Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Replying To 
28th November 2009 14:52
Others have commented here about the beauty of your prose, and I agree with them. I'd like to comment on how you've constructed this; it was wonderfully crafted.

This was a piece with no dialogue to carry the reader along, and no changes or scene or actions (apart from Snape pleasuring himself in the shower); no one for him to react off of, so to speak. In many writers' hands, it would have become an expository dump, or else wandered off and failed to come to a conclusion.

But you weave several elements in and out of the narrative (the pomegranates---and my God, you make brilliant use of that reference---Lily's ghost, and Severus's personal history) and these carry us along, building to give us a fully-formed narrative. And it all comes together in the end, with Lily/Persephone and Snape.

Marvelous. Thank you.
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