Title: A Simple Act of Larceny
Author: mindabbles
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius/James
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Chosen: Bad porn prompt: hapless character accidentally finds him/herself in the middle of a debauched situation and ends up joining in.
Other Warnings: Threesome, rimming, desecrating a Black family heirloom, voyeurism
Word Count: 3,500
Summary/Description: Sirius has always wanted to give that chair a go. Audience participation only makes it better.
Author's Notes: What does it mean that I had already written at least half a dozen of the bad porn prompts? This prompt seemed to me to call out to these three, and I have been wanting to write this for a while. It goes out to gryffindor_j for some of her recent help and support and because the fic in which this chair was first mentioned was written for her (that fic was Pursuit of Imperfection and there is absolute no need to read it to get this).



Remus' arse is a perfect, perfect thing, gently curving up from his thighs, rounding down into the slope of his lower back. His trousers cling, stretched just a bit tight across the fullest bit. He must know, devious as he is, that Sirius can't read, can't write, can't begin to think about the feet of homework he has when Remus is lying like that – working on his bed, stretched out on his front, bare feet hanging off the edge of the bed. Remus taps his quill thoughtfully against his mouth, pulling one side of his bottom lip under his front teeth.

"Padfoot? Padfoot," Remus says. "Where you off to?"

"What?" Sirius asks. Remus is looking at him with an amused, lopsided smile. Sirius wants to kiss his soft hair away from his face, pressing him into the mattress.

"I've asked you twice, what's Fuegelhammer's fourth rule of transfiguration?"

"Hmm," Sirius says, his gaze travelling the length of Remus' body. Remus squirms deliciously, a sly little smile playing about his lips. "I was thinking about something else."

"Were you?"

Sirius nods and pushes himself from his chair. "I was." He crosses the room until his legs press against Remus' bed. Remus' feet and their sensitive soles beg to be touched.

"Let me guess," Remus says, regrettably rolling onto his back and removing his spectacular arse from view -- not entirely regrettable, really. As it happens, his front's equal to his back. He props himself on his elbows and raises his eyebrows. He pokes his big toe into Sirius' thigh. "Deep thoughts about what's for pudding tonight?"

"That does merit consideration," Sirius says. He slips his fingers over the skin and angles of Remus' ankle. Remus shifts on the bed, a barely visible shudder running through him, "Not, in fact, what I'm thinking about now."

Remus runs his foot up the side of Sirius' thigh. "Where're James and Peter?"

"Well, Moony," Sirius says. He climbs onto Remus' bed and crawls until he can kiss his lips. "Mm, James is Head-boying about, going straight to dinner after a meeting or whatever it is he does when he has that badge on." Remus pushes up on his elbows to kiss Sirius again, lips pressing together and a hint of Remus' tongue tracing his mouth.

Sirius presses back, deepening the kiss as Remus works a hand into Sirius' hair, cupping the back of his head. Cheeks...jaw...neck...Sirius kisses every bit of Remus he can reach. He wraps his hands around Remus' wrists and pulls.

"Peter's revising with Heather Abbott," Sirius says, pulling Remus again, and Remus moves with him, following.

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Remus says, laughing. "Come here." Remus tries to lie back on the bed, trying to bring Sirius with him.

Sirius smiles. He still holds Remus' wrists. "No."

"No?"

"You come here." Sirius slides off the bed, tugging until Remus relents. "There's something, or somewhere, I've been wanting to give a go."

"A plan?" Remus asks, his lips quirking into a smile. "Should I be worried?"

The chair is centuries old, passed down through generations. It held a prominent place in the library, its dark, ornately carved wood and heavy, luxurious green fabric off-limits to children. It was big enough that they'd wanted to drape sheets over it, making it a fort. The curving snake at the top would have been their mascot. The hidden drawer underneath would have been a perfect spot to store all manner of accessories of boyhood games. The day that Sirius left that house, after days of planning and waiting for exactly the right moment, this had been his one utterly impulsive act. He had pointed his wand at it, not believing for a second that this ancient artefact would respond to a simple charm, and shrunk it to the size of a snitch. Gobsmacked at the ease of it all, he pocketed it, mounted his broom, and took off for James'.

He's still not entirely certain why this is the one thing he took, and not something more useful, but this simple act of larceny was perhaps most satisfying as he considered his parents trying to figure out what happened to it, and if they thought of him, wondering how he'd done it. James had insisted they bring it back to the dorm, to add a touch of the regal.

