Daily Deviant
- there is no such thing as 'too kinky'
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26th August 2007 14:34 - Fic: Satisfaction Guaranteed (Or Your Money Back)
Originally post at LJ on February 27, 2007

Title: Satisfaction Guaranteed (Or Your Money Back)
Author: [info]scribbulus_ink
Characters: Remus/dildo, Snape/Lupin
Rating: NC17
Warnings: wanking, sex toys
Kinks chosen: dildos
Word Count: ~3,000
Summary: Thanks to a "make your own dildo" kit, Remus finds ways of keeping himself occupied - and satisfied - while Severus is away.
Author's notes: All of the commands Severus creates do have a connection to Alchemy and to the function they serve - his way of amusing himself.


It was unfortunate that James and Lily Potter hadn't made Remus Lupin their secret-keeper, because if there was one thing Remus excelled at, it was keeping secrets. He hid quite a few of them beneath his calm demeanor and tatty cardigans; some had already been revealed, such as the fact that he was a werewolf. Others, such as the fact that he was gay, took longer to come out (so to speak), but after the war, everyone knew. Once again, Remus had had a secret revealed because of Severus Snape, but not in a fit of curse-driven malice this time.

The charges against Severus had been reduced due to the unexpected documentation provided by Aberforth Dumbledore, and he had been given a lighter sentence involving community service rather than prison. After his trial was over, he seemed to show up everywhere Remus was. At first, people thought this was a coincidence until gradually, it became clear they were together. Eventually, it sank in that they were together, and then Tonks went brown-haired for about two months again, and Molly stopped hinting about weddings and babies.

But there was still one secret only Severus knew and had no intention of revealing, because it was no one else's damned business: the legends of werewolf stamina were not legends. Werewolves really were endowed with exceptional sexual stamina and an appetite to match. Remus also had a deliciously huge cock, although he refused to confirm whether it was due to genetics or a beneficial side effect of his lycanthropy, and Severus didn't much care.

"Good God," he panted as he lay sweating and replete during their first night together. "No wonder Miss Tonks chased you for so long."

Remus smiled placidly and rolled Severus beneath him for another teeth-rattling, black out inducing, too sore to walk properly afterward fucking.

Months passed, and bets were made as to how long their relationship would last, but Severus continued to be seen in Remus' company, and eventually, people accepted that they were together for good. For his part, Remus had never been able to sate his appetite so thoroughly, and Severus - who had spent years alone, celibate, and cut off from normal human interaction in fundamental ways - had built up a prodigious appetite of his own. In short, Remus was horny, and Severus was touch-starved; together, they kept each other satisfied in ways neither had ever experienced before, and they were happy.

They continued in a state of sated bliss that nauseated everyone, mainly because no one wanted to imagine Severus in the throes of ecstasy, but it was impossible not to when Severus had a perpetual well-fucked air about him - and was damned smug about it to boot - and Remus had a perpetual look of post-coital contentment. Even young people in the throes of the usual adolescent hormonal tempest looked askance at them. Things might have continued in that vein indefinitely had Severus not been invited to speak at a conference in the States. It was the 135th annual conference for the International Association of the Alchemical Arts, which had expanded to include Potions, and they wanted Severus as a keynote speaker.

He would be away a week, and Remus couldn't go. The regulations that limited employment opportunities for werewolves had been lessened, but international travel had been restricted; it would have taken over three months for the necessary paperwork to go through so that Remus could get a temporary passport, and there simply wasn't time. There was the option of Remus leaving the country illegally, of course, but neither of them seriously considered it; a week apart was far better than months or even years apart if Remus was caught and imprisoned for breaking the law.

International Floo calls were tricky, and the conference schedule combined with the time difference was such that Severus would only have free time when it was the middle of the night for Remus, which meant even dirty talk to accompany mutual wanking was out of the question. Thus for the first time since they began their relationship, they were faced with an entire week without sex, and they were both dismayed by the prospect of such a lengthy drought. A week before he departed for the conference, however, Severus arrived home with a bag in hand, appearing triumphant.

"I have found a way to keep us both satisfied while we are apart," he announced, holding up the bag.

Remus folded The Evening Prophet and put it aside. "You have? How?"

Reaching into the bag, Severus pulled out a box labeled "Make Your Own Dildo Kit" and handed it over for Remus to inspect. "It has enough materials to make two. I thought we could each make one modeled on our own cock and trade for the week."

"But I don't bottom," Remus pointed out.

"It's a make your own dildo kit, not a make your own arse kit," Severus retorted. "They don't make those, and what they do make, you aren't interested in, so it's that or naught for a week."

Remus decided naught wouldn't do at all; he made the replica of his cock and traded it for the replica Severus had made, which did look quite realistic and would, he supposed, serve as a substitute for the real thing until Severus returned home.

