Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Fic: Thin Excuses (Severus/Remus, NC-17) 
6th September 2010 22:08
Title: Thin Excuses
Author: [info]r_grayjoy
Pairing: Severus/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Chosen: please your mod :D (pairing, masturbation, first-time sex, and a truckload of other things)
Word Count: 1,850
Summary/Description: Remus gets caught… well, not exactly with his pants down, but it's horribly embarrassing nonetheless. (Marauders era fic.)
Author's Notes: For myself, because it's "please your mod" month (heh), and for [info]nehalenia, who supplied the bunny.

Thin Excuses

Contrary to the belief of some, Severus Snape did in fact take showers. The proof was standing, wet, naked, and soapy, right in front of Remus.

Three weeks of surreptitious observation had finally allowed Remus to suss out Snape's habits. It seemed that he showered as late as possible, waiting until all of his Housemates had left the baths. That was fine with Remus, since it meant that there were fewer Slytherins to circumvent when sneaking into the showers. It had still been quite a challenge, though, even with the aid of James' Invisibility Cloak, and he hadn't thoroughly considered how he was going to get back out undetected. Still, as he crouched just out of range of the shower's spray, Remus thought the effort had been so very much worth it.

Water jetted from a snake's head faucet to bounce off Snape's shoulders and run in rivulets over his arse and down his legs. Droplets trickled from the end of his nose, the points of his elbows, the tip of his soft cock. Seen undressed, Snape was every bit as skinny, pale, and awkward as Remus had expected and ten times more arousing than he had ever imagined.

Remus couldn't say precisely when he'd become attracted to Snape or how he'd realized it. And he certainly couldn't say anything about it at all to his friends. He'd been careful not to look at Snape for too long or with too much interest so as not to arouse suspicions. Now, though, he could look his fill, at least for as long as Snape would unwittingly provide a view.

Said view had very quickly caused Remus' trousers to become uncomfortably tight. Without taking his eyes from Snape, he loosened his trousers and reached into his pants to adjust the situation. Once his hand was there, however, he wrapped his fingers around himself almost unconsciously and gave a squeeze. Snape wouldn't hear a few small movements over the pattering of the shower, Remus reasoned. With that thought, he began to stroke himself lightly.

Rinsing the soap from his skin, Snape turned in a slow circle, revealing every aspect of his body to Remus. Far from being satisfying, the display combined with Remus' own too-slight touch seemed like a terrible tease. Daring to tighten his grip, Remus let out a soft moan. The sound would have been too low to hear over the running water, but unfortunately Snape chose that precise moment to shut off the shower.

Remus froze, but it was useless. In one swift motion, Snape grabbed his wand from the soap rack, spun towards the source of the noise, and shouted, "Petrificus Totalus!" Stiff as a plank, Remus toppled over onto his side, his hand still down his pants, and the Invisibility Cloak fell open. Dimly he thought that in other circumstances he might have found it interesting to know that one could still blush while petrified.

For one instant, Snape stared at Remus, mouth agape. Then he snatched up his towel and clutched it to his body, attempting to cover as much of himself as possible while keeping his wand trained on Remus. "You! What… How did you… What the fuck are you doing in here?!" he shouted, sounding equal parts furious and mortified.

I should think that would be painfully obvious, Remus wanted to say. Petrified as he was, he could do nothing but lay on the hard floor and turn an even deeper shade of scarlet.

Snape's gaze slid over Remus' prone form and landed on his crotch. After a few seconds he gave his head a shake, sending his wet hair swinging. "Accio Remus Lupin's wand," he said, and when Remus' wand sailed towards him, he just barely managed to catch it without dropping his towel. Then a barked, "Finite!" freed Remus of the Body-Bind.

Able to move again, Remus wasted no time in getting his hand free of his trousers and scrambling upright. Before he could think of anything to say, however, Snape was off and ranting. "What are you doing in here?" he repeated. "Where are Potter and Black? If this is your idea of a prank, it's your least funny one yet!"

"It's not a prank." Remus sighed. "The others don't know I'm here. I just. I wanted." Embarrassed and floundering for words, Remus looked down at his feet. And in the process he noticed something. Snape's towel was tented with a very conspicuous erection. He was hunched over in an attempt to conceal it, but it was a futile effort given his current lack of attire.

The corner of Remus' mouth slowly turned up. "Looks like I'm not the only one who liked what he saw."

"What? No! I'm not… I didn't! It was the hot shower!" It was Snape's turn to blush, and from what little Remus could see above the towel, the flush appeared to travel all the way down his chest.

