Author: McKay
Theme/kink: non-magic AU
Warnings: Wanking, sex in water, very quick glimpse of cross-dressing and spanking
Rating: NC17
Word Count: ~7,800
Compliant to: None. Total AU



Title: Aloha Means Hello and Good-bye
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Warnings: none
Summary: Remus finds himself alone in Hawaii, unsure of what he's looking for and unaware when he finds it.


"If you sit there wallowing in misery much longer, you're going to make the rest of our guests wonder if we've been luring them in with false advertising."

The deep voice laced with amusement broke through Remus' reverie, and he lifted his gaze from the depths of his banana daiquiri - only his second, but he intended there to be more - to see who had addressed him. He found himself looking up at a man who appeared to be about his own age and height with black, shoulder-length hair, bronzed skin, and dark eyes; the shape of his eyes and the structure of his features made Remus assume he was a native Hawaiian, although his large nose was a slight incongruity. He wasn't a conventionally attractive man, but Remus liked the way his face was put together.

"Sorry." Remus mustered a wan but sincerely apologetic smile, glancing at the man's crisp white linen shirt for a name tag that would identify his position at the hotel, but there wasn't one. "It doesn't have anything to do with the hotel."

And it didn't. The hotel had provided exactly what it had promised: a four star oceanside hotel with all the amenities away from gaudy tourist hot spots, surrounded by Hawaii's natural beauty. The hotel was perfect, Hawaii was perfect, everything was perfect. Except Remus, who was miserable.

"That's a relief." Without asking if Remus minded, the man slid onto the bar stool beside him and gestured to the bartender, who didn't bother asking what the man wanted. Turning to face Remus, the man held out his hand. "I'm Severus. I'm the head of Guest Relations here at the hotel, and I was about to take your apparent lack of a good time personally."

Remus glanced at him, startled, before clasping his hand and shaking it. "I'm Remus. No offense, but you don't look like a Severus."

Severus gave him a steady look that, despite the lack of a discernible smile, managed to convey his amusement. "If it's any consolation, my middle name is Kanoa."

"That fits the image better," Remus said, reaching for his glass to finish off his daiquiri, and then he lifted his glass to signal the bartender for another. He wasn't anywhere close to drunk yet, and he very much wanted to be.

"Should I be wearing a floral print shirt and handing out leis as well?" Severus raised an eyebrow at him, and Remus felt heat stinging his cheeks.

"No, I didn't mean..." He trailed off and shook his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean any offense. It's just that you look Hawaiian."

"I am Hawaiian," Severus replied, giving a nod of thanks to the bartender, who had brought him a glass of ice and a can of soda.

Remus blushed harder and tried to stammer out an explanation, but Severus held up one hand to forestall him.

"I get it. The name doesn't match the face," he said, popping the top of his soda. "There's a simple explanation. My father is English. He came from Tunbridge Wells to study marine biology at Berkeley. My mother is from an old family here on Molokai, and she attended Berkeley for the same reason. They met over a tank of squid, and they've been together ever since."

"So Severus..."

"Is a family name on my father's side." Severus finished pouring out his soda and took a sip, seeming to relish the caffeine. "Kanoa was my maternal grandfather's name, and it's what my family and friends call me, but I go by Severus at work."

"Why?" Remus tilted his head, regarding Severus curiously.

"Because I like to confuse people," Severus replied, a wicked gleam in his eyes as he lifted his glass in a silent toast, and Remus found himself smiling for the first time in days. "So that's me. What about you? Care to tell me why you're sitting in a hotel bar looking pathetic and trying to get drunk at ten o'clock in the morning?"

Remus swallowed hard and stared down at the fresh daiquiri the bartender had placed in front of him, and he toyed with the pink paper umbrella stuck in it. He found it difficult to open up to people in general, even people he knew, much less strangers. But he had been carrying things - secrets - around for so long without anyone he could tell, and he needed to. He needed to say them to someone who was objective, someone he didn't know well enough to care about disappointing.

"I was supposed to get married yesterday," he said softly.

"She left you at the altar?" Severus gave him a sympathetic look.

"No, I left her, actually." Remus glanced sidelong at him with a rueful little smile. "I called it off two hours before the ceremony. Acrimony ensued. I stayed long enough for her, her mother, and the family friend who played match-maker for us to shout at me, and then I left. I was about three blocks away from the church when I realized I had the plane tickets for our honeymoon, so I used the partial refund I got for her ticket to upgrade mine to first class and came alone."

