Title: Vibrators and Romance Novels go Together like Milk and Cookies
Author: luvscharlie
Characters/Pairings: Ron Weasley/Lavender Brown (past)
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Chosen: vibrators
Other Warnings: a love of bodice rippers, underage, masturbation, daydream charms, purple prose
Word Count: 1948
Summary/Description: When Lavender needs a "man" she turns from Ron to her romance novel fantasy man.
Author's Notes: Originally written for the November 2015 prompt of vibrators at daily_deviant Thank you lunalovepotter for the beta! Thanks to the team of girls who helped me work this out in my head.



The box arrived at Hogwarts by owl. The paper covering it was a glittery silver, and it was tied with a purple bow. It was part of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes's line of adult products, which were forbidden at Hogwarts, but that never stopped them from getting in. Fred and George Weasley were all about breaking rules, and after her horrendous break-up (that she still didn't fully understand) with that idiot, Ron Weasley, Lavender was in need of something of the adult variety. So Parvati had got her a new friend.

It was a pink, vibrating, friend of the eight inch variety. The biggest she'd ever seen. Ron did not even come close to eight inches. She had taken great pleasure in writing on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team's changing rooms that Ron Weasley had the tiniest willy on the planet. Petty? Perhaps. But it had felt so very good. She hoped he was embarrassed, and that the other Quidditch players started calling him Tiny Willy Weasley. That was probably too much to hope for, but a girl could dream.

Lavender should hate Ron, but it was so much easier to hate Hermione Granger. After all, they were dorm mates, and dorm mates just did not do that to one another. Mostly, she had never liked Hermione anyway, but that was not the point. At least it was not the point when Lavender was nursing her vain little broken heart. And she was not ready to be done with being petty just yet. It was her right as the broken-hearted. There were rules for the broken-hearted: always hate the other girl, ice cream had no calories for at least six weeks, and dirty looks at the new couple were not only permissible, they were expected and required.

The dorms were empty when she crept up the stairs with her new package; everyone else seemed to be revising for their exams in the common room. She sat down on her bed, and Lavender pulled out her brand new friend. She considered naming it, but that felt wrong. Also, she kept thinking of naming it Ron, which definitely was not going to happen. That really was wrong. Lavender was surprised when she looked in the box and there was a free sample of a Wheezes's Patented Daydream Charm.

Now, she just needed a fantasy. Lavender could not think of anything. She could not envision another one of those stupid boys her own age. They were not ready for a woman like her. Yes, that was it. It was probably the sole reason for her and Ron's break up. She was too much woman for such a novice. (Forget that she had no experience before him either. That was not relevant.) She could think of a professor, but the only one she really found attractive was Firenze, and she was not sure how that would work... also it kind of freaked her out to think of it. No, that wouldn't do.

It was after that disturbing thought that Lavender remembered the paperback tucked deep beneath her mattress. She pulled out the well-loved book. Some of the pages were falling out, it was so thoroughly read-- especially the good parts. They had been stuffed back in to their place with loving adoration. The cover had once been brightly coloured, though it had faded with all Lavender's handling of it. There was a big breasted woman with red hair grasping the exact kind of man Lavender was looking for. Captain Gerard. She had never paid much attention to the name of the girl. She always substituted her own name as she read along. But Captain Gerard, he was everything tall, dark and handsome should be, and he had an eye patch that made Lavender swoon.

Even if Ron grew up and filled out, which she highly doubted-- big, cheating cads did not get to ever look this pretty-- he would never look like Captain Gerard with his white silky shirt open to the waist revealing a muscular chest and rock hard abs. And his dark, sweeping locks were tied back in an appealing ponytail, not like that hideous ginger stuff Ron called hair. Why had she liked him again? Well, he was a good kisser and his arms were nice-- and Lavender shook that thought immediately from her brain. He was just an ugly, fat loser. Nothing more. Ron Loser Weasley. That was who he was. She nodded her head in affirmation, despite the fact that no one but Captain Gerard and Not Relevant Book Cover Female were there to see her.

This was it. This was what she wanted to focus her precious Daydream Charm on. She would be a pirate's wench on the high seas. She could not imagine anything farther from a pitiful, recently dumped witch than that. She would rather be a wench any day-- especially today.

Lavender pulled the curtains on her four-poster closed tight and tugged down her knickers, spreading her legs and clicking the tiny button on the vibrator. Even before the daydream, the first touch of the buzzing cock to her centre sent shivers over her skin. She popped the pink charm into her mouth and pushed it under her tongue, instantly feeling the room grow shimmery and out of focus as the pill dissolved.

