Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
FIC: A Romance of Maths (NC-17; Luna/Severus; 2373 words) 
31st July 2008 12:00
Title: A Romance of Maths
Author: [info]iulia_linnea
Characters: Luna Lovegood, Severus Snape
Rating: NC-17
Theme/Kinks Chosen: courtship/lingerie, loss of virginity, oral sex
Word Count: 2373
Summary: Sometimes courtship requires a bit of calculation.
Author's Notes: This piece is new, but it was inspired by an old ficlet of mine. Thank you, [info]fbowden, [info]florahart and [info]fodirteg, for beta'ing.

As she stepped out of his shop and into the storm, the wind caught Lovegood's robes, and Severus—who had tried to avoid eye-contact with his former student—was treated to a glimpse of long creamy leg and a fuzzy garter.

His fingertips itched to stroke the soft white material even as the door slammed shut.

Fur, he decided. She's wearing fur garters.

It never occurred to Severus that Lovegood hadn't actually been wearing stockings. No, the only thing other than the image of that fur garter running through his mind was the idea that he would close early and give his prick the attention it had been demanding since the wind had kicked up.

Panting heavily sometime later, Severus decided that he needed to know just what kind of fur graced Lovegood's lingerie. He had no other choice, therefore, than to set aside his professional pride and botch the witch's order—again.

As he turned his attention to his weekly letter to his mother, Severus thought, I hope the weather doesn't turn pleasant.


"I'm sorry, what was the question?"

Severus cleared his throat and repeated, "Would you like home-delivery? I can't think why the potion soured, and it may take some time to re-brew."

Lovegood blinked up at him, laying her hands on the counter.

Each of her delightfully slender fingers boasted a fur ring of the same material as her garters; Severus couldn't look away from them.


"I'm not," he growled. "Anymore."

"Of course. I'm sorry. Let me see, I suppose 'Mr Snape' would do—"

Anything, Severus fervently thought, clasping his hands behind his back and feeling grateful for the counter's presence. Anything to catch up your fingers and feel that soft fur against my skin.

"—but you should feel free to call me 'Luna'. And yes, home-delivery would suit me very well."

With that, Lovegood turned to leave, once more being treated to the welcome, rude attentions of the wind.

Severus closed the shop at once.


Luna returned home—by way of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes—humming happily to herself. Localised weather charms were somewhat expensive, but she felt them as worthy an investment as fur lingerie.

A hard man would necessarily be intrigued by something soft, wouldn't he?

True, it was a bit chilly going 'round with nothing on but pretty underclothes beneath her robes, but it wasn't as if she were afraid of catching a cold. If her Arithmantical calculations were correct, her minimal health risk and uncharacteristic expenditure would yield one husband—one devoted husband—soon enough.

Other witches might marry for love, but Luna had always been practical in her own way: numbers, unlike most of her past, disappointing beaux, didn't lie.

And a loyal man, even one ensnared by something as trivial as a glimpse of fur, is well worth catching.

Letting herself into her flat, she placed her purchases down on the hall table and considered. George had explained the process of altering the Daydream Charm; it wasn't particularly complicated. Luna was more concerned by how she might entice Severus to take it when he delivered her potion.

Smiling, she turned to her old Arithmancy text for inspiration.


Botching a simple potion was one thing, but theft? Severus was disgusted by his behaviour.

Yet there it is, one Patented Daydream Charm, not yours, sitting there. Unopened.

He'd felt compelled to take it. The damn thing had been sitting near Lovegood's rubbish bin, the words, "NOT ENOUGH," written on its top.

How did she know it wasn't enough if she didn't even try it? Severus wondered. And what sort of Daydream did she purchase?

His preoccupation with Lovegood had become extreme, he knew that, and the glimpse of fur-trimmed brassiere that he'd had upon making his delivery had only strengthened his interest. He opened the Daydream while considering what use someone like Luna Lovegood, who lived in a flat, would have for a Home-Warding Potion.

She could be buying a home. She could have already bought one. Perhaps she's planning to give the potion to a friend.

Of course, for a talented Spellcraftre who was in the social column of the Prophet on a regular basis, such a potion could easily mean she'd accepted the hand of a young, personable, handsome wizard.