Sirius backs up to the chair and falls into it, never letting go of Remus' wrists. The chair is huge, vulgar, really. The drawer at the bottom opens with a charm, but only for members of the family by blood or marriage. Sirius hadn't been sure if it would work for him, once he was disowned and dishonoured. It didn't seem to care about that. When he'd lifted the chair and taken it to James', the first thing he'd done was open it. It slid back with a scraping sound and revealed itself to be disappointingly empty. Sirius had always imagined it to contain implements of torture when he was younger. Perhaps he and Remus could put it to better use.

He pulls Remus into his lap, giving himself over to the shiver of pleasure that Remus will slide onto him so eagerly. He pulls Remus' jumper up and Remus shucks it almost as if it were burning his skin. He hooks his fingers in the waist of Remus' trousers. He can't get used to this, feels a moment of awe every time that he gets to see and to hold Remus like this. He can't let Remus up, can't bear now to lose contact, so the trousers go with a charm and Remus is naked and hard and gorgeous in his lap.

Sirius cups his hands around Remus' arse, kneading and teasing and moving Remus with him. The skin of his shoulder tastes salty on Sirius' tongue, and he presses Remus closer, heat pressing down on him.

"Get yours off," Remus mouths hot in Sirius' ear. Sirius feels almost more than he hears the words.

"Can't," he says, smiling against Remus' skin. "You're on me."

"Idiot," Remus says. He reaches behind and Sirius groans at the way Remus shifts in his lap. He comes back with his wand and Sirius' clothes lift neatly off him and fall in a pile on the bed.

"You could have at least folded them."

"Shut up. We don't know how much time we have."

Sirius kisses Remus then, urging him to part his lips and let Sirius' tongue slide along his. He can't feel anything but Remus' tongue and his thighs pressing down on his and his hands in his hair and on his skin.

"Oh god, Padfoot," Remus groans, and Sirius looks into his eyes. He could quite happily drown in this feeling.

Out of the corner of his eye, over Remus' shoulder, he sees a shape in the door. There's a riot of hair at the top of the shape. He stills for a second and Remus utters a whimper of complaint. The shape doesn't retreat and Sirius slides his fingers along Remus' cleft and presses open mouthed kisses to his neck. Remus arches his neck, baring tendons and muscle to Sirius' teeth, and spreads his knees wider on either side of Sirius' thighs.

"Moony," Sirius whispers, lips against Remus' skin. "We have an audience."

Remus grinds down into Sirius' lap and Sirius lets out a long, low moan. "I thought I heard something." Remus' tongue laves up Sirius' neck to his ear, more breathy whispers on heated skin. "James?"

"Mm-hm," Sirius hums into Remus' hair. He smoothes his hands over Remus' arse. "I love your arse, Moony," he says, a bit louder than is strictly necessary.

"That's the way, eh?" Remus murmurs, rolling his hips under the attention Sirius is lavishing on his arse.

Sirius catches Remus' eye, making sure he's game, and there's the twinkle that he loves. "Suck my cock," he commands.

There's a barely audible groan from the doorway and Remus drops to his knees with a little laugh. Sirius has never been so hard in his life – well maybe the first time Remus stuck his hand into his pants, but that didn't last long enough to count.

"Not afraid I'll bite?" Remus asks, his tongue just touching the tip of Sirius' cock.

"Afraid you won't," Sirius says. His head falls back against the chair's stiff cushion with a groan as his cock is engulfed in Remus' hot mouth. "Christ, Moony. I love how you suck me. I love the feel of your mouth," he says, as much for James' benefit as for the way the words feel on his tongue.

Remus' laughter sends vibrations along his cock and he thrusts into the heat of Remus' mouth. Remus splays his hands on Sirius' thighs, pushing his legs apart and settling between them.

James is standing in the open door, mouth gaping and hand drifting down to a bulge in the front of his robes.

"You're letting in a draft," Sirius says, controlling the tremor in his voice.

Remus pulls his mouth off Sirius' cock with a slick sound and looks over his shoulder. "And you'd best watch out for midges going down your throat."

James' mouth clamps shut and he does an odd little step in and out in the doorway.

"Come in or go out," Sirius says, throwing James a challenging look. He threads his fingers through Remus' hair and angles that brilliant mouth back toward his cock.

"You may as well come in," Remus says, and then he opens his mouth and sucks just the tip of Sirius' cock between his lips.

"Yes," Sirius hisses through gritted teeth. Remus' tongue circles the head of his cock, setting every nerve ending on fire.

"Uh, are you, I – um, yeah," James says.

