Kiss Until the Sun Goes DownAuthor: writcraftCharacters/Pairings:
Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/James Potter, non-explicit James Potter/Lily EvansRating:
Outdoor sexOther Warnings:
Suggestions of internalised homophobia, pining, excessive cursing, frotting, oral sex, sexual activity under the age of 18 (characters are 16/17)Word Count:
Spending so much time with James is becoming a problem for Sirius, not least because James seems far more interested in pursuing Lily Evans than anybody else and Remus seems to expect something from Sirius that he isn’t sure he’s ready to give.Author's Notes:
Although I missed my usual posting spot, today looks clear and I hope this post gets me back into the swing of my monthly Daily Deviant commitments. I'm sorry for a prolonged and unexpected absence. Thanks to A for the SPaG check. Please enjoy!
It soon becomes apparent to Sirius Black that he couldn’t give a flying motorbike about snogging girls. When the fittest Ravenclaw in Hogwarts asks for a little private tuition in the Restricted Section, Sirius can’t get away quickly enough.
“How was it?” James is eager, desperate for details.
“She’s very attractive,” Peter comments, an edge of jealousy to his tone.
“I don’t think Padfoot liked it much,” Remus mutters, smiling to himself as if he’s got a secret nobody else knows. His eyes lift, Sirius meets them and a jolt of realisation nearly sends him fleeing for his room.
“Wet?” James scrunches up his nose. “What the fuck were you doing?”
“Just snogging.” Sirius tries not to shudder at the thought of doing anything more. “It was fine, I just don’t think she’s my type.”
“No, clearly.” Remus again, his nose in a book. He's irritatingly smug.
“Well I don’t see you snogging the best looking girls in school, Moony.” Sirius stands with a huff, and folds his arms.
“No, you don’t.” Remus looks up again and he gives Sirius a wink and a small grin. “Not my thing.”
“Moony prefers a good read to a good snogging session.” James laughs and he swings an arm around Sirius. “Maybe you need a Slytherin – someone bad
. Ravenclaws are far too smart for you.”
“Piss off you idiot.” Sirius tries not to react to James’ proximity. The idea of kissing doesn’t seem half as unappealing when James grins at him like that, his lips plump and full.
“Besides, I think Sirius is spoken for.” Remus says it like it’s a joke, teasing James and Sirius and smiling as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.
It’s only when Sirius looks back at Moony later in the evening that Sirius notices a strange look on his face as he watches Sirius play fight with James, caught somewhere between sadness and hope.*
It starts with a blowjob against the castle walls.
They’re fighting about something – Moony always fights with Sirius when the full moon draws close. The skies are heavy with rainclouds and the wind whips around them, reaching a crescendo which nearly pulls Sirius off his feet. He tugs Moony into an alcove hidden from the elements, and stares at him as they stand nose to nose.
“Time of the month, Moony?”
“Idiot.” Remus moves to push Sirius back. His hands connect with Sirius’ chest, but he doesn’t push. Instead his hands linger, his palms heating Sirius’ skin and one hand settling over his heart. “You’ll come to the Shack with me?”
“Always.” His voice is gruff, because it’s difficult to speak with Remus so close. “You know Padfoot likes to roll around with his wolf cub.”
“Just Padfoot?” Remus arches an eyebrow and he brushes his hair back from his forehead. He winds Sirius’ tie around his hand and tugs him close.
“Maybe not.” Sirius can’t quite breathe anymore and his lips brush close to Remus. “What are you doing?”
“Saying thank you for looking after me.” Without so much as another word, Remus drops to his knees. His hands fumble with Sirius’ belt buckle and Sirius sucks in a sharp breath.
“You daft prat, I don’t need you to…”
“I know.” Remus looks up, his eyes shining. “Just…let me.”
Sirius props himself up, resting his hand against the castle wall. Remus pushes down his trousers and then – in one blissful motion – Sirius finds his cock enveloped in the tight, wet heat of Moony’s mouth. He barely manages to keep himself steady on his feet as Remus slides his mouth over his length, making Sirius growl low in his throat.
It doesn’t take long for Sirius to come with a shout, deep inside Moony’s throat. Remus slides back and buckles Sirius’ trousers, a smile lingering on his lips. He wipes his hand over the back of his mouth and looks back towards the school. “We should get back. It’s getting dark.”