"Very pragmatic of you." Severus gave him an appraising look that seemed favorable. "Why did you call it off?"

It was a personal question, but Remus was willing to answer. "You know the saying 'opposites attract'? Well, they may attract, but it's damned difficult to stay together. She's fifteen years younger than I am, and we simply don't suit. I'm too old, for one thing."

"Too gay, for another," Severus said calmly.

Remus choked on his daiquiri. "How did you-?"

"You know the saying 'it takes one to know one'?" Severus looked at him with that wicked gleam in the depths of his dark, dark eyes again, and Remus felt his toes curl.

Then the implications of what Severus had said sank in, and Remus felt a tight knot in his chest he'd been carrying around for years begin to loosen. Someone knew the truth, and it was all right. The world hadn't come to an end.

"Are you..." Remus groped for words, wanting to know so much and yet not knowing how to ask. "I mean, do people..."

"Am I out?" Severus raised a questioning eyebrow, and Remus nodded. "Yes, mostly. My family and most of my friends know, as do many people on the staff here. It's part of who I am, and I'm not going to hide it for anyone's sake." He paused, his lips twisting wryly. "Of course, I don't parade around in a tiara, either." He paused again. "Well, not at work."

Remus' eyes widened, and he gaped at Severus. "Are you a drag queen?" He remembered what Severus had said earlier, and he added, "Or are you just trying to confuse me?"

That coaxed a genuine laugh out of Severus, and Remus felt oddly pleased by the accomplishment. "Here, have a clue," he said, curling his long, thin fingers around Remus' wrist and tugging it down to rest on his bare thigh beneath the hem of his khaki shorts.

Severus' skin was warm, and Remus was startled by how pale his own skin looked in contrast to Severus'. Heat that had nothing to do with embarrassment flooded his face anew as he wondered if Severus was as dark all over. Severus tugged his wrist, moving Remus' hand down toward his knee, and Remus abruptly realized Severus' skin was smooth and soft - completely hairless. It conjured images of silk stockings and garter belts on long, bronze-skinned legs, and Remus decided he quite liked those images.

"So you do have a tiara." Remus found himself smiling again.

"Three, actually."

He glanced at Severus sidelong, but Severus' expression was so deadpan, he wasn't quite certain whether he believed Severus' claim or not. He didn't suppose it mattered, though; they were strangers who would be parting ways as soon as Remus checked out. Unfortunately, Remus thought with a sigh. Then he realized he was stroking Severus' knee, and he drew his hand away with reluctance although it didn't seem Severus minded since he hadn't tried to put a stop to it.

"Look, if you really wanted to drown your sorrows, you'd have done it with something that doesn't have paper umbrellas or fruit in it," Severus said unexpectedly. "You want distraction, not drunkenness, and I can give you that."

"Are you propositioning me?" Remus stared at him, wide-eyed again, but Severus waved irritably.

"No. Head of Guest Relations, remember? It's part of my job to make certain our guests have a good time. I know of a private beach where you can swim, sun, surf - whatever you like. There won't be any happy honeymooning couples strolling along hand-in-hand to remind you of what you left behind."

"Do you give all your guests this kind of one-on-one attention?" Remus asked dryly.

"Only the ones who look the most miserable and pathetic," Severus replied, sliding off his stool. "Technically, I'm off today, so this isn't official guest service anyway. If you're interested, go get whatever you need for a day at the beach, and I'll meet you by the valet parking kiosk out front in twenty minutes."

With that, Severus turned and walked away without a backward glance, and Remus watched him go, not quite able to believe what had just happened. Did he want to go? It wasn't sensible. Certainly his old self wouldn't have thrown caution to the wind and gone off with a complete stranger. He squared his shoulders defiantly. But his old self could take a flying leap, he thought, and then he too slid off his stool and exited the bar.

He hurried up to his room and grabbed his carry-on bag, stuffing a spare tee shirt, a pair of boxer shorts, sunscreen, and a beach towel in it. He pawed through the drawers and his toiletries, frantically trying to think if there was anything else he might need, but time was running out, and he didn't want to be late.

