Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Fic: A Brief Thesis On Sexual Endurance, by Prof. R. J. Lupin 
28th May 2008 22:38
Title: A Brief Thesis on Sexual Endurance, by Prof. R.J. Lupin
Author: [info]nehalenia
Characters: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin
Rating: NC17
Warnings: A bit of Crack!Smut. And some light bondage.
Themes/kinks chosen: m/m fellatio, fainting
Word Count: 2400
Summary: I really think the title sort of says everything it needs to.
Author's notes: I feel very honored to have been invited to participate in this community, and I swear I really do write better smut than this, but the Crack!Fairy bit me and this is what happened. Hopefully this won’t put anybody’s eye out. Many thanks to [info]blpaintchart for Brit-picking expertise and to [info]ships_harry for picking it up with a pair of tongs and hitting it with a blowtorch.

“Lupin, while I wholeheartedly support your interest in scientific research, you are simply going to have to untie me and let me sleep.”

Remus Lupin glanced up from where he was applying his tongue to his lover’s right kneecap, and paused to take in the view. Severus Snape was lying against the headboard, his long, lean arms stretched out and tied to opposite bed posts with magical ropes, his equally long, lean body extended down the center of the bed. His skin was pale and sweaty, his dark hair straggled to his shoulders, and his eyes were half-lidded from a mixture of satisfaction and fatigue. His ribs and hipbones were more prominent than they should have been, and he would have made a perfect model for a crucifix had Remus not spread-eagled his legs so he could sprawl between them.

“What?” Remus blinked up at him. “In the middle of the experiment?”

Snape sighed and shook his sweaty hair off his face. “We are not in the middle of the experiment, Lupin. We have concluded the experiment. Or rather, the experiment has concluded itself for us.”

Remus frowned and settled onto an elbow, one arm draped over Snape’s thigh where his fingers traced light circles. “How do you reckon that?” he asked. Remus was within licking distance of Snape’s cock which, although it appeared uninterested, still looked quite appetizing to him.

“Because we have answered your question,” Snape said with some impatience. He grimaced and shifted his shoulders as if they pained him – which they probably did. “You wanted to know how many times I could come during one of our extended… mutual gratification sessions. We’re at three, aren’t we?”

“Four actually, if you count the one before we officially started the experiment.”

“Well, there you have it,” Snape announced with some finality. “The answer to your question is four.” Remus’ frown deepened, and he sat up between Snape’s legs.

“I’m afraid I have to disagree on that point,” he advised.

“What?” A crease of annoyance appeared between Snape’s brows. “I haven’t come four times?”

“No, you have. But that wasn’t the question.”

“It most certainly was,” Snape huffed, straightening up as much as possible. “We were in the middle of our second round. The exact conversation went as follows: ‘Me: Merlin’s beard, just how many times do you plan to fuck me, Lupin? You: That depends. How many times can you come?’ You see?” A small but triumphant light glimmered in Snape’s eye. “You yourself set the limit of your experiment. The question is not how many times an oversexed werewolf can ‘raise the mainsail’, as you so colloquially phrased it, but how many times I can achieve release. Let me now assure you: we have reached that limit.”

“Well, that’s as may be,” Remus allowed, a curious smile tickling the edges of his mouth, “but I still beg to differ.” The hand resting on Snape’s thigh glided up to his hipbone, then slowly started back down. “You see, Severus, no matter how it’s stated, the inherent question is not ‘how many times can you come?’, but ‘how many times can I make you come?’”

Snape narrowed his eyes and reared back, tugging at his bonds as if he wanted to cross his arms. “And your support for this interpretation would be?”

“The fact that you’re tied up,” Remus smiled, “and have been for the duration of our experiment. Admit it, Severus,” he almost purred, leaning over to lap at his lover’s hipbone. “I have been responsible for every one of your shuddering, toe-curling orgasms. Therefore,” he concluded, glancing expectantly at Snape’s reclining cock, “logically, if I can… arouse you… once again, the experiment should continue. Don’t you agree?”

Snape simply stared at Remus for several moments, his expression strangely flat and somewhat disgusted. He then did something entirely unexpected. He released a long, weary breath, closed his eyes, let his head thump back against the headboard and whimpered.

“Lupin,” he moaned, “I implore you. Let me rest. My throat is raw, my thighs are practically unhinged, and there is not a dollop of spunk remaining anywhere in my body.”

Remus raised his eyebrows and trailed his fingers significantly down the cleft of Snape’s arse. “Are you quite sure of that, Severus?”

