Author: elfflame
Theme/kink: AU
Warnings: wall!sex?
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3913
Compliant to: DH with AU elements



Title: After Silence
Pairing: Remus/Regulus
Summary: After the dust settles, Remus goes to find out just who Stubby Boardman is.
Notes: I started this a long time ago, inspired by littlecup’s Regulus, who she and I had decided had become the rock star Stubby Boardman, hence his visual similarity to Sirius Black. I thought I’d never get to finish it, because I’ve been so distracted by other things, but after DH, I found I had to. Because they both deserve this ending, and not the one she gave them. Huge thanks to ceria_taliesin for the beta job. Thank you for making this fic better than it would have been.


After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. - Aldous Huxley

He’d gone to see the man perform after Sirius’s death. After all, he and Sirius had laughed over the article when Arthur had brought it home from the Ministry the summer before Sirius had died. Now that he was gone, Remus wanted to find out if there was any truth at all to the woman’s story about Boardman. Not that anyone could replace Sirius. He just had to know. Had to see for himself whether the man was anything like Sirius at all.

Still, there was no way he could have expected what he found. Not a Sirius who had gone through the Veil and re-emerged in the early 80’s, or someone who looked eerily enough like Sirius to be his brother. No, this was a very different ghost. But this one didn’t just look like Sirius’s brother. No, there was no doubt in Remus’s mind who he was.

The moment he saw him, he knew. He could see how the woman could mistake them. After all, Black genes were very strong. He just couldn’t understand how they’d never considered this possibility when they’d read the article. He wondered what might have happened if they had.

Remus didn’t stay through the performance. It wasn’t his usual listening fare. Besides, it hurt too much to see him there, so close, yet still be unable to touch him. And the thought that Sirius would have loved his music only made it more painful. He worked his way backstage on the pretense that he was delivering a package. It wasn’t as though the security in this place was very good, but it helped to have a reason thought up. He waited in the squalid dressing room, sitting on a broken-down sofa stained with things he really didn’t want to think about, and waited for the thumping beat of the music to stop.

It wasn’t a large venue, and there was no encore, so the show was over quicker than Remus had expected, and he found himself watching the door with a terrified impatience. What if he’d just been seeing what he’d wanted to see? What if he didn’t recall? What if, even worse, he didn’t care?

The fleeting look of shock on the darkly stubbled face, and the abrupt shuttering of those grey eyes told Remus he hadn’t been wrong at all. He stood up. “Long time no see.”

That face went cautiously curious. There was a rather thick lower-class accent to his voice when he spoke. “D'I know you? You don’t look familiar. I think you’ve mixed me up with some other bloke, mate.” Remus noticed that he didn’t move any further into the room, though.

“You don’t read the Prophet, do you Stubby?”

The other man blinked, nonplussed. “‘M a bit busy with m’career, mate. You headline news?”

Remus smiled, and if the other man’s shudder could be believed, it was likely a very dangerous smile. He moved until he was less than an inch from the other man. “I have been a few times, ‘mate,’ but the bit of news you likely know, even without reading the bloody rag, is that I’m a werewolf.” He inhaled the man’s scent in a long sniff from the joint of his shoulder and neck, all the way up to his ear.

“And why should that matter to me?” The man’s voice didn’t tremble, but there were other clues that revealed his nervousness, both in his scent and posture.

“Because,” Remus whispered in his ear, “even after twenty years, and even though it’s not the full moon, I can still tell your scent from anyone…Regulus.” His tongue snaked out and traced the shell of his ear, panting at the taste.

He’d come here tonight knowing it would be unlikely he’d find the recently-dead lover he’d been so wanting to see. He’d never expected to find another he’d thought long dead. There was no way he was letting go this time. Sirius wasn’t here to get jealous of either of them; to punish them as he had last time. There was no way he was losing Regulus again.