Of course. There can be no other explanation, Severus thought sadly, preparing to indulge his pathetic, singleton whim.


Luna sat very still at the ornately set table and waited. The Portkey would activate as soon as Severus touched it, which would be soon. She knew he was a very curious, lonely man. She hadn't needed any Arithmantical calculations to know that.


The familiar tug at his stomach pulling Severus into the Daydream was so realistic that he almost believed he'd Portkeyed somewhere, but there was no way that Lovegood would ever be waiting for him at a table set for two.

Oh, he thought, taking in the lovely image of Lovegood—No, Luna—wearing a light blue, strapless, fur-trimmed evening gown. "Good evening, Luna."

"Severus," she said, smiling brightly at him. "I'm so pleased you agreed to join me. Please, sit down."

As he obeyed, the decanter of wine sitting upon the table levitated itself to pour its contents into his glass and then hers.

"I hope you enjoy pork," Luna said, blushing a bit. "Chops, stuffed with an herbed rice, and there's also—"

"Everything looks delicious," Severus said, realising that the table was laden with all his favourite foods. How could that be? "How . . . did you plan your menu?"

"Oh, well," Luna replied, her blush deepening, "I watched you, you know, at Hogwarts."

"Then you know I enjoy stuffed pork chops."

He felt like a fool, commenting upon the food and not her appearance, but Luna didn't seem to mind his lack of social graces. Taking a bite, he made a small noise of approval, which had as much to do with Luna's décolletage as it did the fare.

Of course, trying to eat anything with a raging erection was difficult, and Severus shifted a bit. Looking at Luna, he saw her grinning and felt the tips of his ears heat.

"Perhaps you're hungry for something else?"

Severus swallowed. Well, it is a Daydream Charm, and who knows how long these things last. Best make the most of it. "What," he said hoarsely, "did you have in mind?"

"Why sex, of course. I'm hungry, too, you know. I thought it might be pleasant if I sucked your cock. Men like that, don't they?"

Severus would have answered if he'd thought he could have managed more than a squeak. As it was, he settled for a deep moan as Luna rose from her chair and slid out of her dress—revealing the fur-trimmed brassiere he'd seen earlier and also the lacy, fur-trimmed knickers and garters that she was wearing—only to kneel before him and place one hand on the taut placket of his trousers.

"Yes, I see that they do," Luna continued, unzipping his trousers and pushing her hands into his pants to pull his prick free. "Mmm, looks goo—"

"Oh, Merlin!"

The sucking heat of Luna's mouth was incredible. Severus thought desperately of unpleasant things to prevent his orgasm as her lips rubbed up and down his shaft and the flat of her tongue caressed the veins on the underside of his prick. It was more than any woman had ever done to him, so amazing, and over all too quickly.


Mortified, he reached for Luna's hand to prevent her from pushing away from him in disgust.

"Oh, oh, Severus," Luna said, pulling herself up using his shaking thighs for purchase. "You taste wonderful. I liked doing that. Please say we can do it again?"

"But . . . it was so—you mean you want—"

Whispering in his ear, Luna asked, "I thought perhaps you might want to taste me? I've only done it once, but she liked it, and—"

Severus rose, taking Luna into his arms and demanding, "Where is your bedroom?" so aroused he was by the thought of her having it off with another witch—and at Hogwarts!

Thoughts of Luna in her school tie and nothing else drove him into the next room.

Her shouts of pleasure and encouragement had him hard again by the time he'd given her a second orgasm. At least, he thought it had been two; he'd never done anything like this before.

But she likes it, and—"Luna, do you know . . . ."

She stared at him in a dazed way before her eyes widened and cleared. "Oh, a contraceptive charm! Do we need one? I mean, in a Daydream?"

"No," Severus insisted, climbing up Luna's body in his haste to position himself for fucking her; he didn't know how long he had, but he had to have her before the charm spent itself.

Luna gasped as he pushed inside of her, and Severus, too: the suction of her mouth was nothing to the sensation of her body closing around and grasping his prick.

