blackpoint - the au community

THALIA YOU BRAT. You get married and you don't invite me?! Where the hell are you?

This is a warning to the rest of you - I will shoot you if you elope.

EDIT: Okay, fine, I'm not shooting anyone.

I think it's stupid people are getting married too.

Getting married is gross.

THIS HOUSE IS A SPARKLEPIRE FREE ZONE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

Bella, we're going on vacation in case he comes back. Edward, do NOT touch my garage while we're gone.

( text messages to alice cullen )

( text messages to kane lilly )

I don't want to sound like every time my wife naps my children get into trouble...BUT EVERY TIME MY WIFE NAPS MY CHILDREN GET INTO TROUBLE.

They've waxed their hair together. To each other. My children are connected at the head. And fighting. Advice? Quickly? Before she wakes up. Advice that does not involve cutting their hair because I will be killed with pain if I go near their hair with scissors.