Welcome to Night Vale

We've had a tiny spike in reports lately, I'm not sure if activity is picking up or if it's because we're actually working where the local officers aren't...

So, assignments. There's some vandalism reports from around Arby's, cars broken into and some spray-painting; Decker, can you take Dune to check them out? Cobb, Mando, you guys have got the mystery of a missing garage. As in, the complainant had a garage attached to their house, and now they do not.

Daisy, you and me are pulling Naked Erika and Screaming Joe duty this week.

Alexis, can you make sure all Cara's paperwork for employment is up to date?

[ Carter ]

Are you working on something with this guy you're asking about or is this more of the weirdness going on a hobby?

Question for those magically inclined like me, would any of you maybe be interested in taking on a student or protégé? Doesn't have to be a full-time commitment, I know a pretty good deal of magic on my own, I've just...never had any formal training so a lot of my magic has been mostly just dumb luck or guesswork on my part. I'm pretty naturally talented on my own, which I guess is the perks of having a fairy and a god for parents but I wouldn't mind having an actual teacher.

I'm a pretty quick study when it comes to magic. I know most basic spells, and I can turn into a dragon. But I wouldn't mind learning some more complicated things.

I can definitely pay, too, so no one's just giving away their services for free.

Not to alarm anyone, but should we perhaps collectively talk about the fact that nothing seems to be casting a shadow, today?

[ FILTERED » EMMA SWAN ]

Hi, I'm Ella Lopez. Chloe suggested I reach out to you about the police department's possible need for a forensic technician. Any chance you're looking for one?

💚 Glad to see everyone is back to being themselves. It was weird seeing llamas just wandering around town, but I appreciate that all you seemed to be mostly responsible during your llamageddon.

💛 Wait.
💛 What's with the heart?
💛 Is this just a thing now??

Okay, I've gotta ask with all of the llamas running around...no one's seen a woman named Yzma, have they? Tall, really wrinkly, wears a lot of purple, like almost more than I do? Turning people into animals, especially llamas is kinda her thing.

...Or it could totally be her son, Zevon. He's a bit of a jerk like that.

She has a daughter, Yzla, but last I heard from her, she was trying to do the whole good guy thing.

Anyway...just a though.

This week has certainly taken a wild turn. I know some of you are quite altruistic with your abilities and willing to help those who've been llamafied but... Perhaps messing with Night Vale's magic right away isn't particularly smart?

I feel like someone should start a Night Vale weirdness Bingo card. Something to make it all fun. Check off throat spiders, killer librarians, Batman glow clouds, and freak blizzard.

[...]

And add a random llama walking down main street to that.. Never stop being the fever dream that you are, Night Vale.

Emma. Chloe. Ladies Night. Recurring. Thoughts?



[ PRIVATE TO DANIEL LE DOMAS ]

MY BOSS IS MOTHERFUCKIN' BATMAN

Who do I talk to about a possible job at the Sheriff's Office?

Daniel + Daisy

Did I see that the two of you were dating?

[ MANDO ]

How's the kid like the snow?

Also, has he eaten your place dry yet or still working on it?

[ NIGHT VALE PD FILTER ]

Ladies if you're wondering why the cruiser is missing the front end......

[...]

In my defense the vehicles I'm used to driving don't actually touch the ground.

Does this place have any other festivals or that sort of thing, coming up? I mean since we're all about done with Christmas.


[emma swan]

I don't mean to be a bother, none.
But if it ain't much trouble, would it be all right if I came down and seen your pirate ship?

This might be an incredibly weird question (though really, considering where we are maybe it's not)... but is anyone missing what I can only assume is a pirate ship? It's just sitting out there in the middle of nothing to the north of town.

[archive squad + georgie]

Some of my things from home seem to have appeared. Have any of you had this happen?

Has anyone successfully managed to talk to the Angels?

Rose

How are you settling in?

The thought of two colleagues coming to the New Year's Eve party dressed like Harry and Lloyd has made me realize not everyone has the money for nice evening wear. And furthermore, not everyone can simply transfigure something up on a whim.

Allow a bit of magic to dress you for the night, Night Vale. Let me know what color you'd like, accessories, any specifics or if you'd rather be surprised - and I guarantee the perfect fit.

There's no catch. Everyone deserves to have a good time and ring in the New Year looking their best. And I promise the clothing won't turn into rags at midnight..


[ FILTERED TO MAGIC USERS ]

Any additional help would be greatly appreciated if you're able? Let others know if you're able to, as well. Especially since I'm almost positive some will be wary of a stranger.

[ooc: if you want a specific outfit for anyone to give, be sure to dropbox or discord!]

Okay so I know the festive period is real good for that flowing alcohol and reducing inhibitions, but can you guys please make it back to wherever you're staying rather than sleeping on the sidewalk? I mean, I'm grateful we're getting a break from 'that angel is at it again' and what have you, but guys, c'mon, we're all adults.

Keep your clothes on, your horrors contained and maybe don't barf on or near little ladies at the bus stop? They get super annoyed about that stuff.

[POLICE DEPARTMENT]

I'm thinking two of us need to work New Years night, and two of us get the day shift following it. Not to bust chops or anything, just to make sure all the lightweights get their asses home safely.

I'm okay working New Years night, probably be handy if anyone gets seriously out of hand and need a little magical perk before they murder themselves with alcohol. We'll make sure there's plenty of coffee for the day shift?

Pick your poison guys.

I'm still not completely sure what's going on, but it seems this is a good way to reach out to others who may not belong here. I'm Detective Chloe Decker with the LAPD, though I don't think that fact is going to do me any good.

I never thought there'd be anything weirder than breaking up a fight between Grumpy and Dr Frankenstein, but honestly, if I have to go see that naked angel just one more time, I'm gonna scream.

Who knew that this was what law enforcement in Night Vale included?

[Daisy]
I'm on a coffee run, I need a break. You want anything?

[Grace]
How's the adjustment period going?

» Hey so the hand is great, can’t thank you enough
» But do you by any chance have any kind of witchy magical remedy for anxiety?
» Daniel is being, well, Daniel and I sort of just threatened a Norse God.

» I’m pretty sure if Satan himself showed up I would tell him to get bent right now.
» And apparently in this place that’s an actual possibility and I’d rather not die?

These handheld devices that we have been provided with are exceptionally fragile.

I broke the first, cracked the second, and now I am on my third.

I do not know if this one will fair any better.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS FUCKING PLACE?

THERE IS A HOLE IN MY FUCKING HAND I NEED A FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU DICKBAGS