In his hasty ransacking of the room, he came across the hotel directory, a leather-bound binder filled with brochures and information about the hotel and its services; caution suddenly flared up, and he flipped through the directory until he found the section about the hotel staff. There was a full listing, complete with tiny color photos, and Remus scanned the list until a familiar name finally leaped out at him. Severus Snape, head of Guest Relations. And there was Severus' somber face looking up from the page, the barest hint of what might turn into a smile seeming to play at one corner of his thin lips. Remus breathed out a sigh of relief that Severus was who he claimed to be, and he slammed the directory shut and threw it on the dresser, putting his doubts aside in favor of shedding his underwear and putting on his bathing suit under his clothes.

Severus was waiting behind the driver's wheel of a vintage Mustang convertible; the top was down, and Severus had one arm propped on the door, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses. He didn't appear as if he was at all surprised that Remus had shown up. "Well, come on."

Donning his own sunglasses, Remus skirted around to the passenger's side and slid in beside Severus, his heart feeling lighter and more unburdened than it had in a long, long time. He fastened his seatbelt and glanced at Severus over the top of his sunglasses. "Hit it."

Severus did.

Remus had no idea where they were going, but he enjoyed the ride. The air was filled with the scent of flowers and sea air as Severus navigated a narrow road that seemed to have just been carved out of the lush foliage; he could see buildings tucked away amid the trees, but the further away from the hotel they got, the fewer and farther between the houses were. Severus seemed to be headed for a part of the island that was well away from the bustling vacation hot spots, and Remus was thankful for that.

At last, Severus pulled up in front of a small, white bungalow; there were no other vehicles in the driveway, and Remus wondered if the bungalow was actually a place of business where one paid for access to the beach and rented surfboards. But Severus didn't go inside; instead, he grabbed his own bag from the back seat and popped the trunk to reveal a couple of beach chairs, a small cooler, and a colorful umbrella, and he glanced over his shoulder as he lifted out one chair and the cooler. "Coming? Grab a chair if you want to be helpful. I'll come back for the umbrella."

Bewildered, Remus retrieved his bag and slung it over his shoulder, and then he picked up the other chair, following Severus along a footpath that opened up on an empty expanse of beach, the sand gleaming white in the sunlight. He looked both ways, but he couldn't see anyone else on the beach in either direction; as Severus had said, there were no happy couples of any age, and his shoulders sagged in relief. It had been awful seeing young couples in love and even older couples who appeared to be enjoying a second honeymoon, not because he wished he'd gone through with the wedding after all, but because they served as a reminder of what he didn't have: a partner, someone who loved him and accepted him as he was, not for what they wanted him to be.

Once everything was set up, Remus stripped down to his bathing suit and settled into his beach chair beneath the umbrella with a blissful sigh and, after slathering on a generous amount of sun screen, he leaned back to soak up the sun. As he too undressed to reveal a pair of swimming trunks beneath his clothes, Severus explained that he hadn't had time to pack any food, but the cooler contained bottled water and plenty of ice. They could, he said, go up the road to a restaurant he was fond of later if Remus got hungry.

"This is gorgeous," Remus said after a while. "So clean and perfect."

"It's a private beach," Severus replied. "No tourists allowed, which means no cigarette butts or soda cans left behind."

"It's all right for us to be here, though, right?" Remus glanced at him with a twinge of concern.

"Of course." Severus shot him a look that implied he was foolish to have even asked. "It's fine."

"You're sure?" Remus insisted. "We don't need to - to pay a fee or check in with someone?"

Blowing out an exasperated sigh, Severus sat up and whipped off his sunglasses, giving Remus a direct look that seemed to pin him in place by its very intensity. "I wasn't going to tell you, but if it will keep you from fretting, then I suppose I must. The bungalow we parked in front of is my home. We aren't trespassing."

Remus blinked owlishly and looked away, feeling foolish. "Oh."

Severus snorted derisively and put his sunglasses back on. "I didn't want to tell you. I'd rather you just thought of me as another member of the hotel staff, nothing more."

"Why? I don't see what the big deal is unless there's more that you haven't told me."

Severus fell silent, his gaze directed out at the ocean, and after a long moment, he finally spoke. "There's more."

"Oh." Remus glanced down and pushed a broken white shell around in the sand with his toes. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, I don't," Severus agreed. "But I suppose I should in the interest of honesty." He glanced over at Remus, his expression somber. "My mother's side of the family has lived on Molokai practically forever, and we've done pretty well for ourselves. Well enough to own quite a lot of land that's been handed down from generation to generation. The hotel is a family-run business, and this stretch of beach belongs to me. I have three younger sisters and one younger brother. They all have property around here, if not directly on the beach, then close to it. The family house is about four miles that way," he said, pointing north. "I was given this piece of land when I turned twenty-one. It's not big, but it's a prime location, obviously."

