Gratitude Bestows ReverenceAuthor: severity_softlyRating:
AU, mpreg, genderfuck, love!sex/reverent!sex, mild angstWord Count:
doesn't specifically reference any of the books (completely post-war AU), no DH spoilersSummary:
Severus was not generally one to feel ashamed of the things he couldn't help, but they hadn't had sex since they had discovered Severus was pregnant, twenty one weeks ago. It had been like a marathon of abstinence, considering they normally couldn't keep their hands off each other.Notes:
Beta'd by enigmalea
! Title from a quote by John Milton: "Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."
, whose Remus I am beginning to believe I have a telepathic link to.
It felt like ages ago that Remus had asked him, but Severus remembered it exactly - every hint of hesitation mixed with barely contained desire on Remus' face. "Have you ever considered having a family together?"
Severus remembered how he'd crushed it as well, stamping out the light in his partners eyes with one snide comment and a hasty retreat from their shared bed. As regrettable as it seemed now, he couldn't take it back.
"Have you considered that we're both in our mid-forties?" he'd asked a few days later.
Remus hadn't looked up from washing the dishes. "Which is only a potential problem for Muggles
"Are you unhappy? Unsatisfied
with our lives as they are?"
He hadn't intended to wound with his question, but he had. He was alarmed by the way Remus turned to him, hurt lining his face. Remus swallowed hard, then looked away again, abandoning his hand washing efforts by tersely flicking his wand at the dishes with an unspoken Scourgify. "Would I have honestly asked you to start a family with me if I was?" The tone was much colder that Severus expected, and then it was Remus' turn to walk out on the discussion.
It hadn't been an easy decision. After the first few clashes over the subject, it had taken them a long time to see eye to eye on the subject. Then there was the battle over who should carry the child, as Severus had simply assumed Remus had meant adoption. Once stubborn pride gave way under weight of Remus' very logical arguments (not the least of which was Remus' lycanthropy), Severus accepted the responsibility with no small amount of apprehension... yet with each passing day, each week, each month that was starting to feel like a faded memory of a man he wasn't any longer. There was no doubt the child he was carrying had changed him, as he couldn't even imagine
being so adamant about not wanting this now. Feeling the product of his and Remus' love grow inside him was too much of a miracle to deny the nagging sense of completeness
So it wasn't unusual then to find himself staring at his own reflection in a full length mirror that way he was today, buttons of the black maternity shirt Remus had bought him unbuttoned below his chest and his trousers pushed so low they barely covered him because they no longer fit anywhere near his waist. His belly button had popped out the week before and Severus avoided the new nub as his ran his fingers over the swelling of his stomach.
There was a crack of Apparition, and then Remus appeared in the bedroom, a smile blooming on his face like it always did whenever her caught Severus admiring his new form. Severus watched Remus' reflection as Remus moved toward him in the mirror, but didn't bother to move.
"Xiomara?" he asked, without preamble. They'd been having this conversation for weeks now.
"Still convinced it's going to be a girl?" Remus grinned, nuzzling his nose against the jut of Severus' jaw and wrapping his arms around Severus from behind. He flattened his hands over the bump, rubbing slow circles over it. Severus' eyes dropped to watch them in the mirror, two sets of hands over the round bulge, Remus' tan offsetting the paleness of his own skin.
"If wearing tight underwear and riding broom on a daily basis puts enough strain on the Y sperm to prevent the conception of a boy, I would think the fact that your body breaks and reforms itself twice a month would be just as unpleasant for the little fellows."
Remus chuckled against his skin. "Fair enough. I'll add Xiomara to the list. Is there a male form of the name?"
"It doesn't matter."
There was puff of breath against his skin when Remus let out another small laugh, and then warm wet kisses were traveling over his neck. Severus tilted his head to the side to allow it automatically.
Remus' breath was in his ear, and he nibbled the lobe before whispering, "Septima?"
"I like that," Severus muttered, not oblivious to the way Remus was tugging him gently back towards the bed. He had a bit more energy this month than he had had throughout his pregnancy and the moist teasing of Remus' tongue had him quickly cursing his libido.
"I had a feeling you would." Severus could tell Remus was smiling when he spoke, though they were now too far from the mirror to see. "Did you remember your potion today?"
