Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
Dear Dirty Dungeon (Bill/Tonks, NC-17) 
30th September 2010 00:38
Title: Dear Dirty Dungeon
Author: [info]ragdoll
Characters/Pairings: Mr W/Miss T, Bill/Tonks
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Chosen: please your mod, first time (sort of), desk!sex, spanking, wanking
Other Warnings:
Word Count: ~2575
Summary/Description: Dear Dirty Dungeon, I never expected anything like this could ever happen to me, but...
Author's Notes: Since this month was Please Your Mod month, it's all about me. And reading far too many Letters to Penthouse Forum in my misspent youth. Sadly, I couldn't actually find any when I went to research this fic.

Thanks to [info]r_grayjoy and [info]kabal42 for their encouragement (and for allowing me to indulge myself), [info]ldymusyc, [info]luvscharlie and [info]sdk for their mad betaing skillz.

Dear Dirty Dungeon:

Although I have been a great fan of your letters section since before I came of age (as have all my brothers and my dad), I never was quite certain if the stories published in your pages were true or not. However, something happened to me recently, which changed my mind utterly and completely. I never expected anything like this could happen to me.

I consider myself to be a good-looking bloke: 6 ft 2, slim and fit, with long ginger hair (which the witches go wild for, believe you me). I'm also well-endowed and have never had any trouble pulling girls or had any complaints when I've bedded them. I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging — I'm not— just trying to be honest about my past. However, I have never had an experience like this before, but it did happen, and so I need to share my experiences with your readers.

It was late afternoon and I was sitting in my office, minding my own business when there was a knock at the door. I was up to my eyeballs in annual inventory reports so I didn't even bother to look up; I just called "Come in!" assuming it was one of my co-workers looking to bring me more files.

"Mr W—?"

The sound of a woman's voice made me look up. To my surprise, a young witch had entered my office, standing on the other side of my desk. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen: big brown eyes, luscious lips and long pink curls, and even though she was still wrapped in her cloak, it was impossible to miss that she was sporting fabulous curves beneath it.

"May I help you, Miss—?" I asked, unable to keep my eyes off of her. I have to admit that I was already starting to get hard. I guarantee that any red-blooded wizard in my place would have.

"I certainly hope so," she purred, then licked her lips, making my cock twitch even more. "You can call me Miss T."

It seemed like an odd request, but I wasn't in a position to argue, nor did I want to. "So, what can I do for you, Miss T?"

She smirked at me, then pulled out her wand, locking my office door with a quick flick of the wrist. Before I could protest, she had reached for the clasp of her cloak, unfastening it and letting it drop to the floor. I was shocked to see she barely had anything on underneath — just a tiny thong the same colour as her hair, black silk stockings and shiny black stilettos.

Her body was even more incredible than I'd imagined — and I've got quite a vivid imagination. Her figure was perfect — long legs, narrow waist, curvy hips and her tits, well, they were amazing: large and round, her nipples red and already standing in hard peaks. "I believe it's more 'what can I do for you, Mr. W—," she said finally, practically purring.

I arched an eyebrow at her, letting out a growl of approval to let her know I liked what I saw. "I think the answer to that is 'plenty'." I had no idea what had prompted the girl to come here, but at this point, I really didn't care.

She leaned over my desk, grabbing me by the tie, and yanked me forward. I couldn't have stopped her if I'd wanted to (but believe me, wild hippogriffs couldn't have made me try), she started kissing me deeply, her tongue forcing its way into my mouth.

Continuing to kiss me, she crawled up on the desktop on her hands and knees, as nimble as a kneazle. Her lips stayed locked onto mine as she knocked me back into my chair. I settled down into it, definitely enjoying the feel of her body pressed against mine. It also made it easy for me to touch her, her skin warm and as smooth as silk beneath my fingers.

Miss T broke away, panting, one hand straying to my crotch to palm my pretty obvious hard-on through my trousers. I groaned at her touch, her face lighting up with a cheeky grin when she heard my reaction. With a laugh, she launched herself off the edge of the desk and on top of me, her magnificent tits flush against my chest as she straddled my legs. I could feel her hard nipples rubbing along my shirt as she leaned in and nipped my earlobe, then stuck her tongue in my ear, her breath hot and moist.

"Mmm," she murmured. "You're so hard." She ground her hips into mine quite shamelessly.

"There's a gorgeous, naked woman in my office," I replied. "What did you expect would happen?"

