[info]jackdaws

WHO: Mallory Parris and Milo Watney.
WHEN: The Remembrance Day Ball!
WHERE: The Bar. || The Garden. || CHAOS.
SUMMARY: Two people who SO don’t care that the other person showed up to this party proceed to get up to some shenanigans. And then shit gets real.
WARNINGS: Language. Peril. Milo being super awkward. Alcohol mention. Length. Did we mention peril? There’s some peril.

I already gave up a life of crime, but I still make a hobby of it. And everyone needs their hobbies, Watney. We can't all knit. )

[info]whuppie

Are we seriously still doing this We Love Our Tales celebration or whatever nonsense? Are we just going to pretend that people haven't gotten stabbed, there aren't weird portals popping up, and that we're all just one great big family of Happy Citizens? Kinda seems in poor taste to pretend our histories aren't the reason people's lives are fucked up, especially now.

At least it's voluntary. I wouldn't want to be part of a massive gathering of people when who knows how many of them have targets on their backs.

[info]whuppie

TO: Milo
FROM: Mallory
[x] Hey, are you oka
[x] I saw the news
[1] So, I'm assuming you guys weren't completely incompetent
[2] and no one in the WPD got stabbed, yeah?

[info]whuppie

So what do we think the chances are that we make it through this holiday weekend without one of the town pyromaniacs burning half of Woodsbridge to the ground? I'll take bets. Names, percentage of the town burned, injuries, etc. I'll even allow you to bet on yourself and then commit firework arson, I don't care. Just don't try to pin it on me.

FILTERED TO: MILO
I

[info]whuppie

How the fuck do you get rid of this shit? I want my powers back. I'm not really the 'let's wait around and hope everything sorts itself out'-rainbows-and goddamn-unicorns type. Aren't you witches out there supposed to be good for this kind of thing?

This is why I never liked this fucking place. And I'm out of alcohol.

FILTERED TO: KELLY
My biggest accomplishment in the past few days was ordering takeout. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but I held the elevator door for some prick and I couldn't help myself but I'm packing up as soon as I have what's mine.

[info]whuppie

TO: Kelly
FROM: Mallory
[1] I saw [...] something the other night
[2] I'm wondering if it might be time to get out of here

TO: Milo
FROM: Unknown Number
[1] Hello, Detective.
[2] I'd like to report a crime.

[info]whuppie

The Godfather does seem like more of a classic on the big screen, I'll give it at least that much.

Other than the sky opening up again, things almost seem calm. Must mean everything is about to go to shit.

FILTERED TO: KELLY [edited after Keiran's comment]
I've already enlisted McQueen, but since I think you're less likely to go searching for a way to completely fuck me over, I might as well expand my horizons. I was going to ask you to try to beat McQueen to the punch, but it seems like he's feeling especially motivated to fulfill his bargains.

Unrelated, but I'd keep my bail money handy if I were you.

[info]whuppie

Delivered to Someone at the WPD. )

[info]jackdaws

WHO: Detective Milo Watney and Suspicious Person Mallory Parris
WHEN: Thursday Evening, around 7ish.
WHERE: Somewhere Mallory really should not be, but she is, because Mallory.
WARNINGS: SFW. Even the most flustered of Milos will not swear in front of The Citizenry.
RATING: This is almost as good as Toto's 'Africa.'

Shouldn't you be at home knitting by now? )

[info]whuppie

If we all just moved away, any bets on the crack in the sky following us? Because I hear Canada isn't so bad, other than the Canadians.

Anyone who stumbles across my scrolls can feel free to burn them. I don't see the point.

FILTERED TO: KEIRAN
I might need to enlist your services.

[info]whuppie

WHO: Mallory Parris.
WHEN: A few days following the release of the list (Mid-May).
WHERE: Mallory's apartment.
WHAT: Mallory gives into temptation and reads her niece's Tale. What she learns hurts.
WARNINGS: Lots of self-flagellation, mild child neglect (of a fashion?), Tale contains mentions of child abuse/murder/near-cannibalism.
NOTES: Quotes are from The Rose Tree in English Fairy Tales.

It was easier not to know. )

[info]whuppie

Google and the phone book might've failed me, but there has to be someone around here named Amy George. I refuse to believe that bitch knew the name of my niece. So, who has answers

I really did expect more of a revolt from all of you. Some of your deepest, darkest secrets have been revealed. Where are the riots in the streets? Where are the revenge plots and the Harry Potter-esque magical battles to the death? If we're all going to have our dirty laundry aired, it should at least result in some entertainment.

FILTERED TO: FRIENDS (OR PEOPLE SHE'S SOMEWHAT FRIENDLY WITH)
Now that I'm looking at being home for an extended period of time, I realize this place is shit. And it was shit before the rats mice got in here. Does anyone live in a nice building (or know of one) that's looking for new tenants? Nothing too crazy, but I'm not exactly living paycheck to paycheck.

Also, how are you?

[info]whuppie

TO: Kelly
FROM: Mallory
[1] I just want this on the record
[2] if someone ever discovers my body in a ditch
[3] start looking for the damn giant who wasn't on that fucking list.
sent a few minutes later.
[4] Or any of the other people I've pissed off lately.

[info]whuppie

How do you tell the difference between rat droppings and mouse droppings? In a similar vein, how much poison is too much poison? I'm looking in the realm of keeping myself alive and thriving, but murdering everything with four legs or more that dares to enter my place uninvited.

If anyone out there is an exterminator, this is your one and only moment in life to break out that ugly jumpsuit and shine like the motherfucking sun.

August 2017

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