Snape opened his eyes just so he could roll them. “Allow me to clarify: none that I have manufactured. Merlin’s bones, Lupin, if…”

“Please.” Remus’ low, husky growl sent a shiver up Snape’s skin, and he caught his breath as Remus nuzzled at his balls. “Just once more, Severus,” Remus begged, sliding the tip of his tongue along the crease where Snape’s thigh met his groin, and dragging his hair over the slack, sated cock. “I just want to hear you… watch you. Just one more time.”

“Damn you, Lupin,” Snape groaned, tipping his head back in surrender. “Bloody, blasted werewolf…” Remus growled a laugh against Snape’s hipbone and started kissing around it, then growled again – a deeper, throaty sound – when he felt Snape’s cock twitch against his cheek. Remus pulled back because Snape was shifting under him, slowly arching his hips, spreading his legs wider. Remus glanced up at his lover and felt a hard rush of arousal at the sight of his bared throat – a throat that wanted, needed marking – but before he could crawl up and fasten his lips and teeth on the pale skin, Snape’s cock was starting to fill and lengthen, right beneath his nose, and without a second thought he bent down and took the whole shaft in his mouth.

Both of them groaned deeply – one from the feel of a hot, wet mouth, one from the silky cock swelling on his tongue. Moaning his pleasure at the scent and feel and taste of his lover, Remus wrapped his arms around Snape’s narrow hips and buried his face against his skin. His own prick was hardening so rapidly it made him dizzy, and he pushed up onto his knees to give it room. He swirled his tongue around Snape’s thickening length, then hollowed his cheeks and sucked until he heard him hiss, felt his hips trying to jerk away.

“Severus?” he asked, pulling his mouth off and wrapping a hand around the shaft.

“Gently, Lupin,” Snape frowned. “You’ve been gnawing on that particular bone all night.”

“Ah, sorry,” Remus blushed. “How’s this, then?” Keeping a grip on the base of Severus’ cock, he softened his mouth and took the head in slowly, stroking lightly with his tongue as he moved down. He pulled back up, teasing the head, letting his tongue caress the slit and lap at the tissue-thin edge of the foreskin.

“Mm, much better. Yes. Oh… fuck…” The word was soft, and came out on a shuddering breath, and Remus felt his prick pulse and leak, just because Severus had said that word in his low, smooth voice with its frayed velvet edges. “Fuck… Remus…”

Remus whimpered at the sound of his name, at Severus saying his name with that voice, and he slid down flat against the bed, pressing his cock hard against the mattress, because he was afraid he would come if Severus said his name again. And he didn’t want to come -- not yet, at least – because then it would be over, and he wanted to make this last.

He slid his hands under Severus’ thighs, and further up to grip and knead his arse as he bobbed his head slowly on that tender length. Remus pulled up so that only the tip was in his mouth, then looked up at Severus, feeling pleasantly tingly just at the sight of him. Severus was pressed back against the headboard, tugging against the bonds that held him, his breath coming faster as he watched Remus sucking him.

Smiling around the hot, moist tip, Remus winked, then closed his lips around Snape’s foreskin. Sucking gently, he used his lips to slide the delicate skin up and down, sucking it closed over the tip, then pushing it below the ridge, while, his tongue teased the slit on every slow stroke. Remus held Severus’ gaze as he worked his cock, until Severus couldn’t take it anymore, and he threw back his head with a groan and bucked up into Remus’ mouth. Remus let Severus thrust for a few strokes, then grabbed his hips, pushed him down and pulled his mouth off his cock.

“Bugger all, don’t stop, Lupin!” Snape hissed in frustration, arching his hips, trying to follow Remus’ mouth. “Why the devil…”

“Had to,” Remus panted, grabbing his own cock and squeezing hard at the base. “Because sucking you off is going to make me come—and I don’t want to. Not yet.”

“Yes, but I do, you imbecile!” Snape snorted, looking mutinous. “That was the whole point!”

“I know, I know,” Remus groaned, crawling over him, kissing his way up until their cocks were pressed together, and his lips were against Snape’s neck. “I’ll make you come, I swear I will, but Merlin, I want to fuck you first. I have to. Please, Severus.”

Severus reared back and peered at Lupin suspiciously. “You sound as though you’re asking for permission, wolf.”

Remus pressed their sweaty foreheads together and looked straight into Severus’ black eyes. “Do I need to?”

“No,” Snape snorted, as if it was the most ridiculous idea he’d ever heard.

