Title: A Tangled Web
Author: eeyore9990
Characters/Pairings: Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, Severus, Other Severus
Rating: R
Kinks/Themes Chosen: Android
Other Warnings: porn!lite, late arrival of a point, lack of sense, bi-polar story telling
Word Count: ~1900
Summary/Description: When the new Muggle Studies professor assigns Mary Shelley's Frankenstein to his students, he couldn't have known what kind of ideas he'd put in Sirius Black's head.
Author's Notes: This started off as a quick and dirty, humourous take on Marauders and their shenanigans. And then it... went a bit weird. My thanks to r_grayjoy for lending out her plotbunny, to alisanne and leela_cat for their tremendous help with brainstorming.

---

Sirius straightened, dragging his thumb across the high cheekbone to remove a speck of dust, and then turned with a shit-eating grin spreading across his face. "It's perfect."

"If you do say so yourself," James said from where he was sitting cross-legged on his bed, frowning down at a five-inch scroll he was attempting to turn into twelve inches with the least amount of effort.

"I even got the right amount of grease in the hair."

"Not sure the nose is actually big enough." Peter laughed at his own joke, which was fortunate since no one else did.

"It is. It's perfect." Sirius walked around the body-shaped form laying on the room's empty bed, studying it from every angle. "Now I just have to get the spells right."

The door opened, sending Sirius lunging toward the bedcurtains to yank them closed before the newcomer was revealed to be Remus, who groaned at seeing the reason for Sirius' scrambling. "Please tell me you're not still working on some mad Dr Frankenstein scheme. I will never forgive Professor Quirell for assigning that book in Muggle Studies. One would think first-term professors are lectured at length about what an impressionable sociopath you are!"

Sirius used his outstretched hand to brace himself against the bedpost in an attempt to look less ridiculous--though his 'I'm so suave and debonair' pose left much to be desired--and said, "Monstrous he might be, but Snivellus is going to save us from a year of absolute boredom. Show some appreciation, Moony!"

Remus snorted, throwing his bag on the floor at the foot of his bed before flopping onto the mattress with an arm over his eyes. "Whatever. I'll just be over here practicing my best 'I have no idea what you're talking about, Professor McGonagall' expression."

Sirius planted his hands on his hips, frowning around the room at his dorm mates. "What's crawled up your knickers? I thought I was rooming with the Marauders, not a bunch of Hufflepuffs."

"Oy!" Peter said, looking hurt. Sirius just waved him off, leveling his glare at Remus and James simultaneously (which was rather easy to do from his vantage point across the room as Remus and James' beds were right next to each other).

"Look, you bunch of tossers. We're not wasting this golden moment on... on whatever it is that's keeping the two of you--yes, I know, Wormtail--from partaking in this fine moment of prankitude."

"Pratitude, you mean. If Lily finds out I had anything to do with this, she'll cut me off. And I don't mean I wouldn't get in her knickers; I mean she'd literally cut my prick off. Sorry, mate, but no copy of Snivellus is worth it, no matter how spectacular it is." And for a moment, James almost looked forlorn at not joining in the festivities. A rather morose silence descended on the four (plus one) while they each (minus Remus, who was still hiding behind his arm) considered the many fine uses of the body laying on the bed. James sighed, and it was the sound Sirius had been waiting for. Prongs would ride with him that night.

Supremely radical, as the muggleborns said.

"What exactly are you planning to do with him?"

Sirius' smile was slow and wicked. "So, I have this camera..."

Peter broke in, face red with too-long-supressed glee. "Are you going to film him getting into trouble? Take the evidence to Professor McGonagall?"

"I was thinking something a bit... longer lasting."

Remus groaned, stuck his fingers in his ears and began to intone, "Lalalalalalalala."

When James stared at Remus like he'd grown a second head, Sirius waved one hand. "Plausible deniability. If he doesn't hear the plan, he can't rat us out. Oh, sorry, Pete."

"What's longer lasting?" Peter asked, ignoring the slight against his Animagus form.

"Blackmail. Of the Black family variety."

"Oh, dear." James, who'd been leaning forward eagerly, suddenly sat backward with a frown at that.

"Not death or destruction. Or psychopathy. Or... uh. Well okay. Not really of the Black family variety, I just like to think they named it after us, is all. When I was attaching all his wires and electrodes--Muggles are geniuses, by the way--I couldn't help but notice how.... well. How very fuckable his mouth is. And his arse. And then I started thinking further."

"Pictures. Oh, fuck me sideways."

"I thought you were hot on girly bits these days?"

James shot Sirius a two-fingered salute. Sirius walked over and poked Remus in the chest, and then kept poking until Remus unplugged his ears and glared up at him. "Is the plotting over now?"

"Yep. Now's time for the execution."

Remus' eyes grew wide and the little bit of colour in his cheeks seemed to drain from them, leaving him rather sickly-looking.

