the orient express

So...how many witches and wizards are there here? Any who aren't related to me? And do any of you happen to have an extra wand?

And does anyone know a motion-sickness spell? It's a lot harder to ignore upside-down world during the day.

Right.

So the train won't room me with my husband (too easy, right?) and instead it rooms me with a vampire and some human tramp named Sookie.

Brilliant.

So I'm guessing the empty rooms are up for grabs?

Filtered to Witches/Wizards

Should have listened and not spent time looking out the windows. Is there anyone who might happen to have a stomach soothing potion? Or the necessary ingredients to brew one?

What the hell?

Who transformed headquarters into a bloody train?

You know, I got on and found myself in the future, surrounded by zombies. Train starts moving, suddenly the world's wrong-side-up outside and I'm surrounded by infants.

Think I'd rather have the zombies back. I'll take a ticket off the nursery car anytime, thanks.

Well, this isn't where I intended to go when I stepped into the Floo. 

I seem to have woken up entirely not where I started sleeping. Did I hit a portkey in my sleep? Surely Rolf wouldn't play such a cruel trick on me. Perhaps I imagined falling into bed after the twins' party.

Hullo there, train. I'm Luna Scamander.

It seems the train has played with our powers. I myself wasn't affected but it's interesting to see those who were!

For those who have suddenly found themselves with magic, if you have any questions, I can attempt to help you.

The magic that rules this train, of what sort is it?

Also, is anyone aware when our next stop will be? I find the motion makes me...rather queasy.

[Private to Neville Longbottom]

Are you okay? I haven't seen or heard from you since we arrived.

Well. This definitely isn't home.

This device is Muggle, and some further investigation leads me to believe that this isn't a trick of You-Know the enemy.

It does bring up the question that if I am here, in my boxers and robe with a freshly warmed bottle (cooled now), where are my wife and son?

What in all the seven fucks is this place? Seriously, I go to walk into my hotel room and end up on some train? If this is someone's idea of a really elaborate joke, I'm not laughing.

Oh, blast.

This isn't the ministry, is it?

Well...at least I'm not splinched.

And here I thought I could actually do magic now...

My, this is such a wonderfully strange train! It's not quite like the Hogwart's Express though. Strangely, I do not remember boarding but that could be the work of a Wrackspurt.

Would anybody care to tell me where I am?

Brilliant, this is exactly what I need.

I think the birds are gone...

I had been trying to get rid of some (they had to hit a pretty nasty sore sport emotionally, certain people know what I mean) and it was like they just vanished.

Matt: Think I can take you up on learning that one video game finally?

I admit that this week has been most interesting - I've seen plenty of interesting things in my time but the Dragons and other creatures are most fascinating to watch.

So, since Lily's skipping off the woods, I have been entrusted with a mission to pass a message.

Some of you may have heard about the Mysterious Baggies of Leaves That Were Not Pot. Well, the reason for these has shown up. The cars are periodically occupied by nests of wasps that are called tracker jackers and apparently will cause hallucinations if they sting you. Or kill you. Because apparently they can do that.

Personal experience speaking, the birds are in cahoots with the wasps. One of them sounded like a very distressed friend of mine, and I almost had a tangle with some wasps (protego helps, but I wouldn't rely on it long term, fyi).

General advice is, when you hear the buzzing, put a door between you and them. They haven't mastered doors yet. And ... try to shoo the birds out the window, or kill them or something. The birds don't seem aggressive. Just taunty. The wasps though, they are all about aggression.

The doctors are prepared to handle this, so if you get stung, get your ass to the infirmary. If you can't, yell a lot until someone shows up to drag you there.

Thank you, train, for your amazing gift of pains in our collective asses.

Did you see what I think I saw? There are dragons here!!

Hello.