Title: I sucked a lot of cock to get where I am
Author: faraday
Characters: Crabbe/Goyle/Stubby Boardman
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Non-con(ish), Crabbe and Goyle. Sorry, that's a warning in my book.
Themes/kinks chosen: Faux spoilers month: Regulus Black is really Stubby Boardman, and Crabbe and Goyle realize they are terrible at magic and, in a bizarre twist of fate, end up forming a rock band with Dudley Dursley.
Word Count: 1244 words.
Summary: Stubby Boardman will do anything to relive his glory days.
Author's notes: So I had this fantastic fic all thought and planned out - where Stubby is the Simon Cowell of the Wizarding version of the X Factor, and Crabbe/Goyle/Dudley are his struggling band trying to make it through the competition, but alas, there was not a drop of smut to be had in that storyline (just crack comedy), so we had to make do with this instead. Title from the song by Regurgitator. Hope you enjoy. Thanks to Millieweasley for the beta!


Stubby nearly gagged, but he stopped at the last minute as he closed his eyes. He could do this - needed to do this. He'd done this before, and it was just like riding a broom. You never forgot, even if you didn't truly enjoy it. He'd had his cock sucked more times than he could count, by an endless string of witches and other groupies, so surely he knew what he was doing.

Well, as much as any drugged out former rock star knew what he was doing. These were desperate times, and he had no other choices. The boys needed him as much as he needed them. He just had to pass the 'audition'.

"What's wrong, Stubby? Kneazle got your tongue?" The cock thrust again into his hand and he looked up into the face of the man before him. "You said you'd do anything to get a gig with us, so what're'you waiting for?"

Greg Goyle was all solid lines of muscle. Muscles, tattoos and long hair. The screaming groupies liked that sort of thing these days, not skinny and barely able to fill a pair of leather trousers. It was a far cry from the heydays of the eighties. If truth be told, 'Big G' was attractive, if you liked that sort of thing. But Stubby was brought back to the here and now as he felt a hand pull at his (thinning) hair, bringing his face directly back to the cock. Swallowing his pride, every last shred of his dignity fled as he begrudgingly licked the tip of the cock.

He'd abased himself before, for the Dark Lord, but he had learned from that mistake. He'd forgotten long ago about that boy who made a grave mistake, who gave up everything to save his arse and go into hiding. Changing identities had been a stroke of genius, at least it had been until fame struck. It struck him in the middle of a gig that Voldemort would find him again, and that's when the realisation (and the turnip) struck. Fronting the Hobgoblins had probably not been his best idea, even if he'd had some fine moments.

But now with Voldemort gone, he found he missed the limelight; the screaming women and the adrenaline from a pumping stage performance. Regulus was best forgotten, but lately he found himself dwelling on memories and times best left in the past. A new career and a new diversion was what he needed. When the 'Big Boys' found their lead singer, big D, dead in a hotel room in Blackpool (with so much coke and vodka in his system, it blew the scales), they found themselves a band without a frontman.

Stubby Boardman was a frontman without a band. But he wanted to hex the arse of the twat from his people who told their people that he was desperate, and would do anything to secure a gig. The problem was, he really was desperate. He just didn't like to advertise the fact he would do anything. Stubby focussed now, forgetting everything as he remembered how he liked his own cock sucked. His tongue trailed up the underside, all the while thinking that Greg really was well endowed, and perhaps it was true what they always said about drummers. His tongue swirled around the tip again as he tried not to breathe in the stench of stale sweat. But Greg was having none of that, not letting him pull away to catch his breath.

The 'Big Boys' were on the lips of wizards - young and old - and Stubby realised the irony of that statement as he saw the way Greg looked at him. "Come on, Stubby," he leered. "Show us how badly you want this gig." Greg's hold on his hair was harder, his hand urging the cock further into Stubby's mouth. His teeth grazed along the underside of the cock as he unconsciously bit down on Greg's length. His grunt of protest unfortunately had the wrong effect, as Greg growled, pushing his head further onto the cock. "Fuck!"

Stubby felt cock hit the back of his throat, and he tried to pull away, but Greg was too strong. The cock slid in all the way and all he got for his struggles was a choking gasp of air and a groan of pure desire from Greg's mouth. "Too fucking good, Stubby," he gasped, thrusting his cock violently out, then back down Stubby's throat.

Stubby couldn't stop. 'The punishment for displeasing the Dark Lord is quite severe,' a voice crooned in his ear. Tears streamed down his face as he had tried not to be sick at the thought of what he was doing for his lord and master. It was at that moment Regulus knew he had to get away. Stubby reviled the long forgotten memories, wishing they could still be forgotten in a haze of alcohol and drugs. Was reviving a career worth the pain of reliving such memories?

He tried not to think. This was definitely not the time. He just needed to act, as Greg reminded him as he felt that cock slam down his throat again.

"He's not enjoying himself, Greg." Stubby hadn't heard the door open, but Vincent's grumbling tone was unmistakeable. From the look on Greg's face, and from the fact he didn't stop, it seemed Vincent wasn't surprised to walk in and find a guy sucking Greg's cock.

"Well Vinnie," Greg groaned, his hips thrusting towards Stubby's mouth as his face turned up in a smirk, "That's no good. You know what to do then."

Before Stubby could protest, he heard a snort, and a second later his hips were pulled up and stumpy fingers groped at his leather clad crotch. He jerked in protest, biting down hard. "Hey watch it," Greg scowled, but this time at Vince.

"I always thought you had a great arse, Stubby." He tried not to jerk away at the touch that now came around to his arse. Before he could protest again and move away, Greg's firm hands held his shoulders as Vinnie's were pulling at the buttons on his flies. That was the moment when it all came flooding back, and he finally surrendered.

"You'll learn to like it, Reg." There was that voice again. "The Dark Lord has taken a liking to you. Be lucky that he has rewarded you. It could have been something worse."

He'd once thought to find satisfaction in pleasing his Dark Lord, but he never did, finding it only lead to more and more pain. But the cock that slid roughly between his arse cheeks felt different. Hearing the dual grunts of satisfaction from both Vinnie and Greg, he found his own cock starting to harden, and in a moment it all turned around. Vinnie slammed hard into his arse, making him scream, which in turn caused Greg to cry out, shooting hard down his throat and cursing loudly at the pleasure. He felt Vinnie come soon after, and a realisation that it wasn't so bad after all. Not bad when Greg fell to his knees and sucked him off as Vinnie fucked him, and perhaps the demons of the past could finally make him forget Regulus, and all that he was.

Perhaps this hadn't been such a bad idea after all.