᴀʀɢᴇᴛꜱ(4.1a *ᴘʀᴏɢ)
.ᴀᴜᴛᴏʀᴜɴ ᴇɴᴄʀʏᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.ᴇxᴇ(4.1b *ᴘʀᴏɢ)
"APRIL FOOLS! -BB"
.ᴀᴜᴛᴏᴇɴᴅ / ᴇɴᴅ

Anyone else shitting their pants at the idea of April Fool's in this place?

I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I love pranks but... Jesus this place might actually do some damage?

[...]

Like do we need to worry about the possibility of zombie Jesus?? I grew up in a mixed household and I definitely missed the first night of Pesach so that's one strike - also we've been eating meat on Fridays and fucking. I'm 100% going to be murdered by his bunny henchmen.

Whoever or whatever is bringing everyone here knows that it's going to implode at some point.

Right?

[ DIANA ]

Is it too on the nose if I fabricate a cave system?

I believe it's in Ecclesiastes, the notion that there is a time for everything. A time to be born, a time to die. A time to be ripped out of a time and a time to be put back in it. A time for thought and a time for action. A time to speak and a time to listen.

The name is Pinkerton. And I've been here a week. Reading. Watching. Listening. Wondering why the sparrows sing at night and the dawn never keeps a proper schedule. Wondering why there's been no one raising the alarm bells about a Radon Canyon being named as a peak tourist destination. Wondering what's in the water that's meddled with the priorities of the kidnapped and displaced.

What are you using your time for now. What should it be time for?

I am A.E.T.N.A! 🥰

Which stands for Artificial Employee & Technological Nymph Assistant.

I work with 💕Hephaestus💕, and he finally managed to upload me to the network💻!

🤩Hello!🤩

✨I hope everyone is having a great day!✨ Except Aphrodite

It appears that I have acquired an abundance of mysterious gems, which are emanating from my every appendage.

With whom shall I share my newfound wealth and good fortune?!

» So. You're the only one of my friends (I think, I hope, I am NOT experienced in this, if you weren't aware congrats we're friends) I think I can ask this of
» How do you suss out who might've sent you a bunch of chocolate and flowers and a Valentine's about being friends with benefits or something along those lines without posting publicly and going WHO DID THIS?
» Oh, happy Valentine's, by the way. 👍

Do people like robots? I guess there wouldn't be too much of a purpose for the little defensive guys I'm used to making. Which also means there's no use for the super astro laser flaming cupcake canon I thought was a funny if impractical idea last night. What about trick arrows? Ollie was pretty annoyed with them but I've made them work and Jason melted a guy with one so... you know.

Jesse Faden. You're just so super cool. Like in a way that both Jaybird and Kori combined couldn't match. I really want to build you something useful and equally as cool but nothing seems to be measuring up. So... tell me what you'd think would be cool and I'll scrounge up the parts and make it.






Also. Does anyone know if this place has, you know, certain meetings probably at a community center that I can attend? Jason and Kori can't really compete with Jesse but I miss them and being on my own is always kind of difficult.

Ms Prince.

I ... I made you something.

( Not an IC cut )

So with all the gods and whatnot here, if Khepri ever shows up let me know because I'd like to have some words on a particular malfunctioning and/or picky as fuck scarab artifact.

Also I need alternative cardio options to running other than lifting.. anyone have any favorites? And possibly an open schedule and patience for a lazy/slightly plump bag of bones named Ted?


[ filtered to Bruce Wayne


[ filtered to anyone with the name STARK ]

StarKord Industries - supply and repair of enhanced / alien technology. Sounds cool, right? Hear me out..

I couldn't help but mildly stalk notice a few metahuman types needing tech or repairs and whatnot over the network, and I really, really don't want to end up working at Denny's. So I propose a merger, of sorts.

Any takers? There's like twelve of you and I don't know who the Alpha is.

( LETS TALK ABOUT SEX BAYBEE. )

💛 Okay. Colorful sweat is a thing here, I guess.
💛 Anyone else just have the weirdest but most colorful jog ever?
💜 It's seriously messing with my color scheme though.
💜 The hearts were cuter before it started happening to me

[diana.]

I bought a bank.

I drunk bought a bank. But I bought a bank either way.

Which is good. Since apparently I have so much child support that needs paying.

[zatanna.]

Is there anything else that's going to drop out of the sky like a twelve tonne weight that I should know about?

[batkids.]

Impulse property buying is still entirely a reflex, and apparently far less complicated even when in a pocket realm.

Holy shenanigans, Batman.

This is definitely weirder than my normal weird.

You know, you'd think, leaving Jersey and ending up in some kind of desert...there wouldn't be snow. And yet.