Remus' grin broadened. "Your excuse is as thin as that towel." Abruptly Remus realized he needed to stop talking and act now, or he'd never get another opportunity. Summoning up every bit of his courage, he slowly advanced on Snape.

Taking a step back, Snape said, "Stop or I'll hang you up from the ceiling and leave you overnight, and let you explain to my entire House what you're doing here in the morning." His wand was pointed directly at Remus, but his hand trembled.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Remus said, still walking.

Two more steps and Snape's back hit the shower wall. "Then what are you going to do?" he asked, his voice scarcely above a whisper.

What Remus did was almost as much of a surprise to himself as it was to Snape. When he was right in front of Snape, he continued moving forward until their mouths met.

Snape gave a startled yelp and clumsily tried to push at Remus without dropping either wands or towel. Not ready to give up that easily, Remus slipped one hand around the back of Snape's neck to hold him in place and kissed him more firmly. He thoroughly expected Snape to hex him into next week, but almost immediately, Snape stopped resisting and forced their mouths together even harder.

Emboldened, Remus reached for the towel and tried to pull it from Snape's hand. Snape stiffened and held fast, but when Remus' fingers began to trace over his shoulders and chest, leaving tracks in the water, he slowly lowered it and let it drop to the floor. Remus could have shouted in triumph. Their kissing was damp and sloppy, and there was some clacking of teeth involved, but it didn't matter. Snape's skin was smooth and wet and scorching hot beneath Remus' hands.

With a groan, Remus pressed his body to Snape's, pinning Snape to the shower wall. He buried his face in Snape's neck and rutted frantically against him. Again Snape responded eagerly, twisting his fingers in Remus's clothes, panting into Remus' ear, squirming between Remus and the wall, his cock long and hard against Remus' hip. A clatter resounded off the tiles when Snape dropped the wands he'd been clutching.

Before Remus' mind even registered what was happening, Snape wedged his hand between them and shoved it into Remus' pants. "No, wait!" Remus gasped. "Don't--" Too late. Snape grasped Remus' cock, and a single rough tug had Remus coming, semen dampening his pants and pulsing over Snape's fist. Remus rested his forehead on Snape's shoulder and shuddered helplessly through his sudden climax.

Once Remus had begun to calm, Snape withdrew his hand. "Typical Gryffindor. You lot are always first to rush in but then you're completely lacking in stamina."

Lifting his head, Remus said, "Well, I was already a bit ahead of you to start with, you know."

"Talk about thin excuses." Snape smirked, then reached over and flipped the shower on.

The deluge instantly began to soak Remus' clothes. Snape only smirked more broadly. "Oi! You smug…" Remus grabbed Snape by the arms, pulled him away from the wall and into the thick of the spray, and crushed their lips together. His tongue pushed between Snape's teeth as his hand went to Snape's straining erection. He began stroking Snape slowly, rolling the foreskin up and back, getting a feel for an unfamiliar cock in his grip. A small, needy sound rose up from Snape's throat, and he jerked his hips forward, urging Remus to go faster.

Water poured down from above, ran over their faces, made Snape's skin slick everywhere Remus touched, beat against Remus' fist as he pumped. Remus increased his speed steadily, his breathing growing ragged with Snape's and his own prick stirring to life once more. Then Snape tore his mouth from Remus' and threw his head back, his lips stretched wide in a silent cry. His cock leapt in Remus' hand, come spurting up to fall on the shower floor and be washed away.

After several moments, Remus released Snape, and Snape stepped back. Remus saw that he was flushed again, but he didn't know whether it was embarrassment or the after-effects of orgasm, or perhaps both. They seemed to stand shuffling their feet awkwardly for ages before Remus thought to turn the shower off. "Well," Remus said, "that was" amazing, brilliant, hot as hell "unexpected."

"And that was a gross understatement," Snape muttered.

"But it wasn't a complaint," Remus said, his voice soft.

Snape responded with a derisive snort, but Remus thought that, just for a second, he'd seen something like pleasure or amusement flash across Snape's face behind the mop of wet, black hair.

Moving quickly, Snape picked up his wand and his drenched towel. He gave the towel and exasperated look, cast Tergeo on it to siphon away most of the water, and wrapped it around his waist. With a last sideways glance at Remus, he began to walk away. As he passed by the dropped Invisibility Cloak, he bent down and snatched it.

"Hey!" Remus said. "You can't take that!"

"Oh? Looks like I am taking it." Snape continued walking.

"If you do, how am I going to get out of here?"

"Very carefully?" Snape suggested.

