Portland Net

We need to talk.

What's it like having a home?

Doctor

Did you see that other Time Lord yet?

What joy it is to find yourself waking up out of nowhere in a hospital only to be patronised and find yourself on Earth of all places.

I might as well get the introductions over with. My name is Narvinectralonum, Narvin for short and I'll be a new... 'guest' of Portland. I am so very delighted to be here, I couldn't tell you.

Doctor

Strange question. What ended up happening to Harriet Jones?

Damon

You've mentioned a few times that you remembered a lot of things from home after you'd already been here for a while. How does that work, exactly?

Non-Whoniverse

I need a drink. Probably several. Anyone wants to join me I'll be at the Bar Fly.

[Private to the Doctor]

Congrats on the engagement. While I know all about wanting time to myself, I really think it might be a good idea to reach out to Martha and Amy. They didn't take the news as badly as Rose did, but they're feeling pretty ignored by you lately (and rightly so).

So here's me trying to be the mediator. God help us all! Any chance I could interest you and Clara in coming over some night to the house? Dinner, movie, games, I don't know... whatever. You know I've always got your back, but the same goes for the girls too. I think of you all as family. And I really don't want to get into the middle of whatever the problem is.

And in case you didn't know, Rose is gone. She disappeared not long after finding out you were getting married. It's probably for the best.

Let me know, okay?

Thanksgiving is great. What's next?

American holidays can certainly put things into perspective. Never thought I'd admit to that.

Private to the Doctor
Hello, you. I was wondering if we could talk. It's alright if you don't want to. I understand.

Happy Birthday Clara! This year has been quite the most wonderful, strange and delightful of my exceedingly long life and most of that is down to sharing it with you. Have the most amazing day, my Impossible Clara. You deserve the very best of everything. Always.

Who the fuck has my body?

Are you all alright? After... well... everything?

Somebody wake me up when this zombie hell is over with.

>> electricity stopped + elevator wont go down anymore 3rd floor [address] zombies in stairs!! :(

We should get into the TARDIS and try to help anyone who might be stranded on rooftops or something. What do you think?

Gwen's gone...

What's pole dancing?

The three of us should go and do something fun.

Is the arguing over now?

It turns out you get a very funny look when you buy 12 big boxes of toothpicks at Wal-mart three minutes before they close. I'm not sure whether it was the time or the amount, though.

I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you all. I'm sorry I can't be The Doctor you all want me to be, but there just isn't enough of me to be everyone all at once.

Which means all I can be, right now, is me. Accept that or don't, it's your choice. I'd obviously love it if you want to be with this Doctor, but Portland has changed me immeasurably and I can't live up to all your expectations.

So, I have decided to move out. Clara's coming with me and you're all incredibly welcome to visit us and the TARDIS any time you'd like. I think it's for the best, but I love you all.

Private to River

I love you.

And we aren't about to be attacked by an invasion of monsters, so I'm not saying it because of that. And if you need me to come over, I will. I don't mind seeing you naked anyway. :)

Private to Enzo

So, the whole naked hide and seek thing didn't really pan out, because apparently we all have a lot of feelings around here. However, I wouldn't be opposed to seeing you if that's something you might be interested in?

Added later...
Private to the Doctor and Clara

I think you both owe River an apology. I don't care who was right or who was wrong, but no one here is going to treat my daughter like she's the bad guy in this situation. Because she isn't.

No one cares if you're shagging or whatever the hell you're doing. But someone's got to make you realize how much you're hurting people.

Now that everyone's done with the freak-out can we all just say skin is skin, and we move on with living life? I promise to put down towels wherever I sit, and occasionally cover up, so long as everyone else does.