“Wait.” Sirius grabs Remus and tugs him close, their eyes meeting in the half-light of early evening. “Don’t you want me to return the favour?”
“No need.” Remus shakes his head and puts some distance between them. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”I’m ready now
Sirius wants to say, but he isn’t, and he doesn’t.*
The night Sirius leaves home, his father calls him a faggot and a blood traitor. Sirius shrugs his shoulders, mutters something about good fucking riddance
and pretends he doesn’t care.
When he tells James about it, he makes it sound like an adventure. He brags about the witty retorts he never made, and he does impressions of his father before declaring his parents are nothing more than racist, homophobic cunts.
Even after everything, Sirius can’t simply say it without a flicker of emotion. Instead, hot tears prick the back of his eyes and he forces down a decent gulp of the expensive brandy James managed to pilfer from his dad’s drink cabinet. It helps, and the desperate urge to cry recedes.
Sirius focuses on James because Christ, he’s beautiful when his hair is all askew and his eyes are lazy with booze and sleep. Besides, focusing on James helps Sirius to stop thinking about the expression on his mother’s face when he left Grimmauld Place behind forever.
“Let’s get pissed,” James declares, and Sirius isn’t the sort to tell him they’ll both regret it in the morning.
“I thought we already were.” Sirius takes another swig of brandy to emphasise the point and stares openly at James.
It’s becoming a bit of a problem, this lounging around on the floor in his expensive monogramed sleepwear when James looks good enough to eat. Sirius knows he’s getting hard and he rolls onto his stomach before James notices. Because James would ask, with a hint of a smirk and his I know you want to fuck me
stare. James is an arrogant prick, but he’s the best mate Sirius has ever had and he has fine taste in brandy.
“I’ve been thinking about Evans.” James lies on his back and looks up at the ceiling. He smiles and it’s blinding. “I think this year could be my year.”
Sirius snorts. “You’ll spend the year falling off your broom trying to impress her and she’ll tell you to piss off, just like she always does.”
“Do you think she’s shagging Snape?” James turns to prop himself on his elbow and he contemplates Sirius as if he’s actually worried.
“I don’t think she’s shagging anyone – I just don’t think she wants to shag you
.” Sirius grins at James and throws a rolled up bit of paper in his direction. “But if she is
shagging Snivellus, I’m going to piss myself laughing.”
“Fuck off.” James laughs with the easy confidence of someone used to getting his own way. He probably will in the end, Sirius is sure of it. He doesn’t like to think about that too hard. Not when James is close enough to touch, smelling like broom polish, brandy and soap. “What about you?”
Sirius stills and he looks away, studying the bottle of brandy and picking at the label. “What about me?”
“There must be someone you’re interested in?”
Sirius shrugs and hopes James can’t see the heat rising in his cheeks. “No one in particular. Besides, I can always ask Moony to suck me off again.”
Sirius feels like a shit as soon as the words leave his mouth. James laughs and murmurs, “Can’t believe he did that. He liked it, too, you said.”
“’Course he did. Who wouldn’t?” Sirius gives James a couldn’t-care-less smile, while the memory of Moony’s uncertain face and fumbling hands makes him squirm uncomfortably. He shifts onto his back, his erection well and truly gone. Laughing about one of his best friends’ secrets is something of a mood killer. “Don’t be a prick.”
“You’re the one that mentioned it,” James mutters. The silence stretches between them and when James speaks again, his voice is soft and chiding. “I think he likes you. Don’t fuck around with him, not Moony.”
“What the fuck do you know?” Sirius’ stomach clenches and a wave of shame washes over him. “He just wanted to have a bit of fun and I was available.”
“Still think you’re the only queer in Hogwarts?” James rolls his eyes and looks down at Sirius, his expression serious.
“Unless you’ve decided to play for my team.” Sirius resists the urge to brush James’ hair back from his face, and folds his hands on his stomach. “You’re welcome to suck my cock too, you know.”
James grins and he shakes his head. “Not tonight.”
Sirius reaches for the brandy and resists the urge to ask when
because he already knows the answer.*
When Sirius finds out about James and Lily, the sky is heavy with clouds and lightning slices through the night.