"Fu—oh! Are you . . . doing that . . . on purpose?" Severus asked, as he felt Luna squeezing him rhythmically.

"Hmmhm," she responded, wrapping her legs around Severus' back and pushing on it with her feet. "Fuck me harder, faster—I want more!"

Severus had never been begged, not for that, and found himself complying without a thought—and then he was coming again, harder than he ever had, and Luna was squeezing and squeezing and squee—


Luna gazed into Severus' calm, contented, sleeping face, and she smiled. That worked better than I hoped, but, of course, the numbers are never wrong.

She just hoped that Severus wouldn't be too angry with her when he awoke to the reality of the situation and not the "fantasy."


A warm tongue was licking come from the tip of Severus' spending prick as he awoke to the aftershock of orgasm. He gritted his teeth and gently waved a hand in the direction of whoever was paying him such lovely attention.

"Too . . . sensitive now," he gasped more than said, raising his head. "Luna?"

She grinned, her eyes heavy lidded and sleepy looking. It was sexy, the sexiest expression he'd ever seen.

But wrong. No charm should last this—"What . . . what did you do?"

Luna bit her lip. "I thought I made you happy. Do you not like to come in the mornings? Should I have woken you, first?"

Sitting up, Severus glanced around the bedroom. The clothing Luna had worn earlier was strewn with his on the floor. The scent of sex hung in the air. And Luna appeared uncharacteristically uncertain and . . . clear.

"It wasn't a Daydream Charm. You . . . you did Portkey me here!"

"Well, you actually did that yourself, you know, and I thought you liked—"

"What are you playing at?" Severus demanded, rising from bed, noticing his nude condition, and then hastily grabbing for a sheet.

His face flamed.

"I don't mind you naked. You're very—"


"Oh, I wish the numbers could've predicted just how upset you’d be," Luna replied, slowly folding herself up into a ball and hugging her knees. "I'm sorry. You seemed to want me."

She looks like she might cry, Severus thought, his mortified anger and shock subsiding.

He'd never liked it when women cried.

"Luna, I . . . did like it, but—"

"And it was the only way I could think to make you notice me, well, to act on it, because it's been weeks of visiting your shop and you've never once—"

"You've been attempting to draw my notice?" Severus asked, stunned.

But it made sense, didn't it? For a Spellcraftre of Luna's skill could have no real reason to purchase her potions from him, could she? The Guild had its own masters.

"You do want me, but why?"

"I like you, Severus. And I didn't know how else to show you. Please don't be angry."

Swallowing, Severus dropped the sheet and knelt on the bed, leaning towards Luna to wipe her tears away. "You're . . . an odd young woman."

"What's odd about being in love?"

Severus' heart stopped beating for a moment, but when it started again, it pounded.

"I hoped you might fall in love with me, too. Just a little. Well, enough that you might consider—"

Severus was too overwhelmed by all the firsts he'd recently experienced to speak. Kissing Luna seemed the only appropriate response—and that action led to seconds and thirds.


A week after Severus had activated her Portkey, Luna was showing him around the Hogsmeade cottage she'd been thinking of purchasing.

"It's been for sale for some time, but no one else has expressed an interest in it. It's magically altered inside, with four rooms, two baths, a huge kitchen, and plenty of space for a workshop or laboratory," Luna told Severus, who'd gone quiet. "Is something wrong?"

"I imagine that any offer you make to the agent will be accepted."

"Oh? Why?"

"Because," Severus replied, "I own this property. I bought it to live in but ended up staying at the shop so many nights that I never did move here."

Luna beamed at him. "Oh, Severus! I knew it was perfect, just not why!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him soundly. "This is why," she said, once she'd broken their embrace, "because it's yours."

"I'm surprised that your Arithmantical calculations didn't tell you so in the first place," Severus said, his slight smile threatening to become a grin.

"It's all right to smile, you know. It's a good look on you—but I never could have imagined needing to calculate that!"


The letter from her son arrived on the same day and time as it always did, but Eileen, who had been doing a bit of calculation in recent months, was not as surprised as she might have been by Severus' news: he'd proposed to a blonde witch called Luna Lovegood—the girl's hair colour had surprised her; she'd thought she'd be a redhead—and they were planning to settle down properly into the property in Hogsmeade.