"Always." As much as he had grown to enjoy being pregnant, he hated the potion as much as he loved it. It had given him the ability to have a child, but had left him feeling absolutely grotesque, providing him with a secondary set of genitalia he was not comfortable with having in the least. Beneath his penis, his testicles had receded into his body, and a fully functioning female reproductive system had taken their place. Severus was not generally one to feel ashamed of the things he couldn't help, but they hadn't had sex since they had discovered Severus was pregnant, twenty one weeks ago, in spite of the fact that Remus hadn't been the slightest bit dismayed by the new additions to his partner's body. It had been like a marathon of abstinence, considering they normally couldn't keep their hands to themselves.
Apparently, Remus was not willing to give up trying, however. He gently nudged Severus into a seated position on the bed, and climbed up on it behind Severus, working the buttons of his shirt open and sliding the black fabric off his shoulders, throwing the garment to the floor. His fingers moved down over Severus' pale chest, gently flicking a nipple with his fingertips. Severus felt Remus' lips pause in their trail over his shoulder when Severus gasped lightly. Then there were teeth worrying the bottom of his ear and he could do nothing to stop the resulting groan of pleasure, and he chided himself privately for his ever crumbling resistance.
His cock was now straining against the fabric of his pants and trousers just above an unfamiliar moistness. Well, a moistness that had been unfamiliar at first, but with each attempt Remus made to bed him, it was starting to feel more natural to him. It had been so long and he needed this, but every time he thought of Remus seeing him the way he presently was, it was like dousing his arousal in ice water. "You know that I'm going to stop you, so why do you torture us both?"
"Not torture," Remus muttered, urging Severus to lay back against his chest. "Miss you," he hummed, stroking his fingers reverently over the swell of Severus' stomach.
"Miss you too, but..." Severus paused, leaning back at Remus' urging suppressing a shiver of excitement at the feel of Remus hard cock pressing lightly against the small of his back where Remus knelt behind him. "Going to have to take care of your own needs again."
Remus' hands dropped to the bed at Severus' hips in defeat and he pulled back slightly, just enough to rest his forehead against Severus' shoulder. Severus turned his head to rest his cheek against Remus' near-grey locks.
"It's not about satisfying my needs," Remus muttered, his fingers barely stroking Severus' hip, and Severus' brows furrowed. He didn't have to ask, however, as Remus looked up and read the confusion on his face immediately. He slid out from behind Severus, straddling him so that one leg was behind Severus' back and the other was on the floor, then placed his hand on Severus' stomach, spreading his fingers wide. "You have no idea how gorgeous you are like this, do you?"
Severus found that he could only blink at Remus, lips parting softly.
"What you've done for me, for us
-- it's more than I could have ever dreamed for." Remus slid closer, hooking his leg in between Severus'. "I want to please you, make you happy."
"I am happy," Severus replied, confused frown still firmly in place.
"I want to thank you."
"You have, on numerous occasions."
Remus half smiled, breathed a sad little laugh and dropped his head to Severus' shoulder, shaking it. "God," he drew the word out, halfway between amusement and exasperation. "Severus--"
"Remus, how could you possibly--"
"I do." Remus looked back up and held Severus' gaze determinedly. "I do. I find every inch of your body, the way it is now, magnificent."
Again, Severus found himself staring, though this time he wished he could do something about the way the protective frown had been replaced with wide-eyed disbelief. Then he felt Remus' hand snake over his thigh and he flinched slightly as it neared his groin, dropping Remus' gaze.
"Please," Remus spoke barely above a whisper, and hooked his hand around Severus' neck, pulling him in for a kiss. His tongue caressed Severus' lower lip before dipping inside, and then pulling away. "Please, let me show you," he whispered against Severus' lips before repeating the gentle kiss.
Severus didn't want to give in, but his cock was still ready to go and there was that little, foreign, pleasurable clenching sensation again. Remus kneaded his hand up Severus' back and worked firm circles into the tight muscles of his neck, and Severus couldn't help but sigh and deepen the kiss, feeling Remus slowly work the tension out. The fingers made their way higher, stroking his scalp and even the semi-permanent frown lines in his face were starting to dissolve as they normally did under this treatment. Severus thought this was very tricky indeed. "Not fair."
