Title: Missing Him
Author: elfflame
Characters: Sirius/Regulus
Rating: R
Warnings: incest
Kinks chosen: hyphephilia – arousal by touching fabrics or garments
Word Count: 1509
Summary: After Sirius runs away, his brother tries to deal with being left behind.
Author's notes: Written for my sweet Kit for her birthday, if a bit early. <3 Miss you, sweetie. Thank you to Ceria for the great beta job. :)


The house was far too quiet now that Sirius was gone. Regulus had hated the fights, the raised voices and slammed doors and threats. But he hated this even more. He hated that his mother did nothing but scowl at the hole where Sirius’s name had been and drink day in and day out. He hated that his father had shut himself away in his study. He hated that Sirius’s room was so empty, when once it had been the liveliest place in this house.

Most of all, though, he hated losing the hard-won closeness he’d finally managed to get back after five years of Sirius hating him for going into Slytherin. He hated being unable to crawl into Sirius’s bed at night and feel those welcoming arms around him.

He hated missing him.

It was what kept him sneaking into Sirius’s room in the middle of the night. He was surprised that his mother hadn’t thought to strip the room bare. But grateful at the same time. It meant that he had some small part of Sirius left. Even if only fragments.

Every night, he would wait until he heard his parents make their way up to their room, waiting impatiently for their last movements to still overhead. Once the house had gone quiet, Regulus would cautiously open his door and tiptoe across the hall to Sirius’s room, making sure both doors were closed behind him in case anyone came past.

These days, it was the only way he could calm himself enough to sleep. He would crawl into Sirius’s bed and bury his face in his pillow and breathe in the smell of wind and grass and musk that was uniquely Sirius. The scent was already beginning to fade, and Regulus wasn’t sure what he would do when it did. Go through his closet to find something he could wrap around himself while in his own bed, perhaps.

But for now, Regulus would curl up under his covers, face pressed to the pillow, almost feeling Sirius’s arms around him as he slipped his fingers under the waistband of his pyjama bottoms and pressed his hand to his cock.

They had only been together twice. Once at school, and once here at home. But Regulus had been dreaming of it for longer than he had even admitted to Sirius. Sirius had always loomed large in his life, and with women like their mother and their cousin Bellatrix as examples, and the way their father completely ignored them in favour of his own pursuits, Regulus couldn’t help but fixate on his brother.

It had taken some time to convince Sirius that he knew exactly what he wanted, and that it wasn’t just some Slytherin trick to get him in trouble. Even then, Sirius had stuck to snogging, driving Regulus near insane with need before saying he couldn’t and running off once more. It had taken a threat and an ambush to finally get what he wanted.

Regulus had played with others, but he’d never let them do more than fondle or kiss him. He knew it would be his best weapon against his brother if he were still innocent when they were together. And it worked, to a degree.

But it also made Sirius wary. He was afraid of hurting Regulus, and began to avoid Regulus now that he knew he was still innocent. It had taken the implication that Regulus might go to Severus for his first time to draw Sirius in again. Even then, though, he still seemed unable to take what Regulus offered. It had been maddening.

Finally, Regulus had decided to sneak after him in his nighttime wanderings until he could catch him alone and in a place where he could trap Sirius until he got just what he wanted. When he saw Sirius going into the Prefects Bath, he knew he’d found the perfect location. He carefully followed him inside, then hid behind a pillar until Sirius’s back was turned, and slipped into the still-filling tub, the splash of water hidden by the rush from the taps filling the tub.

When Sirius turned and saw him, his eyes went wide, then narrowed. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

“Taking a bath,” Regulus answered with a grin.

“That’s my bath, Regulus. Come back later.”

“It’s big enough. We could share. We used to when we were boys. Don’t you remember?”

Spots appeared on Sirius’s cheeks, and he looked to be struggling with himself. “‘Course I remember. But we’re not boys any more. It’s not appropriate.”