His cheeks are already flushed and he has that delightfully rumpled, just-shagged look about him almost all the time anyway. James speechless, with Remus egging him on, is about the hottest thing Sirius has seen in ages. He flings his leg over the arm of the great chair and looks down at Remus' head bobbing between his legs. That is definitely in the running for hottest thing ever, on second thought.

"Come in and close the door, Prongs," Sirius says. His voice sounds rough and husky to his own ears, Remus' barely-there suction keeping him on edge and his body humming for more.

James finally does come in, walking with an awkward gait, wearing a look on his face as if he's about to face Dementors.

Remus pulls off Sirius' cock again, sits back, and stretches and cracks his jaw. "You can just watch. We don't mind, do we, Padfoot?"

James makes a sound like a Kneazle that's had its tail trod upon. He grinds the heel of his hand into his erection.

"No, we don't, Moony," Sirius says. He gets up from the chair and pulls Remus to his feet. "Prongs, want to watch me fuck Moony?"

"Oh god," James moans.

"And you have to say it. I won't fuck him right now, in front of you, unless you say you want it."

"Oi," Remus objects, crossing his arms over his chest. Sirius falls a little deeper in love with him right then, watching him standing there in front of James, making no effort to cover his hard cock. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"I'll fuck you either way, Moony. It's just whether or not he gets to watch."

"All right then," Remus says and he kneels in the chair, bracing his hands against the back. His long back stretches out and his beautiful arse curves temptingly toward Sirius.

Sirius moves to Remus, wraps his arms around his waist and presses his chest to Remus' back. James follows, standing to the side right next to the chair. Sirius can feel his eyes on them as he slides his cock between Remus' thighs.

Remus moans and his breath is loud and ragged. He pushes back against Sirius and turns to look at him over his shoulder. "Come on," he says, bending at the waist and pushing his knees as far apart as they can go on the chair.

Sirius caresses Remus' back, over his arse, and slips his fingers along his cleft. "Watch this," he says to James, who looks as if he's been petrified and clearly has no hope of doing anything else.

"Do whatever you're going to do," James says. He's leaning against the side of chair now, rubbing his cock through his robes.

Sirius falls to his knees behind Remus and waits for Remus' breathy little gasp of anticipation before he drags his tongue in a broad swipe from Remus' balls, over his hole, to the top of his arse.

"Oh, holy hell," James moans.

Sirius hears the rustle of clothing and knows James must be opening his robes. He draws his tongue back down and circles Remus' tight rim with the tip.

"Yes, Padfoot, Merlin," Remus groans.

"What – how does that feel?" James asks. The heat in his voice makes Sirius' cock ache. "Moony?"

"Unh—it, ah," Remus tries, but Sirius has no intention of leaving him able to speak.

Sirius grips Remus' arse, spreading his cheeks and pushing his tongue just inside, cutting off his attempt to answer James. Sirius is thrumming with desire. He wants nothing more that to fuck Remus hard and fast and watch James wank himself raw watching them. And then maybe he'll get James to fuck him. He concentrates on Moony's arse to stop himself from coming from the thoughts racing through his head. He laps at Remus' entrance, alternately tracing the edge and pushing inside, gently fucking him open and readying him for what's next.

"Hot, wet, Christ," Remus gasps. "Fucking brilliant."

"Do you want him to fuck you?" James asks, and Sirius is sure he can hear the slip and slide of James' hand on his own cock.

"Yes, fuck, yes," Remus says, and that's enough for Sirius.

He pulls back and stands. "Toss me that," he says to James, gesturing to the little pot on his bedside table. James catches and holds his gaze, his eyes blazing, and he strokes his cock one, two, three times before reaching to grab the pot and toss it to Sirius.

Sirius slicks his cock, and eyes still locked with James', presses just the head inside Remus' body.

"Sirius," Remus moans immediately. "More."

He has to close his eyes for a moment. This moment when he feels himself engulfed by Remus' heat, so close to him in every way, always threatens to overwhelm him. He pushes in slowly, relishing every sensation until his stomach and hips press up against Remus' back. He wraps his arms around Remus' waist, hands pressed to his abdomen. He wants Remus to feel him everywhere.

"Fuck," James says and he sits on Remus' bed, spreading his legs and working his cock. James looks debauched and gorgeous in his slightly dishevelled way, with his robes hanging open, Head Boy badge dangling to one side, and his tie hanging crooked down his bare chest. Remus is watching him too, and Sirius feels a flare of something that is not quite jealousy. He has never, not once, had to share Remus' attention before.

He pulls out and holds for a breath until Remus groans his protest and pushes back. Sirius leans as close as he can to Remus' ear and whispers, "Perfect."