"Well, I had hoped for this." She wriggled again. "I've been watching you for quite some time, Mr. W—. I've wanted you from the moment I first laid eyes on you."


"Oh yes." Miss T gave me a most coquettish look, her fingers already on the button of my trousers, working on opening them. "You're irresistible."

"And you," I breathed in her ear, "are a very wicked girl."

She laughed. "Yes, I suppose I am at that."

"Extremely." I ran the tip of my finger down the length of her spine to her perfect arse, giving one cheek a firm squeeze, then the other. "Do you know what wicked girls get?"

"What's that?" she giggled.

"They get spanked." I leered at her. "A nice hard smacking on their bottoms."

Pulling back, Miss T looked at me, those large brown eyes of hers wide, and her full lips in an "O" of surprise. "Oh, but you wouldn't!"

I cocked an eyebrow at her, slowly dislodging her fingers from my zip, however reluctantly. "I'm afraid I most certainly would." Before she could protest any further, I grabbed her, picked her up and flipped her over my lap. Miss T struggled quite enthusiastically, kicking her legs and begging me not to spank her. By this time, my cock was rock-hard and throbbing painfully; her squirming and pleading only made it worse. She had to be punished for getting me in that condition.

I am a man of my word. I raised my arm and smacked her on the bottom, grinning as I watched the pale flesh of her delectable bum turn pink; in fact, it now matched the colour of her thong. Miss T gasped, jerking forward, then wiggled against my thighs. I took that as an invitation to continue. All in all, I administered ten smacks to each side, each time harder than the last, until her arse was warm and red. When I stopped, she was still writhing in my lap, breathing hard. I slid my hand between her thighs, pushing aside the crotch of her knickers. To my delight, she was already extremely wet, and extremely ready.

I slid two fingers inside her, causing Miss T to moan loudly. She spread her legs apart, her back arching at my touch. "Now what do you want from me, Miss T?"

She pushed back against my hand, clenching around my fingers. "I want you to fuck me, Mr W—. Nice and hard."

"Hmm," I said, thrusting my fingers back and forth slowly, pleased to feel her hips moving in tandem with my hand. "Sounds like a very good idea."

I withdrew my fingers and helped her to her feet, unable to keep my eyes off her as she stood before me. Luckily I knew where my wand was, reaching for it as I kept my gaze on her. "Don't think you'll be needing those anymore. Diffindo." The elastic band of her knickers was instantly sliced in two.

"You could have just asked," Miss T said dryly, tugging off her now torn knickers, then tossing them away to land on top of her cloak. She stood before me now stark naked. It was an incredible sight, although I was quite amused to see the hot pink curls between her legs. I had wondered if the Axminster matched the drapes.

"That wouldn't have been nearly as much fun," I said. Not wanting to waste any more time, I slid my hands around her waist, lifted her up and deposited her on the edge of my desk which was just the ideal height.

I leaned in to kiss her again, one hand buried in her hair while the other cupped her breast, fondling and caressing her as I shifted between her splayed knees.

Meanwhile she made short work of my trousers, shoving them down, then worked my cock out of my pants, giving it a few urgent strokes before guiding me inside her.

I pushed forward, sheathing myself in bollocks deep, making her gasp loudly. Her quim was unbelievably tight and hot and wet as she bucked forward to meet me. Digging my fingers into the soft flesh of her arse, I began to thrust hard and deep.

She was uncontrollable, writhing and moaning like a wild thing, her nails raking down my back, as I continued to take her, thrust after thrust. As she bit down on my shoulder, I could feel my balls tightening, my cock aching—

"William Arthur Weasley, what are you doing? Decided to start without me, have you?"

Bill's eyes snapped open, his fist tightening around his prick as the sound of his girlfriend's voice broke him out of his reverie. He looked over to see Tonks standing in the doorway of his study, the corner of her mouth curled up into a sly smirk. "I, erm—" A slow burn of embarrassment spread across his face and up to the tips of his ears. For once, it was impossible to maintain his usual laid-back demeanour. Swallowing hard, he sputtered, "You're, erm, home early, aren't you, love?"

"Meeting ended sooner than expected so Kingsley let us go for the day."

Unfazed by Bill's half-dressed state or the fact that she'd caught him mid-wank, Tonks strode into the room to stand behind him. She leaned forward, wrapping her arm around his neck. Her chin rested on his shoulder, allowing her to gaze down into his lap. "Sooner than you expected, I see."