Regulus nearly snarled at that. “Fuck appropriate. But if you don’t want me, I can always find someone who does…” He began to climb out of the tub, then found himself tugged up and pulled against Sirius’s chest.

“I’m not letting any slimy Slytherin git touch my brother.”

Regulus met his brother’s stormy grey eyes. “I am a ‘Slytherin git,’ in case you’ve forgotten?”

“You haven’t let him touch you, have you?” he asked, his eyes narrowing even further.

“Depends what you mean,” Regulus said with a smirk. “We haven’t done it, if that’s what you mean… I do know he wouldn’t mind, though…”

Growling, Sirius pulled him into a deep kiss, and Regulus curled wet arms around his neck, pressing against him. When Sirius finally pulled back, Regulus was breathless. “So…? Are we doing this, or….should I go back to the dungeons and find someone more willing?”

Sirius’s eyes glinted, then pushed Regulus backward into the tub. Regulus surfaced with a splash, glowering up at him, then smirking when he saw his brother was undressing. “You mention him one more time,” Sirius said conversationally, “and whether or not you like the git, I’ll make sure he pays…”

Nude, he smirked down at his brother, and Regulus licked his lips. “I’m sure you will,” he said, his voice soft.

Sirius smirked, then slipped into the water and advanced on his brother. “Because you’re mine,” he growled, pulling Regulus close.

“Yes,” Regulus moaned, pressing against him. “Please.”

Sirius hadn’t been gentle. Regulus hadn’t wanted him to. He’d treasured the aches and bruises after, stroking them as he masturbated behind the curtains of his bed at night after. He’d been sad when they’d faded, but promised himself that this summer he would have Sirius every night. That the bruises would last all summer.

But the fights had started the moment they had returned home, and Sirius had kept sending him away. Maybe he had hoped to keep their mother from learning what they were up to. Maybe he had had second thoughts in the time since they had been together in the Prefects Bath. But either way, it was enough to drive Regulus mad. So close, and yet so very far away.

Then Sirius had sought him out that night. Regulus had heard the fights all day, and had thought if he could comfort Sirius, then he would do everything in his power to do so. If their first time had been rough and frenetic, this time was slow and sweet, enough to bring tears to Regulus’s eyes. That was when he had realized Sirius was going to leave.

“Take me with you,” he’d whispered after.

Sirius was quiet for a few moments, and Regulus wondered if he would answer at all. When he did, his voice was rough with emotion. “I can’t, Regulus. If I leave, she’ll be angry. But if I take you…”

They both knew she would never let Regulus go. He nodded, trying to suppress a sob. “I don’t want you to leave…”

Rolling to his back, Sirius sighed. “I don’t want to leave you here. But next summer…I should have a flat by then, and you can come stay. All summer, if you want.” He turned to look at Regulus. “I bet uncle Alphard would help us come up with a good excuse…” He smiled half-heartedly, but he couldn’t disguise how upset he was. Not from Regulus.

“I’m sure he will,” Regulus said softly. “And…school?”

Sirius turned fully onto his side. “We’ll have to be careful, Reg. Neither of us needs the kind of trouble this can bring…”

“I don’t care!”

Sirius pulled him into a kiss. “I know. But I do. I don’t want you hurt, Regulus.” He pulled back to meet Regulus’s eyes. “Promise me you’ll be careful, and stay safe?”

Regulus wanted to say no. That if Sirius could do stupid things, that so could he. But the look on Sirius’s face, so concerned, made him nod. “I promise.”

They held each other for a long time before Regulus fell asleep, despite his struggling against Morpheus’s pull. When he woke, Sirius was gone.

So all he has left is this. Curled in the scent of Sirius, touching himself until he comes, tears streaking his face. He knows it’s not forever. The promise of next summer is like a beacon. But that is so far away. And Sirius isn’t here to hold him. And sometimes, it feels as though he never will again.