Sirius rocks forward and back, entering Remus and then nearly pulling out again and again. Remus meets him with every stroke. He loves this, loves it when Remus can't help but try and get him deeper, make Sirius fuck him harder.

"You two look—ngh," James mutters.

James stands, his shadow blocking the afternoon sun that streams through the window, and moves almost directly behind Sirius. From this angle, he will be able to see Sirius' cock sliding into Remus, Remus' arse and thighs tensing with the effort of meeting Sirius stroke for stroke.

"Reach around," Sirius says. "Ask him if you can touch him."

"Oh god," Remus moans, and Sirius feels him tighten on his cock. Remus' knuckles are white where they grip the back of the chair.

"Can I?" James asks, his voice trembling with need or nerves or both.

Remus nods and James steps closer to the chair. He leans against the thick arm and Sirius can't see, but he feels it in Remus' body, the moment James' hand closes around Remus' cock.

"Just...like...wanking," Remus gasps as James falters.

Remus' body is tensing and the constant, burning push and pull of him on Sirius' cock is building in Sirius. Everything concentrates in that one feeling, hot, slick, fast, and hard. Remus groans and swears and Sirius fucks him harder as he hears and feels him come. James utters some unintelligible noise and he flushes red from his chest to his ears. Sirius feels the ripples of Remus' orgasm in his balls, and they tighten and every muscle in his body tenses, and he comes deep inside Remus.

Sirius wraps his arms tight around Remus, holding him through the last tremors, through his own fading orgasm.

"Fucking hell," James says, looking at both of them with awe.

James steps back, and he's hard as a rock, long, gorgeous cock jutting out from the folds of his robes, that stupid tie swinging on his flushed skin. Sirius is about to offer to suck him off, when James moves around behind him. He wraps his arms around Sirius and Remus, clasping his hands over Sirius' wrists where they press against Remus' stomach.

"Mm," Sirius moans, as James' cock slides between his thighs, nudging his over-sensitive balls. Remus makes a soft sound. Sirius' softening cock is still inside him, and James is pushing him closer, keeping him inside Remus as he slowly fucks between Sirius' thighs. James must have been close for ages. It doesn't take him long, and Sirius reaches back to grip his hip and James moves faster, harder, and he feels James' hot come on his balls, dripping down his thighs and onto Remus' thighs.

Cool air hits Sirius' overheated skin as James steps back and the air in the room drops several degrees. Sirius helps Remus off the chair, where he has been kneeling for far too long – with no complaints – this soon after the full moon. Sirius grabs a dirty shirt from the floor and mops up his thighs, tossing it to Remus, who does the same. James flops onto Remus' bed, an invitation against the potential awkwardness. Sirius and Remus follow him.

"Well," James says. "That was not how I expected the afternoon to turn out."

Remus grabs James' tie and pulls him into a kiss. Sirius feels that something again, that he can't identify as jealousy or desire, but he knows he likes to watch these two kiss.

"A damn sight better than a transfiguration essay," Remus says, releasing James to fall back onto the bed.

"You should send it back to Grimmauld Place now that it's been properly christened," James says. He stretches, and Sirius watches Remus watch the pale expanse of James' torso ripple. He's sure now that it's not jealousy, because he is completely certain he hopes this is not the only chance he'll have to watch Remus look at James like that.

"Perhaps they'll appreciate the new pattern on the seat," Sirius adds.

"If we're going to send it back, an idea that I don't fully support, I think we should leave an offering," Remus says. He slides James' tie from around his neck and walks to the chair. He taps the drawer and the ancient wood grinds against wood as it slides open. Remus drops the tie into the drawer and it immediately slides shut. He pauses and runs his hand over the snake carved into the wood at the top. Its curving body forms a perfect, sturdy loop just over where a person's head his when he sits in the chair. "On second thought, we might need this later." He scoops the tie out of the drawer and winds it around the snake.

"It's only supposed to open for Blacks," Sirius says, staring at the drawer.

"Maybe it thinks you and Moony are married," James says. He rolls to his side and watches Remus appraisingly, his eyes then moving to sweep over Sirius with an intensity that makes Sirius suppress a shiver.

"Or maybe the rumours about my Gran are true," says Remus. He saunters back to the bed and crawls so he can lie between James and Sirius.

"Whatever the reason, I think we have a fair amount of experimenting to do before we discover the full uses of this chair," Sirius says. He runs his hand along the back of Remus' thigh. "We'll send it back—" Sirius begins.

"But not yet," James finishes.