The Golden FrogAuthor: lee_westCharacters:
Molly can't stop being pregnant, and the twins decide to take matters in their own hands. No, not those
Really bad birth control advice. Do not try this at home!Kinks chosen:
1. Rhythm method: The method of family planning where one observes the time of ovulation, with a cameo by 2. Charms: Talismans, good luck items. Word Count:
An armful of love and gratitude to my two excellent betas, onehundredmoons
. June 1979
Arthur thrust harder inside Molly, his eyes closed in ecstasy, and then – out of habit – made a jerking motion backwards, almost sliding out of her. Molly immediately clasped her legs around him and pushed her hips up, forcing him inside her again. "Don't worry," she whispered, "we're safe tonight."*** July 1979
Fabian and Gideon exchanged a knowing look when Molly suddenly left the dinner table and ran to the bathroom, covering her mouth with her hand. They knew all too well what that
meant, having seen their sister sick like that many times over. Together they lifted their eyes to Arthur, who had the grace to blush violently. He tried to ignore them and concentrated on the task of cutting the meat on Percy's plate into tiny pieces, but his brothers-in-law wouldn't let him off the hook so easily.
"Arthur," Fabian started.
?" Gideon asked, in mock horror.
Arthur thought it was amazing – and irritating – that the twins always
completed each other's sentences as if they shared a brain. He glanced at his own twin sons inside the playpen, two spitting images of their uncles, and wondered if Fred and George would be as mischievous as Fabian and Gideon were. He hoped not. He had no idea how his in-laws had coped with the two rascals without going mad. But Fred and George, barely toddlers, were already showing signs of mischief – of all his children, they were the ones who could never
be left unattended. And they also seemed to share a brain, especially when it came to doing things they shouldn't.
It was all Molly's fault, for naming the twins with the same initials as her brothers, he decided. Two brothers who also happened to be very nosy.
"You do know there's something called-"
"-Contraceptive Potion?" Fabian ended with a smirk.
"Of course I do," Arthur answered angrily. "But you prats know very well that Molly's allergic to it."
"So why don't you keep your cock-"
"-Inside your pants?" Gideon laughed. Bill and Charlie laughed, too.
"Will you watch your language around the children?" Arthur asked angrily.
"They have to learn one day-"
Bill and Charlie nodded happily and were sent to the other room by Arthur. Bill passed by the playpen and conked one of his brothers on the head softly. The victim wailed. His twin followed suit, of course. Arthur scolded Bill, and Charlie stuck his tongue out at his older brother, who promptly conked him on the head, too. Charlie threw a punch at Bill, who ran around the room, Charlie in close pursuit.
Percy alone remained quiet, eating his food and ignoring the madhouse around him. Arthur was trying to restore order, holding one of the crying twins, while the other lifted his arms to him pitifully. At the same time, Arthur was shouting at Bill and Charlie to stop running, to no avail.
Fabian and Gideon were standing on the sidelines, arms crossed over their chests and a wicked smile of approval on their faces, thoroughly enjoying the mayhem.
"Can you help?" Arthur asked, a little testily. "Grab these monsters?"
They shook their heads in identical movements. "They're not monsters, Arthur."
"Just normal boys."
They laughed harder. "And there's another boy-"
"-Coming your way."
Arthur wondered why Molly insisted in having her brothers for dinner so often. He wanted to hex the bastards, wipe those wicked smiles off their faces.
The twins finally stopped crying, and when Arthur put them down inside the playpen again, he noticed to his dismay that they wore the same smile as their uncles. *** November 1980
It was a rare peaceful night at the Burrow. They had just finished dinner, and that night Fabian and Gideon had actually helped, playing with the twins when they got fussy. Now the two Prewetts and the five Weasley boys were sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, playing some kind of game.
Arthur watched the scene quietly, noticing how Fred and George looked at their uncles adoringly. At two and a half, they were little Prewett miniatures, stocky and mischievous. Charlie was equally stocky, taking after Molly's family, although he was a quieter child than the twins. Bill and Percy, however, were tall and lanky, just like Arthur himself.
Sensing that someone was observing him
, he lifted his eyes to the cushy chair where Molly was breastfeeding eight month-old Ron. She smiled at him a little coyly, and Arthur felt his groin stir. He knew that look well – it was the precursor to a great night in bed. And the fact that Molly was breastfeeding was also a plus – lactating women didn't ovulate, which means they would indeed have a good night.
Arthur and Molly loved each other deeply and desired one another just as strongly. They also seemed extremely compatible as far as fertility was concerned. Molly had managed not to get pregnant before they married, but conceived Bill during their very hot and carefree honeymoon. As soon as they found out they were to become parents, Arthur and Molly gladly abandoned the dreadful rhythm method and had innumerable nights of hot sex until it became too awkward, just before Bill was born. They resumed it as soon as the Healer told the Weasleys they could engage in sex again, safe in the assurance that a nursing woman wouldn't get pregnant. But she didn't breastfeed Bill long enough and one night, mad with lust, Arthur didn't withdraw in time, and Charlie was conceived.
Molly tried the newly-developed Contraceptive Potion, but it gave her a nasty rash and the Healer told them they should stick to the rhythm method. Which showed its fallibility a few more times – times by the names of Percy, Fred, George, and Ron.
