Halloween Heroes Author/Artist: inamacCharacters/Pairings:
Sirius Black/Remus LupinRating:
AU Elements (Caped Superheroes, masked vigilante (well, Batman), booby trapped dungeon (well, a dungeon, and boobies, does that count?))Other Warnings:
The usual puns.Word Count:
The Marauders gatecrash the Annual Pureblood Halloween BallAuthor's Notes:
I know. Not entirely AU, but since my day is Halloween I couldn't resist. I apologise for paucity of smut - I ran out of time (story of my life, really.) Halloween Heroes
It was a dark and stormy night in late October. The chill autumn wind tore rags of cloud across the fingernail sliver of the waning moon, alternately revealing and concealing the dark crenellations of Pettigrew Towers.
A cold witch-light glowed from the windows of the Great Hall and spilled out through the open doors into the inner courtyard where the guests for this year’s All Hallows Ball were arriving. Walberga Black’s own thestral-drawn carriage was just passing under the archway when her disowned son and his friends made their arrival, swooping down out of the racing clouds to land on the roof of the South Tower. The tyres of Sirius’ bike left long black streaks on the verdigrised copper as the rider fought to bring the vehicle to a stop before it, and its passengers, pitched over the parapet and into the flagstones below.
James landed his broomstick rather more carefully before crossing the roof to help Remus, who was looking very green, though whether from the ride or the landing it was difficult to tell. While Sirius parked the bike properly, Peter slipped from the shadows by the chimney to greet his friends. Technically, as the son of the house, he could have invited them as his personal guests, especially since the ball was a masked one and there was no chance that any wizard would be recognised if he did not wish to be. But Sirius loved drama and playing games, and he'd persuaded his friends to make a game of this; gatecrashing the Pureblood Halloween Ball was much more fun than going as an invited guest.
"That was fab!" James, red-cheeked from the broomstick ride in the sharp autumn air, crossed to slap Sirius on the back. "I didn't think you'd take that dare!"
"Pads always takes dares," said Peter. "That's why Remus and I won't challenge him. What was it this time?"
"Prongs reckoned I couldn't fly low enough to catch a bat."
"Yeah, but I didn't say anything about dropping it in one of the carriages," James protested.
Sirius shrugged. "Aunt Druella's an old bat herself. Anyway, she was bloody quick with that fire charm. Nearly caught the bike."
No wonder, Peter thought, that Remus looked ill. Riding pillion with Sirius was an adventure, and one for which he would not have volunteered. "Speaking of bats," said, I like your outfit."
"'Snot a bat," said Sirius, posing arms akimbo to demonstrate the costume, It's dadadadadad... Batman!"
Peter was not as impressed as Sirius obviously intended him to be. "One of your Muggle books, I suppose" he said. He had little patience with Sirius' obsessions, but, like the others, hadn't been able to avoid them. "And who is Remus meant to be in that red cape? Little Red Riding Hood? That's a bit of a risk if anyone knows their Muggle fairy stories."
"Don't be silly. He's The Mighty Thor," Sirius gave the name all its capitals, but at least didn't accompany it with a tuneless jingle.
"A Muggle superhero," James confirmed, flourishing his own black cape and doffing the round-brimmed and crowned Spanish hat he was wearing. "And I am The Sandeman!"
Peter had a vague feeling, from having read Sirius' book collection, that James had got it wrong (again) but was too embarrassed by his own attempt at a suitable Halloween costume to object. The Mr Toad outfit had been a compromise between his friends insistence on Muggle characters and his Mother's traditional theme. At least the caped coat and leather helmet were proof against the cold of the tower roof and he did not intend to don the mask until he joined the party (if ever).
"Let's go down," he said. "You'll need these." From his pocket he took four pieces of parchment, each the size of a writing slate, and showing a diagram of the castle in enchanted ink. "If you get lost just use a Reveal charm and say the name of the place you want and it'll show you the route."
Remus took his and looked at it speculatively. "That's clever."
