Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Kinky Kristmas Fic: If The Snow Falls (Sirius/Regulus) 
5th December 2013 21:00
Kristmas Wish Fulfilled for: [info]train_tracks
From: [info]sabethea

Title: If The Snow Falls
Characters/Pairings: Sirius/Regulus
Rating: R
Kinks/Themes Included: Incest, guilt
Other Warnings/Content: Chan
Word Count: ~1300
Summary/Description: Sirius has a promise in his mind. If it snows at Christmas, he will stop. If the day comes when he can look up and see white flakes dancing in the skies, he will know it's time. Time to leave. Time to stop touching his brother in the most unbrotherly way of all.
Author's Notes: Many many thanks to my lovely beta. Dear giftee, I hope this works for you.




“We shouldn't do this.”

Sirius says that almost every time. Hands all over Regulus, mouth nipping at his neck and ear. “We shouldn't do this.”

“Please.”

Regulus has tried arguing, tried persuading, even tried holding Sirius tight against his body, against his hard, painful cock in the hope that his brother will forget his scruples. But the one word – please – works better than all three together. Sirius hates to hurt Reg, hates to let him down. Regulus knows he shouldn't take advantage of this, but how can he help himself? How can he stop? Especially when he knows that Sirius wants this as badly as he does.

As badly or more.

*

Sirius has a promise in his mind. A get-out clause. An offering, if you want, to fate or destiny or gods. He makes it every year.

If it snows at Christmas, he will stop.

If the day comes when he can look up, out of his window at Grimmauld Place on Christmas morning and see white flakes dancing in the skies, he will know it's time. Time to leave. Time to stop touching his brother in the most unbrotherly way of all. Time to move forward, move away from the awful temptation which is Regulus.

Time.

*

“Please,” Reg whispers again, and Sirius's face is crazy with need as he rips his brother's clothes off. “Please,” Reg says one more time; then he is on the floor, Sirius between his legs sucking his cock so hard it's almost painful. Sucking so hard Reg thinks he'll come, or die, or both.

As if Sirius can read his brother’s thoughts, he gentles his assault, long tongue swirling round Reg's cock, mouth warm and sensual. Reg groans, arching his back to push himself further into Sirius, his legs curling round his shoulders.

Sirius has forgotten everything but his need, as he always does; Reg murmurs a spell to lock the door. Their mother would never forgive them – never forgive Sirius, the older brother, the one to blame for everything that went wrong – if she saw. If she knew.

*

Sirius hurts with the need, physically hurts. At school, it's so difficult – stolen moments, when his eyes meet his brother's and a silent message passes between them: I need you. I need you now. They both know what it means, where to go. That deserted classroom in the basement of the castle, after everyone's asleep, when no one will see them and wonder.

And at home... oh Merlin, at home. Regulus there, right in front of him, morning, noon and night. The longing in his brother's eyes, which he knows is reflected in his own. How can he resist - Sirius, who has never learned to resist taking anything he wants? Even his own brother.

Oh yes, especially him.

*

“You're sure?” Sirius asks, lifting his head from Reg's cock, one lubricated finger already probing his brother's arse.

Always asking. Always checking. Reg wonders what Sirius would do if he said no – if Sirius really would be able to stop, or whether it's just a form of words, a last sop to Sirius's conscience.

“Yes,” he says.

“You're so fucking gorgeous, you know that?” Sirius spits the words out almost like an insult, as if he hates Reg for it. And perhaps he does.

“Fuck me,” says Reg.

*

Regulus lying on the floor. Regulus begging to be fucked. Regulus Regulus Regulus Regulus. Nothing else matters.

*

Sirius's finger crooks inside him, and Reg takes a sudden hissing breath. There, Merlin, there. Two fingers, three. There is an expression on Sirius's face that Reg can't read. Hunger, desire, and something else – something so desperately sad that Reg closes his eyes. He doesn't want to know. He won't know.

Reg pulls his legs backwards, and Sirius pushes inside him. The heat, the pain – it's been months since they last did this, and Reg seems to tighten so quickly between times – the heat, the pleasure. Reg whines, can't help himself. He reaches down to touch himself, but Sirius gets there first. Sirius knows what he wants, what he needs. Sirius would pull the moon from the sky for his brother, and Reg knows it.

“More,” he says.

*

And how can Sirius refuse? How can he, when he wants this so much? Regulus's mess of black hair and sprawling pale white body. Regulus's eyes closed tight even as his mouth makes noises so sensual, so right, so wrong that Sirius can think of nothing else.

He pushes deep inside his brother, feeling first the give and then the tightness as Regulus's body clings to Sirius's cock, as if it can't let go. Sirius's hand clasps round Regulus's cock, holding him firm and sure. Feeling the last sticky wet drips of saliva from when Sirius was sucking him. Sliding fingers, forming a fist around Regulus's erection. Regulus is moaning something that Sirius knows means “more, more” - and why is this wrong when it feels so very right?

*

“I must, god help me, I must,” Sirius murmurs.

