NO EXITS

Let's see if I understand this correctly.

We've been kidnapped by a university, despite being here for months no one is sure what to make of the voice message left on their mobiles, sometimes it's in a void but this week we're in a world called Fillory, some of you were inexplicably made royalty and we need to find a questing creature in order to get out of this Lewis Carrol nightmare and go home.

Miss Adair, I saw your messages on the network. Please respond with your location.

All right, so, I know this land pretty well and desperately want to get home which means I'm heading out to look for the White Lady. Who wants to come with me?

Fair warning, if you make pirate jokes about the eyepatch, I will not hesitate to stab you.

If you're going to be a whiny little bitch about the lack of amenities, don't come. This place is fucked up and I have no idea what we might encounter, but I do not have the time or patience to hold anyone's hand.

Lovely place they got here. The overcrowded taverns and lingering horse and dog smells really remind me of home. Which, speaking of, brings me to my big question: anyone know where they're keeping all the dragons? Just one will do. I'm not interested in whatever they're hoarding, more the chance to see and appreciate them in all their glory. Viewing from a distance works too. I'm not picky about these things—I know dragons tend to be the quiet types (or at least the ones that don't turn into people sometimes).

With that out of the way, if anyone wants in on a few simple mercenary side jobs, I've made a friend who seems happy enough to pay in ale and stories. Seeing as they don't have any dragon-specific ones, though, you see my dilemma.

Honestly, for a day here, I just thought we kept missing each other due to our divergent schedules, but I've dumped a glass of water on him, played some well-worn Bay City Rollers tape that I found in what was no doubt a drawer of confiscated shit a professor never gave back, and thought about firing off a gun yelled help. My guess is Bucky needs his beauty sleep, not that he needs it and I'm done trying to get in the way of it.

I am also not in the fucking mood to play doorman all day, and that door is not opening without me. Only person getting in is the doctor.

Do not test me. I'm armed, hungover, and I know how to kill anyone in two seconds flat.

[BONES]
Check on him, will you? We're in 125.

If someone does find one of the questing creatures, and they can send the rest of you home, can we talk about what's going to happen to the rest of us? Or, how you might be thinking about wording that wish?

I died before I came here. And I don't know that I want to be here exactly, but I'm not really sure what my options are. If ending this repeating cycle we're in really is possible, I'd just like to have a say in what happens to me.

Has anyone seen my daughter Laura recently? She usually checks in. I know she can handle herself, but I worry.