Peter shrugged. "Just an old family charm. Great Great Grandfather used to get lost a lot so Grandma designed this.
"The perils of living in an old family pile," Sirius grinned. "Be grateful you don't have those problems, Remus. Not much chance of getting lost between the privy and the coal shed in your place!"
"No." For the hundredth time Remus reminded himself that Sirius didn't mean to insult him, he just had no concept of how the majority of wizards lived.
James, not one to waste time, took out his wand and tapped his map. "Revello banquet
" he commanded. The parchment obligingly stitched a double line of footprints leading from their location on top of the tower to the dining room next to the Great Hall. The four wizards set off together.
Despite Sirius and James' best efforts the evening turned out to be a lot less fun than the Marauders had anticipated. Mrs Pettigrew had unsportingly put anti-tamper charms on the punchbowl, and unbreakable locking charms on the cloakrooms. It was very nearly midnight, time for the guests to unmask and the gatecrashers to be gone when Sirius took Remus aside and unrolled his copy of the enchanted house plan.
"I'm bored," he declared. "What do you say to bit of exploring?"
Remus pulled out his watch, looking more like the White rabbit than a caped superhero, and looked doubtful. "We should be getting back to the roof soon."
"Yeah. I was checking the map for that," said Sirius, "But then I discovered this." He tapped the map, and whispered Revello Playroom
. Remus, leaning over his shoulder, watched as the enchanted ink marked a path from where they stood through a tangle of corridors and down to the lower depths of the castle.
"They have a nursery in the dungeons?" he said.
Sirius' smile was feral. "A playroom. D'you want to see what sort of games Peter's people play?"
Remus was pretty sure that Sirius had already explored, and his expression did not suggest that he had found a room set with card tables and chess sets. He glanced again at his watch. The hands stood almost at midnight. Well, everyone else would be in the Great Hall for the unmasking, except Peter and James, who were probably on their way to the roof. If only the map had shown the whereabouts of people rather than rooms. Nevertheless... "Okay," he said. "Lead the way."
Without the map they would never have found the way. The route wound down beneath the castle into the bedrock of the hill on which it had been built. The passage walls went from dressed stone, to plastered brick and eventually to rough rock, on which strange pictures had been drawn in earthy pigments. The 'Playroom' when they found it, lay behind a heavy oak door, hung on massive iron hinges, beneath a stone arch bearing a carved curse so old that the letters were worn to unreadability.
"Abandon hope!" Sirius grinned, turning the iron ring handle and pushing the door open
It did not creak. Remus wasn't sure whether to be worried or reassured by the fact.
The door opened into a deep recess, the thickness of the castle wall, making a vestibule entrance to the room beyond. On the floor was a circle of inset white marble, roughly the size of an apparation hoop. Presumably most of the people who came here did not bother with the stairs and the passageways.
There was a tingle of magic as they passed through. Somewhere in the castle a bell chimed midnight. Remus looked at Sirius and felt a heat on the back of his neck that was not the brush of his transfigured blond hair. Sirius reached up and pulled off his mask, revealing eyes hot with passion. "Oh yes," he said, looking around at the contents of the room; the luxurious Grand Wizard sized bed, the display cabinets with their bottles of fine wines and rare potions, the polished shackles and the leather harness hung on the stone walls, alongside erotic paintings depicting some extremely well-endowed ladies demonstrating all manner of games in which the equipment might be employed.
Remus swirled off his own cloak, the flash of red enticingly erotic in the firelit room. He flung it onto the bed, and bore Sirius down on top of it, black on red, and pulled off the batwinged cloak, the leather gauntlets and the utility belt. Sirius writhed, The tight undergarments concealed nothing. Remus pressed the palm of his hand against the confined erection and rubbed
. The noise Sirius made was not quite high enough for a bat's scream, but expressed his feelings more than adequately.
"Oh Thor," he growled, "Hammer me!"
And Remus did.
The following morning Peter climbed to the top of the South Tower. Sirius' bike was still parked leaning against the outer wall. He wondered how on earth he was going to get it down.