"What's all this, then?" Before Bill could stop her, she'd snatched his copy of Dirty Dungeon off the top of his desk, eyeing it with curiosity. In the upper corner of the page, an illustrated witch and wizard were shagging furiously on top of a cartoon desk. "Dear Dirty Dungeon, although I have been a great fan of your letters section since before I came of age as have all my brothers and my dad..." she read aloud, then continued on silently until she'd reached the end of the letter. "Did you actually write this yourself?"

"I may have done," Bill replied, shifting uncomfortably, his erection now completely wilted in light of the embarrassing interruption and her scrutiny. It seemed pointless to lie given the obvious similarities between the couple in his letter and themselves. He'd only done it as a lark, and had been surprised to see it published at all.

"Miss T?" Tonks shook her head in dismay. "I suppose I ought to be flattered that you find me that appealing. Or at least bits of me." She looked down at her chest, then back up at him.

Bill scowled. "Don't be daft. You know I think you're beautiful."

She didn't look mollified. "You're right when you say you've got a vivid imagination, mate. Well, other than when it comes to making up names apparently." Tonks rolled her eyes, then turned her attention back to the magazine. "Is that what you fantasize about? Really?"

"I'm a bloke! So, yes, it is. That's the sort of thing we enjoy and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it."

"Oi, keep your hair on, Weasley." Tonks tossed the issue of Dirty Dungeon down in front of him, then pressed her lips against his cheek in a quick kiss. "I never said there was. So, no need to get so defensive. I was only asking."

"More like interrogating me." Bill snorted in annoyance. "You don't always have to bring your work home with you, you know."

Tonks' hand skimmed down his chest, caressing him gently. "And here I thought you liked playing the randy Auror and the dirty Dark Wizard," she murmured in his ear.

"Tonks," Bill groaned, then pushed her hand away. "Don't—"

"Fine, be stroppy then." Miffed, Tonks broke away from him, then turned on her booted heel. "I'm going upstairs to change out of these bloody work robes. I'll leave you all alone with your darling Miss T."

"But you are Miss—" Bill started, but Tonks cut him off with a dark look

"And your precious right hand. I hope you lot have loads of fun together!" With that, she stomped out of the study.

Bill waited a few moments before bothering to move. He knew better than to argue with Tonks when she'd got in a temper like this; she was as stubborn as the day was long and nothing would sway her. He supposed he could have tried to finish himself off, but the mood was spoilt and he didn't want to risk having Tonks barge in on him again. Perhaps he could distract himself by catching up with some reading for work. The history of Gringotts' and its goblin founders might prove dull enough to keep his mind off sex for a while.

With a huff of frustration, he cleaned the lube off his hand with a quick spell, then rose to his feet. He tucked his now limp cock back into his pants and zipped up his trousers and began to straighten up the room in anticipation of doing some actual work. He was putting his wrinkled copy of Dirty Dungeon back into his desk drawer when he heard a light rapping on the door.

"May I come in, Mr. W?" Tonks leaned against the door frame, looking slightly nervous. She'd changed more than her clothes; her hair was now candy-floss pink, cascading in corkscrew curls down her back, and she'd put on heavy makeup, her eyes dark with kohl, her lips shiny with gloss. She shifted slightly, one bare and shapely leg visible under her worn cloak. Bill was pretty certain she was completely naked underneath. "I know this isn't your office, but I reckoned it might do..." Her eyes flickered over to his desk, then back towards him.

Bill could feel his cock springing to life as he gave her a sheepish smile. He suspected it would do just fine.
30th September 2010 12:23
Yum! Good for Tonks for being willing to play along. Hope he returns the favor someday. :-)
30th September 2010 19:33
Bill doesn't strike me as the kind of bloke who is selfish, so I think he will. So glad you liked it! Thanks!:)
30th September 2010 14:07 - FROM THE TOASTLY ONE
UNFUNFUNF yummmeh! You know this isn't normally my thing, but I love the way that it turned out to be Bill wanking along to his own story and how very Tonksy for her to want to join in! NOM! I loved it so much... I AM SO JEALOUS OF TONKS!!! I kinda wanna draw her in her stockings and cloak now, too!
30th September 2010 19:35 - Re: FROM THE TOASTLY ONE
LOL *smooches* I am so glad you liked it despite the icky spankings (which I like, so BITE ME!). I had the whole office sex thing in my head for a while, but it seemed really cheesey and over the top, so needed to find some way to make it okay to be cheesey and over the top so thus the letter was born.

