Portland Net

I've pulled two interesting looking files from the death reports.

1/ Guy found dead on New Years Eve. ID says he's 28 years old, Shaun Daniel Douglas from Michigan. Forensics says no obvious cause of death but time of death at least two days prior, maybe more since decomp would be retarded in the cold. Low levels of alcohol, no recreational drugs, no obvious signs of trauma, no damage to heart or brain to suggest heart attack or stroke. Funny thing is, he checked into his hotel 4.15pm December 30 and one of the desk clerks thinks she saw him leaving the building the next morning.

2/ Woman found in an alley yesterday torn to pieces. Possible wild animal attack, but that far into an urban area seems a little suspicious. Coroners found high levels of drugs and alcohol in her system which would account for cause of death if the physical trauma didn't, but they say T.O.D and the time of the physical attack were pretty similar and won't say for sure whether it was pre or post mortem. They found animal hair at the scene that's still being analysed and they've got casts of the teeth and claws that suggest something like a wolf. No ID on the woman yet.

So we have one complete mystery and one possible wolf, possible werewolf, that may or may not be responsible for this woman's death but definitely got a meal out of it. Any takers? If no one claims it I'll take the wolf one. I'm familiar with wolves.

Has anyone seen any remains or leftovers from the carnival since since it disappeared? I'm going to guess no.

You know, being practically 2,000 years old, the concept of New Years still goes over my head.

However, I can't say it doesn't sound appealing.

So, where does a girl ring in the new year in Portland? Does the ball drop here too?

I guess it doesn't matter where I end up. Can't seem to catch a break.

Like some of my colleagues have already warned, be careful if you're headed into the carnival to rescue someone. They don't take kindly to being made to leave and in many cases, they will fight back. If you're not going to request help from the police or the FBI, do not approach without having back up. We've managed to forcibly remove a few parties at the requests of their families, but keeping the affected parties from returning is proving difficult. They're like a bunch of bloody addicts!

And keep your damn kids away from that Santa grotto! Can't believe I even need to say that!



Private to Police Types
What the bloody hell is that blasted thing? I'm guessing some kind of wormhole related problem they warned me about? Any damage to the Carnival seems to repair itself. The carnies themselves can't even be killed! I shot one trying to get someone's son out of there and the thing didn't so much as blink.

I'm way out of my league here. Any suggestions? We can't shut it down and some people aren't being smart enough to stay away from it.

We're starting to get reports of people going missing after going looking for people who'd gone missing. If you're trying to locate or rescue someone within the carnival, be careful. Most of the outside areas sound slightly safer as long as you don't interact with anything, but I'd advise staying out of any tents or buildings. Something inside the damn thing seems to recognise intent and isn't too fond of rescue parties. Call the cops or the FBI, or if you think you can handle it on your own at least make sure people know where you're going.

Got a report of an incident from the local High School this morning. Seems one of the students can make tornadoes and caused a lot of damage inside of her classroom. No serious injuries, but someone needs to find this kid and talk to her. Name is Lena Duchannes... last seen leaving the school.

Anyone know her? She here via wormhole, or is she a local? Sheriff Swan, it's your call... We handling this matter? Or do we forward it over to the FBI and their freaky weirdo Metaphysical Division?

Some weird and crazy stuff? Must just be another day that ends in Y.

Remember to watch out for Krampus tonight.


ETA:
On the slim chance that Krampus actually exists here, to my knowledge he stopped kidnapping kids a couple of centuries ago. You'll be fine. But if you do see anything that scares you, call the cops and we'll sort it right out.

I need to get home. No matter how far I get I still end up in the hospital with that infernal demon!

Ah, and what a lovely Thanksgiving this will be. I'm most thankful for my dark queen. Tell me, Portland, what are you most thankful for?

I hate it here. I hate what my life has become in a matter of days. What am I supposed to do? How can I even think of just starting over? I was engaged but none of that matters without Louis here. Or Chuck. Or my family. I don't have anything but Serena. Does she even understand? How do I even talk to her about this? I miss New York. I miss home. I miss my old life.

How do you all even live like this?

Private to Serena
Can you just smother me in my sleep and be done with me?

Don't forget to be on the lookout for evil elves.

I think I took a wrong turn somehow somewhere. Or the elders someone has a very twisted sense of humor by making me deal with that Holly woman and not even make her real.

Maybe I wrote the spell wrong and somehow came here but where is Leo?

I know everybody's a little freaked out right now but I'm here to tell you, don't worry. Body swap episodes never last longer than an episode. We're talking maybe ten more days tops give or take. Trust me, I've watched enough television to know. And before any of you sassy pants I worship you Ed get on my case I just want to point out one thing.

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE ZOMBIES

That is all.

I just want to introduce myself to those here working for either law enforcement or other detective agencies. I'm Laurel Lance and I am the district attorney for Portland. Please feel free to use me as a resource as I will be more than happy to assist in any and all illegal activities that need to be brought before a judge.

ATTENTION DETECTIVES HARDY, WESTON, BURKHARDT, AND DAL:


The only bloody explanation I'm getting from anyone is that this is caused by the wormhole. On a normal day, I wouldn't believe it for a second and would think you were too drunk to think of a decent excuse to skive off from work. However, this place isn't exactly normal... now is it?

Burkhardt, I already know you're currently a girl. What about the rest of you lot? Anyone else swap bodies with someone else? If so, let me know ASAP and I'll handle things with the Super. If he asks, you'll be ill or undercover on assignment. If you want to work anyways (which I'd prefer), then we'll come up with something.

Clearly this latest snafu caused by the wormhole has caused a lot of confusion. I was thinking that we could use either this posting or a different posting so those who are still looking for their bodies could get in touch with the individuals who are inhabiting them.

More importantly, please remember - and I cannot emphasize this enough - if anyone has an outstanding medical condition or oddity that the person currently inhabiting your body will need to deal with, be certain to tell them! I realize this might be... awkward, but if it can keep either your body healthy for the time when you will re-inhabit it, I believe it is worth trusting the other party.

Also, if anyone who has not been bodyswapped could please let me know who you are, I'd appreciate it... Trying to figure out if I'm the only one...

Coulson? May? Skye?

And here I thought nothing could surprise me anymore.

So. Alternate reality, wormholes, zombies. Am I missing anything else?