Remus holds Sirius’ gaze without flinching before turning back to his book and leaving through the pages. “Last week. I’m surprised he didn’t mention.”
“Me too.” His heart hammering and his cheeks hot, Sirius sits back in his seat. His mind fills with unwanted images of James snogging Lily – of James fucking
Lily. He slams his book closed with a growl and begins to pace. “It won’t last.”
Remus says something in reply, but a thunderclap and the dull roar in Sirius’ head drowns out his words.*
Sirius lets it happen for a second time, when he and Moony are half drunk on shit liquor, watching the stars.
“Do you want to do it again?” Drinking makes Sirius horny and he’s always drinking these days.
“What?” Remus arches his eyebrow and shifts in place, his cheeks taking on a light flush. “Do what?”
“You know what.” Sirius leans close and he gives Remus what he hopes is an alluring gaze. Emboldened by the booze he takes Remus’ hand and presses it against his cock. “Will you?”
Remus looks around and then grins, his eyes flashing. “We’re outside again. I suppose that turns you on, doesn’t it?”
“It might.” Sirius slides his hand into Remus’ hair, toying with the sandy strands. “You
turn me on.”
Remus looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead he works open Sirius’ belt and moves down his body without so much as a kiss on the lips.
The way Moony sucks cock is sinful, Sirius thinks as he lies back and closes his eyes. He worships it, licking every inch and teasing the slit with his tongue. He gets Sirius nice and wet and brings him to the edge of pleasure before taking Sirius deep into his mouth.
He’s been practicing.
The thought sends a jolt of jealousy through Sirius. He pushes it to the back of his mind with a growl and tightens his fist in Moony’s hair. “Fuck, that’s good…don’t stop.”
Remus doesn’t respond, he just increases the pressure of his lips and slides over Sirius with a low hum of contentment.
The wind whispers around them and Sirius relaxes into the sensations, letting images of James flood his mind.*
“I’m going to marry Lily Evans one of these days, just you wait and see.” James hugs Sirius with a delighted laugh. “We’ll have a house with a garden big enough to have one of those miniature Quidditch pitches and enough kids to make a whole Gryffindor Quidditch team.”
Sirius pushes James back, because even now it hurts to be this close to him. He’s so fucking young and stupidly in love, it makes Sirius want to cry.
“You might want to ask Evans before you start telling people your plans for a baby Potter for every year.” Sirius puts some distance between himself and James and sits on the large sofa in the Gryffindor common room. “Besides, a fumble against the castle walls doesn’t mean you’re going to live happily ever after.”
“Don’t be a prat.” James settles next to Sirius and stretches his legs out, crossing them at the ankles. He’s even more confident than usual these days and walks with a bounce in his step, as if he’s got everything he ever wanted and more. “We’ll be together until we’re old and grey and we’ll have you and Moony for fish and chips every Thursday.”
“And Peter?” Sirius lets the reference to Remus slide. For now. He’s more interested in wondering if James might see him differently if everything with Lily goes to shit.
James frowns. “We need someone for him too. Do you think he’s into girls? I never see him with anyone but you these days.”
“He’s not into me
if that’s what you’re asking.” Sirius rolls his eyes and nudges James with his shoulder. “Not that I’m not bloody lovely.”
“Yeah, you’re a real catch.” James laughs and he nudges Sirius back. “Moony certainly thinks so. He told me about the other night.”
“He did?” Sirius stares at James. “It was supposed to be our secret.”
“Yeah, well.” James gives Sirius a look. “You tell me his secrets, he tells me yours.”
The way James looks at Sirius makes his body flush with heat.
“There are secrets and there are secrets
James continues to watch Sirius and nods. “And I reckon I know them all.”*
“Come on, we’re going out.” James grabs Sirius after an achingly dull Arithmancy lesson. He strides along the corridors, hardly noticing the giggling first years that watch him as if he’s some kind of god.
Sirius pulls a face and runs to catch up with James. “Where the fuck are we going?”
“No idea. Forbidden Forest.” James doesn’t look at Sirius and his face clouds. “Wherever you and Moony go to fuck.”
“Piss off.” Sirius stops in his tracks.