"So you're well off."

"So I'm well off."

"Oh."

Severus stirred, seeming restless and irritated. "It's not something I advertise. People treat me differently when they know."

"I don't care," Remus said earnestly. "Why should it matter to me? I'm just here for a couple of weeks, and when I leave, I'll take away a memory of a beautiful beach and a man who was kind enough to help me confirm that I'd made the best decision of my entire life."

Severus gave him a long, measuring look, the silence heavy and charged between them, and at long last, he looked away. "You did, you know. You would have made yourself and her utterly miserable if you'd gone through with it."

"I know." Remus nodded, feeling a strength born of conviction. He had done the right thing for both of them, whether she, her mother, and their friends wanted to believe it or not. "Perhaps I'll tell her the truth when I go home," he said. "I don't know if it would make her feel better or worse, but it's time I stopped hiding, I think. That's what got me into this mess in the first place. No one even suspected I'm gay. They all thought I was just a confirmed bachelor, set in my ways, and all I needed was the right woman to come along."

Severus gave another snort, although it was an amused sound this time. "When really it was the right man."

Remus felt heat rising in his cheeks again, but he nodded. "Yes, exactly. I'm not getting any younger. It's time I faced who I am and what I really want."

Another silence fell between them, but it was a companionable one this time, and Remus relaxed, enjoying the rhythmic roar of the waves, letting it lull him into an almost meditative state. Funny, he thought, that he could feel so at ease with someone he had just met, comfortable with being silent and simply enjoying the time and place without feeling a need to fill it with "getting to know you" chatter. He felt, rather inexplicably, as if he'd known Severus for much longer than a couple of hours.

After a while, Severus rose and stretched, and Remus watched covertly, his mouth going dry at the sight of Severus' long, lean body on display. "Want to go swimming?" Severus asked casually, extending one hand to underscore the invitation.

It could have been merely a friendly gesture, but the tingle that danced along his nerve endings when he slid his hand into Severus' was hardly platonic, and Remus felt himself blushing again. Surely he wouldn't be so silly as to develop a crush on the first man to whom he had confessed his homosexuality?

But Severus didn't release his hand, not even when they reached the water's edge, and Remus didn't tug it free, enjoying the contact too much to end it - although he didn't much like it when Severus splashed him in the face with a sweeping handful of salt water! Sputtering, he swiped uselessly at his eyes and glared at Severus, who looked unrepentant. A splashing contest ensued that ended only when Severus managed to dunk Remus, pushing him down just in time to catch a wave full in the face, and he came up, gasping and coughing.

"All right?" Severus waded over to him, his apparent concern belied by the light of mirth in his eyes, and he reached out to brush a drenched lock of hair out of Remus' eyes.

The simple gesture made Remus freeze, his reply withering on his tongue as he gazed at Severus, wide-eyed. Was Severus getting closer? He must have been, because somehow, he was close enough for Remus to feel the warmth of Severus' breath against his cheek. Remus' lips were parted, and he was breathing harder, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his heart beating harder until he felt as if Severus would surely be able to see it pounding against the walls of his chest. And then Severus' lips closed over his, and he heard himself moaning into the kiss as he closed his eyes and swayed against Severus, who wound one arm around his waist and held him secure.

One kiss flowed into another until Remus' head was swimming, and he clutched Severus' shoulders to keep himself upright, his knees turning to jelly when Severus slid one hand down Remus' chest to his stomach, moving ever lower until he could slip his fingers beneath the elastic waistband of Remus' swimming trunks. Remus stiffened and would have pulled away, but Severus clamped one hand on the back of his head, drugging him with kisses until he relaxed again, embarrassment over the unfamiliar caresses melting away in the heat of a desire unlike anything he'd felt before in his life.

It wasn't that he was a virgin; he'd had sex with women, but while it had been pleasurable, it had never been truly satisfying. The crush of soft breasts against his chest had never thrilled him the way being pressed against Severus' hard, lean body did, and the knowledgeable touch of Severus' strong hand offered more pleasure and fulfillment than any of his previous lovers. The energy between them was entirely different - more aggressive, less careful - and he loved it, giving himself over to it with abandon.