"I made a few magical modifications," Severus said, handing over a slip of parchment along with the dildo. "I will be happy to put yours to use in the usual manner, and I packed a full jar of lubricant, so I will be satisfied. I thought you, on the other hand, might enjoy a few extra features, given your preferences. Just speak any of the commands on the parchment to trigger the charm."

"What do they do?" Remus asked, glancing up from the parchment with a puzzled frown.

Severus smirked. "I leave that for you to discover."

Instead of giving Remus simple commands such as "on" or "off", Severus had written down things like "aqua vitae" that made no sense, at least not to Remus; he was certain they made perfect sense to Severus, who was probably having a joke at his expense. Remus put both the list and the dildo aside, thinking that a man his age ought to be able to exercise some dignity and restraint for a few days anyway, and he wasn't feeling adventurous enough to try those cryptic commands.

By day three, however, Remus' restraint had crumbled in the face of need. He missed Severus. He missed the warmth of Severus' body next to him in bed at night; he missed quiet conversations over morning tea; he missed the scent of Severus' soap lingering in the warm, steamy air after his morning bath. He missed the casual touches Severus had gradually learned to accept, and he missed the sex. The wild, unrestrained sex that made Remus sometimes wonder if they were both coming unglued in the midst of their mutual frenzy of lust. Oh, yes, he missed the sex.

That night, he fetched the dildo, the small jar of lubrication Severus had left him, and the list of commands, and he marched into their bedroom, determined to crack the code Severus had provided; he stripped off his clothes and stretched out on their bed, toying with the dildo as he tried to figure out what to do with it. He knew he ought to use it at least once, or Severus might feel slighted, and Severus would know if he was lying about having used it. Not to mention, Severus had gone to the trouble of enhancing it for him, so the least he could do was experiment a little.

He looked at the list of commands again. From what he remembered from long-ago studies at Hogwarts, he thought they might be related to Alchemy; knowing Severus, he assumed each term had some connection, however tenuous, to whatever effect the charm had, but short of getting up to consult an Alchemy text, there was no way of finding out what that connection might be other than diving in and trying it.

Picking one at random from the list, he spoke the command in a firm, clear voice. "Athanor!"

Immediately, the dildo began to grow warm in his hand, the cool material heating to what felt like normal body temperature, and Remus smiled, pleased by that. Encouraged, he tried another command. "Quicksilver!"

This time, the flesh-colored dildo began to vibrate, and Remus gasped as it sent pleasant ripples up the length of his arm. Humming, he drew the toy down the center of his chest, the intense vibrations sending a shiver down his spine, and his gasps turned to moans as he began circling his nipples with it, teasing them to pebbled hardness.

Spreading his legs, he reached down to press the head of the dildo beneath his balls, massaging his perineum from the outside, and he moaned louder and squirmed, his cock going from half-hard to fully erect at the stimulation.

"Caput mortuum!" he exclaimed, hoping whatever effect this command had didn't send him into sensory overload.

Instead, everything stopped, and the dildo grew cool again, and Remus sagged against his pillow, disappointed. But at least I know how to turn the thing off now, he thought.

"Athanor!"

The dildo grew warm again, and Remus nodded, satisfied. He much preferred it to feel like a real cock rather than a cool facsimile. He glanced at the list again.

"Aqua vitae!"

Fluid erupted from the tip of the dildo, and Remus laughed, shaking his head over Severus' thoroughness - and wicked sense of humor. On impulse, he lapped at the fluid dribbling down the side of the dildo, and he found it tasted remarkably like Severus' semen. He didn't stop to wonder overly long on how Severus had managed to recreate that. Instead, he indulged himself by closing his eyes and taking the toy into his mouth, sucking and lapping at it as he would have the real thing; the texture wasn't quite right, and he missed Severus' usual litany of moans while he did this, but he sucked happily for a few minutes anyway, content with the illusion as long as he kept his eyes closed.

But that alone wasn't satisfying, and so he wiped off the toy and tried again. "Ouroboros!"

Nothing.

He frowned at the dildo and shook it, but he could neither see nor feel any discernible effects of the command, and he wondered if Severus had done something that could only be experienced if he fucked himself with the toy. He wouldn't be at all surprised; Severus was a willing, eager bottom, but he was also sneaky and naughty, and Remus wouldn't put it past him to tease like this.

"Caput mortuum!" he said, ending whatever charm was at work while he considered what he wanted to do, and he put the dildo aside for the moment.

He had never bottomed or used a dildo before, and Severus had teased him - not cruelly - about his virgin arse. Perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to experiment. He had an exact replica of Severus' cock, so he would learn what it would feel like to be fucked by Severus himself, complete with ejaculation. He eyed the toy speculatively. There was no one here to see if he was awkward and clumsy at first, and even if he didn't like it, he could tell Severus he had tried. Besides, he was curious about what the ouroboros command did, which Severus was probably counting on, the wily bastard.

