Sometimes, when James Potter wanted to be helpful he went a little overboard. In fact, often times ‘helpful’ was not the word that Remus would use. James wasn’t deliberately being a prat, but his grasp on the situation was severely lacking.

“James,” he said with as much patience as he could muster. “Exactly how does this help me if he doesn’t even know what it means?”

Of all the hare-brained ideas James had come up with, this one actually nested in a burrow.

“Er,” said James.

“Right.”

“Well, I’ll tell him.”

“You’ll tell him?” asked Remus. “Tell him what precisely? That when a great, dirty werewolf comes flouncing into the dorm room with a hanky in his pocket that what he is attempting to say is, ‘I fancy the pants off of you, can we get down to the shagging now?’”

“I’m not sure there is a color for that,” said James, and looked back down at the grimy pamphlet he had picked up from Remus-didn’t-want-to-know where.

Remus grunted his frustration.

“Do you top or bottom?” asked James soberly. It really was a mark of how many times he had had conversations with Remus about his fascination with Sirius that it no longer came with the subtle shudder that it used to. Even so, Remus felt like punching him.

“What kind of question is that for you to be asking me?” he said with as much dignity as he could.

“Look, I’m just trying to help here, all right? You don’t believe me when I tell you he fancies you just as much as you fancy him, and of all the things Padfoot will talk with me about, this isn’t one of them.”

“Oh my kingdom to have such a fortune.”

James grinned. “Well, you were easier to catch off guard. Never saw that question coming, did you?”

To answer, Remus just glared. Prat.

“Why don’t you go catch Sirius off guard,” he grumbled petulantly.

“He’d punch me,” said James.

Remus sighed. “So, handkerchiefs this time, is it?”

“Worth a try,” said James. “I’ll make a joke of it tonight when we’re in detention, but I’ll also give him all the details he needs to figure it out.”

“We hope,” said Remus. Failure was written all over this one, but desperate times and all of that.

***

“They do what?” said Sirius. His face was turned away from James to avoid the fumes coming out of the cauldron he was scrubbing.

“Handkerchiefs,” said James. “Bit of a lark, really. I mean how can one bloke tell another bloke he wants to have it off simply by wearing a square of fabric? But there it is; supposed to be all the rage across the pond.”

“And why are you telling me this?” asked Sirius suspiciously. “You’re not going to go ‘round with a square in your pocket now so I’ll figure out you’ve fancied me for ages and had no other way to tell me? I don’t think my heart could take it.”

James went into a coughing fit. “What?” he spluttered. “No! No, of course not.”

“You better not,” muttered Sirius. He gave James a wary look and then went back to his cauldron cleaning.

“So like I was saying,” began James, a bit more feebly due to Sirius’ assumptions, “they wear handkerchiefs in all these colors and each one means something.”

“And only blokes that are bent do this?” asked Sirius.

“I - yes, I believe so,” replied James.

“Are you trying to tell me something, Prongs, because I thought with the whole Evans thing-”

James realized with no small amount of annoyance that this wasn’t exactly going to plan.

“No!” he interrupted crossly. “I just thought you would think it was funny.”

“Right,” said Sirius dryly. “Hilarious.”

“So these colors,” said James valiantly pushing forward, “they each mean-”

“Your interest in this is concerning, Prongs. Are you sure you’re not trying to tell me something?”

James decided to quit before this got too out of hand.

***

“I don’t know, Prongs,” said Peter, as he read over the pamphlet James had procured. “I think I agree with Moony.”

Remus was equal parts horrified that Peter had been dragged into this and relieved that he had an ally.

“You see? Even Peter agrees this is a bad idea.”

James ignored them both. “Moony gets tetchy whenever I ask him if he is a top or a bottom, so let’s just focus on transfiguring the hankies to the right color.” James looked up at Remus with a completely open expression. “Are you into anal fisting, because if so, you’ll need a red one.”

Remus shoved the white hankies off his lap and got to his feet, giving James and Peter both a filthy glare.

“I am officially done,” he said, and stormed for the door.

“That went well,” said Peter.

“Shut up,” muttered James.

“Why the hell is Moony in a strop? I just passed him in the corridor and-” Sirius came to a full stop. Standing in the doorway, his mouth hung open as he observed James and Peter sitting on Remus’ bed with a large collection of white hankies. “I don’t want to know,” he said, and turned back out the way he came.