"All's fair in love." Remus moved so that his leg was no longer at Severus' back and hooked his arm around Severus' shoulders, gently urging him back onto the mattress while fully supporting him at the same time.
"Remus..." Severus started, attempting another protest in spite of the fact that his body was fully ready to comply.
His tone must have given him away, because Remus was only ghosting kisses over his Adam's apple rather than replying, licking and nibbling at the bump, which wrenched another breathy groan from Severus' throat. Severus' eyes fluttered closed in spite of himself, but he clenched his fists into the sheets, refusing to give in and lace his fingers into Remus' hair like he desperately wanted to do. Remus slid the arm behind Severus out and stroked his hair lightly, kneeling at Severus' side, while his other hand rested protectively over Severus' round stomach. His tongue teased the hollow of Severus' neck before laving firm strokes across the valleys just over his collar bones.
"Re--" Severus tried again, but teeth had clamped onto his nipple lightly and he gasped, his hand flying into Remus' hair automatically.
Remus hummed appreciatively as his tongue flicked the tiny nub to full attention and then moved on to the other, giving it the same treatment. Sliding off the bed, he moved in front of Severus, stroking his hands down Severus' sides as he began to place far more chaste kisses across the top of Severus' belly. Severus cracked his eyes open and watched Remus from under his lashes, and he was certain he'd never seen a more reverent look on his husband's face. Severus stared, unable to look away, as Remus placed his cheek against the taunt skin, drawing a deeply satisfied breath and nuzzling his stomach before returning to the gentle kisses.
Severus closed his eyes again as Remus moved to kneel between his legs and disappeared from view, the gentle caresses of his lips moving lower over the underside of his stomach. Then Remus hooked his fingers into the top of Severus' trousers and a thrill of panic shot through him, gripping Remus' hands before they got any farther. He was panting softly, trembling a bit, feeling his cheeks heat, but Remus only freed his thumbs from Severus' grip to stroke lightly over Severus' knuckles. He rested his cheek against Severus' belly again, and Severus could only imaging the look of serene bliss he'd worn just a few moments earlier while doing the same thing, only now his chin was brushing the fabric just above where Severus' cock was aching for release.
"Love you," Remus whispered, and Severus let out a trembling breath. "Love all of you. So, so much." Remus massaged Severus' fists, working them open and then laced their fingers together, resting their joined hands together on the bed by Severus' hips. He brushed his cheek against Severus' leg, then began trailing kisses up his inner thigh through the fabric of his trousers and pants.
It was maddening and so brilliant
and Severus bit his lip to keep from moaning as Remus drew nearer and nearer his groin. When Remus finally pressed his nose and mouth against the ever dampening fabric over what was left of himself and his newly acquired genitalia Severus trembled with desire, arching against the bed wantonly. Remus unhooked their hands, and Severus lifted up off the bed to help him pull his trousers and pants off instinctively, feeling his cheeks burn with color.
At first Severus felt nothing and started to second guess allowing his desire to override his common sense, wondering if Remus had forgotten what exactly was down there and was having second thoughts, but then Remus kissed the underside of his stomach lightly. "Thank you," he whispered, and before Severus could say anything, moist heat was circling his cock and he let out a strangled cry. Severus wasn't entirely sure he could even orgasm like this they way he was, but he hardly cared. How had he gone so long?
Remus' tongue was snaking up the underside of Severus' shaft and swirling over the head every time Remus pulled back enough, then sliding down. Severus did his best to thrust up into the inviting mouth, but the extra weight he was carrying made it difficult for him to move to far off the bed with as little leverage as he had. Remus moaned as he pressed up though, and the resulting vibration sent tiny shocks sparking up his spine.
Then fingers came to rest just bellow where Remus' mouth was working and Severus froze, but Remus's mouth continued on, moaning again against his cock. Severus wasn't sure if Remus' moan was out of genuine arousal, or if it was a purposeful move on Remus' part to relax Severus. Either way, it helped slightly, and Severus loosened his hold of the sheets. "Remus..."
Remus pulled away his mouth away, but left his hand where it was, still unmoving. "Hmm?"
