Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Kinky Kristmas Fic & Art: Fire burn, and cauldron bubble (Sirius/Remus, others) 
9th December 2010 12:00
Kristmas Wish Fulfilled for: [info]ericahpfa
From: [info]ceredwen + art by [info]myprettycabinet

Title: Fire burn, and cauldron bubble
Characters/Pairings: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, Frank Longbottom, Alice Longbottom (or will be), Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance, Dorcas Meadowes; Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Hestia/Emmeline, Alice/Frank, other various combinations that are too numerous to list (I have taken liberties with who the seventh years were outside of those known beyond doubt in canon)
Rating: NC17
Kinks/Themes Included: Group Sex, Noncon, Magic, Frotting, Handjob, Blowjob, Anal Sex, Cunnilingus, Hate Sex (well, angry anyway), Voyeurism, Exhibition (I think), Double Penetration, Object Insertion, Femmeslash, Slash, Het; also references to or out of focus: Rimming, Bondage, Spanking, Threesome (I really hope I got it all)
Other Warnings/Content: Angst, flimsy premise (but fun).
Word Count: 17, 020
Summary/Description: A potion is brewed to help the seventh years revise for their N.E.W.T.s, but it has a surprising, unexpected side-effect.
Author's Notes: Dear prompter, you gave me so much more to work with than I first realized and I had great time writing this. This was quite a fun challenge and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you mods for putting on another great Kinky Kristmas fest. Also many thank to W for helping me brainstorm the outline, T for reading the rough, rough draft and making sure it made sense, D for the content beta, and M for the SPAG beta. Also super mega thanks to the artist for teaming up with me. The pieces you created for this are just stunning and really bring this to life.
Artist's Notes:
-Materials Used: Derwent Graphic Pencils 4B-8B, and Charcoal
-First, literally, many thanks to the mods of this filthy and wonderful community for letting me pitch-in. I would like to thank the R/S fandom in it's entirety for how nice everyone is, which really spurred me on to make more art! The writer and I had such a great give-and-take with this project. Some of the things achieved through our symbiosis are my favourite bits - she made me better, and in turn, I hope I helped too.






If Sirius thought he was bad the morning after he and the lads first tried the potion, it was only because he hadn't seen Lily go through it. That morning waking up in the Heads' common room, he didn't have the luxury of disorientation to mask his senses from recognizing the body holding his, the body that was shaking lightly with laughter.

"Let me assure you it was a reaction due to that bloody potion, Potter! Don't get any ideas that it means anything!"

Sirius was having great difficulty telling himself it didn't feel nice to be held by Remus like this. It would be awkward and strange once he moved, he told himself. Better to stay put as long as he could, particularly with Lily on the warpath.

"Sorry about last night," said Remus quietly in his ear. It distracted Sirius from paying attention to James' reply to Lily. "The potion, it-"

So much for avoiding the awkwardness. "Yeah, it was just the potion," said Sirius quickly. "Not your fault; nothing to apologize for." He began to move away, dreading the awful discomfiture that would settle into every square inch of one of his most valued friendships. Remus drew his arms away so that Sirius could extricate himself and slumped against the wall. Sirius lumbered to his feet, joints aching from sleeping with his body curled into a pretzel, and pulled his trousers together.

Needing some physical distance and a target to loose the arrow of his confused emotions on, he perched on the arm of James' chair to do battle with Lily.

"Now Evans, I did say you were biting off more than you could chew. I believe I also mentioned the word bordello." Sirius looked at her slyly from under his lashes. "Enjoyed yourself, though, didn't you?"

Sirius swore Evans' eyes began shooting fire only to realize she was hexing him. James' quick reflexes saved them both from being incinerated on the spot.

"Face it, darling," said James, wand held out and maintaining a Shield Charm, "we're meant to be. I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame, like-"

"Shut. Up." she hissed dangerously.

Sirius was reminded of how Remus had been drawn to him just by hearing his name. Not just drawn either, Remus had claimed him. Sirius fought off an almost irresistible urge to glance at Remus. Last night Sirius had felt he was where he ought to be. From the moment Remus pushed Sirius into the wall, Sirius was utterly lost and loving every minute of it. The hard kisses had curled his toes, and he had even accepted the punishment willingly, eagerly. He had loved Remus' cock in his mouth, reveled in the possessiveness and jealousy. Sirius released an unsettled breath and ran his hand through his hair. That potion had one hell of a side-effect.

"No, she's right, Prongs," blurted Sirius suddenly. If James was right about being drawn to Lily, what did that say about Remus and himself? "It's just the potion. I think there is an emotional element involved in which partner or partners you're drawn to, but it can be any strong emotion--irritation, anger, whatever. It doesn't mean what you think it means."

James gaped at Sirius for a moment, obviously shocked that the back-up he could normally rely on had just vanished. Then an acknowledgement--an understanding--flashed in his eyes which slid over to Remus and then back to Sirius. Sirius set his jaw.

"It means nothing," he said louder, more to the entire room. "Who you woke up with this morning, it means nothing at all. There is no cause to be alarmed. It was just the potion."

"Oh, we're not alarmed," said Hestia cozily. The girls were dressed, Emmeline in Hestia's lap, leaving kisses along her neck. "But I don't think you're exactly right about it just being the potion. Frank and Alice never strayed from each other."

"Frank and Alice are dull as doorknobs," said Sirius bluntly.

Alice made a small noise of dismay. Hestia put a hand up to stall Frank who was rising to defend himself.

"Then you must not have caught him tying her wrists, bending her over the arm of that chair they're sitting in, spanking her, eating her arse and pussy, before fucking her like a champ."

"It was hot," added Emmeline.

"What about you lot," snarled Sirius, whirling to face Peter and Dorcas. "Are you two ready for a nice cottage and rose garden, then?"