Summoning his courage, he tugged at Severus' bathing suit too until both his and Severus' were floating around their knees, the waves buffeting against their bare hips. Remus' gasp was muffled by Severus' mouth when Severus took him - took them - in hand, wrapping his fingers around Remus' cock and his own, stroking slowly. Remus felt as if his bones were melting, and he sagged against Severus, rocking his hips helplessly, seeking more friction that it didn't seem to please Severus to grant yet.

Severus was panting too when they broke away from the kisses at last, the sound of their labored breathing drowned out by the sound of the sea, the rhythm of their bodies matching the rhythm of the waves until desperation made them erratic, Severus' hand working their cocks frantically while Remus thrust clumsily, no longer caring how inexperienced he was; he needed, and that need overruled everything, including uncertainty. Tension coiled tighter within him, his lust compounded by the smoldering look in Severus' dark eyes. No longer was Severus' face impassive and difficult to read; Remus could see raw, naked desire in Severus' eyes - for him. Plain old Remus Lupin, a pale, soft teacher from Charlottesville, Virginia, with grey in his hair and no experience with touching other men.

Clutching Severus' shoulders, he threw back his head, a stuttering cry escaping him as he came, his hips bucking against Severus' hand, and a moment later, he watched raptly as Severus shuddered with pleasure, his face gloriously flushed. The waves washed away the evidence of their release, but Remus knew nothing could wash away the memory; he would carry it with him always, and he doubted he would ever be able to smell sea air and not think of Severus' sun-warmed skin beneath his hands.

Severus leaned his forehead against Remus' and wound both arms around Remus' waist, drawing him close, and Remus went willingly, curving his arms around Severus' shoulders and basking in the affectionate attention just as much as he was basking in the languid aftermath of orgasm. This wasn't what he expected to happen when he made the decision to take the trip alone, but he didn't regret it in the least.

They lounged on the beach for a couple of hours, not speaking of what had happened, but neither of them pretended it hadn't happened either. Rather than creating tension between them, it seemed to Remus as if it had somehow helped them settle into a comfortable ease with each other that shouldn't exist between people who hadn't even known each other a full day yet.

After a while, Severus said Remus had probably gotten all the sun he needed to for one day and they should go in before he started to burn; they packed up and went to Severus' bungalow to shower. By the time he'd cleaned up, Remus' stomach was growling, and Severus suggested going out to eat.

"I can cook," he added, "but the food at Rosie's is much better and less likely to be burned."

Back in the passenger seat of Severus' Mustang, Remus felt like a completely different man than the one who had sat there on the drive to the beach; he was relaxed, made drowsy by the sun and sex, and he felt far more comfortable in his own skin than he could ever remembering being before in his life. He wasn't trying to hide or pretend; he could just be, and it was liberating.

He felt a twinge of doubt when Severus held out his hand as they stood outside Rosie's, a tiny restaurant that looked like a run-down hole in the wall but from which emanated a tempting scent of savory roast pork. Severus cocked one eyebrow at him, as if he was issuing a silent dare, and Remus hesitated. Admitting the truth to himself and deciding to admit it to everyone else was one thing; to made a public display was something else. They weren't even a couple, nor could they be. But he knew it would be easy to backslide on his intentions once he returned home and the pressure - and questions - mounted. He hated to upset and disappoint people, and so he disappointed himself instead by caving in.

Not this time.

Taking a deep breath, he steeled his resolve - and reached out to clasp Severus' hand.

Nodding as if in approval, Severus twined their fingers and led Remus inside. Everyone, it seemed, knew Severus and greeted him cheerfully, and Remus was readily accepted into the fold because he was with Severus, and that was good enough for them. No one seemed to notice that Severus was holding Remus' hand, or if anyone noticed, they didn't care. Although the restaurant was small and ramshackle, it was spotless, and the food was as delicious as Severus promised it would be - better, even, although Remus didn't know if the food was really that good or if it just seemed that way because he felt as if everything about the day was utterly perfect and right.

After dinner, Severus was drawn off by a couple of friends, and Remus waved him away, too stuffed to do more than wallow in the booth and not minding if Severus socialized without him; he was content to sip his beer and watch people, and he expected them to more or less ignore him, the intruding stranger, thus he was surprised when the woman who had served them slid into the booth across from him.