Reaching for the jar he'd put on the bedside table, he unscrewed the lid and scooped up a generous dollop of salve, deciding he ought to stretch himself with his fingers first. Severus didn't always need or want stretching; sometimes he demanded that Remus get right to it without any preparation other than lubrication, but then, he was far more experienced, and he seemed to relax and welcome a good, hard fuck with his legs spread wide as soon as his back hit the mattress.

Remus reached between his legs and touched his slick fingers to his entrance, rubbing lightly, and he shivered, his toes curling as little jolts of pleasure shot through him. He pressed and circled harder, unable to hold back a moan; he had never imagined that tight pucker could be so sensitive. No wonder Severus loved rimming so much! If fingers felt this good, Remus could only imagine what a tongue felt like, and he made a note to indulge Severus more often.

Relaxing, he eased one finger inside himself, which felt... nice. It didn't hurt, and while the invasion was strange and unfamiliar, it wasn't unpleasant, and he added a second finger, wincing at the stretching burn that evoked. But the pain was fleeting, and he pushed his fingers deeper, a low hiss escaping him when he brushed against his prostate. Swiftly, he eased his fingers out and thrust them in again, seeking out that spot and moaning when he found it. He stroked and pressed it, electric shocks of pleasure zinging along his nerve endings, and his need built until he felt as if he could come from that stimulation alone, his cock untouched.

But he didn't want to come, not yet. Reluctantly, he stopped and removed his fingers slowly. Conjuring a warm, wet cloth, he wiped his hands and picked up the dildo. He scooped up more lubricant and coated the dildo thoroughly, remembering that Severus seemed to love it when he used lots of lube. He wiped his hands again and grasped the base of the dildo. Bending his knees and drawing them up, he let his legs fall open and guided the dildo between them.

"Athanor!" he exclaimed, shivering at the blunt nudge of the faux cock against his entrance. His breath caught in his throat, and his heart pounded against the walls of his chest as he paused on the brink. He could stop now and keep to his safe, comfortable patterns. But he was tired of playing it safe, even in bed, and he steeled his resolve - and he pushed, a soft cry escaping him as the head of the dildo breached him.

Even after his fingers and the lubricant, he felt the stretching burn again, far more intensely this time, and he felt so very tight and full as he slid the dildo deeper bit by bit until at last, it was in all the way, right up to its rubbery balls. It was warm and solid, and Remus marveled at the feel of it inside him. Severus' cock was long and slender, but it felt quite thick enough now that it was inside Remus, and he gave himself a moment to adjust, lying still, his breathing shallow.

After a minute, he eased the dildo out and pushed it back in, shifting the angle as he thrust until he found the right one to make his toes curl and fireworks explode behind his eyelids; the slick sliding in and out felt so good, he almost forgot he wanted to experiment with the commands, and this time, the word came out more like a moan. "Ouroboros!"

He thrust the dildo in deep - and nearly levitated off the bed when he felt his cock surrounded by slick heat as if he had thrust into Severus' arse and buried himself balls-deep. Cautiously, he pulled the dildo halfway out and pushed again, and the sensation around his cock mirrored the movements of the dildo.

With a low groan, he closed his eyes and gripped the base of the dildo harder, letting go of his reservations and fucking himself with abandon; the harder and faster he worked the dildo, the harder and faster he fucked the phantom arse, and he gave himself over to the dual sensation, sharp cries escaping him as he rocked his hips, caught between the bone-melting stimulation of his prostate and his cock until he felt as if he might fly apart, his body incapable of handling the overload. He flung his free hand out, his fingers crawling amid the covers as if seeking something; he wanted another warm body - Severus' warm body - but it was enough that he could feel an invisible body tight around him as he thrust into the air, his cock achingly hard.

Cries devolved into moans and whimpers as he fucked the air mindlessly, pounding his own arse relentlessly with the dildo in his urgent bid for the release that was eluding him; his skin was flushed and sweat-damp, and his hair clung to his face and neck as he writhed, panting, his body taut, desperate, straining for release - and then he came, a hoarse shout torn from his throat as he spent into the empty air, and he retained just enough presence of mind to cry, "aqua vitae!", imagining he could feel the warm liquid flooding him.

Exhausted and sated, he slumped against the pillows and mustered the energy to ease the dildo out of his aching arse and mutter the command to end all the active charms. He felt sticky and sore, but he had no regrets about his experimentation - far from it. He intended to make good use of the toy until Severus' return.

Groping for his wand, he cleaned up himself and the dildo, and then he curled up beneath the covers and settled in for a nap. Later, he might try another command, or he might indulge himself with the ouroboros charm again. Either way, he would spend the rest of the week satisfied, and he would have new ideas to enact with Severus.

He might even see if Severus had any interest in giving him the real thing. Which, he thought with a sleepy chuckle as he relaxed and prepared to drift off, might be what the sneaky Slytherin hoped for all along.
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