Portland Net

Private to Emily, Spencer and Hanna

I think this whole being naked and locked up in my room thing for the past few days is making me think way too much.

What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about someone? Like when the thought of being with him to gorge on doughnuts, play Skee Ball at Chuck E Cheese or just talk over the network with him gives me stomach butterflies? (Actually I think they're more like stomach eagles.)

I'm... a little freaked out. Not by him. Not at all by him. But by my reaction to him. I'm trying to, you know, do my own thing and figure everything out in this city on my own, but my thoughts always go back to him. It's like some weird magnet thing.

I haven't told him what I did yet back home. With Shana and everything. I think I really like him, and I'm afraid that if I tell him, he's going to think I'm some sort of psycho freak murderer and never have another M&M doughnut with me again. He's been really nice, and I don't know if this is my way of trying to get over Ezra or not, but... I just want to be with him, you know? Am I good enough for him?

This is really stupid of me, isn't it?

Is the arguing over now?

It turns out you get a very funny look when you buy 12 big boxes of toothpicks at Wal-mart three minutes before they close. I'm not sure whether it was the time or the amount, though.

I can't even glamour a freaking outfit. I hate Portland. So whatever, I took a pillowcase and made a crappy dress. Anyone feel like getting out for a night and having a drink? Or ten.