The moment seemed to last forever. The two of them standing there, not quite touching, before he heard the softly whimpered, “Remus…” the put-on accent gone, and then the slightly larger frame was leaning heavily against him, arms coming up to embrace him. Remus reciprocated the gesture, letting one hand drag down his back and rest on the soft flesh of his arse.

“We have a lot of catching up to do. Do you have a place where we can go?”

Regulus pulled back, then shrugged. “I live in my van. Not exactly a palace, but it works for my lifestyle.”

Remus debated taking him back to the house, but he wasn’t up to dealing with all the explanations that would take, even if it did shut up Dame Black. “Show me,” he decided.

Regulus watched him warily for a moment, then let go of Remus completely and moved into the room. “Need to change. Want to wait?”

No, Remus really didn’t, but would a few more minutes really make a difference after nearly twenty years apart? He moved back to the couch. “I’ve got the time.”

Regulus didn’t so much change as put on a clean shirt. The brief glimpse of skin had Remus growing impatient to touch, to taste. It had been too long. Too long since Sirius had fallen; even longer since the day he had heard Regulus was dead. That news had been the final blow to his already strained relationship with Sirius. They’d reconciled after Sirius’s escape, of course, but even during those long nights where Sirius seemed to prefer sex or drinking over sleep, Regulus’s ghost had still stood between them. How could he not, given where they’d been, with Regulus's own room just next door? He simply hadn’t been a subject either man could manage to mention. Even Wormtail had been easier to discuss.

Would things have changed if Sirius had known Regulus was still alive? Would he still have insisted Remus not believe in his little brother, or that he should stay away from him? Not that Remus could have left Sirius alone in that house, even if he had known. Remus might not have been “the one” for Sirius, but they did love each other. They’d needed each other.

“Remus?” He started out of his reverie at the voice, deeper now than he remembered after twenty years of not hearing it. It sounded a bit too close to Sirius’s for Remus’s comfort, particularly after the tangent his thoughts had taken.

Remus shook the thought from his mind. “Ready?” he asked. Regulus’s hair was slicked back, his face damp and pink from scrubbing.

“Yeah,” Regulus said, breaking into that smile that always managed to make Remus’s heart beat so fast back in school. It made him fall for Regulus all over again, and he couldn't help but respond.

Remus stood and closed the small distance between them in a second, pulling Regulus into a kiss. Regulus stiffened at the first brush of lips, but after a moment, he melted into Remus, the kiss pulling a groan from him. Remus knew he had to pull away before they both forgot where they were, but it was difficult. Regulus looked dazed when he finally managed to part from him.

“Where’s your van?” he asked, trying to distance himself from Regulus a bit. There were things they needed to deal with, first.

Regulus blinked at him for a moment, and it took a moment before Remus realized that he was debating with himself about taking him there. Finally, he straightened up, and without answering, moved to the door then opened it so that Remus could pass.

There was a boy who looked about fifteen in the hallway, slumped against the wall, looking down at his scuffed trainers. When the door opened, he looked up eagerly, pulling nervously at his shirt, and fidgeting with a piece of paper in his hand.

Regulus glanced at the kid, looking at him expectantly. It took no further prodding than that. “MisterBoardmanwouldyou—”

“Woah, kid! Slow down a bit,” Regulus said with a smirk. “Take a deep breath, then start again.” Regulus looked amused. Remus couldn’t help but wonder if he dealt with this sort of thing often.

The kid’s chest puffed out a bit as he took a deep breath, obviously trying to follow Regulus’s directions to the letter before speaking again. This time, his words were much slower and more understandable. “Mister Boardman—” Remus thought he heard a snicker from Regulus at that. “—Would you sign the flyer for tonight for me?”

Regulus smirked. “Sure, kid.” A Muggle pen appeared in his hand as he took the piece of paper from the kid. “Turn around,” he told him. The kid obeyed instantly, but Remus raised an eyebrow at him for having the gall to ask. “What? I have to have something to write on,” Regulus said with an innocent look. He placed the flyer on the kid’s back and signed it with a flourish.