“Bugger me,” said James.

Peter transfigured a hanky to navy blue and handed it James. “Good luck with that.”

“Fuck off,” said James, and went out the door after Remus.

***

“Remus, you have to,” said James earnestly. He caught up to Remus in an abandon classroom after finally resorting to the map.

“The hell I do; besides, it will never work,” retorted Remus, turning away from James.

“Yes, you do have to,” said James, coming around Remus to face him. “You do have to because now Padfoot thinks Wormtail and I are gay for each other.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Remus. “Do you really think I’m this dumb?”

“Right after you left he came into the dorm and saw Peter and I sitting on your bed with a bunch of hankies. After my conversation with him the night before, he took one look and thought the worst.”

Remus snickered. There was a silver lining after all.

“S’not funny,” grumbled James.

“Serves you right,” returned Remus. He sat heavily in one of the abandoned desks.

“Look, Wormtail and I will clear out of the dorm for the night, and let the two of you work this out.”

“You mean let me make an absolute fool of myself,” snapped Remus.

James sighed. “I know Padfoot better than I know anyone, and if he’s not dying to get into your pants, I’ll eat my broom.”

“I’ll bring the relish,” said Remus sourly.

“That’s the spirit.”

***

Remus never wore jeans. He rather preferred a nice pair of wool trousers without too many patches if he could manage it, but jeans were the garment of last resort. He did have a pair, one to be exact, and they were a little high in the ankles. The trouble with trousers was that you couldn’t fit that many hankies into the back pocket.

Remus didn’t want to limit his options.

So, with a sinking feeling of dread in his heart he shoved a collection of colors into his right pocket (he didn’t want to appear presumptuous) that covered what he considered to be the basics. A couple of blues, one white and, daringly, a beige. He even had one that was chamois, which, if James was correct, he knew Sirius would find amusing.

After the hankies were secured into the pocket of his jeans he stared at himself in the mirror for several long minutes.

“You’re a fool, Remus Lupin,” he told his image.

“You know,” said a voice from the doorway, making Remus jump, “it used to be that you asked a bloke ‘round for a cuppa and let things progress from there.”

Remus turned to see Sirius lounging casually in the doorway. His heart picked up a couple of extra beats.

“So this is what this has been about, is it?” asked Sirius. The lazy smirk gave nothing away insofar as how he felt about this malarkey.

Remus moved to tear the hankies out of his pocket, feeling utterly humiliated.

“Wait,” said Sirius. He pushed off from the door jamb. “Don’t be so hasty.”

“Don’t you toy with me,” said Remus, lifting his chin.

Sirius took another few slow steps into the room and picked James’ pamphlet up off of Remus’ bed. “I think if anyone’s been playing games it’s James and this utter nonsense. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Remus snorted at that. “Oh, right, of course,” he said with bitter sarcasm. “I’ll just tell the most sought after boy at school next to James Potter that I rather fancy a… something with him.”

“Next to?” said Sirius.

Remus snorted again. You could always count on Sirius’ arrogance. “You might’ve said something as well, you know.”

“Didn’t know you were bent,” replied Sirius. “I also didn’t know you fancied me.”

Remus looked down at his bare toes. Damn James for being right, and damn him for not listening.

“So that white one there is for mutual masturbation,” said Sirius, looking down at the pamphlet. “Good choice, by the way. I’ve been dying to watch you stroke yourself off.”

“Well, that clears up my overriding concern,” said Remus weakly.

Sirius took a step closer to him, prowling more like.

“Oral sex, lovely. Anal sex?” Sirius’ eyebrows shot up. “You were willing to go that far if that’s what I wanted?”

Remus swallowed, and nodded. It was sort of a giant leap where there had been nothing before, but he’d put everything on the line with this stupid idea of James’.

Sirius coughed. “Rimming, Remus? Really? Aren’t you full of surprises.”

“Well if you’d rather not-”

“What I’d rather is you not throw yourself at me like it doesn’t matter. Or didn’t James explain that this is what men do who are interested in casual sex.”

Remus looked up surprised. “I thought James said that you didn’t-”

“I didn’t know where he was going with this,” clarified Sirius. “Better to let him babble it all out, if you take my meaning.”

“Oh.”

“James is never half as clever as he thinks he is,” said Sirius, smug. He took another step closer and was almost within reaching distance. “I knew what he was talking about, just not why he was talking about it. It didn’t fit.”