Peter didn't appear quite as mortified as that first morning, but neither did he look overly pleased. Dorcas was wild-eyed and seemed ready to bolt from the room any moment.

"What about you, Remus?" asked James, too damn smug for his own good. "What's your opinion? Noticed you got a little possessive with old Padfoot there, and, ah, isn't this the second time you ended up together?"

"You heard Sirius," spat Remus bitterly, his eyes hard. "It meant nothing. So don't use a mistake that happened twice as proof of anything. There is nothing but friendship between me and Padfoot."

"Looked like more than friendship from where we we're sitting," said Emmeline smugly. "If it was just the potion, what are you getting so upset for anyway?"

"Black and Lupin are right," hissed Lily. "There is nothing between them and nothing between us, Potter." She turned her glare on Emmeline. "Just because it worked out for you doesn't prove anything." Emmeline shrugged elaborately as though it didn't matter to her.

Lily put her back to Emmeline huffily. "Black, I'd like potion's instructions and a sample to test. I want to see if I can isolate what's causing the problem and brew a batch that's clean."

"Can't brew a new batch," said Sirius. "Some of the ingredients are costly and hard to find. We don't have enough for a second one."

"Alright, well, maybe I can do something with the existing potion. It really is brilliant, but that - what happened--makes it not worth the trouble."

Sirius considered that for a moment. "Just a small sample? Because what we have now works despite the… glitch. I won't let you tamper with the whole batch. It's too important."

Sirius pivoted on his heel. "James? Is that good for you?"

"Yeah, sure," he said glumly, clearly stung by the "not worth the trouble" commentary.

"Remus?"

Remus shrugged.

Sirius turned back to Lily. "You can have a sample and the ingredients list, but not the instructions."

Lily nodded. "That's fair."

Sirius glanced at his watch. "We've twenty minutes before the Charms exams."

"Ta, Sirius," said Emmeline. She and Hestia left hand in hand, pulling a self-pitying sigh from Sirius. Those two had always been fantastic at reminding himself that he was heterosexual, and not some pillow-biting poof.

Alice and Frank hurried by Sirius with their eyes cast to the floor. Just as they reached the door, Frank thew a glare at Sirius before closing it behind them.

Peter and Dorcas, neither of which seemed to have formed any kind of attachment, left blushing, heads bowed, feet fast and furious.

"Ah, the walk of shame," joked Sirius when they'd closed the door.

"I'll get the sample and list from you this evening," said Lily curtly, then turned toward her quarters, saying not a word to James.

"Damn it, I don't have time for a shower and shave," complained Sirius. "This is exactly like last time. I hope the professors think it means I forewent basic hygiene due to all night revisions."

The door to the common room clicked shut; Sirius turned to see who had left, apparently having just missed their exit.

"Remus, mate," said James. "Listen, Sirius-"

"I have a class to get to," said Sirius, cutting James off.

As he closed the door, he heard James sigh.

*

The second week of exams was just as exhausting as the first had been. Most of Sirius' dorm mates weren't quite as uncomfortable with each other as they had been the first time around, Remus being the lone exception to that. He was disappearing again and isolating himself at meal times, and Sirius, much to his dismay, did not have Hestia or Emmeline to help ease his troubled mind.

He did get a small bit of relief from his woes when Evans requested his help with her investigation of the potion. It seemed to him that everyone around him had turned traitor and that Lily and he occupied the same miserable, sinking ship. It offered him an easy way to avoid Remus, which was a bitter turn of irony since Remus was the reason he'd developed the potion in the first place.

As distance stretched out from the second time they'd taken the potion, it became easier to quell the unbidden thoughts when they arose. James had caught up with him a few times, despite how scarce Sirius tried to be, attempting to encourage him to have an honest conversation with Remus.

"It doesn't mean you're destined for coupledom, but the air needs clearing," urged James. He'd cornered Sirius in the tunnel between the witch and Honeydukes.

"Leave it, James," Sirius snarled, pushing past his best mate.

"No, I won't," said James forcefully, yanking Sirius by the arm.

"Fuck off, James!" roared Sirius, and then took off at a fast clip towards Hogsmeade. There was just no way he could discuss it with Remus, and certainly not honestly. If he couldn't be honest, why bother at all? There was no sense in it.

The summer had been so much easier. He could relax in the easy company of Remus and be his friend, look after him, care about him. Now he was neglecting him, ignoring him, shunning him. He'd had good intentions, the best, really. It was strange how sex complicated everything. Sirius had never believed that before--that sex had the power to change and bedevil a relationship. He realized now it was because nothing had ever changed for him, and he was selfish enough not to percieve if a girl was hurt once he had gotten bored and moved on. They'd all had to piece their pride and broken hearts back together, and he had never even noticed. It wasn't something pretty to recognize in one's self.

Lately, he spent more of his time with Lily in the dungeons than he did larking about the dorm with his mates. Not that spending time around Lily had turned out to be so bad. At first they'd granted each other basic civility only, just what was necessary in order to work together on a common task. Gradually they moved on to small talk, and then cautious forays into joking. After three weeks they were walking the halls together between classes and sometimes even reading together in the library. Sirius was aware of the icy stares he received from James, but his conscience was clear and James could go stick his fingers up his arse.

"You don't really think it means anything, do you?" asked Lily. They were in the dungeon in an abandoned Potions laboratory.

Sirius paused in measuring the blue barbs off jobberknoll feathers, unsure of what she meant. "To what are we referring?"

Lily's face turned as red as her hair, "You know."

"No, I don't," he replied firmly. "If you will remember, I had my mouth on your privates. By that silly standard, shouldn't I be itching to bend on one knee and pledge my troth?"

Lily blushed and tried not to laugh. Sirius paused again, this time turning to look her in the eye.