Eileen smiled and wondered how long it would be before her soon-to-be daughter-in-law realised that she was pregnant, and then she went into her office to make ready the necessary documents to add Luna's name to the deed of the house.

Maths are the most romantic subject, she mused, smiling to herself.
31st July 2008 11:19
Mmm, I love it! Luna and fur, OMG! and Severus is SO perfect here! *loves*
31st July 2008 11:25
Eee! Thank you! *smooches*
31st July 2008 11:42
Ahahahahaha! I adore Luna and she is just so perfect for Severus. *happy sigh*
Lovely! :)
31st July 2008 11:45
*does Snuna dance of glee; smooches*
31st July 2008 12:28
perfect, perfect - omg, the fur-trimmed lingerie FTW!
I just adore them together.
31st July 2008 14:30
And I'm happy to be able to meet your Snuna needs. ;) Thank you!
31st July 2008 12:56
I love the Maths thing. What a great, Luna-ish use for arithmancy!
31st July 2008 14:30

It was fun; thank you!
31st July 2008 13:58
Snape/Luna may be the only het pairing I actually look forward to reading, so I perked up when I saw this. I love your use of the Arithmancy as a structure for the story, and how well Luna's peculiar reasoning works on Severus. Creative use of prompts, too. Very cute!
31st July 2008 14:38
Oh, yay! I'm pleased to know that you enjoyed the story, and thank you. :D
31st July 2008 14:21
OMG! You lured me into reading het! And I love it *sigh* I'm so doomed :D
31st July 2008 14:41
Hee! *flattered* Snuna is so hard to resist. ;) Thank you!
31st July 2008 21:43
That is just lovely! And very hot. And Eileen at the end, loved that.
31st July 2008 22:06

Thank you! I like involving Eileen in Severus' life when I can, and I adore Snuna. :D
31st July 2008 23:22
Why do I so love Snuna, when every other het pair gives me shudders or (at best, with SSHG) a constant worry about squick to come?


Maybe if you were writing those other het pairs. Nope, even then, they would have to be way OOC. They'd have to be delightfully, calmly daring like Luna, and needily (but very quietly) lustful like Severus. And smart, and sweet.

And have Eileen for a mother/MiL. Have I mentioned lately how much I love your Eileen?
1st August 2008 09:14

Your reviews are always so lovely; I'm glad that my Snuna tempts you to het. Thank you. :D And Eileen is grumpy, calculating love!
1st August 2008 22:58
Aw... *blushes*

I am pants at fic, at least this decade. *glowers* So I am practicing to be good at the fine art of reviewing, which demands as much - or more - intelligence from me as anything ever has. It makes me a more focused reader. And I want to lavish affectionate - but real - praise on my favorite writers, because, OMGSQUEELOVE.

I | Eileen. In fact, I realize... I want to *be* Eileen: grumpy calculating needy angry wrapped-too-tight wistful over-analyzing Slytherin love. OMG, I *am* Eileen! If only I could get some Snapecest going... :D (Is that a twisted thought? I am in a twisted mood. 4900 words today and it's still a tangled mess. An AK would bounce off it without hitting one clear topic sentence.)

So. What's the chances of some more Snuna? There hasn't even been a snuna fest (!) and judging by the handful I've seen, this pairing has amazing potential for excitingly different HP, new twists and tropes, new sides of Snape, an untapped new flavor of ficcage. With Xenophilius, who's a hoot, and their house full of oddity. And nargles and other beasts! And Eileen! :D
5th August 2008 03:00
You're reviews are fabulous, even when they aren't for me. ;)

Eileen/Severus—now that would be a rare pairing!

I was sure that I'd seen a Snuna fest! Hasn't there been one? Someone should start one. *eyes you* Seriously, Snuna's not as rare as it once was, and it would be fun to participate—perhaps in the new year? Perhaps in the new year, I might consider hosting such a fest; I've always wanted to host an exchange. Of course, it wouldn't necessarily need to be an exchange; what do you think would work best?

