NO EXITS

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I know someone on this campus has booze stashed somewhere. Cough it up. The bar's dry.


[Filter to 18+]
Who wants to fuck me until I forget last week?

Has anyone tried ranking the weeks you've been here? Who's been here the longest?

Here's my list, but I haven't been here long:

1. The week where we were just on campus and had a karaoke party. Weird song choices aside, there was alcohol and nothing trying to kill us. Just a creepy monolith.
2. Giant alligator alien invasion week that started off in Pleasantville. I mean, it was entertaining, man. And now I know why my friend Jason loves throwing Molotov cocktails so much.
3. STFU or die week. Yeah, just wasn't a fan of that one. No wonder I thought I was still in the Bad Place. This may still be the Bad Place. I don't know.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm all for nothing bad happening for the next seven days.

[REY.]
Wow.

[FRIENDS FILTER*]

So you know how sometimes we get things from home? I am pretty sure the campus gave me back my shade. Kind of hard to tell for sure. Only one way I can really find out.

Might be prudent to have a witness in case it goes wrong somehow or it isn't what I think it is? I just wanted the rest of you to know.

(OOC: Standard disclaimer on the friends filter applies. I will not punish anyone for the high crime of wanting to RP with me so assume yes over no that your character is included if they want to interact.)

I now understand. The Supreme Loki is wise. Long may he reign.

Loki, may I come to you?

[Filtered from Lokians]

This place is royally forked and you're talking to someone who died, went to the afterlife where they told me I was in the Good Place and it was really the Bad Place set up as the Good Place to torture me cause I totally didn't belong there but that's not important right now.

What is important is that I'm trapped in my house because there are aliens and jello cubes outside and I can't get anywhere, and I'm pretty sure someone across the street got eaten by some pod thing.

Anyway, how do you make a Molotov cocktail because maybe that will work? I can't believe I'm getting ideas from Jason...

I believe I've successfully trained Beebee to do a new trick. We've been working at it for a few weeks now, whenever I have downtime between the housework and meals, and I think I can officially claim that he's able to rush out the door to retrieve the newspapers. It's just the cutest thing and I'm so incredibly proud of him. He's growing into such a good boy.

I think for our next trick? Bringing his Daddy's slippers to him.

How is everyone else on this fine evening?

FILTER TO ELIOT WAUGH

Sweetheart, is it your planning period yet?

Just a reminder to everyone that we'll be hosting the Book Club at our place this week. The book is The Price of Salt, and it's not too late to join us - at least not if you're a speed reader!

[Bucky]

I think this might be a good time to pick up an extra pair of folding chairs. We were thinking about doing it anyway, and just in case anyone unexpectedly shows up.

Do you think you could trim the bushes in front of the house too? They've definitely hit their end of the summer unweildy stage.

Well, if this isn't more like a HORRORscope.

Increased chaos and activity on the home front have kept you hopping! Today, however, you feel unsure about something at home or within the family? You might even hide your feelings or your actions to avoid an uncomfortable confrontation.

I hope my Sister is quite well.

She's a beauty, isn't she?

( [Cut for image] )

And so is my wife.

A reminder that my office will be closed next week. My secretary will be taking appointments before and after my return.

someone turn the lights out

You know, the good thing about arriving here in a week where monsters eat you if you make any noise is that this place actually seems kind of nice after all of that. Somewhat creepy with the giant monolith and all, but being able to flush toilets? I'll never take that for granted again.

It's the little things, man.

Since some people seem to have a problem with this, I'll come out and say it.

Yes, I'm a demon. Yes, I was forged in Hell to torture the souls of the damned. Yes, I was Hell's greatest torturer.

I'm not here for your souls, your hearts, your blood, your precious fucking library books, or any thing else.

I like to drink, fight, and fuck. And I'm very, very good at all three.

If anyone tries to come at me for being a demon, I will cut you up. With my demon daggers forged in Hell.

I don't torture people, I tortured the souls of the dead. In Hell.

Still have a problem with me? I'll be outside with my daggers and we can settle this right fucking now.

Are we done yet? This place is meant to magically reset, right? I mean, that sounds a little crazy but you all seem pretty sure that it's going to.

Will it smell better then too? Because let me tell you, this place stinks and I mean literally stinks. Apart from the fact that not being able to do anything or go anywhere or find alcohol sucks, or the fact that my really intense roommate named Rey seems like she wants to strangle me every time I accidentally make the slightest bit of noise or accidentally close my door too loudly.

