Author and artist reveals will happen tomorrow, but while you're waiting, here are some, er, interesting statistics for your enrichment...

This year we're looking at a total of 32 pieces of ass fic and art. Across those 32 pieces, there were 24 unique characters represented, including one who has, amazingly enough, never appeared in Kinky Kristmas before! Everyone give a warm welcome to our newest subject of seasonal smut, Filius Flitwick! We have no idea what took him so long... Maybe he's a late bloomer?

Well, let's see how the numbers break down...


As was the case with Banging Birthday, slash is way up. In fact, slash-only pieces accounted for 62.5% of the total -- which ties for the highest percentage with the total from 2010! (Which is certainly fab for the slash-lovers among us, but we clearly need to find some new fornicating females for the comm stat. *cough*)

Slash: 20
Het: 9
Femslash: 2
Mixed/Other: 1

Or when viewed a slightly different way:

Pieces containing slash: 21
Pieces containing het: 10
Pieces containing femslash: 2

Things were a little difficult to categorize this year, though. (Not that they aren't pretty much every year...) Mainly because 2016 was clearly the year of self-loving! We had 4 pieces that featured solo sex; three in which the wanking character was aided by the imagination (and perhaps a sex toy or two) and one in which the wanker was assisted by a rather spectacular view. This makes your masturbation-loving mods very happy, naturally!

But for counting purposes, we sorted those pieces into the "slash" or "het" columns based on the relative genders of the wanker and the objects of their fantasy. When tallying character appearances, we decided that any character who was not actually present and doing the deed "on screen," so to speak, didn't count. Sorry, Albus Severus, James Sirius, Alastor Moody, and (briefly) Harry Potter; you'll have to try harder if you want those numbers up next year!


...Not that Harry needs much of a boost. He's already the most frequently appearing character along with Draco. They were each present and accounted for in 8 pieces. After having been stuck in second place, Draco made it back into the top stop for the first time since 2013! It must really gall him to be sharing his spot on the podium with Harry, though...

Following just behind them in second place is Snape who was featured in 7 pieces. After having held the top position (*ahem*) previously, he finally went down (*cough*). But at least he doesn't have to share with anyone...?

Coming some distace behind our top three, tied for third place are Hermione, Sirius, and Teddy with 4 appearances each. Interestingly, Hermione and Teddy also fared well in our Banging Birthday last April, landing in fourth and third place, respectively. Sirius has definitely risen in the ranks since his measly 2 appearances in Banging Birthday, but he needs to work much harder if he's going to come close to the second place spot he held in 2013!


Conspicuously absent from the ranks is Charlie, who has typically fared well with these sorts of things. But it looks like redheads weren't terribly in fashion this year. Of the 7 Wealey siblings, only 3 appeared -- Charlie, Bill, and Ron. The only other member of the family to join in was Hugo -- and he was having sex solo! Maybe he was just practicing for next year? Should we expect to see him as an "up and coming" figure in the near future? In any case, Weasleys only appeared in 5 pieces this time around -- only 16% of the total.

Nex gen characters in general were a hit, however. One or more of them appeared in 9 pieces -- 28% of the total. Are they feeling the effects of renewed fame thanks to a certain play? Or have they simply come of age? Time (and future Kinky Kristmases) will tell...

Which isn't to say that the older characters aren't getting their freak on. Because they most definitely are. Albus, Gellert, Filius, Alastor, and Minerva certainly are, at any rate! In fact, the latter three on that list managed to keep up with partners considerably younger than themselves.


Well, our own preferences aside, which characters were most preferred by each other...?

Harry was most popular with his peers by far, having had 8 different partners. Coming in behind him is Draco with 6 partners. Although they appeared in the same number of pieces, their numbers don't quite match up. Could it be that Draco is (slightly) more committed to his partners...? Nah, definitely not. We know about his illict office affair with Lily Luna, after all. We can only guess that Slyterins are better than Gryffindors at not being caught in flagrante delicto.

Right, well, next come Teddy and Remus with 5 partners apiece. Why, hello, Remus! Good to see you making a showing again! But what's this? Where are Snape, Sirius, and Hermione?? Ah, well, they get an honorable mention-- along with James Sirius and Charlie -- for their mere(?) 4 partners each.


We have something completely different this year when it comes to the most frequently featured pairings. For the first time in Kinky Kristmas history, no pairing we featured more than twice! There were, however, 7 different pairings that appeared in plural -- and some of them were fairly peculiar...

Appearing two times:
Harry/Draco (including a threesome with Teddy)
Snape/Draco
Snape/Sirius
James/Sirius (including threesomes with Harry and Remus -- in the same piece, no less!)
Draco/Lily Luna
Teddy/James Sirius
Moody/Luna

For the Most Unusual Pairing award, we have to call a tie: it's a toss up between Moody/Luna and Flitwick/Hermione (both of which make a strange sort of sense, but neither of which we mods recall having seen before)!


There's no question about it; this year's Kinky Kristmas Super Freak award goes to Teddy. He indulged in a partner-sharing foursome, a polyamorous threesome, a bit of daddy roleplay with his godfather, and some very public sex! It must be noted, however, that all of his partners were male and that he kept to his own generation and only the two most popular members of the generation above.

Therefore, we have to award Hermione the award for Most Adventurous Sex Life. She had the widest array of characters, both male and female, ranging from her own generation to considerably older. She took charge with her best friend (Harry), had relations with two of her professors (Minerva and Filius), and enjoyed some student/teacher roleplay with an Auror (Tonks).

...And seriously, although she didn't make the lists this year, how can we not make mention of Luna? Maybe we should create a new award purely for her adventures with Moody's eye. But what would we call it?!


Well, folks, that's all for this year's stats! Stay tuned; reveals are on the way tomorrow (Sunday) at 1:00 pm U.S. Eastern time...