"Do you want it to mean something? With James, I mean. Try as you like, my dear, wedding bells are not in our future."

Lily turned to him fully. "You never used to joke and laugh with me."

Sirius cocked his head at her with a wry smile. "You never used to let me."

Lily fell silent at that.

"James is not all that unlike me, you know. If you can get along with me, you can get along with him." He leaned in to whisper conspiratorially. "I'm by far the worse of the two."

Lily laughed. "Are you, now? That's quite an admission."

Sirius met her with an even gaze. "All you have to do is let him in."

"When did you become so wise?"

"Who me? Always been. You were just too busy trying to hex off my balls to notice."

Lily laughed again, and then put a hand over one of his. "What about you? Are you ever going to quit fighting it?"

Sirius very studiously watched the contents of the cauldron burp slow, thick bubbles.

"I don't want to talk about it, Lily."

Lily gave his hand a squeeze and his cheek a kiss, and then changed the subject to something neutral.

*

Sirius and Lily were not at all sure they had found a solution to the problem. Their experimentation on small samples revealed too many copper shavings and frozen ashwinder eggs which had caused the problem. Both ingredients had been included in the potion's creation to act as strengtheners and were only needed in small amounts. Remus, being the bad brewer he was, had made an error. After quite a bit of testing, they hit upon something which had the potential to work if their theory was solid. What sat in a short, rectangular flask was a fluid lavender in color that flashed tiny fireworks of red when something in the potion collided with the glass. Why it was lavender, Sirius didn't know, and was a cause for concern. However, it was either this or the original potion, and orgies, while fun to snort and giggle about, were another matter when all the participants weren't willing and there was no way of knowing who would end up with whom.

Sirius took a glance around the room at the eight pairs of eyes watching he and Lily, looking to them for confidence. Sirius decided they were all a little mad, himself included. The morrow would bring the third and final round of practice exams. Sirius had developed a bit more sympathy for Gideon and Fabian, poor sods.

"We're going to have to name these brews at some point," said Sirius as he lifted his glass to his lips. Lily followed suit, Sirius knowing they were both praying for a miracle.

The first part of the evening passed predictably, and once they had concluded reading, Dorcas suggested they put out big, poofy pillows instead of couches and chairs and sit in a big circle. To begin, Sirius was worried, but as they moved through Astronomy and into Charms, he started to relax. He even smiled across the small circle at Remus. It had had him wound up--the thought that it might be Remus every time--because then the existence of a deeper attraction became harder to deny.

Remus returned Sirius' smile, lighting up the room. It was the first time Sirius had seen Remus smile in weeks. He ignored the fluttery rush that seemed to catch in his throat, reasoning that he was just happy because he and Lily had been successful. Everything was going to be all right.

Sirius turned to Frank ,who was answering Peter's question about nesting Charms with timing enchantments, and noticed that Frank had very full, very attractive lips. It was a sin that those lips weren't being used for kissing this minute because they were just begging for it.

Sirius sunk his hand into Frank's short, brown hair, pulling him closer. Frank's mouth opened under his with a moan, and then a small, soft body--Alice's--was settling in Sirius' lap. She joined in the kiss, the sloppy, wet, completely delightful, hopelessly tangled kiss. Her touch on his body was light and feathery, though not shy or uncertain. Sirius' shirt was pushed up and over his head and then a nipple sucked into a warm, wet mouth.

Sirius was inching his hand under Alice's skirt when he was bumped, knocking over himself and Alice and pushing them into Frank. Next to him, Hestia and Emmeline were twined around Lily. Sirius grinned at Lily and snuck a peek at her arse as her knickers were pulled down by two sets of hands, shortly before his attention was redirected to Alice and Frank by a sharp nip to his nipple.

"Yes, ma'am," said Sirius to Alice, then slid his fingers past the waist band of her knickers.

Alice bucked her hips, helping Sirius find the moisture he needed, and then Sirius rubbed her clit with light, lazy circles. Frank pulled Sirius in for another kiss, distracting Sirius for a moment, and then suddenly Alice was gone, stolen by the three girls next to him.

Alice was pressed up against the wall, knees folded and thighs spread, Hestia nestled between them. Alice's head was tipped back, laughing, as Hestia's exploring fingers carefully pulled open blouses and bras, skirts and knickers. Sirius grinned as Frank licked his lips, eyes intent on Alice, and startled when Frank's head was pulled back by Peter. Sirius didn't know where Peter had come from all of a sudden, but he did know that no one was paying him any attention and that was not on.

As he watched Peter and Frank kiss, a pair of hands slid around Peter's chest from behind, thumbing his nipples over the school oxford. The owner of the hand turned out to be Remus, lips skimming Peter's neck as he came into view.

Sirius moaned at the sight of swollen lips and pink tongue--a sound Remus heard. He opened his eyes and instantly released Peter, crawling toward Sirius on hands and knees. Sirius dropped his hands to the floor and met Remus half-way. The first soft press of lips to his was tenuous; Sirius wondered if it was a kiss at all or just the warmth of their breath mingling. Then it was definitely a kiss and the edges of the room melted, fading from his field of vision, leaving only Remus. He heard the moans and soft laughter around him, the murmurs of encouragement reaching his ears as though through a tunnel or at a very great distance. They pulled back a little, and their eyes met. Sirius smiled at Remus who then supported his weight on one hand so that the other could cup Sirius' jaw as they kissed.

Tonight felt different to Sirius, as though a warm breeze had swept out the frantic need of the first night or the desperate claiming of the second, like they were timeless and time would stand still for them. He could feel it in the skate of fingers down his neck, in the exploration of his collarbone. Sirius couldn't understand why they hadn't touched each other in so long. They were really going to have to change that.

