Welcome to Night Vale

Okay, I'm calling it.

One of these snakes is most definitely a boy, and now I have absolutely got an egg situation. Curse you, St Patrick. On the flip side, tiny little baby snakes? My inner child is squeeing.

As impending grandmother-hood looms on my 20-something ass, I'm looking for a sparring partner. My condition is that you must be invulnerable, and I'm not talking 'oh, I can take a hit', I mean in-fucking-vulnerable. I can throw a tank to the god-damned moon, I don't need the guilt of punching your face through your skull and the healers not being able to fix it.

Hit me up; 1-800-AMERICA-KICKED-MY-ASS (don't dial that, i have no idea what weird kinky line you'll end up on here).

Honestly glad that fear bullshit skipped me over

I finally tried Taco Bell. It's terrible and also I want ten more tacos. What the fuck?

Also I'm married now which...what the fuck?

quistis.

Thanks for all your help with everything. I really couldn't have done any of that without you.

jupeter.

So, Mr. Steel, how are you liking this whole being hitched thing?

This place does baffle me at times with its choices.

meg.

The house is here, in the Dog Park. It just sort of sprung up around the Styx pool. I hadn't realized quite how much I missed it...funny, considering how often I tried to leave. Cerberus is certainly pleased.

Would you want to stay there with me?

mother.

The House of Hades is in the Dog Park now. I know it's now what you're familiar with, but I wanted to invite you to stay visit whenever you like. There's a garden. I thought you might like it.

hecate.

My home has arrived here. If you wanted, you would be welcome there whenever you wish.

Right. Yeah. Time pockets. Shouldn't really be surprised to see things from my world turn up, since I'm one of those things, but having to pay for it seems a bit rude.

That is to say: has anyone else found something of theirs on display at the fair? Might want to check out the stalls if you haven't. I'd love hate for this to turn into an episode of Antiques Roadshow. You'd be surprised what people think their heirlooms are worth. At least Aziraphale's books aren't here Then he'd really materialise just to set fire to the place [...] Now I'm annoyed

It would seem Achilles has been reunited with Patroclus.

I'm glad for him. I know being parted was never what he wished for.

meg.

I miss people when they leave, but I'm glad to have you with me. I don't know what I'd do if you left.

Would you like to go get ice cream? That's a thing people do, right? With...people they care about.

mom.

How did you know what you were the god of? It seems to come so easily to everyone else.

hecate.

You were close with my father, yes? And you understand the Underworld better than most?

So... this is the afterlife, huh? I was expecting something a little less desert-y.

Well, good to know things back home are still a mess.

jupeter.

Don't panic.

mick.

So I ran into Sasha again.

steel and miller investigations.

Won't be in today. Got shot.

linda.

Could we possibly reschedule our session?

✉️ I need advice

✉️ Thanatos left so I cannot ask him
✉️ What would you recommend as a good excursion to make someone feel better
✉️ Zagreus says just having my company is fine
✉️ but I know he wouldn't mind more

✉️ You're the only one I know to ask

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Dog Park.

I feel like I'm going to hurt something if I

I've tried at least several teleportation spells and just keep ending up in different locations around here.

So I guess I'm stuck.

In the desert. We're positive this isn't a circle of Hell, right?

I might as well introduce myself, then. I'm Sabrina Spellman.

Am I terrible person for thinking when I found my egg "Ooh, I wonder if this will make a good omelet"?

Because it's pretty big. I bet I could get two or three omelets out of it.

But also, knowing this place, if I make it an omelet I bet it'll turn me into like, a giant dragon chicken or something.

Things seem to be warming up nicely. I've never much liked the cold. Perhaps that's mother's influence.

I feel like I'm constantly discovering new things about the mortal world. It's fascinating. I keep almost expecting it to end, the way it did back home. Having time is a novel thing.

mother.

So, the start of spring is soon. With that being your domain, is there anything you'd like to do? I'll admit I'm not really accustomed to spring festivities, so asking you seemed best.

mal & father.

Spring begins soon, and I was thinking we could do something nice for mother. I mean...I know she isn't your mother, Mal, but I still thought you might want to be involved. You're family after all.

hephaestus.

So...you're my cousin, right? Honestly, keeping track of our family is very confusing.

....no. I look like Iris.

Ha. This is actually a funny joke. Patroclus would have had a laugh at it too, at the thought that my weaknesses is the shoes.

We sure this Percy-the-talking-dog is just a regular (talking) dog and not one of our residents who's been turned into a dog? Only a) I know for a fact that happens, and b) pretty sure I met a Percy who doesn't seem to take kindly to anyone's authority but his own, so...

( Texts accidentally sent to Megaera )

What the... fuck.

The case of the missing shadow

Joe Miller / Megaera
"working the case"

Big Rico's Pizzeria | Low

( Read more... )

Once when we were younger men, Patroclus was wounded during training and I bandaged his leg and did such a poor job that it wouldn't stay up. The linens were slipping down his leg every other step, but he didn't want anyone else to affix them, even though anyone could have done a better job. I am no healer, never have I been.

Maybe it was because he knew I would have to fix them every few minutes, that he insisted it be me. He might have been testing to see how many times I would do it. He would say, "Achilles, it's fallen again" and each time I would try to fix them better but again they would fall. And he laughed. He could have done it himself, even, and done better. Maybe he thought he was torturing me and at the time maybe I thought that he was.

What I wouldn't give to fix that bandage again.

Forgive me for rambling. I am in my cups tonight.

Great. This is great.

Okay, I've gotta ask with all of the llamas running around...no one's seen a woman named Yzma, have they? Tall, really wrinkly, wears a lot of purple, like almost more than I do? Turning people into animals, especially llamas is kinda her thing.

...Or it could totally be her son, Zevon. He's a bit of a jerk like that.

She has a daughter, Yzla, but last I heard from her, she was trying to do the whole good guy thing.

Anyway...just a though.