Remus swallowed as Sirius took that last step and invaded his space. He held his breath, unsure what to do, the tension between them making it impossible to think.

“We’ve been mates a long time, Remus. Good mates, best mates. I don’t want this to be casual,” said Sirius. “So if you want to do the dirty on my motorbike, I want to know it’s more than just a one off.”

Remus felt the heat bloom in his face, but it was more than just embarrassment. Just the thought of… well, of any of it, made him tremble with anticipation of what Sirius’ next move would be.

Except there was no move, and then his lust-addled brain put it together. Sirius was waiting for an answer.

“More,” said Remus. “Definitely more.”

Sirius moved like a spring uncoiling. Remus suddenly found himself pressed against the wall, and then Sirius covered Remus’ mouth with his own. His surprised cry was swallowed by the lips burning against his, searing his mind with a kiss that left him gasping for oxygen. Something like fear or intimidation began to unfurl and shook Remus, but he barely had time to recognize the doubts before Sirius' tongue teased over his lips and Remus felt the heat rush through every nerve until even his bare toes seemed to hum with electric energy.

Sirius’ fingers roamed liberally, finding every button, snap, and zip, letting Remus’ too short jeans and shirt fall to the floor in a pool of forgotten fabric. But apparently, not without Sirius’ prize. With his mouth still tingling from Sirius’ bruising kiss, Remus watched as the other waggled those pieces of colored cloth in front of his face.

“So, this is my game, is it?” asked Sirius, a trace of amusement in his husky murmur.

And what could Remus do but nod? His skin flushed and chilled simultaneously, sending a tremor of sensation throughout his flesh. Sirius pulled away to look at Remus, to let his eyes sweep over Remus with that same bruising intensity they held for everything else. It was nearly unbearable to feel this exposed while Sirius stood before him still fully dressed. He wondered then if he was good enough, if Sirius would care about the thousand scars criss-crossing his body, and the panic gripping him made Remus shut his eyes and clench his jaw so he wouldn't run away and hide.

“Stop that,” said Sirius quietly. “I know what you’re doing, so just stop it. I just told you what I wanted, so please, have a little faith.”

Ashamed, Remus’ arms hung stiffly at his sides, unsure what to do with them. Sirius huffed and pressed forward again, his lips and tongue finding first one nipple and then the other to circle and suck. Remus gasped, and then when Sirius pulled away again, a small unbidden noise of protest left his throat. Sirius’ point, however, was clear.

“My game,” said Sirius once more. He raised the chamois handkerchief, and observed it with a small grin. “Not very practical, is it? A motorcycle in the dorm room.” He promptly shoved the square into a pocket. “I’ll just hold onto that for later.”

Remus opened his mouth to say that that wasn’t how the system worked, realized the stupidity of such a protest, and promptly shut it again.

“These two,” said Sirius, holding up a navy blue and beige piece of cloth, “we’ll save for later as well.”

Remus bit the inside of his cheek, his appreciation for James and his ideas increasing with each syllable Sirius uttered.

“Am I just going to stand here naked, or will you eventually get to me?” asked Remus drolly.

Sirius spared him a smirk. “Indeed.” He held up two handkerchiefs, one in each hand and appeared to weigh them. “Now this one,” he said, indicating the light blue fabric, “is a personal favorite. However,” he waved the white cloth like a flag, “I’ve been waiting a while to see this.” The other was shoved into a pocket, the white one dropped like a gauntlet between them.

Then Sirius’ fingers were at his fly, the motion drawing Remus’ eye down. The outline of Sirius’ cock stood out against his trousers. A sudden thrill went through Remus as he realized they were honestly about to do this.

Sirius slipped loose from his clothes; for one moment the two boys regarded each other, and then Sirius pounced once again. This time, he pushed Remus to one of the beds (Remus wasn’t sure whose), the length of Sirius’ body fitting over his. Remus’ mouth was attacked once again, and as they kissed, Sirius wriggled over top. Their cocks brushed and bumped, but it was only enough friction to make Remus want more. He bucked up, seeking whatever satisfaction he could, but it still wasn’t enough.

“Sit up a little,” said Sirius. He moved off of Remus, and squatted on the bed, fingers tracing lightly over his own cock.