"This is new," she said conversationally. "I didn't know Kanoa was seeing anyone."

"Oh." Remus blinked, startled both by her comment and by the name she'd used; it took a moment for him to remember she was referring to Severus, and then he smiled and shook his head. "We aren't... I mean, I'm not..." He took a deep breath and tried again, this whole 'telling the truth about one's own sexuality' thing proving to be harder than it looked. "We met this morning."

"Really?" The woman's dark eyebrows climbed nearly to her hairline. "Huh. That's interesting."

"Why?" Remus tilted his head, regarding her quizzically, curious about both her comment and why she was so intrigued by Severus' social life.

"He's picky," she replied, glancing at Severus with a fond look that he missed because his back was to their booth. "He doesn't date much, and frankly, if you just met today, I'm shocked he brought you here. He doesn't usually do that until it seems like things might be serious."

Remus frowned at her, puzzled. "I don't understand. Is it because his friends are here?"

She gave him a long, steady look. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

She grinned, white teeth flashing in stark contrast to her dark skin. "I'm Rosie." She stretched out her hand across the table. "Rosamund Snape. I'm his sister."

Remus felt his eyes grow as wide and round as the plates she'd served them with. It was sheer instinct that prompted him to shake her hand and stammer out his own name, his manners on autopilot as his mind reeled with the implications of what she had revealed. Surely it wasn't any big deal that Severus had happened to take him to the restaurant his sister ran; it was close by and the food was good. That was the only reason, because anything else was... foolish. Stupid. A complete pipe-dream. Severus Snape had not fallen in love with Remus Lupin at first sight because that was the stuff of movies, not reality, and things like that simply didn't happen to Remus. He wasn't that kind of man.

And yet, when they were back on the beach, walking hand-in-hand at sunset and kissing beneath the light of the moon, it was hard to resist the little kernel of hope that was starting to bloom within him, and it was even harder to resist the feel of his heart melting and reshaping itself into something of Severus' making with every kiss and caress.

The next two weeks passed swiftly, and Remus felt as if he were drifting through a dream - a romantic, sexy, delectable dream that rightfully belonged to another man. They couldn't spend all day, every day together; Severus still had to work, although he arranged to use some of his accumulated vacation days so they could spend the last full week of Remus' trip together. Severus took him places on the island that Remus would never have found on his own and showed him things about his own body in bed that gave him unimaginable pleasure.

It didn't take long at all for Remus to become addicted to the taste of Severus' skin, salty and damp from sweat and the sea, and the times when Remus was on his back in Severus' bed, the ocean breeze making the gauzy curtains billow and cooling the sweat on their skin, Severus above him and in him, rocking slowly to match the rhythm of the waves crashing on the sand were the times when Remus was at perfect peace, feeling as if he was where he belonged at last. He spread his legs and eagerly welcomed the hot, slick slide of Severus' cock inside him, filling him, making him feel complete, and his skin - no longer pale but golden - grew flushed with arousal as Severus thrust hard, pushing and grinding his hips against Remus' ass as if he couldn't get deep enough. He had been starving for too long, and if it seemed as if Severus couldn't keep his hands off Remus, that was fine because Remus could barely keep his hands off Severus either, wanting to sate his hunger at long last.

On the last night of Remus' honeymoon, Severus tenderly brushed a stray lock of hair back from Remus' face and bent to kiss him. "Stay," he murmured against Remus' lips.

It wasn't the first time he had asked, but it was the first time he had asked and Remus had to say no.

"My flight leaves in the morning," Remus said, his voice filled with regret.

"I know." Severus pulled back and propped himself up on one elbow, gazing at Remus somberly. "Miss your flight. Stay here and don't go back."

Remus stared at him, stunned into silence. "But - my job," he said at last, shaking his head. "My house."

"You can get a job here. You can sell your house."

"Oh, God..." Remus covered his face with both hands, terrified at the thought of uprooting his entire life on a whim and somehow equally terrified by the thought of never seeing Severus again and going home to his empty little house and facing endless nights of heating up frozen pre-made meals and sleeping alone. He supposed he could try to find another lover, but he'd never been good at approaching women; trying to figure out how to approach another man somehow seemed even more daunting.

"I know it's a lot to ask, and we've only known each other a short time, but don't you feel it?" Severus stroked Remus' chest gently. "We have the potential for something good."