Remus deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into Sirius' mouth, his hand leaving Sirius' collarbone to trace down his chest, rub his thumb over a nipple. Sirius sucked in air, a soft gasp, the light touching sending electrical pulses all through his body. Remus grinned and then pushed Sirius back, forcing him to lay with his back flat on the floor, his mouth exploring Sirius' chest as he sat astride Sirius. Sirius pulled Remus in for another kiss, finding his hand and twining their fingers together. Remus rocked against Sirius, swallowing his moan as he arched up into Remus, growing more eager to see where the night would take them.

Without warning, something strange and vulnerable passed through Remus' heavy gaze, something sudden and disquieting that abruptly caused him to still. He sat back and looked down at Sirius like he wasn't quite sure why he was there.

"Sirius." Remus' voice was quiet, almost a whisper.

Sirius didn't know where this vulnerability came from; Remus should have known that Sirius belonged to him. Sirius initiated the next kiss, pulling Remus back down with a hand in his hair, hoping to confirm for Remus what should be a given. Sirius would always belong to Remus and somehow he needed to show Remus that.

Remus pulled Sirius up quite abruptly and buried his face against Sirius' throat. Sirius shushed him, having no idea what the matter was.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything is perfect. I'm sorry, I just-"

"It's okay."

Sirius kissed Remus again, the taste of mint flooding his senses once again as their tongues twined together. Something was different, though Sirius couldn't name or understand it. He would make it better though, make Remus forget what was bothering him so suddenly. Sirius traced Remus' jaw with his tongue, slowly following the curve from chin to ear, then nibbled his way down Remus' neck to the delicate raise of collarbone. Remus shirt was in the way which just wouldn't do, so Sirius began to unfasten the buttons, but found he couldn't finish the job when he exposed a nipple. Remus moaned so prettily when Sirius sucked it into his mouth, thinking to himself that he would never tire of that sound.

"I shouldn't," murmured Remus quietly, voice tormented with guilt. Sirius found the words to be patently ridiculous. "I guess it wore off," Remus continued, a very confusing thing for Remus to say. "If I know, then I shouldn't. This is wrong."

Sirius carefully picked up Remus' hand, holding his gaze as he kissed every knuckle, then sucked the index finger into his mouth.

"Of course you should," said Sirius. To him this was the most obvious thing in the world. "There is no wrong here."

His hands tugged at Remus' belt, fumbling with the buckle, feeling the tremble that shook Remus as he opened the button and zip on his trousers. Remus resisted when Sirius began to push the trousers open, gently moving Sirius' hands off and attempting to pull away.

Sirius held Remus fast and looked into his eyes, smiling and hoping to soothe Remus. "I'm yours; don't you know that?"

Sirius couldn't understand why Remus looked even more agonized, but he did, and then Sirius had a terrible, terrible thought.

"Don't you want me?" he asked, feeling small and broken and hearing it in his voice.

Remus pulled Sirius to him fiercely, his kiss urgent, and needy, and hard.

"Never think that I don't!" His voice cracked as he spoke, an aching sound like gravel grinding in his windpipes.

Remus hands were frantic at Sirius' trousers, jerking his body roughly as belt, button and zip were dispatched, shoving the material down Sirius' thighs. There was still something wrong, but Sirius couldn't focus on it once Remus was stroking him. Sirius canted his hips, eyes closed, moaning even though Remus' hand was a bit forceful and harsh on delicate skin.

"I'm going to show you how much I want you," rasped Remus against Sirius' mouth.

Sirius protested when Remus drew his hand away to finish pulling down his own trousers. Remus' motions were rough and jerky, like he was angry. Sirius tried to quiet Remus, his eyes searching for the cause of this upset. Remus wasn't to be soothed, though, and once done with his own clothes, turned his attention to Sirius'.

"I need lube," said Remus bluntly, once they were both nude. "The spell I know won't work for this."

Sirius blundered about in his trousers until he found his wand, flicking it toward James' quarters. A tube of emollient came flying at him, which he plucked out of the air and tossed to Remus. Sirius had never done this before, not with a bloke at any rate, and didn't ask if Remus had. Just the thought of it sent a thrill of both fear and excitement through him, a small part of his mind wondering if it would hurt. Then his mind went blank as Remus rolled to lay on his side, legs up by his chest, a finger circling the pucker behind his own balls before pressing in.

Sirius couldn't help himself. He moved closer to watch, fascinated by the finger that threaded in and out of Remus, and kissed the inside of Remus' thighs, moving down, down, until his mouth was almost close enough to kiss Remus' hand, but didn't. It was mesmerizing, in and out, and oh the moans, the pretty gasps and sighs Remus made. A second and then third finger joined the first, Sirius still mouthing along Remus' thighs, unable to stop touching him--stomach, arms, arse, anywhere Sirius could reach. He wondered what it felt like to be inside, to be the one doing this for Remus, and then couldn't help himself, adding his own fourth finger to the first three.

Remus whispered Sirius' name and grabbed his other hand, lacing their fingers together and holding on tight. Sirius was amazed by Remus, the feeling of it, their fingers working together, both of them fucking Remus. It was so hot, so tight inside, and then it wasn't his finger he wanted in there at all.

"Remus, please."

Remus withdrew his hand and Sirius' finger along with it, and then pushed Sirius onto his back. This, Sirius had not expected. Remus didn't give him long to think about it though, straddling Sirius' thighs and gazing down with such intensity. Whatever troubled Remus earlier was still troubling him now. Stitches crisscrossing his brow into uneven lines were proof of that. Sirius wasn't given time to worry over Remus' distress. Remus shifted his weight forward, balancing himself with a hand on Sirius' chest, then raised his body slightly up. With his other arm, Remus reached behind him and firmly gripped the base of Sirius' cock. Remus slowly lowered himself onto Sirius, hissing as he sunk down, his breath a light pant.