There she was, but a moment later, on the deck of a pirate ship. It felt so real that Lavender could smell the salt of the sea and feel the wind in her hair. She walked to the railing and ran her hand over the rough wood, feeling the sharp splinters on her palm. There was a dull buzzing noise about, which the Twins should have fixed-- it was annoying her reality, but she was giving them a pass because they made her look 10 pounds lighter. Lavender was dressed in authentic pirate garb-- well, as authentic as those slutty pirate costumes that people wore for Hallowe'en could be. Still, she liked it. The heels on the boots were to die for. She wished she could take these shoes out of the dream with her.

Before she could take in her surroundings further, he was there. Her captain. Her hero. Her non-Ron Weasley. "Captain Gerard." She breathed the words, barely feeling them pass her perfectly lipsticked-lips.

"Ah, Lavender, I've been looking everywhere for you."

He knew her. Her captain, he knew her. Ron might be constantly surrounded by that Granger twit, fawning all over him, but her Captain knew her and was looking for her.

The Captain pressed her against the railing. "Where were you, my sweet girl?"

My sweet girl! Mine. He'd said it. Oh, this Charm was going to definitely be a re-order.

The Captain tilted up her chin and brushed his lips across hers. "I missed you."

Sigh. She slumped against him, her knees feeling a bit like jelly.

"If you aren't well, dear, I'll take you to your bed--"

"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed.

"--and you can rest."

"Wait! No." Lavender grabbed his hand and pulled him toward what must be the bed chamber. She knew nothing about the ship other than what she'd imagined when she read her precious book for the hundredth time, but in her book it had been here, and she knew with instinct she would find it right where she had imagined. She was not disappointed. Lavender entered a room filled with silk drapings, a large and beautiful wooden bed, with carved posts and a multitude of satin pillows. There was even a treasure chest in the corner, replete with golden coins, pearls and jewels. The setting was everything that was perfection.

Yes, this was what fantasies were made of.

Reality was beginning to meld with her fantasy. She could feel the soft buzz of the vibrator against her clit as her Captain pushed her down onto the plush bed and began to kiss her with abandon. Her fingers ghosted over the compass tattoo on his forearm, and moved to feel the leather of the eye patch she admired so much.

"Exploring more tonight than usual, my love."

His love. Finally, a man who appreciated what she had to offer. This was no boyish Ron Weasley. This was a man. A man who knew how to kiss and knew the right words to whisper in her ear. His tongue warred with hers for dominance, and Lavender was only too happy to submit.

She wrapped a leg around his waist and reached for the buckle on his belt feeling it give way to her nimble fingers. Her fingers had never been this cooperative when she and Ron were exploring atop the Astronomy Tower. She tugged down her Captain's fly and felt his large member in her hand. It was wiggly, which was probably the vibrator breaking through her fantasy. The buzzing seemed louder in her ear, and her clit was begging for the Captain's touch. Lavender squirmed beneath him, practically purring as he pulled her top down and began to lathe his tongue around one nipple and then the other.

"Yes," Lavender whispered, carding her fingers through his thick locks, tugging his ponytail free so that his hair fell over his shoulders in dark waves. She captured his lips in a hard kiss and he brooked no argument, her perfect lover, when she told him, "Now."

Her pirate garb was easy access, and Lavender wrapped her legs willingly around his waist. "No, not like that," her Captain whispered. He turned her to her stomach and prompted her to her knees. Ron had never done such a thing. This was uncharted territory and her heart beat in triple time, anxious for her pirate to do as he would. She wiggled her bottom in the air and relished the freedom this fantasy gave her to be so wanton.

Lavender felt him drape himself over her back, the hum of his cock against her entrance, the slow push into her. This was not the frenzied grapplings of a teenage boy. This was a skilled lover who knew what he was doing. Her Captain took long, slow strokes, pushing into her and pulling all the way out, so that she felt every inch of him. His finger worked her clit with expert precision, and she grabbed the silky sheets for purchase.

"Good, my love?" His voice was deep and sultry.

"Perfect." And it was.

The Captain continued those long, torturous strokes, the perfect pressure against her clit, and Lavender felt the wave of her orgasm course over her, again and again. Even when pleasuring herself in the dead of night in her dormitory, it had never been this good.

She sank into the sheets, pulse racing and fully sated.

Her perfect Captain Gerard kissed her once on the lips and whispered, "Until the next time, mine own."

Lavender shivered at his perfect parting words, as her dormitory came back into focus. She clicked the off button on the vibrator and resolved to order at least a dozen Wheezes's Daydream Charms the next morning.

***

Lavender found herself in better spirits as she headed down to the common room. She walked right up to Ron Weasley and that horrible frizzy-haired twit. "I will have you know, I don't need your boyish ways anymore. I have found a real man."

"Um, okay." Ron looked perplexed. "I mean, not that I care, but where did you find this man of yours?"

"Your brothers."

"Wait. What? All of them or a specific one?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." And with that Lavender sashayed away, swinging her hips in just the way to let him know what he had let get away.