“Good,” Remus growled and bit Snape’s mouth as he grabbed him behind the knees and pushed his legs up. He rocked his hips until his aching cock was poised at Snape’s entrance, then sheathed himself completely in one smooth thrust.

“Fuck. Oh fuck, Severus.” He should have been used to it. They’d been fucking all day, and he should have been used to it, even bored with it, but it was still so good. Hot, grasping, silky, sliding, already slick with his come, and Remus didn’t care how many times they’d done it before, or how sore they were, or how drained, because he just wanted to do this forever. He groaned, enjoying the feeling of just being inside Severus.

“Lupin,” Snape growled into his ear. “Stop basking in whatever moment you’re basking in and move.”

Remus pressed his face into Severus neck and snorted. “You’re such a romantic, Severus. That was sarcasm, by the way.”

“Yes, I’m aware. Look here, wolf, you are the one who decided you ‘had to fuck me’, and but for that notion of yours, I would have long since—AHH! Sweet Merlin on a biscuit, do that again!”

“What, this?” Remus grinned, snapping his hips at the same angle and watching Severus’ eyes roll back in his head.

“God, yes, that!” Snape panted,

“Again, Severus?”


“Right then. Hold tight.”

The first few thrusts were just to get the angle right and set a rhythm, but soon enough Remus was hunched over his lover, teeth gritted, eyes squeezed shut, fingers digging into Severus’ hips as he slammed into him again and again, each thrust faster and harder but always at the same angle, hitting the same spot, until both of them were so close they were dizzy with it.

“Severus,” Remus grunted, feeling his climax closing in fast. “Severus—gonna…”

“Don’t you dare!” Snape hissed, squeezing his knees so tight he almost cut off Remus’ air. “Don’t you darecome before I do, Lupin! You will not work me up like this and then leave me hanging! If you do I will hex you to the most outer of the Outer Hebrides, I swear I will—Oh! Oh—harder! HARDER! Fuck—Remus! Ye—“

Severus’ release hit so hard it sent both of them reeling, Remus climaxing only one thrust behind Severus and roaring like a dragon as he came. It left him panting, blinking and disoriented and wondering why the bed wasn’t level, until he realized he was still lying on top of Severus. Who was still tied to the bedposts, and not moving or speaking.

“Oh bugger!” Remus rolled off Severus, grabbed his wand from the bedside table and dispelled the magical bonds. Severus flopped down in a sprawl, looking rather like a big, scrawny bird that had plummeted out of the sky.

“Severus? Severus?” Remus shook him and patted his cheeks but got no response. He noted that Severus looked awfully pale, and experienced one of those moments of dawning horror – I’ve killed Severus! I’ve killed Severus with sex! What will I tell Albus? What can I tell Albus? Quick, think of something to tell Albus! – until he realized that Severus always looked that pale, and that he had a perfectly good wand in his hand. He aimed an Enervate at Severus and sagged with relief when he saw his eyes flutter open.

“Oh thank Merlin!”


“Right here.” Remus heaved a great sigh and collapsed beside Severus. Severus reared up on his elbows, shifting his shoulders uncomfortably, and peered at Remus.

“What the devil just happened?”

Remus sighed again. He expected he might be doing that for awhile. “Let’s see. We performed a scientific experiment. We had amazing sex. Quite a lot of it, in fact. Perhaps even too much.”

“Too much sex,” Severus repeated. “Yes. And after that?”

“After that? You came. I came. You fainted. I thought I’d killed you.”

Severus cocked an eyebrow at that. “Did you?”

“Yes,” Remus groaned.

“Good. Serves you right. You very nearly did kill me. You and your experiments….”

“Oh stop it, Severus. You can’t say it was all bad. And we did learn a valuable lesson after all.”

“Ah yes. How many orgasms was it?”


“And what have we learned?”

“Stop at four.”

28th May 2008 23:57
LMAO! Oh god. Poor Severus. ::dies::

“Well, there you have it,” Snape announced with some finality.

I think I started snickering right about there. "With some finality" indeed. Heh.

“Yes, but I do, you imbecile!” Snape snorted, looking mutinous. “That was the whole point!”

My, he's rather changed his tune, hasn't he? ::smirk::

Remus' reaction to the fainting killed me dead. Dead, I tell you.