"Fuck, oh, fuck, Sirius."

Sirius couldn't respond because his mind had nearly shut down, the wet, sucking heat around his cock almost too much to take. He feared he wouldn't last. Remus' breath became ragged as he leaned even farther over Sirius, eyes glazed, not moving, letting himself adjust to having Sirius inside him. Sirius held still, touching Remus' thighs, stomach, arms soothingly and encouragingly, wishing that as close as Remus was, he didn't feel so far away.

Physical proximity was all Sirius could think of to banish the feeling of distance. He wrapped an arm around Remus' waist, pulling them closer together where they were joined, and with the other pushed off the floor, almost lifting Remus as he sat up. Remus clutched Sirius, arms around Sirius' shoulders, making a small sound of surprise, and possibly pain.

"I needed to be closer."

"You might've said so."

Remus helped Sirius adjust, bent knees folded under himself and heels digging into his arse to support the weight of them both. Their arms were wrapped tight like choking vines, and once they were settled, Remus started to rise. Sirius left one arm around Remus, the other he sunk into brown hair to bring their mouths together. As good as this felt, as close as they were, they could barely manage to do the thing properly. Not that it mattered in the slightest; they were together, joined as one, sweaty, trembling and perfect.



Remus rose and fell, shakily, a rhythm Sirius answered with a cadence to match. They found a sedate, sensual pace--a pace that soon had Sirius sobbing cries of pleasure into Remus' neck. A hand gripped Sirius' shoulder, digging in, holding fast, another joined it on Sirius' thigh. Remus leaned back, braced between his own arms, the leverage allowing him to find a better angle and to slam himself down on Sirius. Sirius responded with hard matching thrusts, his body following instinct, a need greater than any he had ever known. It claimed primacy over all else, no matter that every muscle screamed with fatigue, that his lungs ached with the effort to suck in air, or that his heart threatened to thrum out of his chest. All were ignored. The need constricted and burned, a hot, tight coil of pressure that wrapped around his spine, incinerating all thought. Only this moment, this precise point in time, was all Sirius ever was or would be.

Remus' head tipped back, a soundless cry on his lips as a thick warmth flowed up between their bodies. This was the catalyst Sirius required. The stored tension released as he burst into flames, bellowing Remus' name, and then it subsided as he slid free, taking Remus to the floor with him.

They curled together--sweaty, panting, and satisfied--murmuring each other's names between kisses, softly touching each other's faces.

Long minutes later, breath and heartbeat restored, Sirius kissed Remus again and asked, "Why have we waited so long to do this?"

Remus didn't answer; he only buried his face into Sirius' neck, trembling.

*

There was no screaming Lily to wake Sirius the following morning and clear his mind. No detail from the previous night was lost to him, including that Remus' mind was his own shortly after things got… interesting. Sirius didn't expect an admission from Remus and wouldn't be giving one of his own. Though what he would be admitting to, he wasn't entirely sure.

As he lay with Remus' head curled to his chest, Sirius began to make sense of things he had brushed aside or blatantly ignored. He realized that Remus had been more resilient from the very start, and that whatever he and Lily had done to the potion had made it even easier for Remus to dispel the enchantment.

It hadn't been kindness or a strange sort of sympathy for Sirius' lust-addled mind - Remus wasn't quite that altruistic. He had been anguished. Sirius remembered Remus' attempts at pushing him away and the words he had spoken. Remus hadn't wanted to take advantage of his friend, but he hadn't simply and easily pushed Sirius away, either. Remus had struggled.

Sirius wondered if it was love. For both their sakes, he sincerely hoped it wasn't. That was a lot of responsibility--to be entrusted with the care of someone's heart. Sirius wasn't ready for that and frankly wasn't sure he ever would be. There was no sense in bringing it up though; it would only add layers of difficulty neither of them wanted to grapple with. The best option he had was to hide behind the potion, though he had no intention of being an arse about it. At least not on this morning.

Sirius opened his eyes. The room was still dark, the rising sun hazy through the heavy filter of curtains and stained glass, creating shadows and adding scant, multi-colored light. Remus stirred in his arms.

"Morning," said Sirius softly.

Remus stiffened, stifling a yawn and regarded him warily.

"It's alright, Remus. After three times, acting surprised and outraged is a little silly, don't you think?"

Remus swallowed nervously.

"Quite a night," said Sirius easily. "I think we're friends enough to admit that we enjoyed ourselves. Sorry I've been an arse about it this whole time. It wasn't our fault and we both know it doesn't mean anything, so let's not let it come between us, yeah?"

Remus smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "We should probably head back to the dorm," he said carefully, then paused. "After we put our clothes back on."

Sirius forced a chuckle and then stretched, feeling every muscle he'd used the night before twinge spasmodically. He rose with no small amount of effort and gathered up their clothes. Remus didn't move, seeming to shrivel, drawing himself in like a clam and just as silent.

'I don't want to hurt you,' Sirius wanted to say, 'and we both know I will. I never want to lose you, never want to be the one who breaks your heart.'

Instead, he handed to Remus what was his and then dressed, looking away as Remus did the same, offering him what modesty he could on this razor blade morning. Sirius glanced around to see who ended up together, surprised to find a pair of green eyes watching him carefully. Lily seemed disappointed in him. At least he was used to that. Beneath her James stirred. They spoke quietly to each other, so Sirius looked away to afford them privacy as well.

The drama that had come with the previous two mornings was absent on this one. His fellow seventh years dressed quietly and left, Sirius waiting until he was left only with James and Lily to release the sigh he had been holding.

"Sirius…?"

"Not now, Lily."

Sirius left the Heads' common room feeling more lost and melancholy than he had in quite some time.

*

Sirius recited the seven steps to becoming an Animagi - a question Dorcas had posed - doing his best not to laugh his way through the answer.