Severus panted, and gripped the edge of the bed, but found he had nothing to say. Just knowing that Remus would stop had been enough for him, and after a few moments, Remus seemed to know that too. He felt a soft, open-mouthed kiss against his thigh and then his cock was engulfed with warmth once again. Severus writhed and let his legs fall open as he again tried to push himself into Remus' mouth.
Then Remus' fingers were moving, sliding over the folds of Severus' labia, gently testing the waters. When Severus made no sign or either pleasure or protest, they slipped under the folds and went lower until they were dipping inside of Severus, just a shallow invasion, but now they were slick. Remus' tongue made another full sweep of his cock, teasing the slit, and Remus dared to dip his fingers deeper.
Severus had almost refused to notice how it had felt when they had conceived their child, but this time when Remus plunged his finger deeper he was gasping softly at how different everything felt. Instead of the tight friction at his entrance, there was almost no resistance to entry here. Remus' fingers were slicked and the tight ring of muscled friction was replaced with felling Remus' fingers every inch of the way in. His body clenched tightly around them in a way he couldn't in a purely male form. Each time Remus removed his fingers and dipped in again, he went a bit deeper, testing Severus' comfort, and Severus found himself pushing down against the invasion after only a few gentle thrusts.
Remus' fingers finally went deep enough to bump his cervix, which gave only slightly to the pressure, and Severus gasped. His stomach gave a pleasurable little jolt, and he managed to gasp, "Is that safe?"
"Mmmhmm," Remus hummed the affirmative, attaching his lips to the underside of Severus' shaft.
"You're not... touching her?" he whispered, voice barely cooperating.
There was a quick exhalation of breath from Remus' nose, as if he'd held back a small chuckle, and then he sounded out the negative, giving his head a little shake as he swallowed Severus' prick again. The next thrust of his fingers was slightly rougher, as if he'd been waiting for Severus to check and be sure of their child's safety before doing so, and then he crooked the tips of his fingers inside Severus. Heat exploded in Severus' abdomen, a dull tickling sensation that had Severus moaning and arching off the bed as Remus massaged his fingers in slow circles inside of him.
His cock slipped from Remus' mouth and Severus felt the hot breath against the sensitive skin bellow it. Then moist lips closed softly over Severus' clitoris. At first it only tickled slightly, but then Remus' tongue moved out and circled the hardened nub and it wrenched a cry from Severus' throat.
"Oh, God!" He flung his hand out to thread his fingers in Remus' hair, but found his stomach in the way. Remus' free hand, however, quickly found his and he gripped it, and Severus squeezed as Remus stroked his tongue against his clit again. "More
," he moaned. He would have been amused by the smug, self-satisfied noise Remus made if it hadn't been for the way his body was humming with pleasure.
Again and again, Remus' tongue worked circles over the hyper-sensitive skin as his fingers continued their exploration, now completely slick, until Severus found himself wantonly pushing down and rocking up against Remus' lips. Pleasure overtook Severus more powerfully than he had ever felt it. He cried out, orgasm shaking his entire body, tightening his hold on Remus' hand until he collapsed in a boneless heap back against the mattress. Drowsy warmth spread through him and he closed his eyes, humming softly as his body wound down.
He didn't bother to move. He actually didn't think that he could, so he was glad Remus came to him and pressed his lips against his own. Remus must have performed a quick Scourgify, because there was no lingering taste of himself on Remus' lips. As much as he had ended up enjoying what Remus had done to him, he was thankful for this as he dipped his tongue into Remus' mouth. "Satisfied?" he muttered, cracking his eyes to look at Remus, who was smiling down at him.
"Only if you are," Remus replied.
Remus chuckled. "I thought you were going to break my knuckles." Severus snorted, but Remus kissed him again before laying down at his side, his hands coming to rest over Severus' belly as they often automatically did these days. "Thank you," he whispered, "for everything, Severus."
Severus could feel Remus against his hip, still very much aroused, but Remus only closed his eyes and rested his head against Severus' shoulder. "Don't you want to...?"
Remus met his eyes, and let out a shaky breath. "Yes." There was barely controlled desire in the word. "God, yes, I want to make love to you, but only if you're comfortable."
"I think... I just might be now," Severus said cautiously, and laced his fingers with Remus' on top of his stomach.