Also? *hugs*
5th August 2008 03:00
*glares at typo; drowns herself in tea because of it*
8th August 2008 20:34
*hugs you back*

Ooh, that was nice!
*hugs you more*
8th August 2008 07:56
*cough, cough*

Sometimes, I can't help myself—but I do have to wait until next year (and figure out at which site to host it).
8th August 2008 20:41
WOOT! What an awesome idea. And I will help, if you would like? I am not experienced in online fests, but I am all growed up and know how to be helpful. I'm good at washing dishes, greeting guests, and those myriad other house-elf type tasks that go along with so many activities.

For some utterly unknown reason (given how avidly I read your posts) I haven't friended you! *fixes*
8th August 2008 20:46
*friends back*

Cool beans! I'm sure I'll need help, so thank you. :D
31st July 2008 23:29
I absolutely adore this. I'd like it just for being Snuna, but then you've got such a clever, crafty Luna and such a delicious Severus, desperately wanting her and convinced he can't have her. The characterizations are fabulous, and the bits with Eileen are just the cherry on the top for me.

Mmmm, yummy Snuna...
1st August 2008 09:15
Eee, thank you so much! *dances*
1st August 2008 01:43
Ooooh, suddenly I really like math!

This is such a sweet little fic. I love how Snape is so inexperienced, thus giving a very enthusiastic Luna the opportunity to show him the ropes (hmmm ropes, Luna, and Snape--now that's a happy image, isn't it? ;). And the little glimpse of Eileen is superb; I hope to see more of her in the future!

You've made my night--thank you!
1st August 2008 09:16
Bondage!Snuna has definite possibilities! You've made my day with such a lovely review; thank you! *dances*
1st August 2008 02:22
1st August 2008 09:17
*squees at you*
1st August 2008 11:58
Oh a Snuna! You did such a wonderful job with showing the wily Luna who I believe hides under her ditzy demeanor. I adore how you hinted so much more with the Luna’s career as a Spellcraftre and indeed the whole Spellcraftre Guild. I actually giggled out loud at Mama Snape wondering about her grand child. Well done you! As fate would have it I am recing rare pairs SS/LL at [info]crack_broom this month. Would you mind if I recd this?

PS: 10 points to your house for making up a new spell: localized weather charms.
1st August 2008 12:13
Oh, yay for a rec at [info]crack_broom! I wouldn't mind at all, and I'm tickled that you enjoyed the fic enough to want to rec it.

I love the idea of a Spellcraftres Guild; it tends to show up in my fic, as well as various wee spells for which canon doesn't allow. Exploring the magical world is part of why I'm in this fandom. :D

Thank you! *dances*
1st August 2008 12:07
I meant to say crack_broom on LJ! ugh!
1st August 2008 12:16
No problem! :)
1st August 2008 17:27
*applause* That was delicious and sweet. I loved the smut, but I, for some reason, just adored the thought of Snape writing his mother. Brava! Well done. :)
1st August 2008 18:04
*beams at you*

Thank you. :D Severus is a good boy. ;)
1st August 2008 18:05
Heh. Except when he's being bad. ;)
1st August 2008 19:01
Mmm, Severus being bad is a happy thought. *g*
1st August 2008 20:32
Oh, I love crafty Luna and desperate Snape! What a wonderful story!
1st August 2008 20:35
*glee* Thank you! :D
8th August 2008 04:14
Absolutely lovely! Here via rec on LJ's crack_broom.
Snape/Luna is the only het I seek out and actually crave from time to time.

I loved devious-intelligent-flirty-seductive-scheming-IC-womanly Luna.
Also I loved nervous-slightly fluffy-hesitant-letter writing Snape.

8th August 2008 07:46
I'm quite pleased to know that you enjoyed them both. *glee*
9th August 2008 23:11
So much love for Snuna! You craft them the best EVAR! Luna seems the quintessential engenue, but underneath her clueless exterior beats the heart of a master strategist! How can we not adore her? lovely....
11th August 2008 10:26
*squees at review*

Oh, thank you! :D
26th August 2008 08:45
So Sweet! Thanks for that :)
26th August 2008 11:11
You're welcome; I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. :D
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