I am very jealous of Tonks too, damn it.

I kinda wanna draw her in her stockings and cloak now, too!

Please??? *bats eyelashes at Toasty*
30th September 2010 18:06
Mmmm, nice fantasy there! And I'm so glad Tonks came back so they could make it happen!
30th September 2010 19:36
*smooches* I'm glad you liked it, dearest! I figured there's nothing wrong with some good old fashioned makeup sex in the end! :)
30th September 2010 18:10
This is fantastic! I know you've already heard this from me before, but it bears repeating. YUM. The whole style of the letter totally threw me back to my own..erm...youthful sneaking about in my parents' dirty magazines and I was completely caught off-guard when I realized Bill was wanking to his own fantasy/letter to the magazine. (GUH WANKING!)

Also, I seriously love the switch over from fantasy to reality, the back and forth between Tonks and Bill that shows this is a real couple and not entirely perfect.

"More like interrogating me." Bill snorted in annoyance. "You don't always have to bring your work home with you, you know."

I snorted at this, lol. But it just makes their relationship more real. And the fact that Tonks was just a tad nervous at the end = <3333333

30th September 2010 19:41
Aw, you're so sweet! I seriously love you!

I was really struggling with any fic for this month but it's please your mod month so seriously, if I can't write for myself, it's just beyond pathetic. I had the idea of the office sex in my head for a while, but it seemed really cheesey and over the top -- but then I remembered my misspent youth reading those letters (my uncle had a huge Playboy collection that he let my cousins -- and me by proxy -- read, some other parents' friends had dirty mags we kids would appropriate etc). So a letter it was, but then I had some other ideas and the first-person stuff was making me nuts, so the rest is history.

One of the things I love to write most is sparring couples and some conflict, however slight. I hate out and out fluff so bickering kind of cuts the treacle (I hope). Plus it's FUNNY!

And then it leads to makeup sex!

Thank you so much, sweetheart! And for the beta too. :)
30th September 2010 22:46
Oh yuuuuummy. Office sex is hot, and I like how you wove the letter in to add a little something.
30th September 2010 23:29
So glad you liked it! Thanks so much. :)
1st October 2010 13:41
Of course, I've already told you in gchat how much I love this.

And this is still my favorite part: "Fine, be stroppy then." I still have no idea why I love that so much, but every time I read that line it makes me smile!
1st October 2010 20:21
*squishes you* I am so glad you like it -- I don't know if anything is good until I get your approval on it. :)

Oddly enough, that's one of my fave lines too. Just that neither of them are perfect and even innocent stuff can become a source of tension. But then there's makeup sex. ;)
2nd October 2010 15:37
Oh, that Mr. W—, so modest, so smooth, and of course not bragging at all. ;)

This was such a cute story! I loved the obvious exaggerations in the first part, the sly poking fun of the whole genre of "letters to Penthouse", and how Bill gets busted by Tonks. The sudden contrast to their real life interaction was so funny and sweet, with Tonks stomping out in a temper and then coming back and playing along and being a bit nervous of his reaction (aww!).

Funny how not smooth is actually sexier. :) This was just darling, really.
3rd October 2010 05:30
Hee! I'm so glad you liked this! ♥

My Weasleys wouldn't be Weasleys if they didn't possess healthy egos (at least Bill & Charlie). But of course not bragging at all! (At least he didn't give exact measurements. ;))

The smooth part was ridiculously fun to write because I could (and did) go over the top, and then the other 'real' part just demanded to be included so it all balanced out in the end. I try not to write anything too fluffy and people do bicker over silly things, esp when they're embarrassed (yes, I'm looking at YOU, Bill) and then hopefully make up.

Your comments made me so happy! Thanks again! :)
3rd October 2010 09:49
Haha! Oh, I love this, and I especially loved Tonks' flounce. Great conversation with the incredibly hot smut, and with exactly the right flavor of snark. :D Thanks for sharing!
3rd October 2010 21:05
Oh thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun to write, especially Tonks' flounce (and Bill's strop) and the ridiculously over the top smut! :)
17th October 2010 04:30
Yowza, Tonks is delicious here!
17th October 2010 05:54
♥ So glad you liked her! (Now if she'd only cooperate for this month's DD, I'd like her better. ;))
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