Title: 1001 Uses for Ectoplasm... or Just One Really Excellent Use
Author: eeyore9990
Characters: Viktor/Harry/ghost!Cedric
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: First person POV, random thought processes... oh, and ectoplasm as lube
Themes/kinks chosen: Ménage a tróis
Word Count: 1250-ish
Summary: A screaming orgasm sounds really good, until you're the one doing the unmanly screaming.
Author's notes: Because you can never have too many references to Ghostbusters in Harry Potter fanfiction. Or sparkling ghosts who are definitely not sparkling vampires. Huge thanks to leela_cat for the quickie. The quickie beta, you pervs! :D

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I can say with absolute certainty that I have no fucking idea how I ended up in this situation.

Well, I do know a bit.

I'm currently visiting Hogwarts as a guest judge for the latest Tri Wizard fiasco, along with the other champions from the year I participated. Including Cedric, whose ghostly form is as handsome in death as he'd been in life. I clearly recall taking part in the opening ceremony, sitting beside Cedric at the Hogwarts table. We'd had a nice chat, then retired here, to the Prefect's bath, with Viktor Krum.

From that to this, though? Is a bit of a blur. All I can really remember is Cedric bemoaning his lack of ability to wank. No blood equals no blood pressure equals no erection. Which, okay yeah. That sucks. Well, not literally, obviously.

Right at the moment, I'm trying not to babble incoherently or otherwise make a fool of myself, but it's rather hard--hur hur--what with Viktor's muscular body rubbing against my back and Cedric using his... ghostly fingers to tease my nipples. Oh, and there's the fact that the hand on my cock? Not mine.

Holy fuck. Never has being me ever been this bizarre. Or this fucking amazingly fantastic.

God, I'm about to come and we just got started. Should I say something?

"Nghngh!"

Viktor's chuckle vibrates through my chest and causes his cock to slide most erotically against the crack of my arse.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Cedric asks, and really, is the smirk a new thing? Because I don't remember him being quite this... oh God. Okay, so I suppose that makes sense. I mean, the stone floor isn't going to hurt his knees, after all. So the fact that he's on them isn't... AHHHHHHH! Jesus fuck! That's... I'm babbling. I'm babbling, I'm babbling, but that feels so... I can't decide if I'm going to come right fucking now or if I'm going to lose my erection completely. It's cold, I mean really cold, and there's no real suction or anything like you'd normally have when a bloke goes down on you, but the sensation is so beyond anything I've ever felt that it's driving my arousal to an unbearable pitch.

Pitch, ha. Like, the Quidditch Pitch! And maybe if I keep thinking about Quidditch and the fact that we're all Seekers--or were--I might not make a fool of myself. Well, more of a fool of myself, because from the way I'm shaking and begging, I'm pretty sure I've lost whatever cool points defeating Voldemort might have bought me.

Okay, Viktor, not on. Really not on to remove your lovely, warm body from behind me while Cedric's wide open--and fucking cold--mouth is sort of passing over my cock.

"Can you taste it?" Where did that come from, brain? Thinking about Deathday parties and grossly mouldy food at a time like this? Am I fucking insane?? Also, considering that I know just how nasty something must be in order for a ghost to taste it, I rather hope he can't!

"No, but still... Oh, that's nice, Viktor, I like that."

I crane my head to see over my shoulder just as something wet and warm and slippery slides over my left buttock. Then my right. Then I can feel Viktor's hands on my arse and his thumbs pulling my cheeks apart and oh. Oh, wow. No one's ever done this for me before! It's a good thing he's got a firm grip on my hips right then because as soon as his tongue presses against my arsehole, I almost fall to my knees.

And, and, and...

...

Sorry, I think I blanked out just then. Holy fuck, if you ever have the chance to have someone lick your arse open? You should so do it. Best. Fucking. Thing. Ever.

"Accio towel!" Viktor's accent apparently gets thicker when he's horny. That's something I'll have to remember if my brain doesn't completely melt out of my ears. And why does he need a towel anyway? I watch rather stupidly as he lays the towel out on the floor, folded over several times.

"Do your knees hurt?" I ask Cedric, because I can, because Viktor's tongue is no longer killing me with pleasure. Woe.

Both of them laugh and then Viktor tells me to get on my hands and knees. Oh. Right. Brilliant, Harry.

I drop to my knees, and ouch. Okay, I'm not sixteen anymore, obviously. Even with the towel there, that hurt! But at least the pain gives me something to focus on when Viktor starts massaging his fingers over and around my arse.

"Do you have any lubrication?" he asks, and I have to stop and think, because while I really don't, I do have my wand and surely I can Summon some--this is a boarding school with a tonne of randy teenaged boys, I'll likely be bombarded--but Cedric comes to the rescue, so that's all right then. Only sort of not.

He starts sparkling and then walks around behind me and then... "I've been slimed," I say, and can barely contain my giggles. So, apparently ectoplasm actually exists and apparently it can be used as lube. Huh. Who knew?

Oh, lovely. Viktor's fingers are back and he's pressing them more firmly against me and... oh. Guh. Okay, so yeah. His fingers are thick. Not really very long, but so thick and lovely and he's pulling me apart and all I can do is moan and rock back against him and beg him to fuck me.

He's got me so wrapped up in what he's doing that when Cedric stretches out in front of me, it's a bit of a shock. I'd almost forgotten he was here.

He smiles at me and sort of floats under me and says, "Tell me when I've got it," and then his hand reaches into my body. I have no idea what he's going for, but his cold hand fondling my guts takes my mind off Viktor's cock pushing its way into me. My mouth is hanging open and I'm making this really embarrassing noise and I don't know if it's because of the slide of Viktor's cock or the fact that Cedric is doing something inside me that's making me see stars.

"So, I guess I found it then?" Cedric asks, whispering against my ear so that his essence sends chills down my neck. And the combination of them both, of Viktor--pounding away now--and Cedric rubbing against that place, has my cock so hard that it hurts. My head feels stuffy, my ears are ringing, and I just want to come already, but no one's touching my cock and the dual sensations of both of them are just enough to distract my body from exploding all over the place.

I'm begging, I really am, and I don't know if what I'm saying even makes sense and I really don't care. And then Cedric moves his other hand to wrap around me and that's it. I'm done.

I sort of like the way my come looks as it falls through Cedric. It... sparkles.

And when Viktor crushes my hips in his grip and slams his hips against mine for the last time, I'm almost sure his shout is a few octaves higher than normal. Which makes me feel better, all things considered.

A screaming orgasm sounds really good, until you're the one doing the unmanly screaming.