James turns on his heel. His lips curve into the kind of insolent, self-assured smile that makes Sirius’ heart quicken. “Are you telling me you don’t want to?” James steps closer and his breath is hot on Sirius’ cheeks. “Come on, Padfoot. I dare you
With a growl, Sirius yanks James along and barely looks at him. His shoulders tighten with fury and his heart nearly pounds out of his chest.
He has questions, but he won’t ask them here. Not where everybody can see Sirius Black behaving like a star-struck first year over James bloody Potter.*
“You finally fucked things up with Evans, I take it?”
They settle in a clearing deep in the heart of the Forbidden Forest. The leaves crunch beneath Sirius’ feet and he slips off his robe, throwing it down on the floor and sitting down.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” James follows suit and he sits closer to Sirius than usual, his eyes flashing and his face set in grim determination. “I want to forget about it. Thought you could help.”
Before Sirius can respond, James is on him – kissing him hard. Sirius shoves him off and wipes his mouth with a muttered curse as James falls back onto his robes with a muttered fucks sake
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“What I thought you wanted.” James sits up on his knees and all Sirius wants to do is kiss him again. “It is
what you want, isn’t it?” He looks smug. “Moony told me you said my name when he was sucking your cock.”
“No I didn’t.” Horrified, Sirius stares at James. He tries to remember that night but it’s all blurred with the memory of shooting stars and pure, unbridled pleasure. “That’s bullshit.”
“He thought so too.” James inches forward and his hands work open Sirius’ belt. “But it’s true, isn’t it? You want me to fuck you?”
“Not quite.” Sirius catches James’ hand and he pushes him back onto the floor. He settles over James and rocks against him, his breathing heavy. “That’s not how I do things, not even for you. I’m the one in charge, J. Sure you still want this?”
“I…” James pauses and Sirius rocks again. James groans, hardening against Sirius’ thigh. “You’re a bloody animal.”
Sirius laughs, a sharp bark. He fists his hand in James’ hair and nods. “And that’s why you love me.”
When Sirius finally kisses James, he pretends it’s on his terms.
He kisses James with all the years of watching, waiting and hoping. He kisses away his queerness, because nothing’s wrong with James. Nothing hurts
with James. He kisses away the memory of his father calling him a faggot and he kisses away every last bit of Remus Lupin.
They both come just from grinding against one another, and lie back on their crumpled robes, hot, sticky and embarrassed.
The silent stretches into the night and even when Sirius reaches for James, the distance between them is insurmountable.*
James is back with Lily three days later, walking around the school with a swagger and telling anyone prepared to listen that this time it’s for keeps.
“You won’t say anything?” James can’t quite look at Sirius and he makes a show of reaching for the bacon one morning at breakfast, keeping his voice low.
“And have you moping like around the place again?” Sirius snorts, and keeps his voice level. “No chance. You’re no fun when you’re miserable. I can keep a secret.”
“I’ve got evidence that you can’t
.” James rolls his eyes and nods towards Remus who hasn’t properly spoken to Sirius for days. “I told Moony so you don’t have to.”
Sirius stares at James, his blood running cold. “What the fuck did you do that for?”
“I knew it would come out eventually.” James shrugs and takes a mouthful of eggs. “I wanted to explain myself. He’s my mate too and I’d be casting Unforgivables if one of you went after Lily.”
“Who’s going after Lily?” Peter sits next to Sirius and reaches for the juice.
“Nobody.” James gives Sirius as look that quite clearly says zip it
but Sirius isn’t focused on James anymore.
For the first time in what seems like forever, the only person Sirius wants to focus on is the one person who refuses to meet his eyes.*
“No Prongs today?” Remus falls into step next to Sirius after Potions and they walk outside together as if it’s second nature to find parts of the castle hidden in shadows.
“He’s somewhere with Lily.”
“That must smart.” Remus looks up at the sky when they reach a quiet spot and drops down his satchel, which is battered tan leather and stuffed full of books. “Seeing someone you’re half in love with snogging someone else.”
“I’m not in love with him.” Sirius rolls his eyes and leans against the wall next to Remus. Their shoulders brush together and a jolt of electricity makes Sirius’ head spin. “I’m not in love with anyone.”
“Except yourself,” Remus mutters.
“Fuck off.” Sirius laughs and tips his head to the side to contemplate Remus. “He told you we had a moment?”