When he handed it back, the kid looked at him, wide-eyed. “Could you…?”

But Regulus was already moving down the hall. “Sorry, kid. I don’t do requests,” he said over his shoulder.

Remus glanced at the kid, shrugged, then moved off down the hall after Regulus. “Don’t do requests?” he asked when he caught up with him.

Regulus shot him a look, a smirk tickling his lips. “Well, definitely not from fanboys not even old enough to buy their own liquor.”

“Hmm. What about semi-retired-schoolteachers-slash-war-heroes?”

Regulus opened the exit to the ally, and when Remus moved past him, he responded in a low voice. “Depends what they’re willing to offer in return.”

Remus’s hand brushed Regulus’s hip as he passed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this alive. Perhaps the night he’d found out Sirius was innocent. He was simply filled with a buoyant feeling that even the conversation he knew was coming could not deflate. Regulus was alive! He wasn’t as alone as he’d believed. Then he felt Regulus’s arm go around his waist, and even though he’d have sworn that feeling couldn’t get better, it did. He put his arm around Regulus’s shoulders, and together they walked to a small, rusty, grey-green van parked at the end of the alley.

It was a rather small van to be living in, Remus thought, but given some of the places Remus had lived in during the past two decades, he wasn’t about to say anything. When he stepped up into the van after Regulus opened the swing-open side-door, though, instead of stepping up into what he’d assumed would be a small, cramped space, he found himself entering what appeared to be a smallish one-bedroom flat.

And then, before he could look further, he found himself being pushed against the door, and familiar lips on his own, and forgot about where he was, let alone talking about the past. It could wait, right?

After all, he'd waited almost ten years for this. More, even. Since the day Sirius had found out about them. And somehow, the feeling was just the same. Even over a decade later, Regulus's lips against his fired something in him no one else had ever been able to manage. Long, aristocratic fingers were tearing at the buttons of his shirt, and his own fingers began to slide under Regulus's t-shirt, making him moan at the sweat-damp skin he found there.

Pulling Regulus closer, he shifted, turning them so that now the other man was pressed against the wall. "Need you too much," he whispered.

"Yes," was the only verbal response he got, and then Regulus was pulling at his own clothes, and before he knew it, there was just skin and lips and teeth.

Regulus seemed as eager as Remus, his hand stroking over the other man's cock as they kissed, and he murmured a few vaguely-familiar words, and Remus felt cool slickness around himself, and moaned. Usually Remus was one to take his time, to stretch his lover slowly, slicking him up carefully before pressing inside them. But right now, all he wanted was to claim, to mark, to take. And Regulus certainly wasn't fighting him. He turned Regulus towards the wall, then set his hands on Regulus's hips, pressing against him. Then there was a low, harsh whisper. "Fuck me," and Remus moaned, all thought gone.

Remus pressed inside him with a groan. Hot, tight, slick...this wasn't going to last long. There hadn't been many since Sirius's death who were interested in sleeping with a werewolf, and this wasn't just anyone. This was the man he'd always wanted, always dreamed of. Even when he'd thought him dead. It took all his restraint not to bite down on Regulus's neck, to mark him as his own. He didn't have the right. Not after so long.

Regulus's forehead dropped to rest against the wall, his body pushing back into each of Remus's thrusts. "Fuck, yeah." Despite himself, Remus found his lips moving to Regulus's neck as he thrust into him, the pale curve of his flesh simply too much to resist. Apparently Regulus didn't seem to mind, as he cried out when Remus bit him, his head tilting to the side to give him even better access.

Surrounded by the taste, scent and feel of Regulus, it was all he could do to hold on long enough. He took Regulus's cock in his hand, stroking it desperately as he felt himself drawing inevitably closer to the edge. "Come for me, Reg. Been so long. Need to see you."

Regulus's response was to link his fingers with Remus's on his cock, speeding up the strokes, and Remus could feel him tighten around his cock. It was enough to make him lose control, and he began to grind against the other man, his thrusts having already grown erratic from his need.