The failed alternate potion had been abandoned, and they were back to the original. He wouldn't put Remus through the torment he'd experienced in the weeks following the last revisions twice. He'd meant to sit by Remus, make it easier on them and avoid all the kissing of persons he'd rather not remember having kissed. Like Frank, for instance. The memory of kissing Remus wasn't an unpleasant one. None of his memories with Remus were unpleasant.

Unfortunately, James had taken his seat beside Remus with Emmeline already on Remus' other side. Lily sat next to James, so when Sirius had taken his seat next to her, he'd leaned over and given Remus a little wink. What was the use in pretending?

The air was clear between them, all of them, not just he and Remus. They all knew what was going to happen and, in knowing that, were much more relaxed.

Sirius posed a question about the difference between the transfigurative magic required to bring Golems and Inferi to life. No sooner had the question passed his lips, than Dorcas, on his other side, placed her hand on his thigh. The secondary effect was slow to kick in for him tonight, and for once he didn't dread it. Sirius longed for the change so he wouldn't have to feel guilty about enjoying Dorcas' hand rubbing his cock through his jeans. When, exactly, had he grown a conscience? Merlin, what a bother.

It also meant he wouldn't have to feel jealous that James and Remus were snogging each other.

Because he was waiting for it, his conscious mind was aware of the switch when it happened. He only felt it for a second, but the relief was astounding.

Dorcas still had her hand on his cock but was only stroking him absently because Frank had drawn most of her attention by kissing her. Next to Sirius, Lily moaned, which caught his attention. He moved closer so he could suck on the delicious patch of flesh exposed on her neck, the lovely pale skin with a light dusting of freckles. But in moving, he caught sight of Remus. Sirius whispered his name, and suddenly Lily had James to herself.

Remus pushed Sirius against the wall and their eyes met. Recognition for how they felt about one another passed between them.

"Do you remember last time?" asked Sirius, breathless already from Remus' kisses.

"God, yes. It's all I've been thinking about."

"Me too." Sirius leaned into nibble Remus' ear lobe. "I want that. I want you to fuck me this time."

Remus growled low in his throat and began to tear at Sirius' clothes.

*

Sirius slowly climbed the stairs up to the seventh year dormitory. It had been a long week, and though they were probably better prepared than most of the other houses, Sirius still felt the exhaustion in every inch of his body. When he'd had time for private thoughts, his mind was never far from the last night he and Remus had shared together.

He pulled his robes open and loosened his tie, trudging up to where he knew Remus was at this moment. Sirius had to make a decision. Remus would be packing, as Sirius himself needed to do, and would be alone in the dormitory. The rest of his dorm mates were out celebrating the end of the exams in Hogsmeade. Sirius would have gone with them, except he had a feeling Remus had stayed behind to give Sirius an opportunity to talk. If they were ever going to discuss whatever this was between them, now was his chance.

Sirius swallowed down a tight knot of fear.

He had tried desperately to convince himself it was just the potion's powerful effect. He hadn't wanted to acknowledge the possibility he had buried feelings for Remus so he wouldn't have to confront them. He knew what he felt for Remus now, and nothing had ever scared him more.

Give him a death defying prank or a duel with a Slytherin he knew to be a Death Eater. There he could be brave. Let him spit in the eye of tyranny and challenge it to do its worst. These he could handle.

But this...

It was almost amusing; the only person to break Sirius Black's heart was Sirius Black himself. He wanted to laugh at the irony, but couldn't.

Maybe if Remus started the conversation, called his bluff, he could follow, but there was little chance of that. Remus was controlled in ways that Sirius would never be. Remus controlled himself, built fortresses that climbed up to the clouds so that he could sit in the vast, empty loneliness and be safe.

Letting people in was not Sirius' issue; it was giving them power over him, the power to hurt him. Remus already had that power, same as James and Peter. What happened when Sirius fucked it all up? What happened when he broke Remus' heart and Remus took himself out of Sirius' life because of it?



Sirius paused in the doorway to the seventh year dormitory, pensive eyes peering in as he leaned against the frame for strength, arms folded in unconscious self-protection. Remus' back was to him, bent over his trunk and rearranging its contents so he could pack all of his belongings. Sirius watched him in silence, remembering every moment they had shared, considering the ones that could lie before them.

Sirius closed his eyes, realizing he just couldn't lose Remus. He'd almost lost Remus once because of a mistake. It was better to keep to his friend and give up the rest. It was the first time for Sirius that the risk wasn't worth it. He didn't trust his voice at that moment, knowing what he was losing, and simply made enough noise to be noticed as he entered.



Though Sirius pretended not to see, the mirror in the corner reflected the long look Remus gave his back--the unhappy twist of Remus' mouth, the discouraged furrow at his brow, the way his fingers knotted anxiously in his tie. Remus dropped his head with a small nod, as though to acknowledge Sirius' choice, and turned back to his trunk.

~*~








End notes:

Urg. I have never had so many end notes before.

The line Remus says to Sirius: "The rest of us have to work twice as hard to be half as good…" is taken directly from Season 7 of BtVS, episode The Killer In Me which Amy says to Kennedy. All apologies and props to Whedon and Co.

Love Is In The Earth by Melody: Aquamarine - "...enhances ones ability for rapid intellectual response and helps one to remain impeccable through assimilation of knowledge..." which is taken slightly out of context to serve my own nefarious purposes. Melody goes on to say that this stone "...accelerates the intellectual reasoning processes and makes one unconquerable through learning..." taken slightly more in context. Copper - of which Melody says "...conveys the message...that there is definitely a need to seek and release all of the restrictions which one has installed within the self." She also says Copper can "...magnify the energy transfer..." which is taken wildly out of context.

