You know what you are doing is wrong, just like you know that everyone who does it says the same thing. There is nothing special about your predicament, nothing extraordinary about your guilt. And there is guilt. A lot of it.
You feel it every time Hermione does something special for you, and there are times when she does these things at an abnormal rate and you worry that she knows; no, you don't worry, you panic. You wake up in cold sweats; you take extra showers at work and Scourgify your clothes before putting them in the laundry.
In turn, you devote yourself to being the perfect husband until you can convince yourself that she doesn't suspect anything, she's just reciprocating your added affections with her own. You even convince yourself that this thing that you are doing behind her back makes you a more attentive husband, a more eager-to-please lover. You're full of shite, and you know it.
The real irony of it is, the only time you aren't riddled with guilt these days is when you're fucking Lavender Brown. The only moment of peace your mind gives you is the times you have her bent over her desk pounding into her as she screams and pants for "More! More! Good Gods, more!!" Or when she's down on her knees sucking your dick until she milks you dry, when she looks up at you with those oddly worshipful eyes, your come dribbling down her chin.
Of course it's not the only irony. The real irony is that you're pretty sure that if you hadn't been the stupidest person in the world and hadn't started fucking the one person that Hermione was legitimately jealous of, she might--might--have been able to someday forgive you… when if she were to find out. But no, you are a true asshole and fell for the one person who could ruin your entire life.
In for a knut, in for a galleon you guess.
And there's the last irony, you haven't fallen for Lavender, not really. You barely like her and you don't think about her at all when you're not together. You think about the ramifications of her all the time, but her? Hardly ever. You tell yourself every time, that it is the last time. And every time you really believe it, but then the guilt gets too much and you need a moment when you don't think about how you are the worst person to ever live. You need to share this vile with someone and Lavender seems to love your vile. She begs for it.
The truth is; you just wanted something, someone that was yours alone, that you don't have to share with your children, your entire family, your best mate, the entire wizarding world. The only person you share Lavender with is a single member of your family, and even then it's not really sharing as what you two are doing are for you two alone. Because yes, while what you're doing is yours alone, Lavender is not. She's married too. Yet another shame you feel is how delicious it is to sit across the table from your handsomest and most popular brother, the Dragon Tamer himself, and know that just that afternoon, his beloved, devoted wife was riding your cock with her tits, letting you come all over her face.
And Lavender is so willing to please you. You have started inventing depravities to try on her. And you're just as willing to give her the things she wants too. Because they're the things you would never want to do to Hermione, the mother of your children. You imagine that she wants you do to the things she wouldn't ask of her husband either, because she still has to look him in the eye the next day and the day after that.
Still, the biggest shame you feel isn't the thrills it gives you to do something so sinister, how weak you are against your own fear and guilt, it isn't how close you get to ruining your life and the life of everyone you hold dear. It isn't even that you're getting used to the shame, used to feeling this weight, this doomed existence.
No, the biggest shame is how very good you are getting at Memory Charms.
Pairing: Ron/Lavender
Kink: Infidelity
Words: 715
Rating: NC-17
Warning: 2nd person POV
You know what you are doing is wrong, just like you know that everyone who does it says the same thing. There is nothing special about your predicament, nothing extraordinary about your guilt. And there is guilt. A lot of it.
You feel it every time Hermione does something special for you, and there are times when she does these things at an abnormal rate and you worry that she knows; no, you don't worry, you panic. You wake up in cold sweats; you take extra showers at work and Scourgify your clothes before putting them in the laundry.
In turn, you devote yourself to being the perfect husband until you can convince yourself that she doesn't suspect anything, she's just reciprocating your added affections with her own. You even convince yourself that this thing that you are doing behind her back makes you a more attentive husband, a more eager-to-please lover. You're full of shite, and you know it.
The real irony of it is, the only time you aren't riddled with guilt these days is when you're fucking Lavender Brown. The only moment of peace your mind gives you is the times you have her bent over her desk pounding into her as she screams and pants for "More! More! Good Gods, more!!" Or when she's down on her knees sucking your dick until she milks you dry, when she looks up at you with those oddly worshipful eyes, your come dribbling down her chin.
Of course it's not the only irony. The real irony is that you're pretty sure that if you hadn't been the stupidest person in the world and hadn't started fucking the one person that Hermione was legitimately jealous of, she might--might--have been able to someday forgive you…
whenif she were to find out. But no, you are a true asshole and fell for the one person who could ruin your entire life.In for a knut, in for a galleon you guess.
And there's the last irony, you haven't fallen for Lavender, not really. You barely like her and you don't think about her at all when you're not together. You think about the ramifications of her all the time, but her? Hardly ever. You tell yourself every time, that it is the last time. And every time you really believe it, but then the guilt gets too much and you need a moment when you don't think about how you are the worst person to ever live. You need to share this vile with someone and Lavender seems to love your vile. She begs for it.
The truth is; you just wanted something, someone that was yours alone, that you don't have to share with your children, your entire family, your best mate, the entire wizarding world. The only person you share Lavender with is a single member of your family, and even then it's not really sharing as what you two are doing are for you two alone. Because yes, while what you're doing is yours alone, Lavender is not. She's married too. Yet another shame you feel is how delicious it is to sit across the table from your handsomest and most popular brother, the Dragon Tamer himself, and know that just that afternoon, his beloved, devoted wife was riding your cock with her tits, letting you come all over her face.
And Lavender is so willing to please you. You have started inventing depravities to try on her. And you're just as willing to give her the things she wants too. Because they're the things you would never want to do to Hermione, the mother of your children. You imagine that she wants you do to the things she wouldn't ask of her husband either, because she still has to look him in the eye the next day and the day after that.
Still, the biggest shame you feel isn't the thrills it gives you to do something so sinister, how weak you are against your own fear and guilt, it isn't how close you get to ruining your life and the life of everyone you hold dear. It isn't even that you're getting used to the shame, used to feeling this weight, this doomed existence.
No, the biggest shame is how very good you are getting at Memory Charms.