The cry of completion as Regulus came across his fingers was much lower than he remembered, but the intense feeling of right was still there, even after all this time. With another few erratic thrusts, Remus followed him over the edge, then collapsed against the other man's back. "God. Reg..." But he couldn't manage to say the rest. Not yet. It still hurt too much. He pulled back, wincing at the feeling as he felt himself slip from Regulus's body, then tried to straighten his clothes, distracting himself from what he was sure would be an awkward moment by getting a proper look around.

The place wasn't much. Especially for a place Regulus had obviously paid to have done. After all, not everyone had their homes in the back of vans. Barely even looked like anyone lived there at all. A greyish-brown carpet, white walls, and an overstuffed couch in the centre of the room. Still, Remus imagined it was nice to have a house you could take with you. “I bet your fanboys love this,” he said softly, turning back to Regulus.

Regulus shrugged, finishing straightening his clothes, then leaned back against the wall, avoiding Remus's eyes. “Suppose they might. I don’t bring people here.”

And there was that Black aloofness that could puncture any ego. Particularly after what they'd just done. Remus supposed should be thrilled that he was the only one Regulus had ever seen fit to bring here, but instead he found himself annoyed. That attitude coming from either brother had always driven him nuts. When something bugged them, they made some glib comment to shrug it off, or completely shut down so that you couldn’t get a thing out of them.

Rather than snipe at him, Remus moved away and settled on the slightly ratty sofa. If Regulus didn’t want to talk about it, that was fine. There were plenty of other topics they needed to cover, after all. He'd put it all off long enough. “Come sit with me?”

Regulus watched him for at least a minute before making his way over to where Remus sat. He stretched out length-wise across the couch, setting his legs on Remus’s lap. “Yeah?”

The truth was, now that they were here, Remus had no idea how to start. His body’s reaction to having Regulus so close wasn’t helping either. Maybe he should start with finding out what Regulus knew? “Have you been reading The Prophet at all?”

“I read every now and then.”

“So you know—”

“That the Dark Lord is dead again? Yeah. The news was rather difficult to miss.”

“He’s dead for good this time, Regulus. You don’t need to hide any more.”

He could see that Regulus didn’t believe it, so he added a bit of information he knew would make the difference. “All his horcruxes have been destroyed. Even the locket.”

Regulus looked more interested at that bit of information, though he tried to act nonchalant about it. “So Kreature took it to Sirius like I told him to, then?”

Bloody house-elf. Remus held his anger back, and shook his head. “No. We found it in the house after…” Remus stopped abruptly. There was so much he hadn’t explained yet. The reason they’d been in the house in particular.

“After…?” Regulus prodded.

Remus sighed. “You…heard about Dumbledore?”

“Yeah…” Regulus was looking at him with narrowed eyes, and Remus knew he could tell something was coming that he wouldn’t like.

Remus forced himself to meet Regulus’s gaze. “And…” His mouth was suddenly dry, and he swallowed. “And…Sirius?”

Remus felt Regulus go rigid at the question. “Sirius?” Suddenly that voice was nothing like the way he’d remembered Sirius’s. Instead it brought to mind the voice of a fourteen-year-old boy who’d looked as though his world had crashed down around him when Sirius had ignored him completely in the halls. It was the same voice that had called after him, as though pleading with him to come back. “Was…was he hurt?” Remus could hear the hope in Regulus’s voice that that was all that was meant by Remus’s question.

Regulus’s fears brought back the pain of losing Sirius all over again for Remus. He wished he hadn’t ended up being the one to tell him. Not that anyone Regulus knew now would have understood the full impact of the news for him, but the wound was still so raw for Remus. He knew that as much as the two brothers had been at odds, there had also been a time when they’d been close. And that even in hatred, there had always been that hope, at least from Sirius, that Regulus might someday change his mind.

“He didn’t make it, Regulus.”