Remus pulls a face and nods. “It sounded very romantic. He told me you both came in your pants.”
Sirius winces. “It was a bit embarrassing.”
“I’m sure it was. Still, you got what you wanted.” Remus continues to look up at the sky. “I’m not planning to suck you off again, if that’s what you’re hoping for.”
“It wasn’t.” Sirius takes a breath and he pushes himself off the wall, standing close to Remus. “I think it’s your turn.”
Remus rolls his eyes before fixing Sirius with a glare, his eyes flashing hazel and gold. “Need the practice?”
“Not exactly.” Sirius runs his hands over Remus’ side and pulls him close. He wonders how he never noticed before how their bodies fit together just so.
“I’m not going to be the person you come to when no one else is interested.” Remus shifts against Sirius and he looks fierce. “I hope you know that.”
“You’re hardly that.” Sirius flicks his tongue over the spot on Moony’s neck where he can almost taste his quickening heartbeat. “I became a mongrel for you.”
“You became an Animagus,” Remus clarifies. “I had no influence on the form. The mongrel is all you.” His voice is thin, his breathing unsteady. Sirius nibbles on his skin and shifts closer, so the full length of their bodies press together. “Besides, James and Peter did it too. Everyone was at it. You said it would be a laugh. It wasn’t wholly altruistic.”
“I held a mandrake leaf in my mouth for a month.” Sirius slides his hand into Remus’ hair and grazes his teeth along his jaw. The thick, coarse strands slip between his fingers and he tugs Remus closer. He wonders why he never noticed how good
Remus smells when he’s horny and fresh out of potions. He smells like leather bound books, musky soap and desire. “It wasn’t quite the hoot I thought it would be.”
Remus laughs, and when he speaks his voice is low and teasing. “I suppose you might care after all.”
Sirius thinks of the hours spent with Remus, holding him close when he transforms and going somewhere primal with him on the darkest evenings when the moon hangs full in the sky. He tugs the lobe of Remus’ ear between his teeth and rocks against him. “I suppose I might. Stupid of me not to notice.”
“My thoughts exactly.” Remus unbuckles Sirius’ belt and lets out a low groan when Sirius stops him.
“Not that. Not yet.”
“Then what?” Remus looks at Sirius, and they’re so close Sirius can smell the peppermint on Moony’s breath. The receding daylight casts long shadows around them and Sirius pulls Remus further into the darkness.
When Sirius finally kisses Remus, it’s different to the kisses he’s had before. It’s not angry, like the kiss with James. It’s not showing off, or pretending he's straight. It’s just a kiss, in the burnished light from the setting sun.
It’s a kiss which says I’m ready
. It’s hard bodies rubbing against one another, slender lines and masculine scent. It’s acceptance, and in that one moment it’s everything.
“I hope you like fish and chips.” Remus breaks the kiss first, and smiles as if he’s never going to stop. “James and Lily seem to think we’ll be the friendly neighbourhood couple they can have over for dinner.”
“Every Thursday,” Sirius answers with a grin. “With their army of mini-Potters.”
Remus’ expression clouds and his eyes flicker as the shadows darken around them. “There’ll be other armies first.”
Sirius kisses Remus again, and this time it’s fierce and desperate. It says stay here
in the one perfect moment where all that matters is kissing until the sun goes down.
They stay locked in one another’s arms until a whoop from James and a laugh from Peter breaks them apart.
Sirius looks up and slings a casual arm around Remus, meeting James’ eyes briefly with a small nod of understanding – a wink of it’s fine, we’re still best mates
“It’s time for dinner.” Peter nods towards the Great Hall. “McGonagall’s going to have kittens if you don’t show up. Again.”
“We wouldn’t want to get into trouble.” James laughs and punches Sirius lightly on the shoulder. “Come on, then. Get a move on. There’ll be plenty of time to sneak out after sticky toffee pudding. Besides, I think it’s fish and chips tonight. You can’t miss that.”
Sirius buries his nose in Moony’s hair to breathe in his scent, and nods. “All the time in the world for snogging.”
“And the rest.”
Together, they walk back into the castle as the crescent moon casts a silvery light around them and the North Star burns brightly in the sky.~Fin~