HP Lexicon on the Jobberknoll: "A tiny blue speckled bird that makes no sound until the moment of its death, when it lets out a long scream consisting of all the sounds it has ever heard; their feathers are important ingredients in making potions that affect memory."

HP Lexicon on Ashwinder eggs: "Quite valuable, as they can serve as ingredients in love potions or may be eaten whole as a cure for ague." Their use as a strengthener in this is complete invention on my part. It's a sorry excuse to get an ingredient used in love potions into the story.

I am also not an expert on runes or italic alphabets and must credit Wikipedia's pages on the Elder Futhark and Old Italic Alphabets.

For those who don't know what a Golem is, here is the Wikipedia page. Really more mystical than magical, but I liked the juxtaposition with Inferi, one having the historical context of holiness, the other not so much.

Back to Part 1
Comments 
9th December 2010 18:13
dear artist! i love your remus!

this story was intense! thank you for this!
11th January 2011 19:48
Thank you reading and thank you for the comment. Glad you enjoyed it.
11th January 2011 21:34
Thanks!! I love him too!! Heehee.
9th December 2010 21:58
Beautifully written but oh so sad. I was really hoping at the end that Sirius would man-up. Sigh. But the progression of the relationship (during the potion and after as well) was really well defined, made sense and was somewhat painful. Poor Remus. Sirius/Remus has always seemed somewhat canon even though JKR never outed them like Dumbles.

Great job, enjoyed it very much.

Clare
11th January 2011 19:51
Thank you. I did try to make it seem like there was one set of circumstances, acknowledgment, etc. on the potion and another off. Glad to see that this worked.

I'm sorry for the pain. I tried to find a way to work around prompt but didn't see how when they when they couldn't begin together and weren't to acknowledge their feelings.

I'm so glad you enjoyed. Thank you.
9th December 2010 21:59
Oh author you have killed me. I am crying!!! SIRIUS GOD DAMN IT GO AFTER REMUS!!!!!

The first section was absolutely hilarious but you slowly brought in the tension and pulled it tighter and tighter so much so that my chest was aching. As their relationship became more sensual and loving you really carried me away. When Sirius told Remus he wanted to be fucked this time, god that was hot.

I like when Sirius talked to Lily about James not being so bad and that he was really there for his friends. I love that Sirius wants to help Remus every way he can and it breaks my heart that he can't give himself to Remus because that won't help Remus at all.

I can't even type a coherent comment this was so lovely and intense. Masterfully done. The quote at the start and the title fit wonderfully with the story.

the only person to break Sirius Black's heart was Sirius Black himself. He wanted to laugh at the irony, but couldn't.
*cries*

Wonderful job mystery author. This was amazing. I have to use a loving R/S icon to make myself feel better.
10th December 2010 04:26
Adding to my already rambling comment because I had to run earlier and apparently I have more to ramble on about.

The end has really stuck with me. I am torn because I am not sure if Sirius is being self-sacrificing or selfish.

arms folded in unconscious self-protection
This makes me think he's a little selfish not wanting to be hurt. Putting a guard so as not to allow himself the full pain or joy of being with someone.

It was better to keep to his friend and give up the rest.
This and a lot more makes me think self-sacrificing. I think it's a majority of this with a healthy pinch of the other.

I want a continuation where Remus gets stubborn Sirius to see how stupid he is and his noble denial only hurts everyone. Then they fall back into bed together and have more scorching sex. That want of more isn't to say this fic isn't wonderful and stands alone all on it's own. It's only my selfish need for my OTP to be together.

Again, really well done. I enjoyed this thoroughly.
9th December 2010 23:09
Oh, God. This was intense, and my heart is bleeding now. Wow. I'm sort of speechless. The story is fantastic, and the art is gorgeous and heart-wrenching, too, especially the last two pieces. You didn't pull the punches. Augh, I need to go recover now. Ow.

10th December 2010 02:49
This story is beautiful and heartbreaking. The art is absolutely gorgeous and so captures the characters and emotions of the story.

The light hearted bits juxtapose very nicely with the increasing emotions as the story progresses. Sirius knows himself so very well. He'll brave anything but the chance of risking his heart. And it's not even Remus that he distrusts, but himself. (His upbringing gave him such a mixture of arrogance and insecurity.)

Sirius has left his relationship with Remus fractured and I can see this leading into the mistrust that builds between them which allows the tragedy of the Potters' betrayal and Sirius' stint in Azkaban.

Great job!
10th December 2010 04:25
Wow, this was hot and sad and very well done. The ending broke my heart a little but it fits the story and where things go in canon.

And the art is beyond gorgeous!! I think that last one of Remus is my favorite -- perfect.
10th December 2010 04:35 - For the artist
Great job! I have a love for trousers and ties and guh that's what they are in for almost every piece. I love Remus holding his tie in the last picture and Sirius's rumpled shirt in the one before that. I ADORE the hand in the pants from the kissing piece. The picture of them having sex is very sensual. But I LOVE the first piece the best. I like the use of shadow on Remus' face and the 'glow' on his chest from the cauldron. All very wonderful.
10th December 2010 08:30 - Probably my favorite story on here so far!
I was crying so much at the end! Actually I first started crying at "'I don't want to hurt you,' Sirius wanted to say, 'and we both know I will. I never want to lose you, never want to be the one who breaks your heart.' " As much as I wanted Sirius and Remus to end up together, I really did love this ending. It's like what showing what actually did happen (you know, cause the whole HP series is totally nonfiction, right? ha!) I also love the way the story kind of explains how James and Lily really do end up together; how they go from her detesting him to actually being in love and getting married. That wasn't explained well in the books, and it makes it seem so much like she should have actually been with Snape. Oh this whole thing just fits perfectly into the entire world created by JK and serves as such a great background to the people who preceded Harry.
Oh and the orgy scenes are so beautifully done! The whole story had the perfect balance of humor, characterization, and smut. LOVED it!
10th December 2010 12:55
Oh, the beautiful, wonderful, stupid boysss.

