Portland Net

omg... it's the apocalypse. I knew it! Britney and I knew it! We predicted it! I mean, yeah, it was a little while ago, but it's still happening! And it's happening now! Omg, are we all dead? Omg, is this heaven or is this hell? Or... maybe it's just Hotel California.

...


Uhm... I just totally tried to start singing Hotel California in the middle of the hospital, you know, like normal. And people just stared at me weirdly, didn't want to join in and there was no musical accompaniment. THIS IS DEFINITELY HELL.


I will say one thing though... that Holly is a good kisser.

Wow, okay. This isn't real, right? This has to be some kind of crazy dream.

Wow. People can really surprise you sometimes. Even when you have no expectations to begin with. It's good to know that there are still surprises in the world. Speaking of surprises I got my college apps done, so I'm just waiting on replies. I realize it will be awhile though so I am going to do my best not to stress myself out in the meantime.

Private to Rachel

Please do not think that this is in any way to cause problems, because it's not. I just want you to know that Finn's forbidden me to speak to you. I of course told him you were a grown woman.

TEXT MESSAGES TO KURT HUMMEL:

» Hey ♥
» Miss you :(
» Attachment: missyou.jpg
» I know I made you breakfast and we woke up together but I still miss you!

» Hope you're having fun at work~

» So I'm out shopping for some new shirts and "Blackbird" came on while I'm in Old Navy
» When you sang that, I realized I was in love with you. xoxo

» omg you must be SUPER busy
» I was thinking about making salmon for dinner tomorrow

» Which reminds me - how do you feel about salmon? (the color NOT the food)

» Hey did you know about Santana and Quinn??

Blaine and I were planning on having a long engagement with some fabulous wedding in New York City, but those plans were obviously torpedoed. It isn't even legal for us to get married in this state, which is disgusting. You're behind the times, Oregon. It's 2014.

But, if we have a ceremony out of state and come back here, they have to recognize it. If we wait until we go home (if we ever go home), my brother won't be able to attend, so we decided we wanted to get married sooner rather than later. We're still not set on the details, but we've decided that that's what we want.

Gay wedding on the horizon, people. May you never see anything more stylish or beautiful.

I'll never get used to this.

[Private to Berry and Lady Hummel]

Listen up, slaves, I'm in charge all weekend and you know what that means? You bitches better not even think about being late.

[Private to Q]

Wanna come hang out at the bar since I'm stuck there all weekend?

Okay, so I know this is gonna be weird to say, but...you guys need to stay away from anyone named Winchester, and this freaky looking guy who always wears a trench coat.

Just trust me on this.

I am so over spiraling into the depths of depression. It's making me break out like crazy. I need to drastically lower my stress levels before I develop a hernia.

I've decided that we're hosting a MOVIE NIGHT! The local big box store that must not be named to allay my guilt at shopping at such a cesspool of human rights violations was having a sale on classic musicals. We're talking Funny Girl, Singing in the Rain, My Fair Lady, and the DVD of the 10th anniversary dream cast of Les Mis. All day Sunday. Hors d'oeuvres, pizza and dessert are on me for anyone who wants to come.

Private to Finn
I'm sorry. I feel so foolish. And now I feel even more foolish because instead of coming to you and telling you this face to face, I'm messaging you. But, I am, Finn. I'm so sorry. These past few days have been wasted and I should have been with you.

Private to Kurt
Hey, you.

Private to Santana and Quinn
Would it be too much to ask if we could possibly have a girls night and catch up?

It's official! I now have my GED. It's not quite what my dad wanted for me, which was a diploma from Dalton Academy, but it's not exactly like I'm going to Harvard like he wanted either.

And I'm not going to New York, either. Portland Community College doesn't exactly have the theatre program I was looking for, but if I'm going to be stuck in an alternate universe and unable to leave Portland for more than 24 hours I can't be all that choosy. I think Holly Hologram is pulling some strings behind the scenes but I'm not complaining about being able to transfer in mid-semester.

FILTERED TO KURT, RACHEL, FINN, SANTANA, QUINN, + JESSE :

I need your help. I have a regular customer at the Half Pint who always tips well so I sing to him. He works at a nursing home and thinks it would be a good idea to bring in some entertainment on weekends to all the elderly people who need some music to brighten their day. It's paid, but it's only going to be like... enough to go to Panera or something.

Given that I have the most nursing home experience I put together a set list of songs that old people like, and I'd love to be able to bring in a group of people instead of just going it solo. Come on, it will be fun.

FILTERED TO RACHEL:

Rachel you should be living with us. :(

Is it the Finn thing? Is it too freaky? I get it if it's too freaky.

Finn, Blaine & Santana ETA & Quinn:

All right, so I promise to stop obsessively rearranging everything. And I'm sorry for keeping you up last night because I was yelling at Blaine about the feng shui in our room. And I'll stop setting all the alarms in the entire house for 14 and 28 past every hour, I know that's getting annoying.

But so help me if any of you mess up the way I have the kitchen organized I will cut you.

Finn:

So. Um

I still don't want to talk about it. I love you, and I try to think about the day you died as little as humanly possible. But it happened, it was horrible of me to lie about it, and I owe you a better apology than what you got. I was trying not to make my problem your problem, and got a little carried away with... controlling everyone else in the house, which is shockingly easy when one of them is in love with me and the other is more booze than human at the time. You just spend so much of your time looking after me and making sure I didn't get hurt and this is the one thing I thought I could do to protect you for once (way too late, I know).

I'll be better. We're here, and I want to make it count. I've been stupid so far.

Still mad at me?

Holly's a bitch. I'd like to see Sue Sylvester come through that wormhole.

LOL Sam remember when we talked -- TWICE -- about whether or not I'm actually 19 if I travel eight months in the future and then have a birthday??

That time warp really messed with my head because my birthday was actually three days ago. So! This weekend, in honor of my turning 19, I'd like to host a little get-together at my place as long as that's okay with Santana, Finn, and Kurt. We'll make food, we'll hang out and play games, and there will definitely be karaoke. Everyone's invited! I think. I don't know all of you yet, some of you might be creepy. Santana will be bouncer at the door.


xoxo
blaine!

OMG, three days on the job and I'm already struggling to keep that smile on. I mean, I'm perfectly nice to you, why do you have to roll your eyes or snap at me or not make a little conversation? I'm just trying to make your morning a little bit brighter -- and for the record, old lady with the little purse-dog that you're so not allowed to have in here, I don't have this job because I'm a high school dropout. I mean it does, but I'm a high school dropout only has to do with the fact that I got sucked into another reality.

You can't break me. I've worked in theme parks.

So, every time you tip me at the counter of the Half Pint Café, you'll get a musical number! I do take requests.

This place sucks. I tried to start a musical number at work and instead of appreciating the gift of my talent, a customer threw his French fries at me.

Worst. Joke. Ever.

I have school. I have band practice. I have exams. At least, I think I have exams, I'm not sure if it's May or July, but---no, that's not the point. I have a life. Holly is a tacky bitch and I want out.