"And lasting?" Remus' voice was muffled behind his hands.

"Possibly. No relationship comes with a guarantee." When Remus peeked, he saw Severus's expression was somber but open and oddly vulnerable. "But my parents knew they were meant for each other the moment they met. All they can say is that it felt right, and I never understood that until now. This feels right," he said, splaying his fingers over Remus' heart. "Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so. I think we were meant to be together, but the only way to find out is to give it a try."

"I can't throw my entire life away and start over on the other side of the country in a completely unfamiliar place over a possibility." Remus lowered his hands and looked at Severus, confused and torn. "I'm too old for that. I need stability and security."

"And you're terrified of change."

Remus smiled wryly. "That too." He sighed and scrubbed his face with one hand. "I'm sorry. It's too big a risk, and there's too much that's unknown for me to uproot everything on a whim."

Severus rolled away and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and bending to gather up his clothes. "Then I guess this is good-bye," he said, and the hollowness in his voice made tears prickle Remus' eyelids.

"I guess it is," Remus said softly.

He knew leaving was the right thing to do... so why did it feel like his whole world had just crumbled into ruins around him?

At the hotel the next morning, their good-byes were stilted, and Remus had to fight the urge to fling his arms around Severus and cling to him. Instead, he settled for offering his quiet but heartfelt thanks for everything Severus had done for him. "I'll be sure to recommend the hotel highly," he said, mustering a smile and trying to lighten the mood a little.

Severus had smiled slightly in return and murmured thanks, but he was silent and withdrawn, an invisible barrier already forming between them that made Remus feel even more miserable than he had when he first arrived. Remus looked out the back window as the taxi pulled away, lifting his hand to wave, but Severus had already gone inside, and Remus slumped in the seat, more lonely and dejected than he ever had been before in his life.

He went through the motions of checking his luggage and going through airport security, and he paced back and forth in front of the gate, stopping to gaze out at the plane that would carry him back to the east coast, far away from Severus. Far away from happiness.

Far away from love.

He spent the entire flight lost in thought, turning over wild plans for walking away from his old life and starting anew with Severus in Hawaii. It wasn't wise or practical, and everyone would think he'd gone crazy if he did it. He would lose friends, he would lose respect, he would lose the stability and security he'd carved out in his safe little life. It was going to be difficult enough to admit he was gay and deal with the fallout of that without adding a move across county to be with someone he'd known two weeks to the mix. It just wasn't sensible, and Remus had always been sensible. Practical.

Boring.

By the time he unlocked his front door and let himself in, he was depressed, feeling as if he was walking under a black cloud. The house was empty and silent, and he missed the sound of the ocean outside the window and the scent of flowers fresh and clean after a sudden rain shower lingering in the air. He dropped his luggage in the foyer and slogged over to his answering machine. The red light was flashing, and he had fifty-two messages waiting for him. Most of them, he suspected, would be from Dora, Andi, and Molly. The rest would be from curious friends who would want to know exactly what the hell had happened.

He listened to about twelve or so before the sound of tinny sobbing got to him, and he shut it off, his ears full of pleas and reproachful accusations of selfishness and cowardice. No one had asked if he was all right or how he felt; it was all about Dora and how devastated she was, but he supposed he deserved to hear it after what he'd done. Sighing, he sank down into the nearest chair and hit the play button again, determined to listen to all of it as a form of penance.

It was the message from Lily that made him stop again.

"Are you okay? I don't care what happened with you and Dora or why you did it. I just want to know you're okay. I'm worried about you. Please call me as soon as you get this."

With shaking fingers, he picked up the handset and hit the speed-dial button for her number, and when she picked up, he said without preamble, "It's me."

He could hear her sigh of relief on the other end loud and clear. "Thank God! Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick!"

"I've been in Hawaii," he said, and to his shame, he heard his voice crack, but he couldn't do anything about it, his words spilling out in a rush. "I went on our honeymoon and fell in love with a man who works at the hotel because I'm gay, and that's why I couldn't get married."

Lily was silent for a long time, and when she spoke again, her voice was gentle and full of sympathy. "When did you figure it out?"

"That I'm gay or that I'd fallen in love?"

"Either. Both."

"I talked myself into thinking I was bisexual for a long time, but the closer I got to the wedding, the more I realized I'm not bi. I'm gay, and I guess I panicked at the last minute. Accepting that was big enough without trying to explain it to her on our wedding day, so I just ran."

