Oh, my! I feel like a glutton who has just been served the most stupendous feast! Mystery Author, I love this story. You've created such a full world here, and I find your depictions of Minerva and Rufus to be expertly IC, particularly in their conversations and in the ruthless edge of their "games."
Each section builds plausibly on the last; I feel as if I'm watching two real people as they grow and age. The last section is so much more powerful and poignant because we've seen the characters move gradually and believably from the confident hopefulness of youth through loss and experience to that bittersweet stage when pleasures are all the stronger because one knows how fleeting they are. The ending is perfect: satisfying and heartbreaking at once, since we know what's coming.
Some of my favorite lines/moments:
--all the wonderful banter and IC interaction between the two --that excellent opening section --I love the dueling lore that Rufus offers in their library lesson. --And if they might have kissed before going back to their respective dormitories, only the moonbeams and house-elves were to know. Ahhhh.... --One dance led to another, and that led to a fifth Ha! Such a fun-paced line. --and just because she couldn't stand being entirely nice Yes! I can so see this Minerva. --she could just be herself - by turns studious, eccentric and shrewish Excellent description. --It was amazing how easily someone could sink from the status of lover to that of occasional Christmas card recipient. This is exactly how Minerva would look at it. --"a gown so expensive it could flatter even the most unpromising of figures." Ha, ouch! Poor lumpen Artemesia. She's a self-absorbed horror, but I feel sympathy for her. --the venomous tentacula victims particularly made her shudder Great little inside touch; a good example of the layers upon layers in this fic. --Minerva's heart broke for the reckless boy she had once known - but only a little. Very IC. --It was therefore with a spring in her stride and a stiffness to the upper lip that Minerva went downstairs to meet Chief Auror Scrimgeour on the appointed day. Great wording; I can just see both of them. --It was not until ten days from the project start that a social suggestion was voiced Perfect use of passive voice. --resigned herself to having dinner with her... colleague. It would look foolish to protest too strongly against such a thing, after all. Haha! This is so Minerva -- rationalizing things so pragmatically /g/ --Then, very deliberately, Rufus took one of Minerva's hands and brought it to his lips - first kissing the back like a gentleman, then sucking each of her fingers like a whore. Wow -- sizzling --Minerva pulled Rufus upright and toward her bedchamber. I love that Minerva is willing to be the aggressor; of course she would be. --The two of them were lying in a mess of seed and sheets Great line; the alliteration tells us so much. This whole section is very effective -- you evoke a strong atmosphere with just a few well-chosen images.
Each section builds plausibly on the last; I feel as if I'm watching two real people as they grow and age. The last section is so much more powerful and poignant because we've seen the characters move gradually and believably from the confident hopefulness of youth through loss and experience to that bittersweet stage when pleasures are all the stronger because one knows how fleeting they are. The ending is perfect: satisfying and heartbreaking at once, since we know what's coming.
Some of my favorite lines/moments:
--all the wonderful banter and IC interaction between the two
--that excellent opening section
--I love the dueling lore that Rufus offers in their library lesson.
--And if they might have kissed before going back to their respective dormitories, only the moonbeams and house-elves were to know.
Ahhhh....
--One dance led to another, and that led to a fifth
Ha! Such a fun-paced line.
--and just because she couldn't stand being entirely nice
Yes! I can so see this Minerva.
--she could just be herself - by turns studious, eccentric and shrewish
Excellent description.
--It was amazing how easily someone could sink from the status of lover to that of occasional Christmas card recipient.
This is exactly how Minerva would look at it.
--"a gown so expensive it could flatter even the most unpromising of figures."
Ha, ouch! Poor lumpen Artemesia. She's a self-absorbed horror, but I feel sympathy for her.
--the venomous tentacula victims particularly made her shudder
Great little inside touch; a good example of the layers upon layers in this fic.
--Minerva's heart broke for the reckless boy she had once known - but only a little.
Very IC.
--It was therefore with a spring in her stride and a stiffness to the upper lip that Minerva went downstairs to meet Chief Auror Scrimgeour on the appointed day.
Great wording; I can just see both of them.
--It was not until ten days from the project start that a social suggestion was voiced
Perfect use of passive voice.
--resigned herself to having dinner with her... colleague. It would look foolish to protest too strongly against such a thing, after all.
Haha! This is so Minerva -- rationalizing things so pragmatically /g/
--Then, very deliberately, Rufus took one of Minerva's hands and brought it to his lips - first kissing the back like a gentleman, then sucking each of her fingers like a whore.
Wow -- sizzling
--Minerva pulled Rufus upright and toward her bedchamber.
I love that Minerva is willing to be the aggressor; of course she would be.
--The two of them were lying in a mess of seed and sheets
Great line; the alliteration tells us so much. This whole section is very effective -- you evoke a strong atmosphere with just a few well-chosen images.