Growing desperate, Remus considered going for his wand and casting a Body-Bind Curse or even a Trip Jinx on Snape, but rejected the idea. Even if he could get to his wand and get the spell off quickly enough, having Snape topple none-first onto the floor now would likely put a real dent in whatever accord might have sprung up between them. Remus found that he didn't want to risk it. Instead he said, "But it's not mine! I have to return it."

"Hmm," Snape said, considering the cloak. "Then I suppose you'd better come and get it back." With that, he took the final steps that carried him out of Remus' sight.

Remus ran a hand through his dripping hair and groaned. James was going to kill him -- painfully -- if he found out about this. Remus knew he would have to get the cloak back, and soon. And somehow he suspected he'd have a great deal of fun doing it.
7th September 2010 02:20 - *Drools*
7th September 2010 02:31
Loved this! :D Love how Severus is going to get Remus to come back without 'asking' him to come back, lol. Always the Slytherin ^_^
7th September 2010 03:07
*snickers and pets the boys* Sequel! ;D

This was hot and fun, my favourite combination. The image of Remus, Petrified, his hand down his pants... is going to stay with me a LONG time. xD
7th September 2010 05:27
Hot damn!! A sequel? Please???
7th September 2010 12:53
Oh yeah!! Hot shower sex!! Loved this!
7th September 2010 13:15
GUH, so hot!!
7th September 2010 13:19
I love this scenario so much and yes to second [info]accio_kilt sequel please! The ending is just begging for one.
7th September 2010 15:48
oooh, what fun! go get him, Remus!
7th September 2010 16:56
My favorite pairing in a favorite place. What a nice start to the week.

Very well done. I too will be dealing with the mental image of Remus with his hand down his pants.
7th September 2010 20:47
Ahaha, James is indeed going to kill him. ;)

This was lots of fun! Look at me reading and enjoying Snupin. :D

Also! This was the best image ever: Stiff as a plank, Remus toppled over onto his side, his hand still down his pants, and the Invisibility Cloak fell open. So embarrassing! I think I let out a squeal of laughter. XD
7th September 2010 21:01
Oh, this was very well done! So hot! Please, keep the bunnies bouncing if they produce something like this! ;)

I can’t even come up with anything more to say. Maybe GUH about sums it up. :D Loved it!
7th September 2010 22:05
Fun as the sex is, I think my favorite part is when Severus is being watched unawares. Love this section, especially the last line: Water jetted from a snake's head faucet to bounce off Snape's shoulders and run in rivulets over his arse and down his legs. Droplets trickled from the end of his nose, the points of his elbows, the tip of his soft cock. Seen undressed, Snape was every bit as skinny, pale, and awkward as Remus had expected and ten times more arousing than he had ever imagined.
7th September 2010 22:45
Ha, dom-y risk-taking Remus wins the sexy shower-dripping day! :D Hot!
8th September 2010 00:35
This was absolutely magnificent! I loved everything, especially Snape snatching the cloak at the end.
8th September 2010 06:57
THAT is a fabulous first line. :) So hot and I love mischief-making Remus and Snape's reaction is perfect.
8th September 2010 08:08
Ahahaha! I hope James finds out the cloak is missing, like, the next morning and Remus has to get it back before lunch.
8th September 2010 11:23
Great beginning, scorching middle, and an end that leaves begging for more - great job!!

"If you do, how am I going to get out of here?"

"Very carefully?" Snape suggested.
8th September 2010 20:30
OMG, I LOVE YOU SNAPE. Super hot shower sex; perfect ending. Can't wait to see what they get up to next time! :D
11th September 2010 19:25
Eeeee, WIN!! Shower sex!!! And awkward boys! And Snupin! Love it. :)
12th September 2010 21:45
13th September 2010 08:41
Wet, naked, teen-aged Snape and Lupin? Does it really get any better than this? And man, my cheeks burned along with Remus during the first part. How humiliating! (even if he did kinda deserve it)

*HUGS* Thank you so much!!

love, lore
13th September 2010 16:19
I don't usually read Remus/Severus fics, not sure why, but this one I really enjoyed, I loved your Remus, how he was a little hesitant and forward at the same time, and Severus being awkward and snarky, and of course the smut was just lovely :D wonderful work ♥
19th September 2010 11:25
Ah, sweet and hot and cute and... wet. :D Lovely determined Lupin.
21st September 2010 19:58
OHHH!! I really liked this!!! :D
28th September 2010 14:05
Niiiiice. I too adore that image of Petrified Remus caught with his hand in the 'cookie jar' so to speak. Love the way Severus is looking for the encore there at the end. *vbg* Well done.
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