He is thrusting in over and again, as if Reg's arse is the most wonderful thing in the world – as if Reg is all that Sirius has ever wanted. Perhaps there are a few seconds of burning discomfort: Sirius is too needy to take things slowly tonight. But Reg likes – loves – needs this from his brother and rather than pull away, he pushes his hips up towards Sirius.

“Okay?” Sirius asks again.

“Yes, Sirius,” Reg pleads, arcing his back off the mattress in his need.

The rhythm is fast, uncompromising, almost punishing in its vigour. Sirius's breathing is heavy, warm air fanning Reg's face on the out breath. Reg knows his brother is close; knows too he won't orgasm until...

“Come, Reggie,” Sirius pants out – the only time he (the only time anyone) calls Reg that.

And Reg can do nothing but his brother's bidding, his cock spurting semen across them both, just as Sirius throbs and comes inside him.

Afterwards, Sirius cleans them both up, and Reg doesn't need to be a legilimens to know the thoughts in his brother's head – the thoughts that are always in Sirius's mind afterwards.

We shouldn't. It's wrong. How could I... He's a kid. Merlin, what am I doing?

Sirius doesn't say it out loud any more, but he might as well: the wave of guilt rolling off him is tangible. Reg could reach out and touch it.

*

Sirius leans over and kisses Regulus gently on the lips. It is Christmas Eve: tomorrow will be Christmas Day. Sirius has had his present early, and he loves and hates it in equal amounts. They should stop. They must stop doing this.

“Happy Christmas, Regulus,” he says quietly, drinking his brother in with his eyes.

“Happy Christmas, Sirius.” Regulus's eyes are shining in the dim light. “And look – it's snowing! Snowing at Christmas!”

Snowing.

“I love you,” Sirius says abruptly. It might be the final chance to say it.

*

“I love you,” Sirius has said; but Reg feels confused, as if Sirius's words make them further apart rather than closer.

“I love you too.”

They kiss again, gentle tender kisses which Reg isn't used to from Sirius. His brother looks sad but peaceful, as if he has finally come to terms with himself and with what they do. Finally, Sirius sits up, dressing quickly before leaving Reg's room with another smile and a last kiss. Reg thinks things will be better now, now that Sirius has finally found peace. The clock chimes midnight, and Reg sleeps with a smile on his face.

*

Sirius stands alone at the window in his room, looking out at the white flakes swirling dizzily, making beautiful the usually grimy London vista.

The snow is falling. It's time to leave.
Comments 
6th December 2013 02:35
OMGGGGG!!!! I'm panting! I'm incoherent! AAAAHHHH!!!

Oh, this is perfect! It's exactly what I wanted and MORE! You understand what makes this work so brilliantly -- the guilt riding the waves of lust, the inability to stop, that confusion of love...

Your writing was exquisite, and I felt every word.

BRILLIANT!! Thank you so much!!!
7th December 2013 02:26
And I rec'd it here, too:

Your awesome fic is awesome!
10th January 2014 22:37
BTW, this was written as a stand-alone piece, but could also be seen as a prequel to this: http://sabethea.insanejournal.com/985.html
10th January 2014 19:43
<3 Thank you so much! I was squeeing when I saw you'd recced it, and I COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE IT WAS SEKRIT THAT I'D WRITTEN IT. (BTW, I do hate the way my computer keeps trying to correct me. It doesn't like 'computery' and it now just tried to change squeeing to squeezing, which is not what I was doing!)

Family guilt and shame - Christmas just isn't the same without it ;-P
6th December 2013 06:26
Oh, Sirius. Poor boy. And poor Regulus. That will not be a happy Christmas for him in the morning. Lovely, sweet, and very melancholy.
10th January 2014 19:44
I have to say, I feel particularly awful for Regulus. (And wonder whether this is why he turned and joined the Death Eaters, since Sirius had walked out on him.) Someone write him happy!fic, quick :)
6th December 2013 09:16
The language and the flow of this story is just gorgeous. I was talking with someone last night about it, and the best phrase I could come up with to describe it was "quiet desperation." There's a sense of floating toward inevitability. It's perfectly concise; it's exactly what it needs to be. Beautifully told.
7th December 2013 02:23
See, if I hadn't been rendering incoherent I would have said all this.

;-) :-)
7th December 2013 02:27
See? SEE???

RENDERED.

For fuck's sake.

Yeah, I'm a writer.
10th January 2014 19:46
Thank you. I always worry when sort of being lyrical that I'm actually just coming across as horrendously pretentious. (And whether I'm going on Too. Damn. Much. about the snow, in this specific story!) But the pairing kind of asked for it. (If [info]traintracks will set me up with a gorgeous prompt....)
6th December 2013 09:59
Disquieting Deviant is the right pseudonym for you, dear author. This is disturbingly believable - and now I suspect that there was an undisclosed reason for Sirius being struck off the Black Tapestry.

I bet he doesn't keep his promise.
10th January 2014 19:49
Me, disquieting?

Well, I acknowledge that fluffy!fics are not precisely my forte ;) (I like to read them, incidentally, but my fics... generally turn out a bit bleaker. Like this.