Fun and sexy with a great ending; seems like a good debut to the comm to me! ;)
29th May 2008 14:14
Thank you! Yes, Prof. Lupin obviously has an unhealthy effect on Prof. Snape. ;-)
29th May 2008 01:34
Eeeee, what a terrific debut! Hilarious crack blended with deliciously hot Snupin pr0n ftw!! :) And despite what you say, I think this is glorious smut. It's as wonderful and addicting as any else you've written. [/fangirling]

I have so much love for Lupin. His experiment is brilliant and he's so damn cute in his persistence; I love his banter with Snape, as he tries to coax Snape into continuing the experiment. And poor Snape - so desperate to end it, and yet his body betrays him. :D But the best moment of all: the intense orgasm that knocks out Snape and Lupin becomes terrified that he's killed his lover. ♥!
29th May 2008 14:15
Thank you! You are too kind. I'm glad you enjoyed it. (And yes, a momentarily terrified Lupin is kinda fun.)
29th May 2008 05:17
I loved it! I loved it because it was divinely sexy, & a glorious mental image - & because the dialogue was a delight to read.
And for this bright image, Severus flopped down in a sprawl, looking rather like a big, scrawny bird that had plummeted out of the sky which made me laugh & was so easy to imagine.
29th May 2008 08:40
Because I enjoyed this fic so much, I've recced it at my journal here, and at [info]snapedom's Friday recs. If there's anything you'd like me to change, just let me know.
29th May 2008 14:17
Eeee, comments AND recs! Thank you so much, dear! You are way too kind, believe me, but I'm awfully glad you enjoyed it.
29th May 2008 14:34
You're welcome!
29th May 2008 05:27
Okay, so I didn't get a chance to come back for more than a few minutes at a time this evening, and I have to go to bed shortly, so just a quick comment from me - the crucifixion imagery there is keyboard-mash hot :).
29th May 2008 14:19
Thanks, and thanks SO MUCH for your help on this. It went from being OMG SO FAIL to "OK, I can post this w/o dying of shame". Whew! I almost hated to use the crucifixion imagery b/c it probably belongs in a more serious fic. Ehh. *puts in the re-use pile* *g*
29th May 2008 06:39
God, that was hot! From Remus convincing an exhausted Severus to continue the 'experiment' all the way through to their conclusion: stop at four. I nearly died laughing at this line- “You’ve been gnawing on that particular bone all night.” Great job.
29th May 2008 14:24
LOL! Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I may have to reincarnate that line in a Snape/Black fic. ;-)
29th May 2008 08:15
And I quote:

“Oh stop it, Severus. You can’t say it was all bad. And we did learn a valuable lesson after all.”

“Ah yes. How many orgasms was it?”


“And what have we learned?”

“Stop at four.”


Priceless! I didn't know I needed such a good, rollicking laugh until I read this! Bless your heart for sharing it!
29th May 2008 14:25
Thank you, I'm so glad it provided a giggle.
29th May 2008 12:54
Remus in a panic is completely adorable. "What do I tell Albus," indeed! And I like how they seem even more themselves when they've worn themselves out through marathon sex.
29th May 2008 14:27
Thank you! Yes, panicky Remus was fun to write. Thinking you've killed your bf does rather put the kibosh on the afterglow, doesn't it?
29th May 2008 13:47
Oh GOD! Hot and funny and tender and did I mention hot? Too many great lines to mention. Wonderful imagery and they are so in character (well, as far as possible given the scenario).

SHort but sweet.

Goes and re-reads. For the first time of many.
29th May 2008 14:34
Oh thank you! I'm so glad it proved amusing. Their characters are a bit off from canon, but it almost makes me think of doing a humorous AU where they're at some uni and Albus is their dept chair. (Snape & Lupin as sex researchers? Masters & Johnson of the Wizarding world? I can see the look on Albus' face now...)
29th May 2008 14:13
Seriously, it's so good to see you here. Does it mean we're going to have your writing every month? Yay!
This was so hot and fun. I particularly liked the expression 'big scrawny bird'.
29th May 2008 14:40
Thank you dear! This actually was a quickie b/c the one I was writing didn't work out (I forgot I can't write Snape/Black in under 7500 words) but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Right now I'm monthly, but I will probably have to cut back to alternates once the fall semester starts, but we shall see. Who knows, maybe this will help get me in the habit of doing regular fics?
29th May 2008 18:17
“And what have we learned?”

“Stop at four.”

LOL! So awesome... sexy and funny at the same time. :D
29th May 2008 19:48
Thanks so much! I expect 'stop at four' might be their new motto. ;-)
29th May 2008 21:53
heh. I can just see Remus going on about something or another (maybe at an Order meeting) and Severus raising an eyebrow and intoning, "Four". Kind of like a parent starting "The Count" when their kid is acting up.
29th May 2008 22:37
LOL! Your icon made me giggle.
29th May 2008 22:45
Thanks, I desecrated a chocolate frog card for LJ! ^_^
29th May 2008 21:52
“Ah yes. How many orgasms was it?”