But, on that chilly November night, Molly was still breastfeeding, and Arthur looked at the clock on the wall impatiently. It was a lovely family night, but now he really wanted his brothers-in-law to go home, so he could put the boys to bed and have free time with Molly.
He hoped Ron would keep nursing for many more months to come; early withdrawal was a pain.***December 1980
Shaking their heads in disbelief, Fabian and Gideon followed Molly with their eyes, as she rose quickly from the table, covering her mouth with her hand. Before they could say a word, Arthur spoke briskly, "Not a word, you two!"
But nobody could stop the twins. Snorting, Gideon said, "She'll have fifteen."
And his brother agreed, "At least."
"You have to-"
"-See a Healer."
"I TOLD YOU SHE'S ALLERGIC," Arthur shouted, making baby Ron cry as he woke up from the noise.
"She is," Gideon agreed.
"But you aren't," Fabian finished.
"Are you out of your mind?" Arthur said between clenched teeth, bouncing Ron in his arms to shush him back to sleep. "Have you ever heard of a man taking a Contraceptive Potion?"
The twins shook their heads. "No," Fabian admitted.
"But you can take-"
Arthur opened his eyes wide and gaped at the brothers. "Me?" he squeaked.
Gideon and Fabian nodded. "It's painless."
"You won't feel a thing."
"NO!" Arthur shouted again, waking Ron once more. Ron wailed.
"Because nobody knows the side effects of this Potion. It's too…too new."
"There are no side effects."
"We researched it."
"'Little Arthur will still behave-"
"But he will-"
"I.Won't.Do.It." Arthur enunciated, ignoring Charlie, who was asking him what 'shooting blanks' meant.
"-You'll have fifteen!"
Arthur jutted his chin toward the twins. "I don't care. It's better than…than that." He turned around to shut Charlie up, and therefore missed the wicked look that Fabian and Gideon exchanged.***August 1981
Fabian and Gideon took Arthur out for a drink to celebrate the birth of the first Weasley girl. As a gift, they presented him with a small golden frog.
"Arthur, this is-"
"-An Incan talisman."
"Really? It's nice. What does it do?" Arthur asked, turning the frog in his hand. It had some inscription in a foreign language carved onto its back, and it was a very accurate replica of a frog.
Fabian and Gideon nodded. "As long as you keep it with you-"
"Molly won't get pregnant."
Arthur looked at the talisman suspiciously. "Are you sure about this?"
They nodded again. "We bought it-"
"-From a Peruvian witch."
"It's foolproof, she said."
"The Ancient Incas used it-
"-For population control."
"Well, thank you, you two. I'll…I'll try it, for sure."
Gideon opened his arms to Arthur. "Give us a hug, then."
As Arthur hugged Gideon, Fabian surreptitiously put a double dose of Sterilization Potion into Arthur's drink, and then handed it to his brother-in-law. "To Ginevra. The last Weasley baby!"
Arthur took a big sip of his drink and made a face. "It's bitter," he complained.
"Of course," Gideon said brightly.
"It's…Bitter. The drink. Called Bitter," Fabian said with a huge smile, his eyes shining.
It was a little tart, but not too much, and Arthur downed it happily, holding the little frog in his hand and already dreaming about wild, carefree nights with Molly. His glass was immediately refilled, and this time it was Fabian who pulled Arthur into his arms, while Gideon emptied the second vial into Arthur's drink.
By the fourth pint, Arthur wasn't in a position to notice that his drink wasn't bitter any more. ***
Molly was a little suspicious of the golden frog at first, but the amulet did its job perfectly for many years, until Molly went through the change and they didn't need it any more. It was kept, though, as a thoughtful gift from Fabian and Gideon. *** August 1996
Molly was very worried about Tonks. Right before Harry and Dumbledore arrived, she had been talking about a recent close call she'd had. Like Molly, Tonks was highly allergic to the Contraceptive Potion and relied heavily on the rhythm method. She and Remus had spent a few very tense days when she was late, but luckily it had only been a false alarm.
As a result, Remus told Tonks that he wouldn't risk a pregnancy again. He was afraid that he would have a child with the same condition he had and he couldn't put either Tonks or the baby through that. They had broken up and Tonks was devastated.
They made such a lovely couple, Molly thought. If only she could do something to help…
But of course she could! She would give Tonks the golden frog.
The next time she saw Tonks, she pressed the talisman into her hand. "Tonks, use this. It's an Incan charm that works as a contraceptive."
Tonks frowned. "Really? That's strange. I thought that frogs were actually a fertility symbol."
"Oh, no," Molly said. "My brothers Fabian and Gideon gave it to us right after Ginny was born and it worked like a charm for many years." She giggled. "I couldn't stop getting pregnant before and, after we started using the amulet, I never did again." *** June 1997
Tonks and Remus left the infirmary at Hogwarts and went to her flat together. She had finally convinced him that he was just right for her, with a little help from McGonagall and Molly.
As soon as they stepped inside, they kissed passionately, but when she pulled Remus toward her bedroom, he hesitated. "Tonks, we shouldn't…"
With a victorious smile, she showed him the golden frog. "Molly gave this to me. It's a Contraceptive Charm. Don't worry, Remus. It'll be safe tonight." *** March 1998
Watching Tonks breastfeeding Teddy, Molly wondered what had gone wrong with the golden frog.