"Oh, not like that. What do you take me for?" Sirius immediately held up a hand. "Never mind. Don't answer that."

"I'm assuming they didn't talk you out of it."

"You do realise you're talking about our dorm mates, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, yes?"

"You do realise you're annoying as fuck, yes?"

"Give over, Moony. You know you want in on this."

"Has the fact that I'm a prefect escaped your notice? Or do you just not care?"

Sirius acted like he was thinking that over before he grinned. "Just don't care. Besides, I've seen you with your head in the loo, puking up most of a litre of Firewhisky. And that was just last weekend, so don't go all precious prefect on me now." Sirius walked over to the trunk at the end of his bed and opened it, rummaging through the contents for a few minutes before standing with a triumphant shout. "Found it!"

Tossing a large black object to Remus, he said, "Don't worry, Moony. No one'll know you had anything to do with it. Not that they will anyway, but regardless. You're going to be the cameraman tonight. Or the lookout, if you prefer."

Remus pulled the camera toward him while Peter sighed disconsolately and moved toward the door. "Oh, joy. Be still my heart. What am I taking pictures of?"

Sirius grinned evilly, walked over to the body on the bed, and cast a few spells rather lazily with one hand while lowering the zip on his trousers with the other.

~*~

Glossy black and white photos spilled across the desk, the lurid scenes captured on them taken with enough skill behind the lens that they appeared more art than pornography. Until, that is, they started moving.

Snape's eyes flared, his nostrils flared, and his mouth would have flared too, but it was much too thin to partake in such activities. "What the everloving fuck is this? You used polyjuice potion to get off with my doppelganger?"

"Not polyjuice," Sirius said, eyes reflecting his honesty as he leered at Snape, fingers stroking over a few of the pictures. "It's you, Snivelly."

"It bloody well is not."

Sirius' mouth turned down into a small pout. "Are you really trying to deny it, Sniv? After all we shared?" Sirius selected a photo and pushed it forward with the tip of one finger. In the photo, Snape's tongue travelled slowly up the underside of Sirius' cock before he opened his mouth wide and began to deep throat Sirius with skillful efficiency.

"If I'd ever had your cock in my mouth, Black, I'd have bitten it off!" Snape hissed. "I'm rather sure we both know that."

Sirius tsked. "Then what about these?" Three photos plopped down slowly, one after the other. Snape on his hands and knees, mouth open wide around one cock while his body shook with the thrusts of the cock pistoning in and out of his arse. "Spit roasting. Ahh. My favourite pasttime."

Snape glared at the pictures, then at Sirius. "What do you want, Black? We both know that isn't me."

"It sure felt like you when I was shoving my cock down your throat. Such a good little cock sucker you are. Quite the best I've ever encountered." Sirius picked up another photo and flicked it at Snape. In it, creamy white come was dripping down Snape's face, and it was only if one looked closely that they'd see just how vacant his eyes looked. Unfortunately, Snape noticed little things like details.

Snatching at the photo, his forehead creased, and then he began to paw through the photos as Sirius looked on, amused. "Can't get enough of it, can you?"

"What is this? What did you do?"

"Pleasured you. Though you were such a slut that it near wore me out to do it. I have to admit my surprise at how kinky you are, you little whore."

"What a farce. We both know this isn't me. Beyond the obvious--I wouldn't touch you if it meant the salvation of the world as we know it--some of the details are wrong. So it isn't polyjuice either. Again I ask: what did you do?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and attempted to gather the photos, but Snape grabbed his hand in a nearly crushing grip. Snape's other hand went to Sirius' jaw, holding it steady for a long moment as Snape looked into his eyes. Sirius was about to jerk his head away when Snape's brows drew together and he said, "Legilimens!"

The pain that seared through Sirius' head was enough to make him flinch backward, eyes snapping shut. But the damage was done. Sirius had no skill at Occlumency. Wouldn't have even thought he'd needed it, really, considering most students knew nothing of the mental disciplines.

"What the fuck, Snape?" Sirius grabbed his head and held onto it while it tried to decide whether or not to explode in a bloody mess.

Snape seemed in much the same shape, his skin pale and eyes glittering with pain. "You. Are a fucking idiot, Black." Turning, Snape dug in his bag for a moment before tossing a dog-eared copy of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein onto the table between them, knocking a few photos to the floor.

"Read it, thanks," Sirius said, though his normally smug tone was still overridden by pain.

"This time, skip to the end and see what the monster does to its creator. Read it, Black." Snape waved his wand, Banishing the photos from existence. Pivoting on his heel, he stalked from the library, but not before bumping shoulders with another boy on his way out.

Sirius scowled at his brother, who simply rolled his eyes and turned away. Idly, Sirius picked up the book and flipped to the end. Rolling his eyes, he tossed it away from him and muttered, "Superstitious idiot." Smirking, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the copies he'd made of the photos Snape had destroyed.

"As if I'd make just the one copy..."