The fic is, um, well, if it weren't so sad (and so well foreshadowed) it' have been even more exciting.

The art is amazing, and heartbreaking. Esp. the last two pics of the boys looking miserable.

</3
10th December 2010 21:31
Oh wow. Angsty, ultimately unfulfilled Sirius/Remus! A LONG, PLOTTY SERIES OF ORGIES! The fic, it was fantastic.

The art? Equally so. Really beautiful light in those images, and the texture of the soft pencil, gah, lovely.
11th December 2010 01:02
Wonderful story! It was fun, and hot, and intense, and sad at the end. All good things! Yay for Marauder-era setting and for including so many characters. Loved the Sirius POV. Loved the idea of the potion and I especially enjoyed its side-effects and all the resulting pairings. ;) I have a great soft spot for "a potion made them do it" scenarios. And I liked how you used that for Sirius and Remus (and some of the others), that the potion only helped things that were already there come to the surface. From the side characters, I loved Lily, and Hestia and Emmeline, especially. The ending was sad but very fitting for what comes later in canon. I enjoyed this very, very much! :)

And the art is beautiful! Very expressive, and really effective use of shadows. Wonderful shading! All the images are striking. :)
12th December 2010 20:27
This is one of my favorite things I've read all year. Pitch perfect! Bravo!
14th December 2010 17:29
I have been trying to think of the words to properly express my gratitude for this wonderful gift. I'm an artist - and notoriously bad with words! :)

The art is amazing, absoloutly perfect for the story, and so emotional! Their faces and the folds of their clothing - the lighting - are all incredible and heartbreaking and hot and a bazillion other things. Thank you so much for everything.

As for the story - I know next time to specify a happy ending! I love this, so much about what Remus/Sirius is that everything is bittersweet at best and this fic is so very in character. There were moments that I held my breathe, or wanted to hug Remus or smack Sirius. I loved that the hothothot porn was a part of the story, but the thing that sticks is the heartbreaking ending.

Truly, this is a wonderful gift, and I am so very grateful to you for writing it.

I would also like you to re-read the comments left above by [info]gryffindorj, because I second everything that she said! And said perfectly!!!

Thanks again.
***hugs***
4th January 2011 12:03
Usually I approach anything with Sirius in it hesitantly (or just plain run away in the opposite direction). I am happy that I didn't in this case, because the story was beautiful, well-written, with good characterisation and damned hot sex (which hit a kink or two *blushes*). The end was the logical conclusion to the thing, sad, but... yeah. It made the story more intense, more real in a way. I liked your Sirius a lot.

The drawings were the perfect companion pieces to the fic. Especially the last one was wonderful and caught precisely the description of Remus in those last lines.

I also need to say that I am impressed that the author was able to keep all those limbs in line during the smexx - not easy to get an arm or a leg too many... :D
9th January 2011 21:24
This was such an intriguing combination of my kinks and squicks (in pairings as well as everything else) that I couldn't resist reading it.

The sex was hot, but the end is what will stay with me. Such lovely angst between Sirius and Remus and so believable that they wouldn't end up together, that Sirius couldn't take the chance on losing what he had even if he could end up gaining everything.

The art is a gorgeous supplement to the story. Very well done.
9th January 2011 21:52
Great fic--hot sex intertwined with the angst of Remus and Sirius's impossible relationship. The potion was very clever--I loved Lily's initial suspicion then demand to get in on the action.

The art is wonderful--great addition to the fic.

Lovely work, both of you.
11th January 2011 06:30
Wait, wait!!!! No, that's not the end!!!! REMUS SAY SOMETHING!!!! SIRIUS YOU ARSE!!!! OMG TURN AROUND!!

um, okay.

Fantastic work, both of you. This hurt, and the expressions on their faces in the drawings were perfect. The way their real feelings showed through because of the potion was so heart breaking (and hot). Those moresomes are hard to write and you did a great job! Again, each of the drawings are gorgeous and the story and the art work so well together.

Well done!
12th January 2011 05:57
WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!!!??????!!!!!????

*SOBS*

It was so fucking good! It was so hot, and ridiculous, and then slowly, slowly, poignancy started to slip its way in, and it continued to be so good, so good, and then....

THEN, you rip my fucking heart out of my chest and grind it beneath your stiletto heels!! WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!?!??!?! *snuggles fic and pretends like the last 2 paras didn't happen*


Also: Art was, OF COURSE, fucking amazing. You know I love your stuff, and this was absolutely no different. I tried to pick out my favorite one, but they're all SO GOOD. Handjob drawing was really, really good, with the way they look like they're panting into the kisses. There's so much movement in the still picture, it's freaking brilliant. And the one where they're actually smexing it up is just...nyrgk. Wow. Ungk.
12th January 2011 09:25
FANTASTIC! However, also fantastically sad. I really want a Part Two where they come together, but, if necessary, I'll have to settle for writing it in my head. I just SO wanted them to be together .

Still, it was beautifully written, and I still loved how there was love: Sirius was having great difficulty telling himself it didn't feel nice to be held by Remus like this. It would be awkward and strange once he moved, he told himself. Better to stay put as long as he could, particularly with Lily on the warpath.

Poor boys!
22nd November 2011 18:56
Beautiful art. I love the simplicity of the colors with the extreme detail. Amazing. Loved how much of a plot this fic had! Poor Remus and Sirius definitely had an interesting dynamic between them and I love how you actually explored that which made their sex even hotter ♥
18th March 2013 19:34
Anonymous
Oh god that killed me :( so beautifully written, I was almost in tears by the end! So hot as well! Don't suppose you could write another about them getting together slightly later in their lives?
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