Remus scrambled to comply, so fixated on Sirius and what his hand was occupied doing that he didn’t follow suit.

“Now that,” murmured Sirius. “That is just false advertising, that is. Here I was, promised a mutual wank, and there you are just getting an eyeful.”

Remus snapped his eyes up to Sirius’ face to find a teasing grin. Remus bowed his head to hide the self-conscious blush, and then found his cock with his wand hand.

Keeping his eyes to himself, he slid his hand down the length of his cock, then back up, twisting his wrist a little at the tip.

“Accio lube!” said Sirius suddenly. There was a rustle of sound, and then a small tube came flying towards them. Sirius caught it neatly in his hand. “Little dry,” he offered in explanation, squeezed some out and then tossed the tube to Remus. Remus nodded his thanks, and then winced slightly as the cool jelly hit his hot flesh.

“The point,” said Sirius, now that they were all set, “seems to have escaped you.”

“The point?” asked Remus bewildered.

“Look at me, Moony,” murmured Sirius. “Just watch me.” Sirius’ hand rested at the base of his cock, and then traveled up. A dark red flush stained the length of it, the skin glistening under the lube. With his other hand, he cupped his balls, and then with two fingers, rolled one testis in its sac.

“Now you,” said Sirius softly. “I want to see you get off, and I want to get off with you watching me.”

Remus got the point, thank you very much, but it didn’t seem like the time to be snippy about something so small. He was just a little overwhelmed. It wasn’t everyday that you made a complete fool of yourself and then got your wish to come true.

He began to stroke himself, his eyes on Sirius’ hands as they smoothed slow and sure over his own cock. He had wanked alone many a night to a scene just like this, but having Sirius in the flesh, watching him just avidly was indescribably hot. As he stroked and played, he began to notice little things about the way that Sirius touched himself. His wrist rolled carefully over the head, catching any drops of moisture there, spreading a new sheen over the head before gliding down the shaft to the base. Sirius’ breathing had also increased, and he made these delightful little whimpers with every second pass.

“You look gorgeous like that, you know?” rasped Sirius. He moved a little closer to Remus, stroking even faster now.

“You’re getting close aren’t you?” Remus was too turned on, his attention too rapt on Sirius to notice the excitement in his voice.

“Yeah,” said Sirius. “Really close; can I come on you?” Sirius looked up, and his expression was so earnest and needy, Remus could only grin giddily in return.

“Yeah,” he said in reply, the word caught between two hard pants. “Can I; I mean on you?” Remus shook his head. “I mean, can I come on you, too?”

Sirius nodded and turned his gaze back down onto Remus cock. Remus moved a little closer, and then sat up on his knees, aiming his cock for the dead center of Sirius’ chest.

“Oh, fuck!” exclaimed Sirius. Something hot and wet splashed over Remus’ flying hand, his cock and his balls. The rush hit him hard, his balls tightening almost painfully as he came. For a moment he couldn’t keep his eyes open, but when he did manage it, Sirius’ chest was decorated in thick white globs. Remus grinned, and then sank back into the bed. Sirius fell forward beside him, and each of them scooted closer to the other. Sirius put an arm out and gave a possessive tug, pulling Remus close. Neither of them said a word as they caught their breath and enjoyed the afterglow in companionable silence.

After several quiet, blissful minutes Sirius spoke. “I just wanted to say that I very greatly appreciated the whole right pocket thing. Very selfless, I approve.”

To answer, Remus gave him a light smack on the shoulder.

***

James considered himself to be a patient man, but enough was enough already. It had been… tolerable, at first, the silly sheep’s eyes that his two best mates made at each other, but it had been two months. Two!

Lily was no help. She thought the whole thing was adorable. It’s not as though he didn’t want his friends to be happy; he’d set the whole thing up for criminy sake!

Take right now for instance; he was sure he had been talking to Moony about a prank they’d been planning for weeks. But in the middle of the very important thing that James was saying, Remus’ gaze trailed off to something over James’ shoulder.

James huffed, and looked to Peter for help. Peter shrugged.

“Excuse me,” said Remus. “I just saw Padfoot; he’s got navy blue and chamois in his right pocket.”

James watched dumbfounded as Remus hurried after Sirius through the great doors to the campus grounds and forest beyond where Sirius kept his bike.

“That is the last time I help a friend,” he declared indignantly. Peter just patted him on the shoulder.

***