(I can't help thinking that this story possibly led to this situation - http://sabethea.insanejournal.com/985.html - which I wrote for KK a few years back.)
6th December 2013 12:34
Whenever I think of this pairing, I always have the impression of the two of them being each others sole oasis in the midst of a very tense and unhappy household and even though you don't allude to that sort of thing here the desperation in both of them (and Sirius' determination to leave it all behind) suggest it strongly. The sex between them is both bleak and highly charged, [info]r_grayjoy said it best, quietly desperate.

I feel terrible for both of them at the end of this and that's exactly how it should go for these two. I only wish it were longer so we could see the aftermath of Sirius' decision.

Excellent work, MA!

10th January 2014 19:50
You do realise that last line made me wonder why you thought I was your mother ;-P (and then feel very stupid as I worked out it was short for Mystery Author!)

But yes, thank you. I definitely think it was a dreadful place to grow up, and if the boys found inappropriate means to get through it, it's not entirely unreasonable of them. Wallburga has a lot to answer for...
6th December 2013 22:15
Beautifully written! So desperately sad, and loving, and lonely. Heartbreaking and hot, which makes us share in Sirius' guilty feelings.
7th December 2013 02:37
Rec'd here.
10th January 2014 19:51
Thank you! I was worried it was too angsty to be hot, so I'm glad it also worked as smut. And thank you thank you for commenting.
7th December 2013 00:47
Oh the feeeels ! This is so beautifully written, the words, sentences, so atmospheric and almost lyrical. We feel them move, feel Sirius' desperation, feel the need and want and guilt soaked into every word and action.

Wow, really lovely writing here.
10th January 2014 20:19
Thank you. The prompt was all about the guilt and I'm so glad I got close to doing it justice.
7th December 2013 12:01
Yay! Here on Traintracks rec, and boy is it worth it!! This is wonderful, intense, sad and desperate all rolled into one. Beautiful!
10th January 2014 20:20
Oh, thank you! [info]traintracks was far too generous about the story, but I'm glad you felt it was worth visiting.
8th December 2013 05:53
Oh my, I love this. Oh my. Just, yes. The flow is amazing and it's just so captivating.
10th January 2014 20:21
Eeeeeeee, thank you! :)
8th December 2013 15:04
This is beautifully written. An incredibly strong piece, with so much story told through very tight, lyrical writing. I particularly love the sense of shame which you have captured so beautifully. This fic made me ache for them both. Lovely, lovely work.
10th January 2014 20:22
Thanks, honey. Sirius/Regulus is made for angst, I'm afraid. *pets them gently* *watches them recoil suspiciously*
8th December 2013 15:53
Very much enjoyed this! Oh, my poor boys. The snow metaphor was lovely. :))
10th January 2014 20:23
Oh good. I was worried I over-did the snow, so it's good to hear it worked.

And yes. Poor kids, both of them.
10th December 2013 12:46
That was fantastic, so much guilt, so much want.
10th January 2014 20:25
Thanks. I was worried this would have limited appeal, so am thrilled that people read it AND (more amazingly still!) liked it.
10th December 2013 13:52
Oh, what an end! Love the guilty thoughts running through Sirius's mind--but not enough to stop him. Well done.
10th January 2014 20:26
Thank you! That's the thing about Sirius - he has enough morals to feel guilty but not enough to stop him doing things...
29th December 2013 08:29
Oh wow! This is just perfect! PERFECT!

I love how you write this pair, how you build up the wrongness and counter it with the rightness. I love how guilty Sirius feels, how torn in two directions, and then your poetic voice with the snow and descriptions... *happy sigh*

Thanks for a brilliant experience!
10th January 2014 20:27
Yay, thank you. (I shouldn't do a happy dance with reference to this fic, should I? I should be ashamed of the mean things I do to the boys. Oh well. *happy dance that you liked it*)
7th January 2014 18:00
Wow. This was...well I hesitate to say beautiful, since it's sad and bleak, but your use of language and the description of their desperation is beautiful, if that makes sense.
So doomed yet so...inevitable, really.
Brilliant writing!
10th January 2014 20:28
Thanks, hon. Yeah, definitely doomed from the start. But there needs to be lots and lots of guilt on the way to the dooming...
23rd January 2014 00:00
Oh yes! Oh no!

This is perfect and dreadful and wonderful. So sad. So sexy and wrong. Poor boys. Poor, poor Regulus left at the end expecting more even as the reader knows that the snow has taken everything away.

*sniff*
31st March 2014 19:54
Thank you! And yes, poor poor Regulus. He's so easy to be cruel to and he looks so beautiful when one is doing it.
7th February 2014 14:50
This is simply amazing. Beautiful and so powerful. God this is going to go into my fav fics folder! Brilliant, well done! :)
31st March 2014 19:54
Thank you :) I'm so glad it worked.
11th February 2014 18:10
Wow, that was beautiful. Heart-wrenching. I wonder if Sirius really will stop, or will he move out to James's. This, with Regulus, changes everything.
31st March 2014 19:55
Potentially this is what happens next: http://sabethea.insanejournal.com/985.html ?
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