Lily made a tsking noise. "You and your people-pleasing issues. I told you it was going to get you into a world of trouble one of these days."

"Can you save the 'I told you so's for another time? I'm having a crisis here."

She laughed, and he could imagine her shaking her head. "Yes, sorry. So you realized you were gay, ditched Dora at the altar, and went to Hawaii. Who is this guy who swept you off your feet?"

"His name is Severus, and he's incredible."

"Remus..." Lily sounded hesitant, as if she was choosing her words with care. "You just came to grips with a very significant part of yourself that you've been denying for a long time on the heels of overturning a really big decision. It's understandable if you were reeling a bit. Are you sure you aren't confusing a vacation fling with real love? He could be just some island gigolo out for a good time, nothing more."

"He has a house on the beach, and his family owns the hotel where he works. He's not a gigolo or a playboy. He introduced me to his sister and asked me to stay with him. He said he thought we were meant to be together, and he didn't want me to leave, but I came back anyway because..." He trailed off, feeling melancholy rising up within him anew.

"Because you're terrified of change and because you thought it was the right thing to do."

"Yes," he whispered.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to get on the next plane back to Molokai," he said miserably.

"Then what's stopping you?"

He opened his mouth and then shut it again with a snap.

"No, really. If this guy comes from the kind of family you say he does, then they've probably got connections and can help you find a job and a house or an apartment there if you don't want to move in with him right away. You can sell your house here and use it as a down payment or rent or whatever, and if you move there, then it gives your friends a fabulous excuse to go to Hawaii to visit you. There are also wonderful things called telephones and email for staying in touch. Maybe you've heard of them?"

"Smartass," he said, but he was chuckling.

"Seriously, Remus. What have you got to lose by trying?"

"My heart."

"You could gain it as well."

Remus sighed and raked his fingers through his greying hair. "You won't hate me?" he asked at last.

Lily echoed his sigh. "I'm your friend, and I love you," she said softly. "What I want is for you to be happy, no matter if it's with Dora or this guy or Bozo the Clown. Stop worrying about the rest of the world for once and do what you want to do. Life is too short to turn down a chance for true love."

Twenty-four hours later, Remus was back at the hotel. After leaving his luggage with the concierge - he had hopes that he wouldn't need to check in - he asked if Mr. Snape of Guest Relations was available, and the friendly young woman at the check-in counter pointed in the direction of the bar. With butterflies the size of chihuahuas roiling around in his stomach, Remus set off toward the bar, and he spotted Severus perched on a bar stool, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed. This time, he was not having a soda.

Even though he was afraid Severus might send him packing after coming to his senses and realizing he didn't want someone as scared and uncertain as Remus after all, Remus couldn't keep from smiling as he approached slowly and came to a stop beside Severus' stool.

"You know, if you sit there wallowing in misery much longer, I'm going to think I was lured back with false advertising," he said softly.

Severus jerked his head up, wide-eyed, his expression suffused with disbelief that swiftly melted into a profound relief and joy that Remus had never seen anyone direct at him before, and before he knew it, he found himself engulfed in a bone-cracking embrace.

"I thought I'd never see you again." The words were whispered against his hair, but Remus heard them nonetheless, and he wound his arms around Severus, clinging as tightly as he could.

"I came to my senses," Remus said, only half-joking. "I won't say I'm not scared, because I am. This is a huge change, but..." He drew in a deep breath and released it slowly, leaning his head on Severus' shoulder. "But I think what I stand to gain makes the risk more than worthwhile. Severus... Kanoa... I want to be with you, if you'll still have me."

"Well..." Severus drew back, rubbing his chin as if he were speculating. "You did put me through a tough twenty-four hours."

"I'll do anything I can to make it up to you." Remus lifted his head and gazed at Severus earnestly. "Anything at all."

From the smirk that curved Severus' lips in response, Remus understood that he probably shouldn't have promised anything, but when he found himself tied to the headboard of Severus' bed and soundly spanked with a fur-lined paddle while Severus - who was wearing nothing but a corset with garters, stockings, and black patent pumps - knelt behind him and administered the blows with wicked glee, he couldn't really muster up a great deal of regret.

Sometimes, he thought as he wriggled ecstatically and waited for the next smack of the paddle, happily-ever-afters did happen, even to men like him.



-the beginning-