July 2016




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Aug. 18th, 2015


Open position, to be filled immediately: Paid intern, does what Granger says, unless I say "don't do what Granger says in this specific case", in which case listen to me and not her. Make coffee and don't bitch about it. I don't care if it's good coffee but it's gotta be passable and if you just reheat that shit I will know it and you're gonna have nightmares the rest of your goddamned life once I'm done chewing you out. Filing the shit that needs to be filed; neither Granger nor I have done much with that so I hope you like piles. of. shit. Answer the phone, answer the door, be nice to our clients, and goddamn shower once in a while, Christ. Be a fucking human being, take some goddamn pride.

And for fuck's sake if I catch you smuggling magic carpets down at the blackmarket off Mayfair don't piddle about with "wow, what a strange coincidence that this illegal deal is going down so close and unrelated to me" because that's how we lost our last intern and I'm gonna be mighty upset if I need to go down memory road.

Anything else?

Oh yeah, what we do - detective agency, hire us when you don't want to deal with the brass's bullshit - just kidding HPD and NYPD, you're great - but we're not gonna front for you or hide your shit. We solve. Questions? Comments? Ask Granger, she actually likes people.

Apply or something by... doing shit, I don't know. Surprise me.

Podmore out.

Jul. 29th, 2015


I demand to speak to whoever is in charge of this madhouse; you don't simply yank people from their daily lives and drop them into an ocean and then say "well, we can't stop it, really". I'm DRACO MALFOY; does that mean nothing to you? This is what happens when Muggles interfere with magic they don't understand. Gross inefficiency and PASSING THE BUCK. Who's going to send me back? More importantly, who's going to pay for my robes?

Mar. 15th, 2015


Not to be all "what the fuck is going on" in the wake of a perfectly lengthy explanation that I sure as shit didn't pay much mind to, but what the fuck is going on?

Report, assholes. One of you has to be capable of summarizing this bullshit in twenty words or less.

Sturgis Podmore, hitwizard, by the by.