Regulus looked as though Remus had slapped him. His legs drew up to his chest, and his cheek settled on his knees. He rocked in place for a moment, then Remus slid across the couch and drew him into his arms, hoping the other man would accept the sympathy. He needn't have worried. Regulus's arms wrapped around him, and he curled up in his lap, a small keening sound escaping his lips for a moment before he buried his face in Remus’s shoulder. They stayed that way for a long time, Remus’s hand moving lightly over Regulus’s back, feeling the shudders as the other man tried to hold back what was likely decades worth of sobbing.

After a moment, Regulus calmed a bit, though his voice was still rough with tears. "How?"

Remus's eyes closed, and, unbidden came the sight once more: two sets of laughter, a flash of red light, and then...Sirius had been gone. Harry screaming as he held him back, knowing that their world would never be the same. "Bellatrix," he said softly, wanting to keep it that simple, and hoping that would be enough for Regulus. He didn't need to know everything, after all...

Face twisting into a grimace, Regulus huffed. "She always hated him. Laughed when mother punished him at family gatherings. I think she was offended, because before him, she was the pinnacle of our generation of the Black family. But after...he was the Black Heir. She never forgave him for it, I think."

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing Remus could think to say.

"Me, too. I mean, I knew about Azkaban..." he laughed hoarsely. "Like Sirius would have ever turned on Potter," he added bitterly. "He loved him too much for that to ever be possible."

It was something Remus had told himself constantly since he'd discovered Sirius's innocence. He just wished he'd realized it before Sirius had been sent away. But when one friend is accused of killing two others, life becomes murky at best.

"I always thought, when I heard he'd escaped, that he was out there on some tropical island, basking in the sun, and laughing at the world." Regulus sighed. "I guess not, huh? Too much a Gryffindor to the last."

"Something like that," Remus agreed softly.

Regulus looked up at that, as though he were almost startled to remember Remus was there. "Did...did he suffer?" he asked after a moment.

"No. It was too quick. He didn't suffer. And Harry assures me that he's happy where he is..." He looked down, recalling the conversation where Harry had told him how he had defeated Voldemort. How Sirius had been there with his folks. How happy they'd all seemed. Apparently Lily wasn't adverse to sharing. Not that Harry had any inkling.

"Harry?" Regulus looked confused.

"James's son."

The look on Regulus's face told Remus he was probably better not explaining more beyond that.

"So...he saw Sirius at the end, then?"

The question was an odd one, given what Remus knew about Harry's last moments before meeting what he thought would be his own end, but he knew that wasn't what Regulus was referring to. "He...was there, yes. But he also spoke to him after. He had an artifact that allowed him to speak with those who had passed on for a short time."

Regulus was quiet for several moments. “So…Sirius is really gone, then?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” He didn’t pull away from Remus, though, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful for that, hugging the other man closer, his cheek resting against Regulus’s shoulder. There was a long moment of silence between them before Remus spoke again. “How long are you in town for?”

Regulus shrugged. “Depends how quick the audience gets bored of me.”

“You…don’t have to go, you know.”

“Yeah? And where would I park this monstrosity?” he asked, waving at his place.

“Think it’d fit in the alley behind Grimmauld Place?”

Regulus snorted. “Right. Like my mother would allow that.”

“She’s gone, Reg. Died several years ago.”

“Oh. Then…who owns the place now? Can’t be Bella…”

“No,” Remus agreed, shaking his head. “Sirius left it to Harry.” Regulus’s face clouded over for a moment, but Remus continued before he could get too upset. “He’s been letting me stay there. To fix it up. He says he can’t live there. Too many unhappy memories. But…I’d welcome a housemate…” And he doubted Harry would mind an actual Black moving back into the place. Might even calm down the Portrait.

“Yeah?” Regulus asked uncertainly.

“Yeah,” Remus said, a tentative smile spreading across his face.

“I’d like that.” Regulus leaned in, and Remus knew. This wouldn’t be easy, but maybe, just maybe, this time, they could make it work.