And really! What college dorm doesn't have alcohol stashed everywhere? Not just in the hiding spots but in the decoy hiding spots so when your jerk of an ex-boyfriend tells your RA that you have vodka in your room, she finds the cheap shit and takes that and not your good stuff?

Are we going to remember any of this? Because it would suck if I had to find out I'm in this random, terrible place all over again. Finding out there's such things as talking raccoons again would be fun though.

I would have taken those weird Brazilian Nazis over this. I would take on Mr Nobody before wanting to deal with this.

Anyway, I'm just a little tired of this week, so I think I'm going to get some air.

Well, this looks familiar. Silent. Empty. Where's the ash falling from the sky?

And who is throwing the paper airplanes? Gaudium, is that you? Dromos?

Wait... this isn't Hell. Where the fuck am I?

I do not want anyone to be surprised should they see me in the corridors; it is not my intention to frighten anyone. However, I will be staying in my quarters for the remainder of this week should I be needed.

Let's try to stay quiet while whatever dumbass plan plan Strange is working on. I'd rather not draw attention to the rest of us.

DAN TORRANCE:

Hi Dan, I know we haven't spoken much before, but I wanted to check in to see how you were doing. It can't have been easy seeing what you did.

ROCKET:

You okay?

In a few minutes, you'll hear a lot of noise outside of campus. Explosions. Carol is drawing the monsters to that area, and I'll be scooping them up with my portals and sending them to the moon.

Hopefully this will take care of the problem enough so that we can have some sort of normalcy for the rest of our time here. I can't promise that all the monsters will be removed, and I'm sure more will eventually come to take their place, so I plan on this being an on-going thing.

Please, do not help by trying to draw out the monsters yourself - I only want to focus on the ones that come after Carol's noise.

If you can cast portals to send them away, that's great. But Carol and I are going to be airborne and out of reach to keep from being attacked, so I strongly suggest you leave it up to us.

We're going to be busy for a while, probably for the remainder of the week, so I don't expect us to be in contact very often.

Too many of those creatures means the power flickers. Means the synthetic bodies of Dahj, Data, and I flicker. Too many times, and we may lose power completely. We're lucky we haven't already.

[FILTERED AGAINST LOKI (MCU)] I don't know if anyone is friends with the obnoxiously emo long-haired Loki, or if he's even alive, but that other guy from his world just died saving my life. Fandral, I think his name was? I would reach out to Loki myself but he seems kind of histrionic and he killed me during amnesia week. And I'm afraid he might get hysterical and get the rest of us killed cause more problems for us. So, if someone here thinks they can break it to him more easily then we should probably jump on that before he comes across the corpse outside of Butler Hall. [...] My condolences to anyone who was close to Fandral. Or to Wynonna. If anyone needs me I'll be in my room because apparently these things can kill both gods and really badass monster killers and that's a little disconcerting.

i don't know what you people are up to or what kinda place this is but

MAYBE DON'T RUN OUTSIDE??????

SOME LADY JUST GOT WRECKED

I THINK I SAW SOMETHING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE INSIDE ON THE OUTSIDE AND THAT AIN'T RIGHT

Wow, so I really like that the creepy-ass voicemail is not helpful and there's already a note telling us 'so the creepy-ass voicemail isn't helpful, sorry' PLUS letting us know where the alcohol is. Much obliged.

Because really. What the fuck.

Oh, right, hi. I'm Richie. Also what the fuck.

Is it weird that part of me really really wants to go and stand in the middle of the green and just SCREAM for two minutes solid?

Also, flush a toilet. Seriously. I've roughed it before but for some reason it's so much worse when you have toilets, the toilets work, but you have to remember to stop yourself before you hit the flusher. Trying to pee quietly is hard enough as it is.

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My dearest friend,

Welcome to Derleth.

I am so sorry I could not be there to greet you myself, but I trust you'll find your way around soon enough. Most of the students have not yet arrived for the new semester and so I've arranged for [your?] lodging on campus. You'll find a key in your pocket. Just like old times, eh?

Should the experiment go as planned, for one week we will be able to displace time and space itself. I believe with my calculations we will be able to control the effects and no one shall be the wiser. To anyone not directly involved it will be imperceptible.

Feel free to wander the campus in the meantime. We'll begin the experiment at [muffled] Hall, on Thursday, precisely at midnight.

We'll show them, won't we?

Un Sacrificium Parvis ob Adagnitio.