“And what have we learned?”

“Stop at four.”


*howls with laughter* OMG, that was hot and funny and just so wonderful! YAY you!!! Welcome to DD! I love love love your crack!smut!
29th May 2008 22:39
Aw, thanks! Glad it gave you a giggle. I expect the Crack!Smut fairy might visit again someday. :-D
30th May 2008 08:18
I’ve killed Severus! I’ve killed Severus with sex! What will I tell Albus?

*dies of laughter* Oh, this is brilliant. I love your Snape - so dry and sarcastic and IC. The sex was hot. A really great read!
31st May 2008 04:17
Thank you! I must admit I had sort of a South Park moment there and had to restrain myself from putting in "I killed Kenny Severus! I'm a bastard!" but I'm glad it's funny anyway.
30th May 2008 11:44
Funny and hot!
31st May 2008 04:12
Thanks so much!
30th May 2008 12:50
“Good. Serves you right. You very nearly did kill me. You and your experiments….”

“Oh stop it, Severus. You can’t say it was all bad. And we did learn a valuable lesson after all.”

“Ah yes. How many orgasms was it?”


“And what have we learned?”

“Stop at four.”


Bwahahahahahahah! Awesome! *giggles*
I loved seeing them all playful like this. *g* And you've nothing to apologize for. Delicious smut is always appreciated. ;)
Nice job!
31st May 2008 04:13
Aw thanks! I'm glad it amused.
30th May 2008 12:50
Why in gawd's name would they stop at 4 when 5 was so mind-blowing?! No, I think they need to go for 6, just to be sure....

Welcome to the group! *HUGS* What a great debut!

love, lore
30th May 2008 14:02
LOL! Thanks! I think Remus figured that the ensuing panic wasn't worth #5, but maybe once the shock wears off they'll rethink that.
1st June 2008 15:21
I am absolutely in love with this, Neha!
Oh my god, Severus's dramatic sigh and collapse onto the pillows is the BEST, he had me rolling in glee, as did every single word of dialogue, for example when Severus is screaming curses at Remus to stop him from coming first. as;l'ldk!! Hahahaha!
It's just the kind of settled, sexy, comfortable with each other, and totally being themselves fic I was in the mood for. WIN!

Look at me, readin' an' shit! Finally! YAY JUNE!
4th June 2008 19:28
Thank you, hon! *smooches* I'm glad you enjoyed it, and yeah, yay you finally getting to read and not write after your triumph over LMOM! (Sorry I'm so late answering this, I thought I had.)
15th June 2008 18:00
ahahah!! Hilarious AND hot. An awesome combo. Delicious!
15th June 2008 18:37
LOL! Thank you! I'd already forgot I'd written this. I'm hoping to get a bit more porny in the next one.
23rd June 2008 09:46
"The question is not how many times an oversexed werewolf can ‘raise the mainsail’," . . . ooh, sweet Merlin on a biscuit is that, perhaps, a pirate fantasy reference?

This totally made my morning -- your Snape is so Snapely. . . "Stop basking in whatever moment you’re basking in and move.” and Lupin is just so SO motivated!

I especially love hom much more worried Lupin is about telling Dumbledore than he is about killing Snape (not to mention the cruficix refence)!
25th June 2008 15:35
LOL! I hadn't considered it a pirate reference, but it does make for some interesting possibilities, doesn't it? Snape trapped unwillingly in Lupin's pirate/Age of Sail fantasy? Patrick O'Brien?

"Lupin, what am I doing on this ship and *why* is there a sloth in my cabin?"

Glad you enjoyed this. It was rather fun to write.
17th July 2008 19:20
Oh my God, I haven't read porn so simultaneously hot and funny in years. I burst out laughing when Remus thought, "I've killed Severus!" and couldn't read on for all of two minutes, because I kept re-reading that line, and it just kept re-igniting my laughter. Wow.

And the last 5 lines. OMG. <3 I am bookmarking this under the folder BLOODY FUCKING HELL, read best thing ever. Gracious.
17th July 2008 19:39
Thanks, I'm really glad you liked it! I was actually kind of embarrassed to post it, since it was my daily_deviant debut and I didn't think the smut was up to my usual par, but I re-read it a while back and am okay with it now. ;-) I'm happy it made you laugh.
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